Chapter 266
Chapter 266
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 14
Chapter Title: One Empire, Three Legends (25)
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The day broke. The morning that could prove to be the turning point of this imperial visit.
‘Okay, listen up. I’m going to stop by the most famous boutique in the servants’ district, then attend Lady Maina’s tea party to build some rapport, followed by Sir Godfrey’s luncheon invitation, then the tea research society hosted by Viscountess Ponpadu, then get my hair done by the maid of Madame Ponpadu—who’s said to be the best stylist in the capital—and finally attend the dinner hosted by the young master of the Neirad family. Just in case, I’ll be going with Idrasil. Do you get what I’m saying?’
‘Uh.... Prepare some digestive aids?’
‘Wrong! I’m busy! Super busy with an eye-spinning schedule, and every single one is a spot I can’t half-ass. Maina Gelmeer is a celebrity who dominates high society with her stunning beauty and singing talent, Sir Godfrey is the leader of the moderates and a branch member of the Makera family. Yes, the owners of this very inn we’re staying at. Viscountess Ponpadu is a social butterfly in the imperial scene, with connections spreading like octopus tentacles from the capital to the empire’s frontiers, and the young master of the Neirad family, Pallem Neirad, recently swore loyalty to the Third Prince.’
‘They’re all big shots, but not total phonies. Shouldn’t I go see someone from the Makera family since we’re guests here?’
‘Absolutely not! The weight classes are different, the weight classes! Sure, both you and I are targets for the factions, but I’m just a social issue based on an old legend—a bit of fantasy mixed in with a fresh face. Meanwhile, Hero, you’re someone with enough authority that a single word from you could mobilize every Light Parishioner in a region. Politically speaking, you’re a far more valuable target than me. Even if Sir Godfrey Makera is a knight with impressive achievements at a young age, he’s still branch family. His political standing is basically at rock bottom. Showing up to meet someone like that would be like devaluing yourself.’
‘....Right?’
‘Exactly! So instead of going as a guest to meet someone first, it’s proper to receive them as the host! Turn away house stewards from marquess families and below outright. At minimum, it has to be blood kin from the family. You only meet them when you feel the level matches what’s needed. This is basic noble socializing, so you have to stick to it! Now, repeat after me. [I only meet people on my level.]’
‘I only meet people on my level.’
‘[If I meet or politely entertain those below, the nobles above will lump me in with those losers.]’
‘Aigoo, I get it. I got it! I understand, so stop wandering around in that corset like a grown woman! I can’t eat! Notum! Hurry up! She’s asking you to tighten it more—what are you hesitating for?’
‘Grokk. Tightening more here will crush the ribs.’
‘No time, so do it! Alright, conclusion! I’m busy! No matter what, I can’t be reached today! So please.... don’t cause any trouble! Over and out!’
‘What. Staying put is how you level up your class, right? That much is easy.’
‘....Mr. Ottman, Mr. Aldrich? I’m begging you like this. Please, just for today, keep the Hero from causing any incidents. Okay?’
‘....I’ll try, but that guy’s nature isn’t going anywhere....’
‘I’ll cast the basic curses in advance. It’d be easier with a decent binding spirit....’
That was the conversation with the noble girl that raged like a fierce storm this morning.
“So. What are you going to do from now on?”
After Lucilla rushed off and a simple breakfast was done.
The two old mages, sipping their light brown sedatives, asked me with tense faces. They hadn’t expected me to stay put anyway, subtly gathering mana.
Sheesh. What do they take me for? Even I wouldn’t cause a ruckus in the capital. Not after she begged like that.
“Hmm.... It’d be rude to visit uninvited early in the morning, so no guests yet. How about I head to a temple first.”
“The temple....”
“Hmm. I see. To the temple, eh. The temple....”
At my answer, the two nodded gravely. Then they pulled out potions from their pockets—ten times darker than what they’d been drinking.
“Melancholy that binds the ankles! Lass Takarnis’s Debilitation!”
“Hold him tight! I’ll shove it right down his yap!”
And wouldn’t you know it—along with Aldrich’s curse, the potion flew toward my mouth, drawn by Ottman’s magic like it was alive.
“Uwak! What the—!”
“Calm down. It’s good for your body and our mental health.”
“That apple peel it just brushed against rotted away!”
“Yeah, it’s a sedative so concentrated that a civilian would be permanently calmed. But.... it’s you, isn’t it?”
“Are you insane, Ottman! Aldrich!”
“The insane one is anyone expecting you to stay put.”
“Not this time. At least not in the empire! I don’t want to spend my remaining days chased by imperial knights!”
“Mmph, mmph!”
They’d prepared in advance—a magic circle already drawn under my seat. An instant curse nearly impossible to dodge up close without countermeasures, plus a water-affinity potion flying at me.
Having rehearsed, the two mages’ coordinated assault left no escape this time.
“Come on now. Open wide nicely. Shove it in rough and it might melt those soft lips.”
“You crazy bast—Gack, cough!”
“Silence is golden. You know better than anyone we weren’t always like this.”
Thanks to Ottman’s masterful control, the black-brown liquid slid into my mouth without touching skin.
The horrific smell made me dry-heave for a moment. But Aldrich’s masterpiece, the ‘Mad Saint Sedative’—refined through frequent recent use in ‘magic-use sedatives’—was potent.
Even my ironclad Professor’s mental fortitude couldn’t hold back the wave of drowsiness.
“Sleep tight. We’ll sort and send off the guests appropriately.”
“Yeah. I was a noble once, so I can handle basic reception. With your stamina, you’ll recover before sunset. We’ll report who came and what was said then.”
“Right. Even with Lucilla there.”
“You.... damn old coots....”
Like the final memory of someone buried alive, their fading voices were the last thing as the Professor’s eyes closed.
****
And.
Exactly 15 minutes later.
“Mm-ahh—refreshing! My complicated head’s all clear now! The intent was a bit rude, but thanks anyway! I was planning to meditate to make room for today’s info anyway.”
The Professor shot up, and the two old mages—whose predawn plan with Lucilla had failed—collapsed in despair.
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- Take a Look : LMAOOOOOO zombie resurrection!
- Jokasss : Dude, even including your magic mentor, these two old grandpas tried so hard. Couldn’t you at least lie there for an hour? Heartless bastard.
- Speed Wagon : Is the lack of trust between comrades not just low, but nonexistent...?
- Deer Drug Please : Hey, the guy’s a monster! Don’t think of him as human!
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“Wrong....”
“We can’t stop the Professor no matter what we do....”
“Why the long faces? You ganged up to ambush the party leader.”
“Ughhh.... If it weren’t for that Hide guy....”
『You called?』
Hide poked his head out at Aldrich’s resentful voice.
Of course, even I couldn’t just tank a custom ultra-potent sedative made for my level raw.
When my consciousness dropped into that black mental space, Hide—who’d been napping on the sofa—woke up wondering what was up.
Then he freaked, mistaking the seeping potion for real poison, and reacted.
A black tube sprouted from my stomach, squirting out the brown liquid—and Ottman and Aldrich were speechless.
With only a trace absorbed, I got a perfect 15-minute power nap and woke refreshed.
‘Good job.’
[Hihihi. Sleeping’s no fun. I wanted to hear what these nobles say too.]
Anyway.
Having stylishly thwarted the conspiracy of my life-and-death comrades to dunk me....
The two mages, resolved to at least prevent on-site violence, waited in the room next door with message magic linked and even a peephole drilled in the wall.
“Grooo. Pretty city. Pretty people.”
Notum alone—unable to join events due to folks freaking out over her troll appearance—leisurely toured the capital.
****
First guest. First Prince faction, fifth son of Viscount Keplack. Naidim Keplack.
“The empire’s power! Firmly centralized might! Its root lies in traditions unbroken across centuries!”
Idiot.
[Does that guy actually believe that? That those vulture nobles respect the emperor because they value tradition, and that respect builds power?]
[Those sparkling eyes scream ‘dumbass who’d build a 50-man barracks with a pickpocketed wallet.’]
“The emperor’s bloodline! The firstborn rightful heir! Serving His First Highness is serving the empire’s sovereign! What glory greater than that! I heard the Saint hails from a fallen Lordric family! Should the First Prince ascend the throne, such a minor house’s shame would scatter like dust in the wind—”
Crash!
[Whoa, calm down! Didn’t we agree to hold it in! Saint image, maintain the saint image! I’m holy, I’m serene!]
[Hahaha. Of course. You think I’d punch an imperial noble in the face in the capital? Hahaha. Ha.]
[Damn it!]
Bang!
“You there, Keplack nobody! Get out now. The Saint isn’t feeling well!”
“What? An outsider barging into noble discourse—what insolence—”
“It’s for your own good! Water Wave!”
“Pwahaaak!!”
Meeting time: 3 minutes 42 seconds. Ejected.
“Pleased.... to meet you. For visiting the capital in these turbulent times.... Even the busy Saint gracing the capital amid this chaos....”
“Ahem! If it’s to bring light to the world, I’d brave pits of fire.”
“Y-yes.... The impeccable Saint.... Heh heh heh....”
Third Prince faction. Gillard Luton. Branch of the Luton magic family managing all Ampria’s sewers. Water mage. Lizard-like, could hiss if scaled.
“Now.... We’ve done the noble pleasantries, so shall we get to deeper matters....”
“Deeper? What exactly do you mean....”
“Heh heh.... Hee hee hee.... No need to play dumb.... The church is just another interest group in different form. Coming to the capital in this chaos.... Means you want something from it, right.... We know all about it, so no time-wasting between pros.... Heh heh heh....”
[What’s with this asshole giggling? Of course we came to the capital for gains during our busy schedule—not for fun. Is he retarded?]
[He looks so proud, like he’s struck the nail on the head with a sneak attack....]
[Don’t joke. Even a stutterer from a noble house would spot that obvious fact. No way an imperial noble brags about it like that.]
“No need.... to worry.... Just show a bit of sincerity and I can keep quiet.... His Third Highness isn’t petty....”
[....Proud enough to blackmail with it? Looks like he prepped two pouches—one for him, one for the Third Prince. Retard?]
[....Sit down. I said sit!]
[No, it’s not anger—it’d help this guy’s bright future to get decked here.... Just a light tap, for real?]
[If you can explain to the Makera family why a noble’s embedded in the parlor floor, go ahead. I can’t.]
Looks the part for deep sinister plots, but a moron pretending to be a big shot with shallow knowledge.
Meeting time: 5 minutes 7 seconds. Ejected.
“The First Princess’s sister-like best friend~ Call me Aris~”
“Pleased to meet you, Lady Aris.”
“Oh my~ How sturdy you look. I just lose my mind for men taller and stronger than me, you know~?”
“Th-thanks for the unasked opinion. So, what brings the First Princess’s friend to this priest...?”
“Yeees~ Let’s skip the stiff talk and share something soft~? A young, strapping man and a lovely unmarried lady. Alone. In this private room. The kind of soft~ talk you whisper skin-to-skin, ear-to-ear~. No need to be shy about the First Princess, so I could lie right next to you and whisper it~”
Arishiela Demakaro. First Princess faction. Only daughter of the Demakaro family, famed for fine grapes and wine.
Whispering to a high priest she met 30 seconds ago to sweat it out in the same bed.
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- Deer Drug Please : Okay. First Princess pick for now. Rest are trash—next up quick!
- Take a Look : Gimme a sec—dizzy! Quick means ramen quick! Ramen time!
- Speed Wagon : Wanna die?
- Deer Drug Please : Hey! Can’t let this slide! Even boyfriends have secret kinks, right? If you’re confident, own your BF enjoying 19+ VR dating sims! Scared of losing to a data blob less real than a person?
- Speed Wagon : Th-that’s.... sophistry. No matter how you twist it....
- Jokasss : Fair. GG divorces over in-game affairs are controversial precedents.
- Deer Drug Please : You can’t.
- Jokasss : Why!
- Deer Drug Please : Still got energy left? Oh my. Don’t tell me.... lacking?
- Jokasss : D-damn it!
[Player ‘Jokasss’ has left the chat.]
[Player ‘Deer Drug Please’ has left the chat.]
- Heung An Mandu : Why’s the imperial succession war on Monday morning soap opera level?
- Professor : Tell me about it.
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Ottman, Aldrich, and I all shook our heads at her overtly jiggling her ample chest on every “soft~.”
[Nothing to see here.]
[If that lady’s the First Princess’s bestie.... No heir worries if she becomes empress. Not that she will.]
[At this point, feels less like a test and more like they ran out of space in the capital dumpster and dumped ’em here. Idiots, clueless punks, and women trying lame honey traps.]
[The empire.... surprises us in many ways.]
Lady Arishiela. 4 minutes 21 seconds. Clung to my arm like a leech when told to leave—physically hurled out.
Others kept coming endlessly.
Stewards from unheard-of families insisting their master wouldn’t stoop to visit, so honor them by coming instead.
A Light zealot pretending to be noble burst through the Makera inn doors, sobbing and kissing my feet (comforted him well).
A third-circle fire mage showed up, torching gas flames while yelling, ‘I heard you favor water mages! Let me join your crew and I’ll prove 100x more useful than that fishy bastard!’
Clack, crackle, clack!
[Ottman, release the bind. He’s a noble too.]
[Ho ho ho ho. You think I’d kill him? Aldrich, let go of this arm a sec. I won’t kill. I said I won’t.]
[Release the dangerous bind first.]
A minor commotion nearly burst the inn’s underground aquifer, but visitors were all similar.
Morons, idiots, useless.
Common thread: anyone with sense spots these as noble house posers clueless they’re the morons.
Not even basic etiquette like not visiting mornings.
No proper speech or hiding true intent.
Even ones with holes in their skulls leaking brains.
“Feels like a ‘probing’ sign slammed in my face.”
“Right? Since you’re a priest, they’re testing if you’ve got political sense. Gotta adjust approach accordingly.”
I got why Lucilla said filter most today.
Sudden arrival of the famed Light Saint.
Unclear how to handle the hyped religious figure.
Poking to see if he’s edible mochi or safe to swallow whole.
“In the end, zero gains from these meetings.”
“Not quite.”
The Professor skimmed the visitor list over late lunch.
Discarded pawns poured out like trash. Stones thrown to create pretext for purging potential political fumbles later.
“If someone throws stones at me, don’t I gotta send a catapult back?”
An impish smile curled on the Professor’s lips as he scanned names and houses—the old mages, familiar with it, toasted another sedative vial.
As always, that grin preceded some incident.
****