Chapter 42
Chapter 42
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 42
Chapter Title: Rising Again
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Lainen did not forget his vow that once this war was over, he would faithfully fulfill his duties once more. His first step was to decide to repair the Punishment Palace that loomed in view from his own chambers.
Until now, even looking at that palace had been painful for him. Every time he gazed upon it, an unbearable sense of despair would well up inside.
At first, he couldn't believe the news of Carnivela's death. So he rushed to the scene. He kept digging through the spot where everything had already burned away, leaving only ashes behind. The Emperor watched his actions without saying a word.
As if telling him to see it with his own eyes and accept it.
"Your Highness, please stop! That is indeed Her Highness!"
Kashan, unable to bear watching any longer, tried to stop him. Only then did he look at the corpse once more, and he had no choice but to acknowledge Carnivela's death.
In his agony, he collapsed to the ground and screamed. His heart felt like it was being torn apart. Tears poured down endlessly. Ignoring the crowd of people around him, he wept.
"No, you and I are in reality. So touch me. Don't you feel me?"
Her final words echoed in his mind. No, I can't feel you anymore. I can't even remember the touch of you.
"We were never meant to meet in the first place. If we hadn't, this never would have happened!"
Why did you say that? What happened that made you say those words to me? Is that why you left me like this?
Day after day, he etched those painful memories into his soul. And once again, he realized the harsh truth: everyone precious to him ended up dying.
'My brother, my mother, even Bi—all died because they were by my side.'
And so he sank deeper into a dark world. He wanted to abandon everything, but a lingering sense of duty kept him going like a machine, merely carrying out his tasks.
But the Emperor's command to take responsibility for his position, and the sight of the soldiers fighting desperately on the battlefield, made him feel it clearly.
"Sorrow must be overcome, and we must move forward."
That was why he decided to repair the Punishment Palace that always held him back. It wasn't about erasing her traces. She would remain in him forever.
He simply no longer wanted to wallow in despair. That was all. And with that resolve, he dreamed of Carnivela appearing before him.
He realized at once that this was a dream. A dead person wouldn't come back to life, after all. Still, he was glad to see her even in a dream like this.
"Long time no see."
He said that as he approached her. She turned around with a bored expression.
"Long time no see?"
"Yeah, long time no see. What have you been up to lately?"
"I've been doing some bad things lately."
"Bad things?"
He didn't quite know what she meant by "bad things," but he was just happy to be able to talk with her like this. He wore an expression of deep emotion. Seeing that look on his face, she asked quizzically,
"Why are you making that face?"
"Because I'm happy to see you, even like this."
"...Really?"
She gave him a slightly strange look at his words, but he had no time to worry about her expression. He was too busy just gazing at her, overwhelmed with joy. She lifted one corner of her mouth and said,
"I came to curse you for being such a mess, but it's good that you've pulled yourself together."
"You were watching me?"
"Kind of by accident."
She shrugged. He chuckled softly.
"Take care. And don't call me for stuff like this anymore."
"Yeah, thanks."
He woke from the dream with a smile. He had been slumped over for years. But from now on, he would dust himself off, stand up, and run forward. The position of Crown Prince given to him by his brother—he would protect it no matter what.
To do that, he needed to let the Emperor know he was returning to full duty.
"Tell His Imperial Majesty that I have arrived."
A voice from inside bid him to enter. The Emperor removed the glasses he had been wearing and looked at him. He bowed his head and said,
"I apologize for showing such an unseemly sight for so long."
"Now that you realize it, that's enough."
The Emperor grumbled in reply. But he realized that was just the Emperor's way of hiding his true feelings. The Emperor met his son's gaze but responded indifferently.
"If you don't become Crown Prince, you must die. You know that, right? I absolutely cannot allow that."
Lainen was the only bloodline left by the former Empress. The Emperor loved his current Empress and his son Laibus as well, but Lainen was the sole fruit of his first love. That was why the Emperor could never want to kill Lainen.
Yet in response to the Emperor's true feelings, he said bluntly,
"I need time to recover my body."
"What are you talking about?"
"I went to the battlefield this time, but I tired out quickly. If I go in this condition, I'll wear out fast."
In fact, during this war, he had stayed in the rear for that very reason. Once he stopped his physical training, he fatigued easily. He couldn't lead from the front, so he had to leave everything to the knights.
"Are you certain?"
"This time, it's real. I'll prove it."
He spoke to the Emperor in a firm voice. The Emperor sighed inwardly at his son's declaration. He couldn't refuse when the boy begged like that. The Emperor was weak when it came to his son.
"Fine, go ahead. But the deadline is two months at most. If you exceed that, I'll force you back."
"Yes, understood."
Not long after, he set off for recuperation. And Kashan came along. Kashan was bewildered by the sudden trip.
"May I ask why I have to come along on this, Your Highness?"
Going to rest was fine. But this wasn't him resting—it was his damn friend resting. Which meant he still had to go and handle work!
'No, what am I, a servant? Why do I have to follow you even when you're going to rest!'
He openly showed his displeasure. But Lainen, as if oblivious to his childhood friend's expression, said in an indifferent tone,
"You're my chief attendant from now on. Not the Director of Intelligence."
"Yes? What?"
"You were already doing attendant and aide duties on top of your Director work anyway, weren't you?"
In truth, despite being Director of Intelligence, Kashan handled all sorts of tasks. That was why he often heard complaints from the existing chief aides and attendants. It was a disaster born from Kashan's exceptional abilities and the lack of other subordinates who meshed well with Lainen.
Still, Kashan quite liked his job as Director of Intelligence. No matter that his friend was his superior, he didn't like having his position changed arbitrarily.
"But does that mean you can just change someone else's job like that, Your Highness?"
"It's already been discussed and settled, so stop whining."
"Then what about my family! I'm the heir!"
"The heir is your father's business to handle, so don't worry about it."
"...."
Kashan wanted to smack his willful, damn friend, but unfortunately, this guy was his superior and the Crown Prince. Then, something occurred to him, and Kashan whispered to Lainen.
"But since I'm no longer the heir, doesn't that mean I shouldn't know about magic anymore?"
"Even if I become Emperor, you'll be my chief attendant anyway, so it doesn't matter."
"I suppose so."
"Besides, you already knew about it even though you weren't supposed to."
"...."
Well, that was a relief. If his memories were erased without his knowledge, it would leave him feeling terribly uneasy even if he didn't know.
"That's fortunate."
Kashan let out a deep sigh and stretched. He wanted to curse, but what was done was done. To get his position back, this guy would have to change his mind, and he knew that would never happen, so he let it go.
"At least give me a huge raise, you bastard."
"Have I ever made you feel shortchanged with money?"
"Double what I got as Director, you punk!"
"I'll think about it."
Saying that, he looked ahead. Kashan kept grumbling beside him, but he ignored it.
'Ah, this peace.'
That sense of peace lasted until they arrived at the recuperation site. It was a quiet village not crowded with people. Yet it boasted a longer history and tradition, a place often used by the imperial family.
"Your Highness, I am Viscount Yurikis, who will attend to you during your stay."
"I see. I look forward to your assistance."
"Having traveled for so long, you must be weary. I've prepared a bath. This way, please."
The viscount guided him to the bathhouse. In the meantime, a maid stood behind him with a towel and fresh clothes.
"Shall I assist you?"
"No. I can manage alone, so you may withdraw."
"Yes, understood."
A fragrant scent wafted from the wooden bath. As he sank into the warm water, feeling his mind ease, he gazed at the rising steam.
"I originally planned to come here with you."
This place was one he had meant to visit with her. It wasn't too far, so it wouldn't have been a burden even for a pregnant woman.
"Even coming here alone... I guess I'm no different."
Muttering that, he finished his bath and dressed. Looking out the window, he saw the vibrant lives of the people. It was truly beautiful.
"I wanted to be here with you."
Being alone made him think of her. He couldn't help it. He had originally been someone who couldn't understand love.
He had once read a romance novel his mother used to read. Seeing the protagonists who seemed ready to die without each other, he shook his head. That's all lies. If love was eternal, his father wouldn't have abandoned his mother, he thought.
As a child, he believed the Emperor's remarriage to the current Empress meant abandoning his mother. So he didn't believe in love. And he lived that way until he met Carnivela.
"You changed me."
Yet he had fallen ill with the fever of first love like a boy. And she had loved him in return. He had been so happy it felt unreal—like dreaming, like walking on clouds in ecstasy.
Moreover, since they shared the pain of the same loss, they felt deeply connected. They became each other's refuge and healing salve.
But when that person was gone, he felt profound despair. So he floundered in the swamp.
"Now I'm trying to slowly adapt to a world without you."
But she was dead, and he was alive. So he had to live on. It was horrific, unbearable, but he had to live in a world without her.
He spoke as if seeking her permission. Naturally, no answer came. Yet he kept talking, as if she were right there beside him.
"So don't feel hurt. If you're angry with me, let me know at least in my dreams."
Yes, our end came without proper reconciliation. So I lost the chance to hear the truth from you.
He turned his eyes from the window. Now was the time to focus on returning to duty. He diligently restored his strength and returned to the capital.
The time had come to fulfill his duties once more.