Chapter 26
Chapter 26
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 26
Chapter Title: Pinch-Hitter Director
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I sat on a nearby chair and watched the situation unfold.
“Director?”
“Why’s my stomach hurting like this?”
“What’d you have for lunch?”
“Octopus with soju?”
A chuckle escaped me. Shooting was just a few hours away, and soju?
‘That guy’s just an alcoholic, isn’t he?’
Come to think of it, he seemed to have anger issues too. Shouldn’t he be in a psych ward instead of on set?
He looked like he needed a specialist’s consultation.
The guy soon hunched over as his gut rumbled.
“Director? Want some medicine?”
Even then, our dear Director Han bellowed.
“Shut up!”
That’s when it happened.
‘Oh no…’
His sphincter gave out, and that all-too-familiar stench spread everywhere. In an instant, the assistant director and manager backed away several steps.
‘He’s forsaken all human dignity.’
Only then did Director Han seem to grasp what he’d done, stumbling off unsteadily. The trouble was, once the back door opens, there’s no shutting it.
Something splattered on the floor.
“Eek!”
One of the female staff screamed. I gazed quietly at the sky. The studio’s stuffy ceiling suddenly seemed beautiful.
“What, what is that?”
I lowered my head again.
The staff craned their necks to stare in unison. Director Han bolted for the bathroom, but with every rushed step, more unknowable blobs plopped onto the floor.
Silence lingered.
When no one dared speak, someone piped up.
“He shit his pants?”
The hush shattered, and the staff erupted in murmurs. Ahh. Atheist though I was, I wanted to cross myself.
This was headed for legend status.
‘Poop-shitting director.’
Tsk tsk.
One weak-stomached staff member gagged. The manager wiped his hands with a wet wipe and came over to me.
“Crazy bastard.”
The plump manager shook his head too, apparently squeamish himself.
“First time in my life seeing someone just drop a load out of nowhere. Ambitious fucker. Eyes front. Don’t look.”
“Must be food poisoning from that lunch soju and octopus.”
“Everyone else looks fine? He polish it off solo?”
“We all ate together, but one guy can still get hit. Especially with all that rage. Booze and temper don’t mix.”
The manager thumped his still-uneasy chest.
“Madman either way. Gives me the creeps that I touched his clothes.”
“Have some water.”
“Water? Nah. Cola! Cola’s the cure! Mira’d forgive me for this one.”
Mira might, but his gut wouldn’t.
I propped my chin and observed. Still, the assistant director was one diligent soul. He donned hygiene gloves and a mask to personally scrub away the unspeakable mess.
‘Wow.’
Human respect swelled unbidden.
‘Assistant director cleaning actual shit.’
The manager slurped his cola and headed over to him.
‘How’s this gonna shake out.’
Would that Director Han asshole grab the megaphone again once he’d emptied out in the john?
‘If he’s got any shame as a human.’
I toyed with the smartphone in my pocket.
‘Soon as he shows, time for round two.’
As I mulled options, a staffer dashed up and yelled at the assistant director.
“Assistant Director! Director’s hemorrhoids flared in the bathroom—he says he can’t shoot!”
Oh man. Bad luck stacking up.
‘Hemorrhoids never even crossed my mind.’
Chronic thing?
This time, I properly crossed myself. He’d crossed into no-return territory.
‘Rest easy.’
And stay gone forever.
“What do we do?”
I gave the manager a nudge.
“Clean up the shit.”
The assistant director knotted the trash bag. The manager said,
“He’s on it already.”
“Not that shit—this one.”
I pointed at the set.
“I’m a stand-in too.”
Stand-in director had to be on the table, right?
The assistant director peeled off his gloves and looked up. His eyes darted shakily between me and the staff.
“Assistant Director, you handle it!”
“Yeah, Director barely lifted a finger anyway!”
“His instincts suck already.”
The assistant director couldn’t meet their eyes. But he let out a small sigh.
“Think I can pull it off?”
“Plenty of talent to spare!”
“Debut on this shot!”
The assistant director rubbed his trembling hands dry a few times.
“I see.”
He murmured softly.
“Chance has arrived.”
His gentle face shifted in a flash. Jekyll and Hyde vibes. The assistant director yanked off his mask and declared,
“Gonna wash up first. Handled the filth.”
Huh.
‘More fun than he looks.’
I flashed a bright smile.
“Pick a spot without Director Han.”
The assistant director crinkled his eyes in a grin.
“Ah, slipped my mind. Thanks, Dowon. That bathroom’s a no-go.”
Dowon?
‘Quirky nickname.’
Still call guys that these days?
“Briefing when I’m back. Hang tight.”
He vanished with a smile. Curiosity piqued, I asked a staffer,
“What’s the assistant director’s name?”
“Lee Hakje.”
Sounded like a boomer name.
‘Why saddle a young guy with something so dated?’
I rummaged my memories. Yeah, it clicked.
‘The ghost director.’
Spotted him once shooting next door during my stunt days. Solid rep. Word was he reined in leads like rats on CF shoots but delivered, so offers poured in.
‘Watching the ghost director’s origin story?’
I shrugged. Lots of praise for his instincts.
“This CF gonna turn out okay? Newbie at the helm?”
The manager plopped beside me, cola can drained.
“Feels like he’ll nail it.”
“Huh? Your gut?”
“Yep.”
If not, I’d make it happen.
I fiddled with my phone and slid off the chair. Just then, hands freshly scrubbed, the assistant director beckoned the staff and me closer.
“Situation’s rough.”
He gave a faint smile.
“Staff first: Skip the bathroom where Director Han’s waging war unless you want trouble. Guys, suck it up and go far.”
Oh.
‘Leaving him to rot.’
Liking this assistant director more by the minute. Devilish streak.
“Next up, child actress A-yeon’s our headache.”
That caught me off guard.
“A-yeon’s been bawling nonstop. On that note.”
He beamed at me.
“Dowon, go soothe her. Should fix it.”
Me? Why?
I blinked in confusion, and he smiled softly.
“Quick, please. You’re the only one here who can calm A-yeon.”
Felt like some random amnesty. I dipped my head and wove through the staff.
“Why you?”
“No clue.”
“Good with kids? Got siblings?”
“I’m the baby.”
Seen hordes of ’em, though. Goddamn kids’ cafes.
‘Explains the fat paycheck.’
I dragged my feet reluctantly.
“Hey, you crazy ambitious punk.”
The manager yanked my sleeve.
“Chill. Got two kids myself. Pro at this.”
Ah, solid.
“All on you, Manager.”
“Damn straight! Me and me only!”
He pounded his chest. I sighed faintly and headed for A-yeon’s rest spot.
No hunting needed.
“Waaahhh!”
“A-yeon!”
A-yeon wailed like a damn dinosaur.
“Oh god…”
The manager stepped up to her. I traded a quick nod with her mom.
“Boy role this time.”
“Oh, hi! Such a cutie. Loved your music video!”
I smiled wide for maximum face value.
“Even cuter smiling.”
Handsome praise hits harder, but cute worked.
‘Par for the course at my age.’
Mid-mom chat, the manager closed in on A-yeon.
“A-yeon, ice cream run?”
Plump hand out, but A-yeon budged zero. If anything, dino roar amped up.
‘Some effect…’
Stranger dangling sweets? Yeah, right.
“Manager…”
“Works every time on mine.”
“You’re Dad. Different story.”
Kids take after pops, maybe.
I sighed, crouched to eye level with A-yeon.
‘Damn cute.’
Face rang bells.
‘Right, blows up in a big drama years from now.’
For now, just a sobbing tot. Locked eyes, gave a small smile.
That’s when.
“Huh?”
Dino wail cut dead.
“Oh my?”
Mom stared at me, stunned, then nodded slow.
“Got it. A-yeon!”
She seized my hand gleefully.
“Perfect. She’s got a type.”
Huh?
“Our A-yeon digs handsome boys only.”
The manager up front crumpled. I grinned awkwardly at A-yeon.
No trace of tears now—she dabbed with a handkerchief, primping her face.
“Mommy, hanky.”
“Y-yeah!”
Fresh cloth, dainty wipe, then hands out.
‘Hug time.’
I stifled a laugh. Sharp kid.
Scooped her up, rose slow. Decent heft, but mouthing off’d get me chewed.
“Off we go, princess?”
“Yes!”
Good responder. Strode to set careful not to jolt her.
“Princess, prep all set?”
“Yes! Oppa?”
Voice pure sugar.
“Mine’s next.”
“I wait.”
“Long haul. Costume change too.”
“Stay close!”
“Boredom city?”
“Can tough it!”
Relentless princess. En route to stylist:
“No tears while waiting? Promise?”
“Yes!”
Holy shit.
‘Kids are wild.’
Nah—back then’s kids were wild.
Stylist hustled me to prep. Parked princess on chair.
“Back soon?”
“Yes!”
Snicker, stripped fast. Felt a weird stare. Whip around—only A-yeon.
‘What.’
Piercing glare, like a beast sizing prey. Unsettling vibe.
‘What’s she gunning for grown-up…’
Shook it off, rushed prep. Gut screamed hurry.
Clothes and makeup flew by. Done, snatched up chair princess, bolted to set.
“Here.”
“A-yeon? Oh…”
Assistant director’s relief bloomed at the sight.
“Perfect!”
“You knew?”
“A-yeon’s all about hotties!”
Trailing manager groaned. I breezed past his ugly-duckling lament.
A-yeon tugged my collar, whispering.
“Oppa, pretty!”
“Handsome’s the word.”
“Nope! Pretty!”
Fine, fine. What’s with this kid?
“A-yeon, let’s crush this shoot?”
“Skip A-yeon—say A-yeon-ah!”
“R-right. A-yeon-ah.”
Hell of a kid. Owned me from jump.
“Dowon’s shots first. Bread-eating bit—know it? Make it yummy!”
Staff thrust forth a croissant mountain. Awkward grin.
‘Eating scene, huh.’
First crack at it.
“Two extra bags! Pig out. Puke? Hit the bathroom! Anywhere but Director Han’s!”