Chapter 65 - The Conditions for Becoming a Kind Idol Leader - Episode 65
Because the second round of the second contest was a group performance, it was convenient that, unlike the first round, everyone could keep practicing at their own agency until it was time to go onstage.
The only downside was that the shoot had been delayed, and since the third round would bring in a live audience and be staged as a live broadcast, they’d had to align the filming schedule with the broadcast timetable, which left them with less practice time and made everything feel tight and rushed.
It only made him busier, but if he had to choose, he’d rather be busy than have too much time on his hands. Even so, he couldn’t figure out why his stomach kept turning. Maybe it was because that conversation with Jeong Hae had been bothering him ever since.
The day studio filming resumed, that bastard Jeong Hae had come straight up to him and said he’d done well, but despite the words, his face had been strangely lukewarm.
If he was going to show up, he could’ve done it while other people were around. Instead, he’d waited until Young-in was alone, making it awkward to just brush him off. Young-in had dealt with him in the usual way, but once again, it had all been nonsense—things that left him wondering what exactly he was supposed to do with this information.
More than anything, it had rubbed him the wrong way that Jeong Hae had muttered about how frustrating he was, as if he were a parent watching a troublesome child make a mess of things.
He could understand, to some extent, what he meant by frustrating—but at the time, all he’d felt was that the guy’s face was obnoxious.
Jeong Hae had been unusually attentive to internet reactions, or whatever else was going on, and with that same disgustingly polite demeanor, he’d even gone out of his way to read them aloud.
“He looks like he just showed up here for no reason. I used to like him, but now I don’t.”“There are so many desperate idols out there; they should’ve given the opportunity to someone like that.”“Just looking at his face, you can tell he hasn’t had it rough at all.”…
“Don’t worry about things like that so much.”
“...What are you talking about? Go Young-in, those aren’t insults directed at me. They’re comments on your video.”
“Ah.”
“Anyway. I mean, even though he’s in the same group, I told you this time the older one, Yoo In-hyeok, really wasn’t right for it. You’re seeing us get dragged into the same mess, aren’t you? It’s not exactly comfortable for me to talk about a fellow member like this, either. I’m only saying it because we’re friends, so don’t take it too harshly…”
He kept reading hate comments like he wanted Young-in to understand something, so Young-in had offered him a bit of comfort—or what passed for comfort. And then Jeong Hae had even gone and fetched the comments slandering himself, ones Young-in had absolutely no interest in seeing.
That alone made it obvious how much he cared about malicious comments. Still, because Jeong Hae had approached him right before filming started, Young-in had been able to shake him off quickly enough.
The way he kept acting like he was looking out for him just got on his nerves.
Is this how it feels because Jeong Hae thinks he’s close to me, while I don’t think I’m that close to him?
Young-in steadied his uneasy thoughts and looked out the window.
Or maybe it’s because of the rain.
Rain had started falling the day before, alongside news that a late typhoon was making landfall, and had only just stopped. Even now, the sky remained heavy and overcast.
He’d always felt off on rainy days, so he thought vaguely that it was just bad luck. At least it wasn’t coming down in sheets. He should be grateful for that much.
It was the vibration of his phone that pulled him away from the dull sky.
Fuck, spam. He’d been meaning to block this whole batch all at once. He’d been getting so many messages like this that he usually collected them and blocked them periodically, but he’d had notifications turned off for a while and forgotten.
He unlocked his phone to block the sender, only to find another message tucked away in the preview, one that hadn’t been fully displayed.
His finger, poised over the block button, hesitated.
...Son Jeong-hoon? Jeong Hae?
Young-in blinked at the unexpectedly familiar name that had appeared out of nowhere. The timing was suspiciously perfect.
* * *
“Let’s take a break.”
Young-in turned off the music that had been playing and looked around at the members.
Because there were so many props and stage devices they could use, the practice room had been packed with people until just moments ago. Now only the bare minimum remained.
It was obvious the rest of Zero One still had energy to spare, but perhaps they knew that if they didn’t rest when they had the chance, they’d be the only ones who suffered for it, because without a word they each found something else to do.
[ Article 7 | A kind idol leader does not spare words of encouragement for his members. ]
“Should I go grab some snacks?”
As if that meant anything. Honestly, stuffing something into their mouths would be more encouraging than words.
“You worked hard.”
Still, he had to say it.
“No need. It’s raining like crazy outside. Just sit tight and stay put.”
Kyeon In-woo rejected the offer at once. Why did everything have to become a problem if Young-in hesitated for even a second? He was so firm it was as if he were telling him not to do anything pointless.
So that was why his body felt so heavy—it was because of the rain. It had been raining last time, too.
Young-in stretched his stiff body. No one had said it would rain this much today; he’d trusted the weather bureau too much. Why did it have to rain when things were already like this? He hated going out in the rain.
“I’m fine. I’ll go.”
“Fuck, that’s not the issue, you— ...Do whatever you want.”
He’d wondered what he’d do if Kyeon In-woo insisted on following him, but there was no need to worry about it. Thank God. Young-in counted the heads of the remaining members and staff before stepping out of the practice room.
Y.T.Y.: The café in the alley by seven, right? Got it, seriously, thanks T_T
He’d wondered if there was any need to meet at all, but in the end, they were meeting anyway. Since he was curious, he might as well think of it as a good thing.
When he’d asked Kyeon In-woo earlier whether he knew whose number it was, Kyeon In-woo had seemed to recognize it—though he’d also demanded to know where Young-in had heard it. Hmm.
As soon as he came out through the building entrance, rain was indeed pouring down just as Kyeon In-woo had said. The occasional peal of thunder and flash of lightning made it feel as if a typhoon really was coming.
Watching the rain come down so hard it blurred his vision, he felt the damp air he hadn’t even realized was there crawling across his skin.
At least he’d brought a big umbrella.
Young-in huddled as much as he could under it and started walking slowly, heavily. He’d told the members he was going to the convenience store, but the café was in roughly the same direction anyway. Store or café, as long as they sold something to eat, it was fine.
So this is autumn now. It’s cold.
He wiped the sweat from his forehead carelessly and kept walking.
Because the café wasn’t far from the practice room and was tucked away in a corner, it was quiet.
They still had the air conditioning on in here. Young-in drew his outer layer closed a little, nodded politely to the staff, and headed for the table in the corner.
There was one person sitting stiffly in the corner. He kept putting on and taking off his glasses, rubbing the lenses furiously with a napkin. Why was he so nervous?
Still muttering to himself as if he hadn’t even noticed anyone coming in, he approached with a soft sound of footsteps and tapped lightly on the tabletop.
“So… Mr. Ahn Tae-yeon?”
“Oh. Yes… I mean, yes. Y-yes.”
“You said we were in the same class.”
Through the lenses of his glasses, Young-in met Ahn Tae-yeon’s eyes.
Even after introducing himself, Ahn Tae-yeon kept hesitating for a long time, fidgeting awkwardly.
He was the one who had asked to talk, and yet here he was. Young-in couldn’t understand why he’d been so insistent on meeting if this was all he was going to do.
“It’s only natural you don’t remember me. We were only in the same class, and we weren’t even that close… Still, thanks. I really didn’t think you’d actually come out here...”
That was the first thing Ahn Tae-yeon said.
Even though they’d agreed to speak casually, Ahn Tae-yeon had only dropped the formal speech on the surface; he was still fidgeting like someone sitting on a bed of nails.
I guess that’s sort of true. His face is unfamiliar, and he feels more like a complete stranger than an acquaintance. Was I just too uninterested...?
He found himself reflecting on that.
Once he’d gotten the first words out, maybe courage had followed, because even though he still couldn’t quite meet Young-in’s eyes, the dam seemed to have broken.
“I’m really sorry. I called you because I wanted to apologize first. Back then, I was scared that if I didn’t go along with it, I’d end up getting dragged into trouble too.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
At Young-in’s answer, Ahn Tae-yeon looked startled and lifted his head. No—Young-in was just as startled.
Ahn Tae-yeon let out a groan, as if asking whether he really had to say it with his own mouth, then cleared his throat.
“Ahem. I just… when the others were bullying you, I pretended not to know. I was one of the bystanders too.”
“...Ah.”
A belated exhale escaped his lips.
So it wasn’t just that he had no friends.
He’d suspected something, but he hadn’t expected it to be this.
Then had the conversations between Kyeon In-woo and Jeong Hae all been about this, too?
But the Young-in who should have been the one to receive the apology was already dead and gone. Since he’d died and come back, did that make it a little different? Besides, he couldn’t even remember it properly.
Was this a mutual issue? What if it went public? The fact that this was the first thought that came to mind really did prove he was an idol.
Bullying…
Just hearing the word made his skin crawl. And if it was about school violence, then there was already...
Right... Lim Se-bin is here. I can’t say for sure if it’s a rumor, but there’s definitely something going on. What am I supposed to do about that bastard? He’s quiet for now, but this has probably already happened.
He’d think about that later.
He’d fallen silent for too long, so he looked back at Ahn Tae-yeon. Ahn Tae-yeon wore a strangely hollow expression.
Had Young-in’s face made it obvious that he was thinking, So what do you want me to do about it? He lightly rubbed one cheek. If that had shown on his face, the status window wouldn’t have stayed quiet.
“Back then and even now… I guess it’s really nothing to you.”
He seemed torn up inside. Beyond the guilt that was plainly visible, there was a jumble of emptiness, bewilderment, and anger all tangled together.
“I mean, even in the old days, you never seemed to care about things like they were your own problem.”
That might not have been entirely wrong.
Back when he was a student, he’d been in the thick of being dragged around by the status window, in trainee life, with nothing in his sight except debut.
Whatever Ahn Tae-yeon was thinking, he was shrinking in on himself more and more. At this rate he’d end up bowing to the floor.
Suddenly, Young-in found himself curious.
“Why did you do it?”
He could guess the answer, but he asked anyway.