Chapter 672: My name is. (6)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 672: My name is. (6)
My life was like a long, dark cave.
Not a single ray of light reached inside, leaving me unable to see even an inch ahead. I had come too far to even consider turning back, yet there was no hope that the path forward would ever end.
I walked. I walked without end.
If I tripped and fell, I got back up and kept walking. If the darkness terrified me and my body trembled with fear, I endured it and pressed on.
That was how I lived.
No—is it even right to say I "lived"?
I asked myself, and I answered. Whenever the question arose, I had my response ready: It was something someone had to do, and I was merely the one who did it.
Then, to that answer, I would ask another question.
Could you truly use that as an excuse? Did a great cause or a shred of conviction actually exist within that act?
“…”
I didn’t answer. It would be more accurate to say I couldn’t.
I already knew the truth. Such things did not exist within me.
Since when had I dreamed of chivalry? I never had. I never possessed it, nor did I ever want it. Then what was my "great cause"? For what purpose did I live that life the way I did?
I was swept away by a raging current and couldn’t hold on.
That was the first excuse I made. I couldn’t help it. It was the best I could do. Otherwise, I would have died. That was why I had to do it.
I lived my life clinging to those thoughts, but…
Really?
If I were to ask myself again, the answer was already set.
No.
They were all just excuses. I shouldn’t have entered the cave in the first place. I knew better, yet I walked in of my own accord. Why? Because it was the only place left to run.
And after entering, I searched endlessly for the one who had pushed me. Someone had to have pushed me into the cave, forcing me to live this way. I needed someone to blame.
Even when I trembled in the darkness. Even when I walked endlessly, unable to find hope. Even when I collapsed in exhaustion and cried out.
I looked for someone to blame.
But I knew. I already knew that there was no one to blame but myself. It was just that I couldn’t accept it. I needed someone to blame.
That was the kind of life it was. A life that ran into a cave and faded away in the darkness, never reaching the end. A life like that of a maggot, fleeing the dark only to die without ever seeing the light.
I lived like that, died, and regressed.
I never once considered it a miracle. It was something I never wished for, so I was afraid to even call it a blessing. I simply received it, and so I lived on. This time, let’s live a slightly different life. Let’s hide away in the mountains where no one knows us and live without a trace.
That was what I thought, and how I tried to live, but…
It didn’t go as planned.
Nothing ever goes the way you want. The gale I couldn't outrun swept me up once more. When I opened my eyes, I had somehow become the eye of the storm.
Was it truly unavoidable?
Is fate something a mere human cannot stop? In the end, am I destined to be swept up in turmoil? If so, what on earth should I do?
What… what am I supposed to do?
What are you agonizing over? "I" said to myself. Just make sure it doesn’t turn out that way.
If I’m bound to be swept away, then I’ll make the coming storm weaker. Or better yet, I’ll stop the wind from blowing at all. Wouldn’t that work?
Chiiiiik—!
Heat rose. My seething emotions bled into my eyes. Energy seeped into my body.
An omen lay before me. An omen that, if left alone, would become a storm and sweep me away. It wouldn't just be me; it would become a typhoon that would shake the entire world.
Therefore, I must chew it up and swallow it before it can blow. Before it becomes a greater disaster, I must deal with it now.
For what purpose? To take the place of the Celestial Sword.
And in the end, to save the world…
…
…
Save the world?
Me?
Kwa-deu-deu-deuk—!!
CRASH—!
Greed, which had been hurtling toward the Heavenly Demon, suddenly veered off course and slammed into a nearby tree.
Saaaaa….
Having crashed into the timber, Greed—unable to inflict direct physical damage without its power active—dispersed into a dark mist.
I, the one who had forced Greed’s trajectory to change, could only stare at the Heavenly Demon, my body frozen stiff.
“Hoo… heuk… hoo.”
Heated, ragged breaths escaped my lips. My body was burning; my head was filled to the brim with chaotic emotion.
“Haa… hoo…”
I took deep breaths, one after another, and pressed my palm against my forehead. Something was wrong.
Saving the world.
That single thought had frozen me in my tracks.
“Hoo-wook… hoo…!”
Beyond my ragged breathing, I tried to cool my rigid mind.
Me, saving the world?
For a reason I’d just come up with, it was far too narrow-minded.
Who’s saving what?
Killing the Heavenly Demon to save the world. Taking the place of the Celestial Sword to save the world. That was the justification for my actions.
But.
Do I even have the right to do that?
Sreuk.
As the thought crossed my mind, the strength drained from my hands.
“…Haaa…. Ha…”
I had forgotten what my first goal was after I regressed.
Run away and live a quiet life.
That was my goal. To run from what I had done, to escape what was to come, and to live while holding my breath. That was definitely my goal, but…
As things got twisted and more people became entangled, hadn't my thoughts changed? I now have things to protect, so let’s try to stop the Blood Disaster. That’s how it all started.
I must move for the sake of those I must protect, by any means necessary. That’s how I convinced myself. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill. Those I had to kill in my past life, I would capture and turn into Demonic Humans.
Most of them were bastards I planned to use and then kill later. Some were to be used and discarded, others to be used as shields. I chose this path because they were meant to be killed anyway, but I’ve long known it wasn’t the "right" thing to do.
But I didn’t care. I had no lingering attachments, and I’d thrown away my guilt long ago. This was the path I had prepared, but…
Is this really for the sake of saving the world?
It might be. The intended destination might be just that.
However.
Do you really think it’s for that purpose?
An act to save the world. Did I truly believe that? A chill ran down my spine.
Where did it all go wrong?
The thought I had conjured myself was suffocating. Don’t I already know? I have no interest whatsoever in saving the world. That’s just a bonus.
Who gives a damn if a world like this collapses?
Since when did I start thinking like I was some kind of hero? This feeling is wrong.
The heat that had risen to my head slowly began to cool. My pupils started to return to normal. Only then could I see her clearly.
Drip—.
The Heavenly Demon was bleeding as she stared at me. Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth, her eyes filled with a strange, haunting sadness.
Those eyes bothered me. Was it because they were so damn similar to hers? They bothered me even more. And yet, a question arose from within.
That bleeding woman. Is she truly the disaster you think she is?
If she’s not a disaster, then what is she?
I hardened my thoughts. I’m only hesitating because she looks exactly like Wi Seol-Ah. That must be it.
I had found a way to kill the Heavenly Demon. No, I had found hope that she could be killed. My Greed could even devour the power of the Heavenly Demon. I was certain of it.
If so, all I had to do was rush in and devour her right now, but…
“Why didn’t you dodge?”
My mouth was asking the Heavenly Demon a question before I could stop it.
“...”
“You could have easily dodged that. Why didn’t you?”
The barrier had shattered. The Heavenly Demon had taken a direct blow from the Flaming Sphere, but it was an attack she could have easily avoided.
But she didn’t.
It was the same before. She was dragged here when she didn’t have to be, and she took all of my attacks without retaliating.
“Just now, too. You were planning on taking that, weren’t you?”
Greed had charged toward the Heavenly Demon’s barrier. If she had eyes, she would have known that Greed could chew up and swallow her protection.
Swoooosh.
I could see the Heavenly Demon’s shattered barrier regenerating. It seemed I could only break it, not destroy it completely. Even so, it didn’t change the fact that I could create an opening.
In that case, she should have been doing everything she could to avoid Greed, but she just stood there, watching it charge at her.
“Why didn’t you dodge? Did you think you could win without it?”
“...”
“Answer me. What on earth were you thinking—?”
“Because it seemed like you wanted to.”
“What?”
To my harsh question, the Heavenly Demon answered calmly.
“You looked uncomfortable. It seemed like you wanted to do it. So I stayed.”
“What are you talking about? Answer me properly…”
“Am I wrong?”
Her words, spoken with a slight tilt of her head, momentarily robbed me of my speech. But it was only for an instant.
“So, what? You were just going to let me kill you?”
Because I wanted to beat her, she let me? Because I wanted to drag her here, she came along? Does that mean she’s planning to let me kill her now, simply because that’s what I’m trying to do?
To that question, the Heavenly Demon answered immediately.
“You wouldn’t have killed me.”
I gritted my teeth at her strange conviction.
“Bullshit. Then what do you think I was just doing? Playing house?”
Was the sight of me struggling to kill her by any means necessary a joke to her? How could she have such fucking certainty?
“You wouldn’t have done it.”
“And why? Why are you so sure?”
“I don’t know. But it feels that way. Besides…”
The Heavenly Demon wiped the last of the blood from her mouth with her sleeve.
“My sister told me not to fight recklessly.”
“…Ha.”
Fwoosh—!
Flames ignited at my fingertips. I compressed and rotated them repeatedly, forming a Holy Spear. Far more energy was infused into it than the first time I used it.
The absolute limit of what I could contain and control. Thirty percent of my total internal energy. If the Holy Spear I used before was ten percent, this was three times that amount.
“You think I couldn’t kill you?”
What a ridiculous thing to say. The one standing before me was none other than the Heavenly Demon. No matter how different she looked and felt from my memories… it didn’t change the fact that she was the one who caused the Blood Disaster in my past life.
And she thinks I couldn’t kill someone like that, standing right in front of me?
“Don’t give me that shit.”
I aimed the completed Holy Spear at the Heavenly Demon.
“If you’re not going to resist, you might as well just stand there. It’ll be easier that way.”
Don’t be fooled by her appearance.
“I’m going to kill you right here.”
“...”
Even with my warning, the Heavenly Demon showed no reaction. She just stared at me with those violet eyes.
So she’s going to keep this up.
“Fine, let’s see if you can keep not dodging until the very—”
“I’m not.”
I froze. Just as I was about to change my stance, the Heavenly Demon’s words stopped me.
Not?
“What do you mean, ‘not’?”
“I’m not ‘you’.”
What the hell was that supposed to mean? I scrunched up my face, my brow furrowed in confusion.
“My name is… not something like ‘you’…”
The Heavenly Demon, who was about to continue, suddenly closed her mouth. A sense of frustration crept onto her expressionless face.
A name?
The Heavenly Demon’s name. I think I heard Gu Huibi call her Yeonin or something earlier. Maybe that’s what she was talking about.
No—did she even have a name in the first place? She called herself the Heavenly Demon. She never said anything else.
“What is your name?”
“...”
I asked, but the Heavenly Demon remained silent. If she said she wasn’t "you," she should have a name to provide.
Just then.
“I don’t know. I can’t remember.”
The Heavenly Demon bit her lip as if frustrated.
“…What was my name?”
Then she looked at me and asked.