The Fragile Heart's Edge
What the hell? Why was my bedroom door open?
And so quietly, too.
The thought had barely formed when a chill raced down my spine, and my whole body shuddered.
A moment later.
Creak. Click.
The door eased shut with painstaking care. Then, faintly—
Thud. Thud.
Someone was walking slowly toward me. The faint vibration traveled through the floor, up through the mattress, and into my ear pressed against the pillow.
Who was it? Had Nightmare snuck into the house somehow?
Then what about Harin? Was she okay?
What the hell was going on?
That was as far as the thought got.
"Siwoo..."
Thankfully, it didn't seem like anything terrible had happened. Contrary to my fears, nearly letting it slip hadn't triggered some catastrophe.
I'd have to be careful for a while, though...
"Siwoo..."
"...?"
Had I just heard what I thought I heard?
Harin's voice carried a petulant, almost clingy quality I'd never heard from her in all the years I'd known her. Not a feeling — a certainty.
From the start, every time we met we'd bicker and fight. The second someone walked by, she'd slap her mask back on — and if I teased her about it, we'd go right back to fighting. It had always felt like hanging out with an ordinary guy friend.
Sure, there'd been a stretch of a few years when we weren't close...
Even so, hearing her speak in a voice like that was a first.
When we were little we'd played together and even slept in the same room, but that was kindergarten — I barely remembered it. And lately, with the brainwashing making her so sharp-edged, she'd hardly ever shown a gentle side. Those rare moments had felt like nothing more than fragments of the past...
And yet.
"Siwoo, are you... asleep?"
Especially sneaking into my room while I was sleeping — that was something I never would have imagined.
"..."
I said nothing. I stayed on my side, eyes closed, every nerve trained on the sensations around me.
I had no idea why she'd suddenly come into my room, but...
As I focused every ounce of my attention on my senses—
Rustle.
"...!"
The blanket lifted, and the mattress dipped slightly to one side.
A moment later, something slipped quietly into the bed and settled in behind my back.
Harin had climbed in and lain down.
Rustle.
As if nothing had happened, the blanket settled back over us.
Even so, it felt strangely warmer than before. I swallowed, careful not to make a sound.
"...Siwoo..."
"..."
"You are asleep, right? Yeah...?"
It was a murmur, barely more than a whisper against my ear. But the room was so still that every word came through as clearly as if she were speaking right beside me — which, of course, she was.
"...You really are asleep, right...?"
Even as she asked, Harin stayed lying there beside me, hesitating.
I was still wondering why she'd gotten into the bed at all when—
Squeeze.
Two slender arms slid between mine, and then she wrapped herself around me from behind, holding on tight.
"...!"
From behind, through two layers of T-shirt, I felt something soft press against me. I swallowed a breath I hadn't meant to take.
"Just for a second. I'll only stay like this for a second..."
Even as she said it, she pressed herself closer, using her legs now too, clinging to me as if I were some kind of comfort doll.
I recited sutras in my head, desperately trying to redirect my thoughts anywhere else.
"Siwoo..."
She called my name in a voice so gentle. Her breath ghosted past my ear.
"Nngh..."
"Hah...!"
I twisted a little, letting out a groan as if I were uncomfortable in my sleep. I figured Harin might take the hint and either give me some space or leave.
But.
"...Siwoo doesn't... move when he sleeps."
"..."
I don't?
More importantly — how did she even know I don't move in my sleep?
"Are you awake?"
Lee Harin's voice dropped, snapping back to its usual sharp edge.
I kept facing the wall in silence, breathing in the shallow rhythm of someone asleep.
A few more minutes passed.
"...Guess he really is asleep."
Her voice softened again, and she seemed to lay her head back down on the bed.
She didn't press herself against me completely this time, or wrap me up with every limb — but she was still lying right beside me in the same bed, so it amounted to the same thing.
Anyway.
I was lying there in a daze, wondering when this moment would end, when—
As she said it, I felt her take a deep breath and let it out against my back.
Harin murmured those cryptic words, then carefully got up from the bed so as not to wake me.
"...Good night."
Creak. Thud.
The bedroom door closed softly.
I stayed lying there, staring at nothing, turning her words over in my mind.
No matter how hard I thought, I couldn't figure out why she'd come home looking like that today. Why she'd wrapped me in her tentacles and asked those incomprehensible questions. Why she'd come into my room, lain down beside me, and held me so tightly.
There was only one thing I was sure of: for the time being, I had to stay close to Harin. No matter what.
Even if...
"...Hah."
I forced the worst of the worst-case scenarios out of my head and tried to go back to sleep.
But after what Harin had done, it took far longer than I'd expected before I finally managed to drift off.
The next morning.
Ordinarily I would have been up early, putting on my school uniform and heading out — and I almost did. Taking several days off all at once still didn't feel natural. Spending the whole day cooped up in the house left me feeling strangely empty...
"Hah."
Still, having plenty of time to think was a blessing.
The deadline Nightmare had given me was only six days. Even that was a rough guess — I couldn't tell whether the week included the day we'd met at the café, or whether the countdown started the day after. On top of that, I had no idea how she'd arrange our next meeting once the time ran out...
For now, all I could do was give everything I had to the present, and try to work this out on my own. I wasn't even allowed to talk about it in secret.
Part of me wanted to ask for help in writing — notes, texts, anything — or at least hint at it with some kind of metaphor... but the voice in my head had been clear. This once, and this once only, I was being let off the hook.
Next time, my heart would burst for sure.
Anyway.
I lay in bed turning it over until afternoon, but no matter how I looked at it, my answer was already decided.
"I should refuse, right...?"
I muttered the thought out loud and checked my body for symptoms, but there was none of the pain or the hallucinations from last time.
So as long as I didn't tell anyone else, it didn't matter what I decided or how much I agonized over it...
"Hah. Fuck."
I couldn't even begin to imagine what Nightmare had meant by gifting me a vicious nightmare. Would it be like what Mina had described — a dream indistinguishable from reality? Or was she saying she'd turn the reality I was living in into a nightmare?
Maybe both.
My head hurt even more just thinking about it.
Growl.
...And on top of everything, I was starving.
This wouldn't do. Worrying on an empty stomach only made my thinking shallower and thinner. I needed something sweet — anything to get some sugar to my brain.
Creak.
I opened the door and stepped out, glancing to the left the way I always did.
In the corner of the living room, curled up on the sofa, Lee Harin sat tapping away at her phone.
...I still had no idea why she'd come into my room last night. But bringing it up here probably wasn't a good idea.
If I did...
"I'm gonna grab a snack."
"...I already ate all the Choco Pies."
I'd bought those yesterday. A twenty-four-pack. She'd demolished the entire box overnight.
Classic Harin.
"Well... I can just go out and get more."
I said it over my shoulder and turned back toward my room to change, when—
Grab.
"Hey. Don't."
Harin caught the door, forced the gap wider, and shoved her face through the crack.
"I said I want a snack, Harin."
"Yeah. I want one too."
"That's why I'm going to buy some."
"I said don't."
Grrrk...
I put my weight into closing the door so I could change. Harin put hers into prying it open. The old hinges started making a truly unholy noise between us.
"Why — why shouldn't I go buy some, huh?"
I was starting to lose the tug-of-war, so I asked in a voice that was already shaking. There had to be a reason she didn't want me going out. Something like the Demon King's Army about to invade the neighborhood, or a bad feeling she couldn't shake — that kind of thing.
What came out of Harin's mouth, though, was this:
"Let's go out and eat together."
"What?"
"I already said it."
There it was again — that same emotion I'd heard in her voice last night, mixed in at the edges.
That kind of voice.