Still, a Dirty World (6)
When I woke, the soft glow of sunset was filtering gently into the room. I couldn't say exactly what time it was, but dusk had clearly settled in. I'd slept quite a bit.
I tossed and turned on the bed, trying to work the stiffness out of my body, when Junhyeok somehow knew and called over to me.
"You awake?"
Still half-asleep, I turned to look at him. The room was thick with the heavy smell of boiled ramen.
"What've you been doing?"
"After the healer teacher left earlier, I've just been here the whole time."
"You should've gone out somewhere."
"In case you suddenly needed me."
"What a worrywart."
I grumbled as I pushed myself upright—and then my stomach clock went off with the loudest gurgle I had ever heard in my life.
"Whoa…"
"Don't. Don't you say a single word."
"You're super hungry, huh."
"Hey!!"
I could see the teasing coming a mile away and told him to shut it, but he ignored me on purpose? I growled at him with fierce eyes, and Junhyeok just snorted a laugh as he washed the pot in the sink.
"I'll boil some ramen for you."
"Well, give it a shot. Not sure if it'll taste any good, though."
I'd been tormented all night and hadn't eaten a single meal since, so I was starving, but admitting I was happy about it somehow stung my pride. I snarked back as curtly as I could manage.
Junhyeok didn't look the least bit wounded. Instead he grinned and shot right back.
"You ate it so deliciously last time—what's this about?"
Ah, right. We'd had ramen at my place once before.
I bit my lip, having completely lost face, while Junhyeok hummed a little tune and put the water on. Before it boiled he pulled two eggs from the fridge, cracked them into a bowl, and whisked them lightly.
"You like the eggs mixed in, right?"
"…How did you know?"
"I made it for you a few times before. Before you lost your memories."
"If you know so well, why didn't you put them in last time?"
"I was going to, but there weren't any eggs in the fridge."
It felt like he'd caught me being lazy—just buying and eating ramen—and I got somehow embarrassed. Seeing me hang my head, Junhyeok muttered,
"Cute."
"What…!"
I flared up, scrambling for a comeback, but he didn't wait—he just tossed the noodles into the pot.
"……"
I somehow kept feeling like I was being led around by the nose. He hummed so cheerfully it was almost annoying.
Still, I was the one in his debt… I scolded myself not to be so sensitive and climbed down from the bed.
"Ah. But hey—what happened earlier?"
"What?"
"It seemed kind of noisy."
At that, Junhyeok seemed to search for words for a moment, stomping his heel against the floor for no real reason, then finally deflected with a vague answer.
"Dunno. Maybe you dreamed it? …Ah, could you wipe the table over there?"
"Huh? Ah—yeah."
I definitely heard something. But he clearly didn't want to make a big deal of it, so I decided not to press.
"Here."
Junhyeok set the ramen on a pot stand and brought kimchi from the fridge.
"Where'd you get the kimchi?"
"Bought it."
I pushed the kimchi back toward him in refusal.
"Don't give me the good stuff—you eat it."
"I'm giving it to you because it's good."
"Are you really going to keep saying things like that?"
At my scolding he tilted his head.
"Why? It's true."
"If I tell you not to, just don't."
"You mad?"
I was about to fire back that of course I was when I belatedly noticed something strange about the state of my own heart.
I felt bad. But… I wasn't angry. Just that the teasing was a little mischievous?
What is this feeling?
"Ahem—the ramen's going to get soggy."
Instead of answering I picked up my chopsticks. Ramen is, well—of course delicious. As I focused on slurping it down, Junhyeok watched me intently.
Honey was practically dripping from his eyes. Is it that good? Honestly I couldn't understand it. But still—someone putting their whole heart into taking care of me.
Wasn't all that bad.
"Thanks for the meal."
I should show at least that much courtesy. Sure enough, even that light greeting made Junhyeok smile contentedly as he cleaned up after me. When he wiped the table I folded the legs and put it away.
I should head home soon, I thought as I stood—and then suddenly my eyes fell on myself.
Still wearing nothing but trunk panties under my uniform top. Extremely provocative. Extremely alluring. And because the blouse was the kind you normally tuck into a skirt, the hem hung quite long.
In other words… bottomless fashion.
Just as I was thinking how white my slender legs looked stretching long beneath the shirt—
"Hey, Philin. Listen."
Junhyeok turned to call me, caught sight of my legs, and jumped, face flushing as he averted his eyes.
With him reacting like that I somehow felt weird about how exposed my legs were. Or rather—strictly speaking, the real problem might not have been the legs.
"Hey. Don't… get so embarrassed. This is, well—not intentional."
"How about putting something on?"
"I am wearing something. I've got pants on."
"Those are panties."
Ah… aah…
At Junhyeok's correction my face burned so hot my head spun.
In the end I borrowed Junhyeok's training shorts and headed home. They were several sizes too big and kept sagging, so I had no choice but to walk with my hands shoved in the pockets, holding up the waistband.
Still—better to have these than nothing. Better than going bare…
It had only been a single day, yet with all the humiliation play I'd endured it felt like I'd lived through an impossibly long stretch of time.
"You don't need to walk me home."
"It's fine. And who knows what else might happen on the way."
Junhyeok said that again and faithfully accompanied me all the way. Being attacked by Yoo-kyung while I was alone must have been quite a shock for him.
I didn't refuse too hard either—having him look out for me wasn't a bad thing.
Watching the streetlights gradually flicker on, Junhyeok slowly put distance between us. Nighttime now. He stepped back as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Junhyeok."
Whether it was some whim or the same thought I'd had a few days ago, I didn't know.
"Come next to me."
I held out my hand.
"…No. I don't want to."
"Why not again."
"Yesterday because of me…"
"Hey—I'm telling you to come because you seem so hung up on it."
At my urging he finally came to my side as if he couldn't win. He should have just listened obediently from the start.
But after a few steps the guy suddenly grabbed my hand. Startled, I looked at him.
"Don't like it?"
The firm question made me swallow my breath without meaning to. When I hesitated he pressed again.
"If you don't like it, I'll go back behind."
"You…"
Then there's no point in calling you over in the first place.
"Fine. It's not hard or anything. Do as you like."
I snorted as if it were nothing, squeezed his hand tight, and walked forward boldly.
Somehow my heart seemed to be racing, and a ticklish, electric feeling ran from my hand up my back and down to my waist.
That's why I didn't want to hold hands back then either…
By the time we reached my place the sun had fully set and darkness had settled in. Even so the weather was still hot. Humid, maybe. Sweat poured down either way.
"It'll be hot when you sleep."
The thought came to me suddenly. Junhyeok scratched his head and laughed awkwardly.
"Gotta shower often. Cold water."
Once he went home that hot, humid, desolate atmosphere would be waiting for him—how much must he hate going back.
So, though he might think me alluring for it, I had another whim.
"Want to stay at my place a bit before you go?"
But his answer came almost immediately.
"No. It's fine."
"Huh…?"
"I have to go."
If you refuse that bluntly, what does that make the person who offered? Embarrassed, I scratched my head—then his last words snagged on something.
"You have to go?"
Is there a reason?
For the briefest moment an "oh crap" expression crossed Junhyeok's face. He didn't particularly try to hide the sense of having slipped up.
"There's something I have to do."
"What?"
"It's a secret."
"A secret…?"
He said that, then really turned around and ran toward his house without a shred of lingering attachment—only to spin back and shout to me.
"I'll tell you later!"
And then, truly—
He was gone.
The sound of insects crying seemed especially loud. Coming from Junhyeok's place to here, my house felt enormously large.
I stood there blankly for what must have been ten minutes. Junhyeok truly did not come back.
Of course he wouldn't. But more than that, what kept bothering me was—
"…What's the secret?"
Maybe because of those last words.
I kept feeling bad.
Should I confront him about what he was up to? Or create a calm place to talk? Or neither, and just wait until he told me someday? My head spun with all of it.
But I couldn't try any of those things.
The next day, Junhyeok did not come to the lecture hall.