The Bureau's Unlikely Cleaning Crew

Senior flashed me a bright smile and explained the day’s duties. “Today is~ super easy~ cleaning time~!”

“Cleaning?”

“That’s right! Cleaning~!”

Weren’t we supposed to head out and catch anomalies?

Since I’d left the view-sharing on, the gallery users caught my bewildered expression and immediately flooded the chat with comments.

…Is that how it is? Maybe I really was thinking like some battle-crazed lunatic, just like the gallery users said. To be honest, I didn’t fully understand why I was acting this way either. Still, back when I fought the tutorial anomalies, the moment I saw them an inexplicable, intense hostility had surged up inside me.

I’ll have to watch myself from now on. Losing control of my emotions could put me in real danger in an instant.

“All righty~! First, go get your equipment~!”

Senior disappeared somewhere and soon returned with an armful of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠cleaning tools—vacuum cleaner, broom, duster, mop, the works—and shoved them all into ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my arms.

“Here you go~ Since you still don’t know the building layout, I’ll explain while we look at the branch floor plan, okay~?”

She unfolded a blueprint labeled Bureau of Bizarre Management Branch 941 Floor Plan.

Just as the name suggested, this place was merely one branch of the Bureau. I’d assumed it would be small, but…

What the hell, why is it so huge?

The enormous facility nearly made me faint. The surface building was only four stories, but that was just the tip of the iceberg.

“H-how many underground floors are there exactly?”

“I don’t know the exact number either~ The deeper you go, the higher the required security clearance~”

The blueprint showed roughly up to underground floor 99, but everything below that was blacked out with CENSORED.

“The deeper the floor, the more dangerous the anomalies locked away there~”

Each level had a total of twenty isolation chambers, along with research labs, break rooms, and equipment storage. Dozens, even hundreds of floors with this same layout stacked underground.

“When a new anomaly is discovered~ they classify its rank~ and if there’s no space, they simply build a new floor between the appropriate rank levels to expand~ or so I’ve heard~”

Honestly, even as I listened I barely understood what she was saying. The general idea seemed to be that if the isolation chambers for mid-rank anomalies were full, they would insert an entirely new floor between existing underground levels. Like shoving an extra slice of ham into a sandwich. Was that even physically possible by any common-sense standard?

Well, the whole situation of being dragged here by an anomaly was already abnormal, so there was no point dwelling on things I couldn’t understand. I set the incomprehensible parts aside for now and studied the floor plan again. After all… today’s task was cleaning the branch…

“We have to clean this entire place?”

Just the two of us? No matter how I looked at it, there was no way we could finish in one day.

“No, silly~ We obviously skip the restricted zones~”

Senior pointed at underground floor 2 on the map and explained the order. Underground floor 2 was the central lobby. Underground floor 3 was this integrated office. Below that, underground floor 4 was a multipurpose warehouse, and from underground floor 5 all the way down to the unknown depths were entirely anomaly isolation chambers and research facilities.

After the Bureau collapsed, many of the anomalies trapped underground had broken free, but it seemed a considerable number of them were still occupying various floors down there.

“We’ll only be cleaning from the safe underground floor 3 down to the isolation chambers on floor 5~ We can restore the lower levels gradually later~ okay~?”

“Yes, understood.”

Thankfully the number of floors we had to clean wasn’t that bad. I let out a sigh of relief, gathered the cleaning tools, and followed Senior.

*

We first tidied up the messy office, then headed down to underground floor 4—the multipurpose warehouse level. Long corridors stretched left and right, lined with countless rooms. Opening any door revealed neatly organized storage spaces containing one or two types of items. Some held office supplies, others protective suits, expandable batons, and so on. Unlike the office where desks were flipped over and chairs lay scattered, the warehouses were relatively tidy.

“Did you check everything over there~?”

“Yes, Senior.”

It finished faster than I expected. It felt less like cleaning and more like a simple inventory check.

“Then let’s head to floor 5~”

The moment we stepped out of the elevator, the atmosphere here was… completely different. A chilling, eerie feeling in the air. Maybe that was natural since this floor housed the isolation chambers that contained anomalies. Still, this place had clearly gone through hell too. Shattered lights, broken reinforced acrylic panels, and collapsed walls turned the whole area into a disaster zone.

“We… we have to clean all of this?”

“It’s fine~ If we work together~ we’ll finish in no time~”

When she put it like that, what choice did I have? We split up and began clearing the debris.

Once I was far enough from Senior, I looked toward the gallery and whispered under my breath.

“Is this for real? I thought this was supposed to be an anomaly-hunting game. Why did the genre suddenly switch to a cleaning simulator?”

“No, I really wanted to ask that. With this much stuff to do, why does everyone call it a trash indie game?”

“True.”

If it had been a god-tier game, it wouldn’t have been kidnapping people like this. It was a shit game that received neither love nor attention, so its twisted nature turned it into anomalies. All because the developers were the type with grand ambitions but zero skill, yet stubbornly refused to compromise. If they had just met halfway and made something decent, innocent people wouldn’t have been kidnapped by a failed game’s monsters. I was about to sigh when—

No, let’s think positively.

Just like the gallery users said, it was far better to safely clean the branch than to go outside, fight anomalies, and risk getting hurt or killed. I repeated that to myself.

“Hm?”

Inside one of the intact-looking isolation chambers, I spotted a familiar figure.

“Stair Ghost?”

The inside of the chamber was fascinating. It was packed with gray concrete stairs roughly 1.5 stories high, as if they had recreated the anomaly’s natural habitat.

“Senior! Did you lock that anomaly from before in here?”

“That’s right~ Want to go inside and check?”

“Is that allowed?”

Senior nodded, then held up her ID badge and called out.

“See the pad next to the entrance~? Just press your badge against it and it’ll open~”

I opened it immediately. Because—

“This thing dares to lounge around comfortably while a human is running errands?”

That was simply unacceptable.

*

“Hey!”

The stair ghost, just like before, looked down at me from exactly half a floor higher. It waved both hands as if telling me to go away, clearly asking why I was here again.

“I came to check if you’re doing okay, dumbass. No discomfort or anything?”

This time it nodded vigorously like it was headbanging to heavy metal. Its long hair flailed wildly back and forth.

“Come out here for a second?”

“No, I’m not letting you escape. Just come out into the hallway.”

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

But the creature tilted its head, reluctant to come out. With no other choice, I pulled out the necklace and pointed at it, then pointed at the expandable baton on my waist. Even a thick-headed ghost anomaly seemed to understand what that meant.

It quickly jumped down from the stairs, performed a roll, spun three times, and knelt neatly in front of me.

An anomaly being pitiful? What’s so pitiful about it?

“Here.”

“Take it.”

The creature accepted the cleaning tools with a look of utter confusion. It should understand what this means by now.

“You’re cleaning too.”

“What? Just because you’re an anomaly you get to laze around in your isolation chamber? While Bureau agents work? Where in the world is that fair? Even prisoners in jail have to clean.”

Judging by its behavior alone, it seemed to be saying something like, Damn human… One day I’ll make you pay for this tyranny! But when I lightly tapped the expandable baton—

It immediately ran off and started wiping dust, sweeping up debris, and clearing rubble.

“Looks scrawny but works surprisingly well.”

“Right. You have to. If you don’t want to die.”

What could it possibly do? There weren’t even any stairs here for it to use its ability. If it disobeyed orders and tried to run? It would get beaten with the expandable baton until its core shattered.

“All right then. Shall we bring in more hands?”

“Stop talking nonsense. Want me to turn off view-sharing?”

Since the gallery users now considered even looking outside a rare treat, the threat of cutting off the shared view made them beg me not to.

“Behave yourselves.”

After giving them a stern warning, I headed for the isolation chamber of the married anomaly who thought I was her husband. It was right nearby. The interior had been decorated like the old house I’d seen during that anomaly event. Inside the dark, blood-red room, countless pitch-black somethings swirled around Eoduksini. The moment I pressed my badge to the door, she instantly absorbed all the black entities and—

Tap tap tap! She dashed out barefoot and threw herself into my arms.

“I have been waiting! Did my husband spend the night in good health?”

“Yeah, did you rest well too?”

“Indeed. This humble wife followed the unpleasant woman’s orders obediently, just as my husband commanded.”

“Hey now, Senior is my benefactor. Don’t hate her too much.”

“B-but—”

“Hmm, I was hoping you two could get along.”

Just in case, I tried using my Possible ability.

Her hostility toward Senior seemed stronger than I thought, so it failed. This won’t be solved right away. I’d have to take my time and find a way for them to get along.

“We’re cleaning this hallway right now. Can you help? We’re short on hands.”

“Yes, please let me assist!”

Yes! This is it! The stair ghost anomaly should learn from our fake wife. Look at this attitude—offering to help so naturally and happily. This was the model behavior an anomaly that had submitted to a human should display.

While I was at it—

“See that whining thing over there?”

“Indeed. A lowly common spirit with not a shred of dignity.”

“Take it with you and put it to work. I don’t know its name… just make one up.”

Its ears were sharp. The creature flinched, then hurriedly ran over, making “kihit” sounds that seemed to say Wait, isn’t this a bit much?

“Come on, you’ll finish faster if you take orders from someone who works well.”

“Right? Answer with only ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”

It tilted its head, seemingly thinking I-is that so?

Then—

“How dare you stare directly at your master with those eyes? What are you doing! Lower your head at once!”

The stair ghost anomaly, its spirit completely broken by the overwhelming power gap.

“Eonnyeoni, let’s go. There’s a lot to clean.”

The creature that had now become a servant girl followed Eoduksini with quick, obedient steps. Eoduksini and Eonnyeoni swiftly and diligently cleared debris and dusted everything. Thanks to them, we managed to finish all the cleaning before lunchtime.

So this counted as a quest too. It even gave me a small amount of experience.

“This is nice.”

But then—

“There’s one more? What is this?”

I scrolled down thinking there might be additional rewards, only to find a suspicious countdown.