You're the Bad One (8)
“Junhyuk. I'll head over around five once all my classes are done.”
“Is there anything I should get ready beforehand?”
“Move whatever you can out of the way in advance. And don't go trying to haul wardrobes around by yourself again and get hurt.”
“Don't worry. I managed it alone when I moved in here, too.”
Is this guy insane? He's so ridiculously strong that “I don't want to bother anyone so I'll just move the wardrobe myself” is even an option for him. Still, knowing Junhyuk's usual style, there was no way his body had come through moving furniture unscathed.
“That's exactly why I already called in Senior Minji, so just stay put, okay?”
“That senior with the hairpin from before?”
“Yeah. She can use a bit of telekinesis, so once we're all there we can move everything as much as we want. You'll listen to me, right?”
Strictly speaking, I hadn't recruited Senior Minji with furniture-moving in mind…
“Did you do that because you were worried about me?”
…And there it was. Another misunderstanding.
“No. No, that's not what I meant just now.”
“I'll listen. Thanks. See you later.”
Junhyuk hung up in a voice that somehow sounded buoyant. I stared blankly at the darkened phone screen for a long moment.
Did I mess up again?
The move went far more smoothly than expected. Senior Minji and the rest of us met at five on the dot with no hitches, just as planned. And “the rest of us” included Serena.
“We're having a makgeolli party after this!”
“Okay, okay. Promise.”
Serena seemed far more interested in the after-party than the actual move. What kind of elf gets that gleam in her eyes at the mere thought of rice wine? Truly a rare specimen.
Once we arrived at my place, I led everyone straight to the room Junhyuk would be living in. Not to show off—opening a portal from here would cut the unnecessary hauling down to a minimum. Beyond door-to-door, this was room-to-room service.
“Oh.”
“Pretty spacious, right? Even you should be satisfied with this, Sowon.”
“Honestly, I was hoping your living spaces wouldn't overlap too much, but I also wanted Junhyuk to live better than he has been. This place really is ideal.”
I still had no idea what the previous Philin had been thinking when she got this apartment, but a three-bedroom, two-bath place was clearly too much for one person alone. This particular room was almost completely empty—not a single piece of furniture.
As if it had been waiting for Junhyuk to simply walk in and start living, there was barely any sign it had ever been used.
“So we just need to move all his things into this room, right?”
I nodded at Senior Minji's question.
“Yes. Could you open a portal to Junhyuk's place now?”
“Give me the address and I'll open it right away.”
I only knew the general location, not the exact street address, but luckily Sowon had it memorized. And since Senior Minji wasn't drunk this time, the portal opened dead-center in the middle of Junhyuk's room. Every time I saw it I couldn't help marveling—Academy representative raid-team mages really were on another level.
We stepped through the portal and—
“…Oh.”
Junhyuk was doing push-ups nonstop, claiming it was a warm-up. The fierce shoulder muscles bulging through his short-sleeved T-shirt looked downright menacing.
Watching him catch his breath, sweat-soaked, with that sculpted face and those incongruously angry arm muscles, Sowon's face went bright red. Then Junhyuk spotted me and broke into that tail-wagging puppy smile of his that always seemed to beg for praise.
“Hey. Who wears something like that to move house? Don't you have anything to throw over it?”
I grumbled, pretending to find him pathetic.
Honestly, it wasn't that hard. Senior Minji's telekinesis wasn't the world-shaking force she fretted it might be, but if I had to compare, it was about as useful as bringing two extra guys along. Just lifting the wardrobes and drawers a few centimeters off the floor made it far easier for Junhyuk to haul them outside.
We decided to throw out most of the dishes. They were in rough shape anyway, and he could just share what we already had at my place. In the end, the only things that needed moving were clothes and random odds and ends.
Without any real strain, the move was finished, and—
“Woo! Makgeolli party!”
—Serena finally got the post-move celebration she had been craving. Senior Minji included, of course.
“Who drinks makgeolli out of a cup? You drink it from a bowl. Philin! Can I use some of these dishes?”
She was already grabbing them while asking. Perfect timing—the jokbal and makguksu we'd ordered arrived just then. Thanks to Senior Minji, I got to try “portal delivery” for the first time; the delivery apps usually demanded all sorts of weird extra info. The freshly sliced, springy texture of the jokbal was pure art.
“Cheers!”
“Everyone worked hard today!”
“Thank you for inviting me to something like this.”
It was a good time. Even with Senior Minji there, the atmosphere was completely different from the last time Junhyuk had been hurt.
Still—how had Senior Minji been able to open a portal with just an address? Delivery apps always asked for way more obscure details. Her answer:
“We hear the address you use and convert it into the kind of address needed to open a portal. Think of it like translation.”
Like hearing a lot number and instantly understanding it as a street address. Incredible, as always.
As the drinking got going, two people conspicuously refused to touch a drop: Junhyuk and Sowon. Junhyuk's colorful track record made his abstinence understandable, but—
“Sowon, why aren't you drinking? Is your stomach bothering you?”
“No, I just… I think I should head home later…”
“Why not have a little and then go? Will you get scolded?”
I'd meant it as a joke, but Sowon looked embarrassed and avoided my eyes.
“Yes. I'll probably get scolded even if I go now.”
“Why?”
“Because I stayed out without permission last night…”
Truly a conservative household. Watching Sowon let out a low, weary sigh, I decided I needed to settle at least this one thing for certain.
“So what do you want to do?”
“Huh? What do you mean…?”
“Not what you have to do for your family. What do you want?”
Sowon hesitated a moment, then mumbled in a voice that was uncharacteristically small—like a kid timidly talking back to her parents.
“I want to stay here.”
That was enough. I snatched Sowon's phone and sent a message to her mother.
“Philin! What do you think you're doing?!”
“What's the big deal? No parent has ever beaten their kid at this game.”
“I've never once notified my parents like this!”
“Then start now. There—problem solved. So take a bowl!”
I deliberately filled a bowl to the brim with makgeolli and loudly urged the flustered Sowon to drink. But the twitching corners of her mouth told me she didn't entirely hate it. Sowon drained the overflowing bowl in one go and then—
“Kyaaah! This is the best!”
—finally laughed with pure, unrestrained joy.
Three in the morning.
I'd gone to bed early because I was a little dizzy, then woke up thirsty. I vaguely remembered telling the three of them—minus Junhyuk—that one could sleep in my room and the other two could take the walk-in closet or the living room.
Sowon had apparently won the rights to my room; she was sleeping soundly right beside me, breathing soft and even.
She was so pretty. Even passed out drunk she was pretty—so why had Junhyuk tossed a girl like this aside just to hang himself around my neck?
I pulled the blanket up over Sowon's shoulder and left the room.
Everyone was completely wasted. We'd forgotten all about the practical training scheduled for the next morning and just kept pouring makgeolli; the whole place reeked of alcohol. Tomorrow was going to be rough, no question.
Except for one person.
“…Junhyuk. What are you doing?”
He was drinking alone, using the leftover meat as a side dish. When he saw me he grinned goofily.
“Ah, Philin.”
“We've got practicals tomorrow. Go to sleep.”
“You're worried about me.”
I almost snorted at that—then the image of Sowon sleeping in my room flashed through my mind and my expression went cold.
How long was he going to keep acting this ambiguous between the two of us? How long was he going to claim he wanted to help Sowon while dealing her accidental wounds?
This couldn't go on. I let the words drop in a frosty voice.
“No. Why would I worry about you?”
A crack appeared in Junhyuk's expression for a split second.
“What's wrong, Philin? Did I do something?”
“It's because you keep saying weird things like that. Like I'm someone who cares about you. Like I'm someone who only thinks about you. You keep treating me that way.”
I took water from the fridge, poured it into a glass, and tried to drink—still half-drunk, I spilled a little down my front. Junhyuk hurried over and held out a dish towel.
“Don't do this. Please.”
I swatted the towel away and snapped at him, irritation creeping into my voice. Junhyuk's hand, still holding the towel, hung uselessly in midair. It looked pitiful.
Pitiful, but—
“Don't act so gentle with me. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“I'm sorry. I'll be more careful.”
“…Careful about what?”
“About not making you too uncomfortable. About being considerate in moderation…”
“That's not what I meant!”
Junhyuk flinched; his face went rigid. I didn't particularly enjoy saying this to someone who had once told me I was the only person who had ever understood him.
But I had to draw a clear line.
I sincerely wanted Sowon to be happy. And no matter how I looked at it, the two of them suited each other far better than he and I ever could—fundamentally, that was the natural order of things. I was just the bad kid who coveted Junhyuk's attention and affection and kept the two of them from connecting.
I hated hurting Junhyuk, too.
But I still couldn't date him.
“You and I aren't anything to each other. So why do you keep trying to make it mean something special?”
“…….”
Junhyuk just kept listening. I knew how hard he had been trying, and maybe he found it absurd that I was saying this now. I couldn't bear to meet the complicated look in his eyes, so I squeezed mine shut.
“Stop treating me like a girlfriend who frets over you. Stop treating me like a girl who grumbles on the outside but is full of love on the inside. I'm not that kind of person.”
I should have stopped there. But the thought that Sowon might be listening made me a little anxious, so—
“No—you're the bad one. You're the one who's all wrong. Because you keep treating me that way. Because you keep treating me like some lovable little kid. That's why I… I…!”
I bit down on my lip. The words stuck in my throat like something was lodged there. Only then did I carefully open my tightly shut eyes and look at Junhyuk.
He looked just the slightest bit… disappointed.
“That's why what?”
“Ah, that…”
“So being nice to you was a mistake?”
That wasn't what I'd wanted to say, but that was the nuance it had taken on.
I kept my head down, neither affirming nor denying, just fidgeting with my hands.
And then came the next words.
“If you really hate me, just say so. Look me in the eyes and say it straight. Is this really that uncomfortable for you? Do you hate me so much you wish I'd just stay away?”
My head throbbed; I had no choice but to press a hand to my forehead.
This was sincere. Considering how stubbornly straightforward Junhyuk had always been, he must have steeled himself considerably just to ask.
“If you hate me, say you hate me. That's enough.”
“You… I…”
“Say it.”
This was what I had wanted. If I drove the stake in cleanly here, Junhyuk could sort out his feelings and I could step out from between the two of them. It felt like the long-awaited branching point for a “no-romance happy ending.”
But maybe I understood that too well.
The thought that admitting it here might truly end everything made my mouth refuse to open. I glared at Junhyuk, looked away, tried to form the words, over and over.
After a brief moment of wondering how things had come to this, I finally raked my hands through my hair and steeled myself with bitter resolve.
“I hate you. …I said I hate you. Happy?”
The moment the words left my mouth, Junhyuk's face crumpled as if he might collapse on the spot.
My chest felt like it had been stabbed by dozens of awls, like it had been seared by fire—it hurt so much.
Then, suddenly, Junhyuk slowly reached a hand toward my face. For a second I thought he was going to slap me—he was at that rough age—but instead—
“Okay.”
—he said, and with that rough thumb he wiped away my tears.
“Huh…?”
Only then did I realize I was crying. Tears I hadn't even known were falling, tears whose start I couldn't remember, left me so flustered that I spun around and fled to my room.
As I wiped my eyes, Sowon—still asleep on the bed—came into view. Soft, even breaths. Still sleeping peacefully.
Looking at that happy face—
“Ugh, hhk…”
—the tears that had been welling up burst into full-blown sobs, flooding out like a broken dam. I didn't know when it had started, but just hold on a little longer. How pathetic of me, to cry after saying something like that. I felt so pathetic, and so sorry toward Sowon, that the tears just kept coming.
I'm sorry, Lim Sowon. I failed again this time.
Maybe the real bad one…
is me.