Chapter 55
Chapter 55
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 55
Chapter Title: Inside Out (3)
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***
Rustle—
The two of them naturally put some distance between themselves and the Professor.
“You nuts?”
“I! Watch your mouth!”
“What? It’s true, though. If you’ve got a mental illness, you’re a nutjob. Am I wrong?”
The Professor gave a bitter smile at Ian’s words. It was the truth, after all. If someone kept talking to you in your head, and occasionally their personality popped out to take over your body, what else could it be but multiple personality disorder?
He’d read it in some community post. Those of us surviving the wasteland are doomed to go mad one way or another. So we can only hope to go mad the “right” way.
He wasn’t sure about “right,” but a multiple personality disorder where one persona was desperately trying to seize control like this probably didn’t qualify.
“By the way, you’re still using that voice symbol from back then?”
“Hm? Oh, that? As you know, our names got out there after the 45 District incident.”
“Happbun, me, and I—we got kinda famous. Helps with business, so we use these outside.”
“Didn’t we get bounties on our heads with those names?”
“That’s why we’ve made some good money off the bounty hunters who’ve come sniffing around since we started using them. Guys with no real skill always carry flashy guns.”
“43’s such a hotbed of conflict. Even the Raptor Society doesn’t come this far. Those guys have made enemies everywhere, so breaking into 43 District means fighting dozens of battles a day.”
Hmm... Fame? Enough to help with business?
The Professor turned his head, thinking three people couldn’t possibly be that famous, and spotted bystanders pointing at the trio and whispering.
“Hey, those guys... Gotta be V and I, right?”
“The big guy with the iron suitcase and the old man... Yep. The spice traders.”
“And the one in front—they called him Happbun.”
“It’s them. The conquerors of 45 District—HIV!”
“Some big shots showed up at this backwater clinic...”
“Steer clear. Those lunatics butchered hundreds of scavengers, Dome goons, and Raptor Society thugs—by themselves.”
Murmur, murmur.
Rustle, rustle!
The reaction was more intense than expected. Not a bad feeling. Fame in the wasteland made you a target, but it also made deals and recruiting a breeze. It filtered out the riffraff too. All good... except...
“Why the hell are they calling us that? HIV—like the AIDS virus? Pisses me off!”
“Why? I think it’s fine. Once you get it, you’re dead for sure. Sounds badass, right?”
“Happbun, the community started mashing our codenames together. Not much we could do to stop it.”
Even so, Team HIV? His first wasteland rep was a sexually transmitted disease!
The Professor clutched his head and muttered. Ian, who’d been chuckling at the sight, spoke up.
“So, what exactly happened? How’d you go nuts? You seemed fine last time I saw you.”
Hmm. He’d been beating around the bush, but they were gonna ask after all.
“Well... I ran into a problem while playing that game...”
“Oh.”
“Ohhh.”
The moment “game” left the Professor’s mouth, both Vex and Ian suddenly turned solemn. What the hell? Why were these guys acting like this?
“The game... You mean ‘that one’ from back then...”
“H-Happbun! It’s okay! There’s no high or low in professions... I think as long as you’re working hard, any look is fine!”
“Huh? What? You guys saw my playthrough? How was it? Entertaining?”
Sluuurp—
Delighted, the Professor spoke up, but Ian and Vex grew even more fidgety, carefully choosing their words.
‘What? Why are they even more solemn? They really watched? What’s with the reaction?’
“Uh... well...”
“It was... intensely avant-garde... Ahem! Not bad. Still, if it’s driving you insane, I recommend quitting.”
Judging by their lukewarm response, they must’ve seen a boring part.
Ignoring the two fumbling to comfort him, the Professor finished explaining his symptoms.
.
.
.
.
“So... you got infected by some mutant virus in the game, and the personality it spawned started messing with your brain in there, then popped out into reality?”
“Yeah. You got it spot on.”
Ian’s face twisted slightly. Up until now, he’d been grinning through the conversation.
“This is seriously nuts.”
“Don’t call me a nutjob. Makes me sound like one for real.”
“You’ve got mental issues and you’re a guy—fits the bill. Multiple personalities, straight out of the movies. Kinda fascinating, though. So, what’s this guy like?”
“This guy?”
Ian poked the Professor’s head with a thick finger.
“Who else? The friend living in your skull! If you can’t cure it, you’ll be stuck with him forever. We should know what he’s like too, right? Can’t have some buddy we welcomed one day go berserk like a cannibal, and us helpfully put him down without knowing.”
Brutal, but common sense in the wasteland. The friend laughing with you yesterday could lunge at you as a maniac today. For close ones, gently “sending them off” was your duty, depending on the severity.
‘That guy would totally do it.’
The Professor recalled the parasite he’d dealt with—Hyde.
“Let’s see... He’s kinda childish. Looked like an elementary kid at first, but he’s grown fast—now talks like a middle schooler. Got some chuunibyou vibes too. Was super hostile at first, but now he seems more cooperative. Still hasn’t given up on taking my body, though. He’s got full control of my left index, middle, and ring fingers. Sometimes scratches himself when he wants something. Oh, his name’s Hyde. Woke up after blacking out and bam, that’s what he called himself. And... what else was there...”
[Free from Mother’s influence, saved you and that human woman once, loves freedom, super curious—oh! I like meat way more than fish! Can’t forget the feel of you chewing that meat at home the other day! Crispy! Let’s eat that more! Raw if possible—no cooking! Mutants eat ‘em alive!]
“Ow, shut up already! Think meat grows on trees? You were drooling over dried-up scavenger corpses on the wasteland trek. Show that side in my head one more time, and the second you try cannibalism, I’ll shove a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.”
[Aw, you noticed? Cut me some slack. Even if I’m on bad terms with Mother, I was born a mutant. Craving human flesh is instinct—instinct! Humans have one of the highest gene efficiency per meal.]
“Uh, Happbun?”
“Argh, this bastard... Yeah? Vex, what?”
“People... are staring...”
The Professor had been muttering to himself for a while. When he looked up, the people in line flinched and turned away. One guy even grabbed his bag, got up, and shuffled to the very back of the line.
“What? Why’s everyone acting weird?”
“Why do you think? You looked 100% insane just now. Talking about drooling over scavenger corpses, naming your own personality, fingers moving on their own... If this weren’t Old Man Woojin’s clinic, they’d have all shot first.”
Ian said this while pulling a fancy revolver from his iron suitcase and slipping it into the Professor’s pocket.
“Here.”
“What’s this?”
“Light, smooth, sturdy. Easy to aim even with weak hands... or ones that don’t listen. Loaded with heavy rounds—should be painless.”
“So... if shit hits the fan, use this on myself?”
“Yeah. Even I couldn’t kill a friend with my own hands. Can’t have me going depressed too. Not saying use it now—just if you need to.”
What a prick.
“I’m not crazy!”
“Oh, Happbun. That line just now? Peak crazy.”
[Hey, Crispy, your friends are hilarious!]
Outside, Vex and Ian scratched at him; inside, the parasite did the same. He was burning up with frustration. If not for the turrets, he’d have played crazy and charged just to spite them.
Still, the banter made time fly faster than being alone. They swapped wasteland stories, heard about their business, and he gave a long defense of his game playthrough. Before long, the sun was setting outside.
“Next! Happbun! I, V! Come on in!”
“Ah, my turn... no, our turn?”
“I switched it earlier. At the bathroom.”
“Gonna get checked anyway—faster if we go together.”
“...Whatever.”
Obvious. They joked, but wanted to hear his condition. As companions, they could catch the old man’s diagnosis inside.
Ignoring the prickly stares, they rose and entered the exam room.
***
Creak—clunk!
Pushing open the thick iron door—clearly bulletproof and soundproof—revealed a tidy room that screamed “clinic,” a far cry from the grim exterior.
At the center desk sat an old man: Woojin, owner of this massive facility.
One word came to mind seeing Woojin.
‘Mad Doctor.’
A gaunt old man in a bloodstained white coat, hunched over. He let out habitual “keh-heh-heh” cackles, wielded a scalpel like a razor with ease, and occasionally licked the blade like a third-rate villain. Last visit, the Professor asked why—he said it was iron deficiency from old age. Bullshit. This guy had been mad for years. Stockpiling iron pills but licking blades? Pervert.
But despite the quirks, his skills were legit.
“Been a while, Old Man Woojin.”
“Yeah? Who’re you... Hm? Happbun? Park Professor, you bastard.”
“Something like that.”
“Keh-heh-heh, even those Raptor Society idiots are washed up. Beaten by a punk like you. So those other two are the morons tagging along?”
“Been a while, old timer.”
“Like hell. You were here two days ago.”
“No choice. Work and that moron.”
Stroking his beard with world-weary sighs, Woojin eyed them. The Professor sat in the familiar chair before him.
“Hey, you two in back! Emergency kit in the cabinet—patch yourselves up! You know how, right?”
“Damn it, old man, you a real doctor? This how you treat paying patients?”
“No breaks? You can do it yourselves. Money’s for meds. I’m busy—handle it! Get stuck, I’ll slice you open and reset.”
“Crazy old geezer...”
Grumbling but practiced, Vex and Ian fetched bandages, antiseptics, and suture needles like fish hooks, treating themselves deftly.
“Metaljaw’s a regular here—he’ll manage. That little guy sticking around lately? Saw him before—knows basics. Alright, time for Park Professor’s checkup... No blood smell, so not injured. The usual, then?”
Woojin tapped his temple with spindly fingers. The Professor smiled bitterly and shook his head.
“That issue got resolved somehow. Here for a different problem today.”
“Huh? Really? It’s gone? Hey, Park Professor—lying in psych consults gets you nowhere. You actually beat that trauma?”
“...Kinda. But paid for it with a new mental illness.”
Woojin eyed him with keen interest.
“Hmm. Let’s check anyway. C’mon, say ‘mommy.’ ‘Mommy.’”
“...Gotta do this? Kinda... uncomfortable.”
“Big difference between thinking it and saying it. Just once. ‘Mommy.’”
“Ugh... Mom...my.”
Mother. Just voicing it stung the chest. But only pain—no more dizziness or flooding memories like before. He’d accepted it as his past to carry.
Observing, Woojin’s wrinkled lips curved into a smile.
“...Not bad, kid. You really overcame that day’s memories. Impressive! Damn fine job! A real man! Keh-heh-heh-heh! A full recovery from this clinic—miracles do happen!”
Woojin and he went way back. After breaking his arm badly living solo, he’d stumbled here. Woojin spotted his state instantly, convinced him to regular therapy and antidepressants. Only one who knew his trauma as well as he did.
Still chuckling gleefully, Woojin spoke with a flushed, smiling tone.
“Guess quarterly check-ins on your mug are done. Here to say thanks and goodbye?”
“You nuts? Cross the wasteland to chat you up? Like I said, new mental issue lately—here for a consult.”
“Oh, right—beat trauma, got something else? Fine. Nothing worse than the old one. Mental ticks are standard here. So, what’re the symptoms?”
Woojin’s warm smile eased the Professor’s mind unwittingly.
“Feels like I got ‘possessed’ playing that game—”
Crash! Bang!
“You fucking idiot! I told you not to play that game!!!”
In a flash, kindly grandpa turned Yama king. He vaulted the desk like a comet, grabbing the Professor’s collar. Ian wedged into a corner; Vex had vanished somewhere.
Snarling like a beast, Woojin yanked him close.
“Spill everything. Every last detail.”
A terrified voice echoed in the Professor’s head at growling Woojin.
[C-Crispy... This old guy scares me...]
‘Me too.’
The turrets blanketing the clinic skipped this room for one reason.
‘This old man’s a hundred times scarier than auto-turrets.’
Few could dodge the blade of the legendary mercenary once called “Medical Accident Woojin” or “Deathwish Doctor Woojin” in this cramped space. Stay alive, and you learned to behave.
***
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