The Shadow of Debt
A minor not even shielded by juvenile law. Was it because Min-ji had hugged me for so long? She cautiously brought up wanting to see Mom, glancing at me warily as if afraid I'd scold her.
"Let's go to Mom. I'll take you."
"R-Really...?"
"Yeah."
I dressed her in her clothes and gripped her hand tightly, my hold reflecting my determination not to let go. But Min-ji slipped her hand free again. I wondered if she was heading back home after all.
Instead, she dashed off and returned from the drawer with her doll and gloves—the ones made from fuzzy socks.
"My hands are cold."
Her spirits lifted at the thought of seeing Mom. As we stepped outside, Min-ji reversed course and clutched my hand tight, watching me like I might bolt back home. I bit my lip at how she kept glancing behind us.
Using my free hand, I locked the door, then headed with her to the factory where Mom worked.
"O-Oppa, don't let go of Min-ji's hand..."
"Of course not. You can't let go either, got it?"
"Yeah..."
Gripping Min-ji's hand firmly, we entered the factory. Mom spotted us and hurried over in surprise.
"Mommy!"
Min-ji beamed innocently and ran into her arms. Mom scooped her up and approached me.
"Do-hyun, what are you doing coming to my workplace...?"
"Let me play with Min-ji over there."
"..."
Mom tilted her head at my offer to watch Min-ji, pondering it deeply. It was so unbelievable she even pressed her hand to my forehead to check for a fever.
That's when one of the factory ladies noticed us.
"Oh my, Seon-hwa's son and daughter? They're adorable~"
"Ahaha... thank you."
"Poor kids... Looks like the grannies can handle the sewing today."
The lady seemed to know our family situation.
"Is that okay...?"
"She misses you so much—better if they're together. Go on, I'll cover for you."
"Thank you."
Mom headed inside to a warmer room instead of the chilly factory floor. She told me to stay with Oppa. Min-ji, satisfied just seeing Mom, sat beside me. Mom smiled at the sight.
The conversation between the grannies and Mom warmed the atmosphere. Min-ji seemed a bit cold, so I took off my jacket and draped it over her. She stared at me blankly.
"Min-ji... don't hate me?"
Just a five-year-old kid. She'd already learned from me to wonder if others hated her.
"...I'll like you the most in the whole world."
"...?"
"More than Mom or Dad now."
"Really?"
I forced a smile through my reddened eyes.
"Yeah, for real."
Min-ji's eyes widened at my answer, and she leaned against me. Even after all my wrongs... with just words. Just one action. She tore down that iron wall and accepted filthy me.
Even if Min-ji didn't know my sins, I'd atone for them my whole life. I wrapped my arm around her head.
This second chance... This time, absolutely, absolutely no mistakes. Not even once.
Mom watched, eyes wide, then broke into a smile.
Work ended early, and Mom's eyes bulged at the thicker-than-usual pay.
"Threw in extra for chicken for the kids."
"Thank you. Really, thank you!"
"No big deal. They're cute like you—bring 'em anytime."
"No, how could we..."
"Everyone loves having them around. Our Do-hyun's got such steady hands—maybe hire him for part-time?"
The lady laughed as I nodded. After school, I'd bring Min-ji to Mom's workplace. The job was punching holes in stacks of flyers and threading wire through them. She offered me 3 won per piece.
Even tying 200 an hour made it a stingy 600-won gig. But it wasn't that bad. Of the 3 won, 2 went to Mom. The 2002 minimum wage was 2,275 won an hour, per my smartphone check. With mountains of flyers piled up and the fastest granny clearing 500-550 per hour, 5 won per piece was fair.
While Min-ji napped on the pillow she'd brought from home, I focused on the side gig.
Punch-punch-punch.
I went as fast as possible, but 350 per hour was my limit. This frail, untrained body made my arms ache already. Even if I got as good as the grannies, 500 seemed the max.
"Wow, look at our Do-hyun's steady hands."
"I do everything well~"
"Getting cocky over a little praise, hohoho."
My fingers trembled, but I glanced at Min-ji sleeping soundly on the floor. My foggy brain cleared after just four hours. I upped my pace to 380 per hour.
Including the 2 won for Mom, it was like earning 1,750 won an hour... 10,500 won for six hours. My cut was 6,300 won, which I tucked into the coin pouch Mom made me.
On the way home together, Min-ji never let go of my hand.
"Our boy's all grown up, huh?"
"Yeah..."
"Min-ji must love having such a reliable big brother?"
"Yeah! Oppa."
Mom kissed Min-ji's forehead, and she grinned like any happy kid.
I wouldn't think of this as repayment for my past sins. I wouldn't even hope for my own happiness in this second chance.
Not some goal like 'I'll make you happy since I made you suffer before regression.'
This regression was my time for atonement—for everything.
On my way to school, I paused and checked my smartphone. Mom's suicide attempt. It started today, according to the records.
No matter how much I pondered, I didn't know the reason or trigger. It just said she attempted it. So I had no idea how to change this future.
I finally headed out for school when the smartphone chimed.
I don't know if this is right.
If I had the smartphone, I could have done it... My judgment that I could make you happy even without dirty money was wrong.
What the hell was that... It sounded like the smartphone was saying I needed dirty money.
I was about to leave the alley when I spotted a shady guy in a car parked in front of our house. Mom only attempts it but never goes through—because of me and Min-ji. Still, I needed to see why she even considered it.
Skipping school, I watched from the alley's end. Mom sent Min-ji to daycare late. She froze spotting two men emerging from the car. After hearing them out, she collapsed weakly.
Something snapped in my head. I walked slowly toward home. Mom startled upon seeing me and spoke to them, eyeing me nervously.
"I-I'll scrape it together by month's end somehow."
"Tch. Came when the brat wasn't around on purpose..."
The thug in sleazy clothes spat on the ground. Guess that's how loan sharks dressed back then—tattoos boldly on his arm. He smirked as I glared.
"Well, well? See an adult, you greet 'em."
He squatted, shoving his face at me. But Mom pulled me into her arms first.
One thought looped in my mind: Could I kill him with this body...?
Slash his unguarded throat with the cutter from my pocket. Slice the fingers flailing to defend. Grip his mangled hand and slashed neck. Reverse grip the blade, gouge his eyeball—this punk was nothing. The guy behind would fill with terror...
"Tch. Guess you got moving money...? Give us till end of month, yeah?"
"Thank you... thank you."
The man licked his lips leering at young Mom... My reason snapped.
My hand clenched in my pocket on the cutter, body itching to move—when I felt Mom's breath hugging me.
"Send it by week's end. After that, we won't hold back."
"Yes, thank you..."
"What a show in front of the kid. Let's go."
The two left. Mom dragged me inside and held me tight, trembling like an earthquake.
"Wh-what, why didn't you go to school...?"
"Forgot homework... You okay, Mom?"
"Y-Yeah..."
She forced a smile. I didn't want to think it was money. That'd just make me blame cash again for my twisted path.
Once calmed a bit, Mom rushed me to school. As the door shut behind me, her stifled sobs echoed. I couldn't leave.
The coming suicide attempt... Mom tried to die with us, but seeing young us stopped her. That son later drove nails into her heart—not enough, he butchered and ravaged it.
"Money..."
I stared at my smartphone.