The Conditions for Becoming a Gentle Idol Leader 18

As expected, my weakness was the real problem. I’d been fine in the car, but right in front of the sea, it got worse. Come to think of it, it was basically a car accident. Was this one of those cases where the result mattered more than the process? Either way, drowning was drowning. And so my useless thoughts kept circling, over and over.

Individual shots and group shots were still manageable. They’d sprayed water on me, but I hadn’t actually gone into the sea. Smiling was a little more painful than usual, though.

The problem was the unit shot. Damn it—why did we have to ride a boat and float around on the water? A yacht wasn’t going to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sink, but still, you never knew. If we’d just stayed at the dock, I think I could’ve handled it. Why did we have to go out there at all?

Me from the past. During the concept meeting, stop enthusiastically yelling about the sea.

I didn’t even have the mental capacity to say anything, so what was I supposed to talk about? First of all, filming couldn’t be delayed any further. Trying to loosen myself up as much as possible, I grabbed whichever member was nearest and rambled about absolutely anything. I didn’t even know what I was saying while I was saying it, but I did it anyway.

"What if... what if this sinks?"

"That’s not going to happen."

"A life vest... no, that would ruin the outfit. Then a tube? Should I at least bring an inner tube?"

"How would that even work?"

"Still, a variable always exists. In case of emergency."

"Does it?"

"Yeah. You never know what could happen. I, um... just in case, I looked up yacht accidents, and this year alone..."

"Young-in hyung."

"Huh?"

"We’re not the only ones here."

"Right?"

Cheon Sa-yoon, with a faint smile and a soft voice, gently withdrew the arm I’d been gripping. Yeah. Because it was Cheon Sa-yoon saying it, the fact that there were eyes on us everywhere suddenly felt a lot more real.

"Why are you shaking like that? It’s not like anything has happened yet that should make you shake."

That only made me shake more, you crazy bastard, Cheon Sa-yoon. Don’t talk like something’s going to happen. Don’t speak it into existence.

I could barely keep my body from trembling on its own. Better than before, but still. If the Status Window could regulate things like this too, wouldn’t that be nice? My feet wouldn’t move properly.

If I could feel myself shaking, then everyone else had probably noticed too.

Which was why Cheon Sa-yoon ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had said that.

Everyone was waiting. Pyo Jae-ho, who had already boarded, the filming director, and a few others besides them were visible.

They all looked like they were wondering what the hell was going on. The guy who’d looked fine just a moment ago had suddenly turned into this.

As proof, the Status Window had been working hard for a while now.

All around the one visible window, countless other windows were layered on top of one another. I always felt this way, but there was an infuriating amount of shit I had to keep track of.

If I got even one Caution for failing to do what the Status Window wanted in this state, then how many Warnings would I already have? ...Damn it. More than anything else, I was sick of having to suffer random side effects.

Go Young-in took a slow breath and did his best to smooth his expression. At least the Status Window had some conscience, because it didn’t immediately issue a Caution. Right, if you’ve got conscience, then fine, you bastard.

"Good grief... Young-in, your complexion looks awful. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes. I’m fine. I think I just got overheated for a moment. I’m sorry."

The filming director asked with concern, but beneath the expression there was an unmistakable trace of frustration—and a little irritation, too. Good thing I hadn’t suggested taking a break.

Not that I wasn’t okay. Once I emptied my head, I really was much better than before.

Thoughts really do become poison when they go too far. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.

* * *

Manager Do Sa-jin cautiously approached Go Young-in.

"You really don’t need to go to the hospital? Do you want to drink this...?"

Before Go Young-in could even answer, the manager shoved a bottle of drink into his hand. Go Young-in didn’t so much as move, his face still buried low.

I let my guard down...

Unlike what Go Young-in had feared, the shoot was actually going fairly well. There was nothing but sea in every direction, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠so he had no idea what state of mind he’d been in, but there hadn’t been any loud shouting or any interruptions from problems.

During the mid-shoot check, the photos had come out looking paler than usual, so the makeup had been touched up across the board.

Had it ended like that, it would have been a perfect shoot. The problem came after that.

Once he climbed onto the yacht’s deck, the rocking of the hull became even more noticeable. Was that why? He felt needlessly uneasy. Even knowing there was no reason for it, the thought kept creeping in that the boat might tip over at any moment.

Just being on top of the yacht was practically a miracle, and yet the filming director wanted him to move toward the bow.

I must’ve lost my mind. What if I suddenly can’t breathe there?

At least since he wasn’t touching the water directly, he’d been able to come to his senses quickly enough—but by then, the mood had already been thoroughly ruined. Damn it... and even if it had ended there, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. But Pyo Jae-ho, who was more sensitive than anyone when it came to music-related work, hadn’t let it slide.

"If there was a health issue or even just a condition problem, you should’ve said so beforehand and sat out. What are you doing?"

He ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠really hadn’t expected it to be this bad. If he had known, he would never have even looked at the sea while planning the concept. But how was he supposed to say that?

If he just said he was scared of water, the obvious question would be why he hadn’t said so sooner. And he himself had only just realized it.

"You’re not doing this for the first time. If you reacted that strongly, there’s no way you wouldn’t have known it yourself."

"Mm, Young-in hyung must’ve been startled too. He wouldn’t have done it on purpose. He wouldn’t not know that he shouldn’t, either."

The Status Window kept blaring at him to say something. Cheon Sa-yoon didn’t bother stopping it, just watched Pyo Jae-ho talk while occasionally looking around and pretending to rein him in. That obnoxious Cheon Sa-yoon...

"It is my mistake. I thought I’d be fine. I’m sorry."

"How long has it been like this? You were fine until now."

He couldn’t even say that it started today. Since he didn’t really know, he had nothing to say. Thinking about it again made him want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. This was insane... He still felt like his mind was being dragged somewhere else. Damn it, get it together. Focus. At least this wasn’t something caused by failing to manage his condition; it was a relief that they’d managed to get through it safely.

He kept repeating it while steadying his breathing. Forget it. Still, they’d somehow finished. The result was fine. The result was fine.

He was fidgeting with the useless bottle when, all of a sudden, the alphabet logo etched into it caught his eye.

GEENI....

Gee, ni... Genie? Why did that sound familiar? Droplets clinging to the bottle’s surface slid downward and ran over his thumb. Cold.

Go Young-in lifted his head. Manager Do Sa-jin was standing nearby, talking to someone on his phone. Was he reporting to CEO Kwon Dae-do?

"Where did you get this?"

Maybe because he’d spoken so suddenly, Do Sa-jin startled like someone caught off guard, quickly lowering his phone. Then, embarrassed by how much he’d overreacted, he gave an awkward smile.

"Huh? What? Sorry. I was on the phone, so I didn’t hear you properly."

When Go Young-in held up the bottle, the manager let out a small sigh of understanding.

"Ah, that. Dong-yun hyung brought it over."

Dong-yun hyung? That was an awfully familiar way to address him. When he looked toward where the manager was pointing, he saw a company staffer.

Damn it, why was that guy all the way out here?

Just then, he could see him trailing around near the camera in the distance. Same as during the live broadcast—that must mean he was one of the content staff.

Come to think of it, Cheon Sa-yoon had told him to watch that guy. But he didn’t seem to be doing anything worth watching that closely. He didn’t even look like he had any intention of it.

Thinking about it again, it was absurd. What exactly was he supposed to be careful of?

"He’s handing them out so everyone can drink a little, so you should have some too, Young-in."

"No, I’m fine."

"Still, just hold onto it. You still look pale. Why are you sweating so much?"

Even while he was on the phone, the manager kept talking to Go Young-in and glancing at him anxiously.

It looked like he was the one sweating. He already knew the man was the type to worry about everything, but the constant fussing was starting to make him uncomfortable. He felt like some difficult, useless patient refusing to listen.

He should’ve been grateful that someone was worried about him. It shouldn’t have been irritating. And yet he couldn’t quite figure out why it was.

It was also a little burdensome how overdone his concern felt in action rather than words.

So just as this seat was starting to become uncomfortable—

"Young-in, are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you? Did something happen on the boat earlier? Did someone scold you? You look way too drained."

The company staffer. What had Cheon Sa-yoon said his name was again? Ju Dong-yun? Anyway, that staff member came over and started making a fuss.

What a perfect damn timing.

It got twice as uncomfortable. Damn it......