Murim Nymph # 8
Plenty of people liked to say it.
That without his dog-squirrels, Ha Ildo couldn't do anything at all.
Me? I'd always counted myself lucky.
I'd met the nymphs, after all, and the adorable animals had helped me out of a scrape more times than I could count. But at the same time, it stung a little to think that might be all I was. I wanted to prove that even without the nymphs and the cute critters, I — Ha Ildo — could pull more than my own weight on my own two feet!
And now, this was the perfect chance to put that to the test.
"You dare slander and scheme against four thousand years of Chinese martial arts! Ha Ildo, do not expect to leave this place alive!"
Pop—!
China's number one A-Rank, Liu Hua, came hurtling at me.
"Hyo-ong…! I don't even know what's happening anymore…!"
She moved like a darting bolt of lightning — and what came next was even more astonishing.
"Have just a wee taste of my fists…!"
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat—!
Liu Hua's fists hammered into me from every direction.
And yet it didn't hurt. Somehow, if anything, it actually tickled.
"What in the world…."
I was floored. How was it possible that a barrage this fierce didn't hurt at all?
So this was the realm of an A-Rank? This was the ancient Chinese martial art of Pankration that the whole nation bragged about?
"Truly magnificent, it is…! It has been a long while since this Oinoi last saw someone wield Random Beating with such flawless mastery…!"
"That is no kung-fu, that is Nymph-fu…! A shameless knockoff of the Nymph Secret Technique: Random Beating, it is, dot…! This Illinoi cannot tolerate such a copycat, which is why…. Somebody call my lawyer right now, it is, dot…!"
The nymphs marveled openly at Liu Hua's technique. Was she the first martial artist in history to earn this much praise from the nymphs?
Pop.
Before long, Liu Hua pulled back to open the distance between us and laughed — haha — from behind her mask.
"Well? No one has ever walked away unscathed from my Pankration! You arrogant, wicked fiend…! Surrender now, before I claim your life…!"
VIP room.
The spectators watching the match from there were thrown into an uproar.
Liu Hua's fists were simply that fast, that razor-sharp.
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat—.
And yet Ha Ildo, on the receiving end of every one of those blows, looked utterly unbothered.
"Is — is that wretch cloaked in protective qi?!"
"How can anyone take Liu Hua's fists and stay standing like that?!"
The elders were aghast in a dozen different ways. But — none understood Liu Hua's fist arts better than Againu, Sect Master of Mount Hua, and it was he who broke into a cold sweat.
He remembered the day, long ago, when he had shared with his granddaughter Liu Hua the secret manual he'd discovered on the volcanic slopes of Mount Hua in Shaanxi province.
The secret manual Madam Lim's Fist-God Staff, said to have been penned by an immortal who had lived for untold centuries. Its contents had been difficult to decipher, but it appeared to be a fusion of fist techniques — the "Fist" of the title — and staff methods — the "Staff."
Liu Hua had partially decoded the manual, awakened as a hunter, and ridden a meteoric rise to where she stood today. And yet —
'Her fists are so wondrous and penetrating that they strike like thunder — but only against the wicked and the evil of heart…! Against the good, they deal no harm whatsoever…!'
And Ha Ildo had taken Liu Hua's fists without so much as flinching.
Was that meant to say he was as pure-hearted as stone or an old oak?
No — no such person existed in this world!
"Sorcery…! That Ha Ildo wretch…! He is working some manner of trickery…! Liu Hua, your fists have made their point…! Take up your sword, now…! Liu Hua…! Can you not hear your grandfather's voice?!"
But no matter how desperately he shouted, Liu Hua on the other side of the screen kept swinging her fists.
Watching her, Againu finally understood.
"You conniving whelp! You came to the arena without your dog-squirrel so you could disarm Liu Hua! You exploited her honorable nature — her love of a fair fight! You despicable coward!"
It was strategy, plain and simple.
A masterstroke of cunning.
How could some boy from Korea — a country whose men had likely never even cracked open the world-famous Chinese military classic The Iliad — wield such uncanny tactics and schemes?
"It's over…! China is finished…! We must prevent the catastrophe of Liu Hua's defeat by any means necessary…! Master Zhuge Thompson! Surely you have some brilliant plan!? "
Zhuge Thompson was a master of stratagem. There could be no doubt he could conjure a way out of this situation.
But the elders had, in their greed, dragged VIPs from a dozen nations here to watch this very broadcast — and now far too many eyes were on that screen, and those same eyes were tightening the noose around China's neck.
The quintessential self-strangulation.
With viewership having just blasted past fifty-five percent, the elders each slumped, despairing, back into their chairs.
"Hah… hah… you… you little…! You're sturdier than you look…! Hah…! Since I first entered the world of martial arts, you are the first to take my fists and… walk away untouched…!"
Liu Hua was panting hard.
For a moment I wondered if this was all some elaborate hidden-camera prank, but the arena roaring around us said otherwise.
"So that's the hunter from Korea? Fighting just fine without his dog-squirrel?"
"Is that what a Korean awakener looks like?"
"He took that beating from Liu Hua herself and doesn't have a single scratch!"
I couldn't follow half of what was going on — but for me, it was an opening.
I charged straight at the exhausted Liu Hua.
Slipping into her guard, I seized her by the collar — and Liu Hua, dead on her feet, let out a strangled "Uwah—" and crashed flat onto the floor.
I kept my hold on her and chained straight into a grappling sequence. The MeTube research I'd done had taught me that Chinese martial arts leaned heavily on stand-up striking, which left a glaring weakness in messy scrambles like this.
"Unhand me, you wretch! What do you think you're grabbing! Let go!"
All I needed was to sink in a choke and finish this —
Just as the thought crossed my mind, Liu Hua, flat on her back, locked her legs tight around my waist and seized my collar with both hands.
"Y-you fiend! Don't you dare underestimate my Pankration!"
Closed guard.
So she knew her way around grappling and ground fighting too.
Left with no choice, I wrestled her up and down for position — and in the middle of yanking her collar for a throw, rrrip, her clothing tore clean open.
Fair white skin, bared to the world.
"Kyaaa!"
Liu Hua screamed and trembled violently — then curled herself up into a ball, snapping shut like a clam.
"……."
I felt a swarm of cameras converging on us.
So I immediately released my hold, pulled off my own top, and draped it over her.
"Y-you…!"
Plip. Clatter—.
Somewhere in all the wrestling, her mask had come loose, and it slid off Liu Hua's face — revealing a face flushed furnace-red.
Truly, a face worthy of the name Red-Faced Swordsman.
Long lashes, bright glittering eyes, and an expression one breath away from bursting into tears.
"…J-just you… remember this!"
Her face burning like magma, Liu Hua finally could not contain her mortification. She snatched her fallen sword off the floor and bolted — whoosh.
And that could mean only one thing!
A perfect, flawless victory for me!
A victory won by my own strength alone — no animal friends required!
"I won! Match over!"
My heart was already pounding at the thought of this glorious moment being sung about on the internet for all eternity!
I headed to the waiting room and searched my own name online.
Lo and behold, my name was already blowing up all over the internet.
There was more talk about Liu Hua, China's number one A-Rank, than there was about me.
Somehow, that left me a little unsatisfied.
And as I was sulking over it, someone approached.
"Ha Ildo. A fine match. The defeat is mine. It seems the arrogant, overconfident one was me all along. And… here. I have come to return your clothes."
Swish—.
Red-Faced Swordsman Liu Hua handed back the top I'd stripped off in the arena.
"I was raised in the mountains under my grandfather from a young age, so showing my face before crowds has never come easily to me. Clothes tearing mid-duel is commonplace enough… but you are, in truth, my benefactor."
So that was it.
I'd suspected she was badly shy behind that mask, but still.
Snick—.
The red-masked Liu Hua held something out to me.
"Your next opponent will likely be Dang So-hae of the Tang Clan. This is a rare antidote — apply it beforehand and it will serve you well against her. Without it, her stingers will leave you suffering for days."
Swish—.
The ointment inside the little clamshell looked delightfully old-fashioned.
It had a bitter smell, and it was Illinoi — who had come barging into the waiting room, chattering away like she owned the place — who spoke up.
"A serviceable pharmaceutical indeed, it is, dot…! Applied in advance, it will surely be a big Help in blocking her poison stingers, it is, dot…!"
Oh yeah?
I smeared out the ointment and dabbed it on Keong-keong-i, Ang-ang-i, and Kwang-kwang-i.
There — now my friends wouldn't get hurt by bee stings!
But by the time everyone was covered, there wasn't a scrap left for me.
No matter, though.
Nobody dies from a little bee sting.
"The venom of the Bashkir honeybee can, in certain cases, exceed even that of hornets, it does…! Stung badly enough, your very life may be in danger, it might…!"
Oh no—.
Well. It's fine. Probably.
Watching me, Liu Hua laughed — haha.
"Ha Ildo, you are a genuinely funny man! 'Righteousness and chivalry,' my grandfather is forever preaching about — it must have been you he was describing all along! If it's you… you may even be able to help Dang So-hae."
"Help Dang So-hae?"
"That girl is brimming to the top with poison. If winning demanded it, she wouldn't scruple at any means or method. She wasn't always like that, though…. Surely something has happened to her — some circumstance she carries. She won't say a word about what, but I know she's enduring something terrible. In the Tang Clan of Sichuan. And since she won't speak of it herself, no one can help her."
"Hmm…."
"Ha Ildo, let us meet again sometime. Better still, come visit our Mount Hua! I will show you the magma blazing! The uncanny basalt formations are magnificent too…!"
And with that, Liu Hua swept out of the waiting room — whoosh.
It was nearly time for my next match, after all.
By the time I made my way to the arena, Dang So-hae had already arrived — cradling an armful of honeybees that looked exactly like enormous bumblebees.
And then she declared:
"Ha Ildo. You cannot win this tournament without my help. Know why? Because from the moment I came looking for you, you were already poisoned! By my terrifying, deadly venom!"
"I've been… poisoned?"
"Any moment now, the effects will start kicking in."
It was an unbelievable claim.
And at that exact instant, I felt my heart go thump— and lurch wildly in my chest.
Heat flooded my whole body, and it felt as though a lump of burning coal had been stuffed in my mouth — my lips were already cracking dry.
"Colorless. Odorless. Formless. But a poison more potent than any medicine. What you've been dosed with is the Spring Elixir — the one poison that no universal antidote in existence can refuse!"
"What did you say?!"
"You have five minutes left. In five minutes, you will lose your reason and become a ravening lecher who pounces on any woman in reach! How about it — scared yet? I will win this tournament by any means necessary and claim the Millennial Earth Milk for myself!"
Truly, a terrifying proposition.
A poison that would make me assault a woman in front of all these cameras?!
If I did that, my name would wallpaper the nine o'clock news!
It would be the end of me in every possible way!
"H-how terrifying a poison is this!"
While I stood there reeling, Dang So-hae gave a low heh-heh-heh laugh.
Then she drew something round — a pearl-like orb — from her pocket.
Slick—.
And then, parting the front of her China dress, she placed the round orb right in the hollow of her cleavage.
"Or, of course, you could always surrender. Surrender to me, and this antidote is yours! You have no chance of winning — unless, that is, you happen to possess the heart of a Buddha!"