The Girls Falling For Him (8)
While Choi Su-yeon poured out the whole story, she choked up several times and had to reach for water. Each time her emotions surged violently, she clung to me and cried. By the time the entire tale was finished, she rubbed at her dried-out eyes as if she had no tears left and let out a hollow laugh.
“Ha… haha… I’m pathetic, aren’t I? I was the only one who thought we were dating. The only one who felt the flutter of liking someone. I figured if Senior ended up with Yuri Senior, I’d naturally end up with Yeong-bae Senior… The person supposed to hand out the rice cake wasn’t even thinking about it, yet I was gulping down kimchi soup by the bowlful. In my whole life, this is the first time I’ve ever felt this miserable… F-first time… ugh…”
“That’s enough. It must be painful, so stop talking. Come here.”
I patted the floor beside me. We sat together on the blanket I used for sleeping, backs leaning against the wall.
“Want me to beat the shit out of that Gong Yeong-bae bastard?”
“Yes. Beat him until he’s unrecognizable.”
When I had asked Lee Yu-ri the same question, she had frantically tried to stop me. Choi Su-yeon’s immediate answer showed how different their personalities were—and how deep her wounds ran. Of course, she didn’t truly want me to go beat him up; it was just the pain talking.
Choi Su-yeon let her head drop weakly onto my shoulder and mumbled, “Senior… do you have any alcohol?”
“I’ve got a little left from something I bought before and never drank. Why? Planning to drink?”
“I don’t think I can hold on if I don’t.”
“What do you mean, alcohol? You’re only a second-year.”
“I knelt a year, so I’m twenty.”
“Still no. After watching how you acted earlier, I’m scared what you’d do if you drank in that state.”
At my words, Choi Su-yeon lifted her head, stared at me for a moment, then rested it on my shoulder again.
“You’re not surprised? I just told you I’m twenty.”
Well, it’s because I already knew… I couldn’t say that honestly. Since she had revealed it first, I decided to use the moment to draw her heart closer.
“Does that change anything?”
“Huh?”
“Whether you’re nineteen or twenty—does it really matter that much? All I see is a girl whose heart has been badly broken and is emotionally unstable.”
“…And I’m the girl who ran straight to Yeong-bae Senior the moment an opportunity appeared, even though you treated me so well. You must have been annoyed. You must have been disillusioned.”
“Not even a little. From the start, even after you said you liked Gong Yeong-bae, I was the one who invited you to skip class with me. If we’re keeping score, doesn’t that make me the worse one?”
“B-but I… I…”
“Stop trying to dig up reasons to hate yourself. You’re not that pathetic of a woman.”
Choi Su-yeon drew her knees up to her chest and hung her head. Her shoulders trembled; she was crying again. I gave her time to calm down before asking something else.
“I am curious about why you knelt, though. Were you held back?”
Of course I already knew the reason, but I pretended I didn’t. I wanted her to share every secret with me so the distance between us would shrink even more.
“……I studied abroad.”
“Oh, abroad? Where? America? Japan? Europe?”
“America, during middle school. I didn’t want to go, but my parents forced me for a whole year, saying that if I wanted to study properly I had to experience a place like that…”
“Must have been hard. Could you communicate okay?”
“…Living there wasn’t a big problem. But after I finished and came back to Korea, I naturally got held back a year… All my friends went to the High Education Academy while I was stuck in middle school. The kids in my class were all different ages, so they avoided me… Do you know how it felt when I found out they had made a group chat that excluded only me?”
“Fucking awful, I bet.”
“My friends had all moved up a grade so I barely saw them, the kids in my class ostracized me… and at home they just kept pressuring me to bring my grades up.”
“From the way you talk, it sounds like you used to study a lot. Is that why you went delinquent?”
“…Yes. It was my own form of rebellion. At first I got scolded terribly and even kicked out of the house a few times, but now it seems they’ve given up on me at home. They treat me like an abandoned child. It fits me perfectly now, doesn’t it? Abandoned by my family, distanced from my friends, the only relationships left are the fake ones I built while running wild with delinquents… Nothing about me is real. The only thing I could lean on was the guy I liked, but to him I was just a convenient junior who was easy to use. I’m nothing but a nuisance to everyone, a pathetic person no one could ever love… Heh… ahahaha…”
As she spoke, Choi Su-yeon’s words turned increasingly self-destructive. I gently pulled her head against my shoulder to stop her. She didn’t resist and simply rested there.
“Don’t talk about yourself that way. Like I said before, you’re a good enough woman. If anything, that Gong Yeong-bae bastard is the idiot. A girl as pretty, sweet, and cute as you says she likes him, and he can’t even appreciate it? Is he even a man? He’s a fucking eunuch. Or maybe the bastard actually likes guys?”
“Pfft.”
“It’s possible, isn’t it? If you had done that to me, I would’ve welcomed you with open arms. How can any guy stay indifferent when a girl like you clings to him saying she likes him? I’m telling you, that bastard definitely likes men.”
“Then wouldn’t Senior be the most dangerous one?”
Choi Su-yeon spoke while still leaning against my shoulder.
“Me?”
“Senior is honestly quite handsome in a manly way, tall, with a great body. Your behavior used to be… well, a bit much, but lately I don’t hear any bad rumors. If I were gay, I’d probably go for Senior first.”
For a split second I imagined something truly horrifying and shuddered.
“That gave me goosebumps. It’s scary, so don’t say that.”
“You started it.”
“You’re right. My mistake. I’m scared to death, so please stop. Can you see the goosebumps? Look at my arm.”
I showed her my arm covered in gooseflesh. Choi Su-yeon lightly ran a finger down my forearm and gave a small smile.
“Senior, you really are strange.”
“Why am I strange?”
“I heard so many stories about you from my friends, yet you suddenly changed so much it’s weird. You’re kinder than I expected, which is weird. After we skipped class together I thought you’d at least ask for my body, but you didn’t, which is weird. Even though I ran straight to Yeong-bae Senior you didn’t say a word, which is weird. And when I got abandoned you brought me to your house, which is also weird. Why are you being so good to me?”
“What exactly have you been hearing from me this whole time?”
“Huh?”
I looked straight into Choi Su-yeon’s eyes. Even though she was wearing my plain men’s shirt and pants with zero skin showing, she somehow looked even more seductive.
“Why am I being good to you? Because you’re an incredibly good woman. When a man likes a woman, does he need some other grand reason to treat her well?”
Choi Su-yeon’s eyes, which had been fixed on me, began to tremble. Then, as if she finally understood everything, she jerked her head up from my shoulder.
“S-Senior, your joke is going way too far. I didn’t know you had this kind of personality…”
“It’s not a joke.”
“Eh…”
“Did you think I was just saying empty words to comfort you? Unfortunately I’m not the type for that kind of lip service.”
“B-but Senior, you and Yuri Senior are…”
“Ah, we’re not actually dating yet.”
“Not… yet?”
Choi Su-yeon tilted her head. Anyone who had seen us together would have assumed we were a couple.
“I told her I like her, but she seems to need time to sort out her feelings, so I said she could give me her answer later.”
Suddenly Choi Su-yeon’s eyes narrowed and she shot me a sidelong glare.
“…So Senior confessed to Yuri Senior earlier and then brought another girl home?”
“That’s how it turned out. I’m a guy with a ridiculous amount of greed when it comes to women and I’m extremely selfish. When I see a good woman, I want them all. Both Lee Yu-ri and you.”
“Wow… This is the first time in my life I’ve heard someone say something so shameless. You’re not just weird, Senior—you’re completely hopeless.”
“I never learned any better. So please understand.”
Choi Su-yeon looked me up and down like I was trash, then leaned back against the wall and once again rested her head on my shoulder.
“But… the fact that I like this blatant possessiveness more than fake kindness probably means I’m the one who’s truly hopeless.”
She slyly slipped her arm between mine, linking them tightly and hugging close.
“Senior. Shall we… do it?”
It was obvious what she meant. The moment I heard those words, my lower body swelled like an erupting volcano, but I wrestled down my desire and answered.
“I said not right now.”
“Why? You said you like me.”
“You’re not doing this because you genuinely like me as a man. Your heart is broken and you’re trying to destroy yourself any way you can. After letting your body get used however anyone wants, you plan to brainwash yourself into thinking, ‘I was always this dirty of a bitch, so it’s only natural I get treated like one.’”
“……”
“Honestly, right now it wouldn’t matter if it was me or anyone else, would it? You just need an excuse to ruin yourself. Doing it with someone like that wouldn’t feel good for me either, and more than that, you’d regret it for the rest of your life.”
“……How would you know that?”
“Do you think you’d feel even a little better after sleeping with me here? It’d probably make you want to die instead. I have zero interest in watching a girl I like destroy herself right in front of me. Besides… I have to go out soon, so there’s no time.”
“…? You’re going out again?”
“Yeah. I told you last time. Our crew… I mean, I have that gathering with guys who are like me.”
“Ah.”
Only then did Choi Su-yeon remember the “gathering” I had mentioned once before. Since she hung out with the second-year delinquent girls, she must have heard about it several times already.
“I need to start getting ready, so you should prepare to head home too. I’ll return the clothes later. And you’re already a good enough woman with more than enough right to be loved, so don’t entertain any weird thoughts and go off the rails midway. I know saying all this probably isn’t much comfort, though.”
Choi Su-yeon stayed silent for a moment, then grabbed my collar.
“I don’t want to go home.”
“Hey, even if you say that, don’t think I’m going to help you destroy your—”
“Not that. You said it before, remember? That you’d either practice the date course with me or let me act as your girlfriend at that gathering so you’d have an excuse to quit. I still remember.”
Choi Su-yeon took a deep breath to steady herself. Then she faced me, wrapped both arms around the back of my neck, and whispered into my ear.
“You said I’m a woman with plenty of right to be loved, right? Then prove it.”
“You…”
“I’ll go to that gathering with you, Senior. As your ‘girlfriend.’”