The Clueless Ones (1)
The next day. The hangover was the least of my problems; other worries made my head throb.
“Don’t touch the horns.”
“I won’t.”
“Don’t even put your hands near my head.”
“Don’t worry.”
“You already know all this, so if you grab them again you’re a real pervert.”
“I said I won’t touch them!”
“Just be careful, okay!”
I’d drilled the warning into Junhyuk the entire way to the Academy, and he was shaking his head like he had calluses growing on his ears.
But no matter how many times I stressed it, the sensation when someone grabbed my horns was overwhelming. If Junhyuk kept poking them even as a joke…
I’d really kick him square between the legs.
And then, as if summoned by the very word “horns,” another person suddenly seized them from behind.
“Philin!”
“Eek?!”
I flinched again.
A healthy orange bob, an elf girl—Serena.
Come to think of it, if this brat hadn’t left her seat yesterday I never would have ended up getting both horns grabbed and nearly blacking out. Irritation flared up out of nowhere.
“Oh, look who it is—the traitor.”
“Whoa~ traitor? Didn’t my help give you a nice hot, steamy night?”
I grabbed the smirking Serena by the collar and growled in a voice just low enough to be heard.
“Because of you I got completely humiliated yesterday. You wanna die for real?”
“If it felt so good you almost died, then I’m happy to die.”
“You little…”
Serena hummed and shrugged her shoulders. Suddenly Junhyuk stepped in, snatching her wrist. He gripped it hard enough that she made a startled “Huh?” face.
“Never touch Philin’s horns again.”
He went full sudden acceleration.
Serena looked back and forth between Junhyuk and me with a blank expression, then gave an awkward laugh and carefully pried her wrist free.
“Ah… haha, so, um… the horns are like a love signature only Junhyuk is allowed to touch? I had no idea.”
It wasn’t exactly that, but if it wasn’t, how was I supposed to explain this sudden outburst? And saying “yes, that’s right” was even worse.
In the end I chose to escape the situation.
“Serena. I’ll explain later.”
“What’s there to explain later? I get it~ That kind of relationship, that kind of spot! Totally understand~”
What do you mean “that kind of spot”! I wanted to argue, but somehow the phrasing felt weirdly accurate.
“Junhyuk. Come talk with me a second.”
I dragged him away and fled. If I didn’t clearly explain the horns, these awkward situations would keep happening.
But Junhyuk seemed to treat it as a deadly serious matter. He stopped dead and asked me with a grave face,
“Is it really okay to just leave? Strictly speaking this is sexual harass—”
“Yeom Junhyuk!”
I know how you feel, but stop embarrassing me any further!
I cut him off and shouted,
“I want a mint-chocolate latte!”
“Right now, out of nowhere?”
“Yes, right this second! What are you waiting for, move!”
As I shoved a reluctant Junhyuk farther away, Serena called after us,
“You two look so good together!”
Shut up, you devil!
The moment we reached the café I ordered a mint-chocolate latte and an iced americano. When Junhyuk tried to hand over his card I swatted his hand away; he looked a little deflated.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No. It’s not that. I just said it to get us out of there. Today’s on me.”
“Ah… okay.”
“And from now on, don’t buy me coffee.”
“Why?”
The look on his face was exactly what a bread-shuttle kid would make after the school bully told him “Don’t bring bread anymore.” It was deeply unsettling. He should know better than anyone.
“You don’t have the money to keep buying me coffee every time.”
I wasn’t enough of a villain to keep freeloading coffee off a guy who’d even been scammed out of his self-reliance support funds. I no longer had the face to ask him to buy me anything.
I didn’t wait for Junhyuk, who was still mumbling like he wanted to say more, and quickly paid.
“Iced americano okay?”
I asked as we sat by the window.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“If you want something else, just say so. Don’t be an idiot who can’t even speak up and ends up drinking americano every single time.”
“It’s not like that.”
Watching Junhyuk smile that good-natured smile, I sometimes got confused whether he was really the same Yeom Junhyuk who’d felt somehow cold at night.
I was wondering if there might be a reason he only got a little sensitive at night when the phone app pinged that our drinks were ready.
“Wait here a sec.”
“I’ll go.”
“I said it’s fine.”
Before he could insist I stood up, grabbed the tray, and brought it back.
Somehow asking him to do anything else had become too burdensome. The “obey me” clause would have to be deleted. Taking advantage of a guy who’d had such a miserable childhood was something my conscience couldn’t handle.
I took a long sip of the mint-chocolate drink and finally got to the point.
“About the horns. They’re not some automatic switch that makes anyone who touches them feel weird the way you’re thinking.”
“Really?”
“Of course I understand. What you did earlier was completely reasonable.”
This was a guy who already felt invaded just by being paired with Sowon. Thinking someone was freely touching a sexually sensitive spot would naturally make him furious.
“But when Serena grabs them, there’s almost no stimulation.”
“So there is some?”
“There is, but… it’s not the weird feeling I get when you grab them. Didn’t it look that way earlier?”
“…So the sensitivity differs depending on the person.”
I clapped my hands and nodded hard.
“Yes, exactly! The sensitivity changes by person. For example.”
I set the mint-chocolate drink down and firmly grabbed both of my own horns with both hands.
“Look. I’m gripping them tight and nothing’s happening, right?”
“Aren’t you just holding it in?”
“You can’t hold this in. It’s hard to explain, but when the stimulation hits, the reaction comes immediately—no resisting it.”
To make him believe me I kept rubbing the horns up and down, showing him I was completely fine.
“See? Still no problem!”
Rub, rub. Rub, rub.
But as I did it, I suddenly realized the way my hands were moving looked a little… off, and embarrassment flooded in. Figuring he’d gotten the idea by now, I quietly lowered my hands and looked at Junhyuk’s face—
Somehow it was bright red.
People really do think alike. I asked him with cold eyes,
“What were you just thinking?”
Watching Junhyuk sip his americano with nowhere to put his eyes,
I thought once again that maybe he really wasn’t the Yeom Junhyuk I knew from the game.
With midterms approaching, practical training time was extremely important. Before, I could just sit back and watch Junhyuk’s one-man show, but since teamwork was part of the evaluation, even he couldn’t simply charge ahead alone.
“Personnel placement when facing monsters is also a major evaluation factor, so let’s all do our best.”
“I know.”
Still clearly unhappy that Sowon had ended up in our group, Junhyuk snapped and took the lead.
Then he suddenly spun around and glared at me with murderous eyes. Or rather, not at me, but at the final reinforcement I’d pushed into our team.
“Philin’s arm-rubbing is the best~ Heehee.”
Serena.
“We don’t know when a monster might jump out. Don’t stick so close.”
“Oh my, sorry. I didn’t know you’d get jealous over this too. Girls link arms and walk together all the time. Right, Philin?”
I nodded with an awkward face. Even so, no normal girl walked around constantly nuzzling someone’s face the way she did.
I gently pushed Serena aside and gestured for Junhyuk to look ahead.
He clicked his tongue and turned away, expression still sour. That jealousy of his…
As Junhyuk strode forward, a monster dropped onto his head. No—poured would be more accurate.
“It’s a slime!”
Sowon raised her hand, deploying a magic circle as she shouted. I tried to attack quickly to save Junhyuk, but—
With a wet splash, the slime scattered, and Junhyuk appeared from within it.
Without a word he casually brushed the slime remnants off his body; annoyance was plain on his face.
“Don’t make a fuss.”
“Please don’t go too far ahead. We also have a duty to protect the martial artist.”
“Nagging already. Are slimes that threatening?”
“This is for the midterm evaluation.”
Junhyuk didn’t even look at Sowon, busy brushing off more slime residue. It was oily and sticky; displeasure showed on his face.
That was when it happened.
Slimes appeared from all directions with wet squelching sounds. Seeing them pass Junhyuk and head our way, it seemed they’d recognized him as the strongest.
So this was why we practiced formations. I prepared my magic and watched the surroundings.
Then Serena stepped forward and blocked the slimes.
“You two protect yourselves with wall magic or something.”
She summoned two daggers into the air, then—
With a dazzling sword dance, slash-slash, slime remnants flew everywhere.
Moving as nimbly as a monkey leaping freely between trees, she swung her daggers at the slimes charging from every side.
Before the remnants could even stick to her body she was already darting to the next one and carving it up. Her fluid movements left my mouth hanging open.
“How’s that? Falling for me?”
She grinned slyly in my direction, still having enough leisure to joke while bisecting the charging slimes with her daggers.
Sowon was diligently eliminating the ones coming our way with fire magic. Slimes really weren’t much of a threat.
But then—
One slime charged straight at me.
“Philin!”
Serena, a little too far to reach in time, quickly threw a dagger. The slime lunging at me shattered mid-air on her blade, spraying remnants.
“Flame Shield!”
Seeing the remnants raining from the air, Sowon seemed about to raise a wall of fire—
Then she glanced my way and smiled faintly.
It didn’t take long to understand what that meant.
Because they were water-based creatures I couldn’t use Lightning Wall, so I had no choice but to rely entirely on Sowon’s defense. My entire body—
“Ugh?!”
—ended up covered in slime remnants.
No actual damage to the body, but the sheer unpleasantness was enormous, making it the perfect material for fox-like schemes.
“Oh my, are you okay?”
“Ugh…”
Guess we still looked too close for her taste. Thanks to you I’m completely grossed out.
I tried brushing it off this way and that, but the slime remnants clung like thick oil and refused to leave my body.
“Philin! Are you okay?”
Serena ran over, stripped off her uniform jacket, and started wiping me down; I pushed her hands away.
“It’s fine. You’ll just ruin your clothes too.”
“Clothes can be washed. Even if you’re okay now, if we don’t wipe it all off soon it’ll soak through to your underwear.”
While Serena was brushing remnants off my whole body, Junhyuk also ran over and checked on me.
“You okay?”
“It’s just slime.”
“Wear this instead.”
“Ugh, no need. I already wiped most of it.”
I refused the uniform jacket Junhyuk quickly offered and hurriedly checked Sowon’s expression. Sure enough, she looked annoyed.
Thinking that in her eyes I might look like I was playing the fox made me feel incredibly wronged.
Serena, still wiping me with the jacket, suddenly looked at the top of my head and stopped moving her hands.
“What?”
“Uh, um…”
She hesitated, glancing between the top of my head and Junhyuk. I instantly knew what she was thinking.
But Serena was faster.
“Junhyuk, you wipe that part.”
The spot she pointed to was none other than—
the horns. Both of them.
“Ah, Serena, this morning—”
“Come on. I can take a hint. That kind of spot, right?”
No, you clueless girl.
I shot Junhyuk a desperate look of denial, but—
“I’ll wipe them for you.”
This crazy— He was just as clueless.
Surely he’s not pretending to be clueless… right?