Chapter 623: Choice and Decision (4)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 623: Choice and Decision (4)
Crackle—!
The acrid scent of smoke brushed against the tip of my nose.
It was impossible to tell what this place had once been. Everything had burned and burned again, its original form long since lost to the relentless heat. One could not even begin to imagine its former beauty. It was a world where only charred ash and smoldering embers remained.
‘What a fucking mess.’
I let out a dry laugh at the sight. Of all places, this was the world inside my own mind. For it to be in such a state… it meant I was just as hollow and scorched on the inside.
‘Idiot.’
After all that fuss about wanting to live a proper life, this was what I looked like within.
I lowered my gaze. Beneath the smoldering ruins of my psyche, there was a small pocket of space barely holding its ground. I saw a child there, trembling as he desperately tried to hold back a wall of encroaching flames. His small frame was consumed by sheer terror.
[Hic… sob… sob…]
Dammit. What a goddamned memory.
“Hey.”
[…Hic…?]
At my call, the child lifted his head. With sharp, upturned eyes, his face was remarkably fierce for a boy his age.
“Look at you.”
No wonder people had told me I looked fierce my entire life.
“Haaah…” I sighed, looking down at him. “What’s with that pathetic look?”
[Save me… please, save me…!]
The child’s hand reached out for me.
Grip.
I felt his small fingers clutch the fabric of my pants.
[Please, please save me…!]
“...”
[I want to see my mom… please…]
His voice was desperate—a small, clear voice that wanted to live, no matter what. When was it? When had I ever made a sound like that? I tried to recall, but there was nothing.
‘Never.’
Not once. Not a single time after my mother disappeared had I allowed myself to make such a sound.
“Is this where you come to cry your heart out?”
[Hic… sob… sob…]
“Shut up.”
[…!]
The child’s sobbing stopped abruptly.
“Don’t cry. Shut up. It’s annoying.”
[Gasp… sob…]
“Crying now is a waste of time. Your life is fucked from here on out.”
There would be countless days to cry in the future. He needed to learn to endure, over and over again. What was the point of wailing here?
[Moooommyyy…]
The boy finally broke down, tears streaming down his face. Watching him, I let out an even deeper sigh.
“You don’t have a mom, kid.”
[…!]
Oops. That might have been a slip of the tongue. It wasn’t that he didn’t have one, but…
“You probably won’t see her for… oh, about… thirty more years?”
Including my past life, it had been roughly that long. I was trying to find her now, but at this point, it was practically…
“The same as not having one.”
[Waaaaaah!]
“You’re too loud. Should I just hit you?”
[Hic… sob…]
I crouched down to meet the child’s eyes. “Did you want to live?”
[Hic… sob… uh…]
“I thought I didn’t. But you did?”
I had lived as if my life had no meaning. I lived as if I wouldn’t care if I died at any moment, and yet…
“It seems you were different.”
Why was this child wailing so desperately?
“Why do you want to live so badly?” I asked, truly unable to understand. “Your life is hell.”
The same old Path of Asura. I had tried so hard to avoid it, but after all the twists and turns, I was still walking the Path of Asura.
“And it will probably get worse from here.”
Drip.
A wet sensation on my hand made me look down.
“Huh?”
My palm was stained crimson. Blood was pooling in my hand, droplets falling from my fingertips. This was regret—the regret I had tried so hard to suppress. It was laughable that my mind would manifest it like this.
I raised that bloodied hand and showed it to the child.
“This is the life you will walk.”
[Hic… sob…]
“I don’t even remember how many I’ve killed.”
And I likely wouldn’t remember the ones to come, either. I had taken countless lives. Because they were countless, they were forgettable.
“Did it have to be that way?”
This was a question for myself.
“Did I really have to do that?”
Because the child before me was afraid, because my world was burning away to nothing… I found myself asking.
‘You. Did you really have to live like that?’
Of course, there was no answer. Because I was the only one who could give it, and I refused.
[Please save me…]
The child still wished for life.
[I want to live…]
“...”
Seeing this raised a question: Did I wish for life? Perhaps I did.
I remember the moment I first stood in the streets after my regression. I hadn’t even fully grasped the situation yet, but feeling the crowds and the bustling sounds of the city, I had thought:
‘So this is the sight I yearned for.’
Those peaceful times. Even if I would have called them the shittiest days of my life back then, I had longed for them. That must be why I felt such a sense of relief.
‘That the sight I saw at the moment of my death… was that day.’
[Want a potato?]
That it was the moment I met that child. Even if the life before it was hell, that single moment must have held a profound meaning for me.
“But you know.”
Drip.
With my blood-soaked hand, I caressed the child’s cheek.
“It’s time to stop this.”
[Hee… heeik…]
“How long are you going to keep hesitating?”
At my touch, the child trembled in terror.
[Mo… Moommyyy…]
He began to cry like a baby. Well, he was a child.
‘To think I’d see myself cry like this.’
It was a novel experience, in its own way, even if it was just an illusion. Watching the trembling boy, I continued.
“Someone keeps telling me that you shouldn’t exist.”
[Hic… sob…]
Smear.
I moved the hand that was stroking his cheek, leaving a trail of blood across his skin. I brought my hand directly to the child’s neck.
Squeeze!
I gripped it tightly.
[Heuk—!]
The child let out a pained gasp.
Hesitation. And ego. That was this child’s name. The hesitation that was stopping me from moving forward. The few lingering emotions I had kept without bothering to discard.
“The most useless part of me.”
That was how I defined him. It was something I had known for a long time.
“…And yet.”
The part of me I least wanted to lose. That’s what this child was. But…
“I don’t think I can afford that anymore.”
I can no longer be stubborn. That is why I squeezed the child’s throat.
Tremble, tremble.
I could feel the shaking in my own hand. It was a disgustingly vivid sensation.
“The truth is,” I said, looking into his eyes, “I didn’t want to abandon you.”
A truth I had never spoken to anyone.
“Even now, I still feel that way.”
The moment I abandon you, I will have to accept it. I must leave behind the ordinary life that held even a sliver of hope. I must leave behind the pillar of being human and become a dragon. I must accept that life.
I thought I had already made up my mind. But a part of me couldn't let go. In truth, I already knew.
“I am not human.”
A fact I had known for a long time.
“And I never will be again.”
I know I can’t go back. Whether that was truly my choice is still a question, but…
“…But you know.”
Separate from that.
“Even knowing that, it wasn’t easy.”
Ego. I knew better than anyone that this was what people called stubbornness. And yet, I couldn’t do it. Why? Why couldn’t I do this simple thing? Why did my world have to be so rotten that it turned black like this?
I don’t know the reason. Was it simply because I didn’t want to become a dragon? Refusing to accept that I had become a dragon didn’t make me human. I knew that well.
‘From the moment I decided to become a Demonic Human.’
From the moment I let go of myself to protect others. I had recognized long ago that it was too late to turn back.
‘I knew that.’
I definitely knew, but I couldn’t do it. Why? I don’t know. Was being human that important? What was so vital about it that I agonized over it this much?
I don’t know. But now was not the time to question such things. As long as I don’t let go of this ego, I will not be able to move forward. I cannot protect what I must protect.
My life had always been on a scale—a constant series of choices. I place the options on the scale and pick the one that weighs more. I have always lived that way. This time, I was very late, but I was simply performing the same act.
“You. You were lighter than the others. That’s all there is to it.”
Yes, that’s all.
[S-save me…!! I, I don’t want to die!]
I slowly tightened my grip.
[I want to see my mom…! D… Daaadddyyy!!]
I had to ignore the child’s screams. I was killing a part of myself. What would change by doing this? Would this act truly change so much? I couldn't know. But I did it anyway.
Squeeze!
[Kkeueup…]
As I applied more force, despair filled the child’s eyes.
Crackle! Crackle!
The flames burning around us began to surge again, as if to swallow the tiny space I had cleared.
“I’m sorry.”
That was all I could say to him.
“I don’t know if there will be a next time.”
This was the last I would see of this child.
“Thank you. For everything until now.”
I finished my words and prepared to snap the child’s neck. It was the natural course of action to end this.
But then.
Tak.
From within the burning flames.
Tak! Tak-tak!
I sensed something strange. The sound of the embers that had been continuously burning…
Tak… tak-tak… tak.
It gradually began to slow down.
…Tak.
And then, not a single sound could be heard.
“…?”
The sudden silence made me pause. I looked around.
The flames that had been dancing and consuming everything in sight had frozen in place.
“What the…?”
They were roaring just a moment ago. What kind of phenomenon was this? It was baffling, but I had no intention of stopping. I pushed aside my confusion and was about to resume when—
“Huh?”
My eyes widened. The child I had been holding with both hands was gone. I froze, stunned by the sudden disappearance.
Rustle.
“…!”
I realized there was something else before my eyes. A leg. I quickly raised my head.
Someone was standing in front of me.
[Sob…]
And they were holding the younger version of me I had just been trying to kill.
What is this? I frowned at the unexpected figure. I couldn’t see them clearly; their form was blurry and indistinct. What now…?
Ah, perhaps.
“Blood Qi?”
Considering it had appeared before, maybe the Blood Qi had manifested in another strange form. That’s what I thought as I asked, but…
“Hmm.”
The voice that answered made me freeze. It belonged to a woman. Moreover, it was a voice I felt I had heard somewhere before.
‘But…’
I couldn't recall it. Whose voice was that? Is this another one of the Blood Qi’s tricks?
“What are you trying to do, showing up again this time—”
“I, you see.”
I was in the middle of speaking, but the woman’s voice made my mouth clamp shut. Normally, I would have ignored any interruption, but for some reason, I couldn't.
“I had hoped you wouldn’t make this choice. That’s why I was so stubborn.”
The calm, flowing voice made a corner of my heart ache.
“In truth, I knew as well. After all, this was a mechanism I had prepared for this very purpose.”
The woman hugged the child in her arms a little tighter, as if to soothe him.
“But because of my greed, I postponed it again and again. It seems that has hurt you.”
I was shaken. Her words, which I didn’t even fully understand, were making me tremble.
“…Who… are you?”
It wasn’t the Blood Qi. My instincts were screaming it. This woman was something else entirely. Then who? Could it be?
“The Celestial Sword…?”
Back at the Heavenly Dragon Academy, when I faced the Heavenly Demon, I had heard my mother’s voice and absorbed her energy. This was one of the things I needed to resolve when I eventually met her. Given that history, I wondered if the person before me might be the Celestial Sword, but…
“…Haha.”
The woman simply let out a quiet laugh. For some reason, her voice sounded incredibly sad.
“Similar. But no. I am not the child you wish for.”
The woman turned and took a step back. And then.
Fwoooosh—!!
“…Huh!?”
Starting from the tip of the woman’s foot, the world of ashes began to transform.
Swoooosh!
Green grass sprouted over the blackened earth, blanketing the area. The rotten, formless trees came back to life, bursting with vibrant color. The empty space shifted until a small residence appeared beneath a canopy of autumn leaves. All of this happened in just a few seconds.
Creek! Thump!
The sound of a watermill turning came from near the house.
Chirp! Chirp-chirp!
From the forest behind, the sound of birds echoed.
My insides were supposed to be rotten to the core. The world from moments ago was the proof of that. So where in the world was this place?
In this suddenly transformed world, the woman soothed the child.
[Sob…]
“There, there.”
She calmly walked to the residence and sat gracefully on the wooden veranda, then looked at me again. Her gaze wasn't clear. Her body and features were blurry, so I couldn't see her properly, but I was certain she was looking at me.
“…Who are you? What are you?” I asked.
The woman replied.
“I was once your heart.”
Thump.
My heart pounded at her words.
“I have been your eyes, your ears, and your legs. I have been a sword. And also…”
The woman stroked the hair of the child she was holding.
“I was a man’s everything, and a child’s mother, but…”
Rustle.
A single autumn leaf fell onto the woman’s lap. My gaze was drawn to it unconsciously.
“Because you do not remember me now… for now…”
The woman’s voice trembled slightly.
“Nameless.”
As if she were afraid to say the word.
“I think that’s what you can call me.”
* * *
A few seconds had passed since Gu Yangcheon had asked for some time.
The Palace Lord stood beside the meditating Gu Yangcheon, watching over him. He had judged that Gu Yangcheon must have had an epiphany and needed time to process it.
“Hmm…”
The Palace Lord observed him closely. The reason was simple: the more he looked, the more Gu Yangcheon resembled him.
‘At first, I thought they didn’t look alike.’
He had initially thought they only shared a few characteristic features. In terms of appearance, he had judged them to be different. Therefore, he wasn’t a direct blood relative—or so he had thought.
But the Palace Lord had to discard that thought after only two meetings. He recalled Gu Yangcheon’s behavior during their first encounter—the question about whether he had done the same to his companions, and the way he had flared up in anger, threatening to turn everything upside down. It resembled that man from back then.
Though his actions and way of speaking were different, the essence was the same. If he had to compare…
‘…That man was more terrifying.’
The man who suppressed his violent nature and crushed his surroundings with pressure alone was indeed more frightening than Gu Yangcheon, who displayed his ferocity openly.
‘I wonder what he’s like now.’
He was a monster even back then. Seeing the state of his child, the Palace Lord felt he already knew the answer. And that made him even more curious.
‘We never did settle our match.’
It was a shame. In the Palace Lord’s view, that man was the only one who could truly stand against him. But now, with his own death approaching, it was merely a regret.
‘If by some chance I get to see him…’
He briefly entertained the fantasy before dismissing it with a laugh. He didn’t have time for such things.
The Palace Lord looked at Gu Yangcheon once more. Leaving aside the fact that he was that man's son, the facts he had uncovered so far were astonishing.
‘To have reached this level at his age is one thing.’
But to be a dragon who shattered his own vessel to attain enlightenment…
‘Which means he never possessed a human vessel to begin with.’
If that was the case…
‘Who could the mother be?’
He thought of the women who were by that man's side back then. Whose child was he? There had been quite a few, so he couldn’t make an accurate guess. One thing was certain:
‘I don’t think any of those women lacked in looks.’
If anything, they were exceptionally beautiful. He remembered that not a single one was even slightly plain. But what was the deal with his son’s fierce face?
Just as he was pondering this…
Woong.
“Hm?”
The ice crystal in front of him began to emit a faint light.
“…Huh?”
An anomaly. The Palace Lord froze as he confirmed it.
Fwoooosh—!!
In that instant, along with the light from the ice crystal, the Ice Qi that had been circulating in the space whipped into a frenzy and began to swirl around Gu Yangcheon.
It didn’t look like the Ice Qi was approaching Gu Yangcheon on its own.
It was as if Gu Yangcheon was violently sucking the Ice Qi in.