A Clever Trip to Hell (1)
Noon, 12 o'clock.
Today, too, I bounced out of bed full of energy to kick off another fun day.
As if it had been waiting for me to wake up, the ceiling slid open and a robot arm descended.
The robot arm, as usual, set down my breakfast-slash-lunch.
Today's lunch was...
"Ham-burger!"
It was a hamburger on a sesame-seed bun. The lettuce looked fresh, and the tomato seemed nice and ripe. The patty had a pretty color—nothing like the stuff from some average franchise joint.
But what satisfied me most was...
"No onions!"
The fact that there were no onions in it.
I know it's embarrassing to still be picky at my age, but...
Stuff that tastes bad...
"Gonna eat well~."
With the monumental task of entering Square Block Hell ahead of me, I dug into my last meal.
-Whiiiine...
My doggie next to me shoved his head into his food bowl and started inhaling his kibble.
Since my stomach shrank, a normal-sized burger would've been too much for me. But they must've taken that into account—the one from the Agency was just the size of my palm, tiny and perfect.
"Nyaaam..."
I think I heard somewhere once that as long as you don't pair it with fries and cola, a burger counts as a perfectly balanced meal.
It's so delicious, and a complete food to boot? I'm in heaven. I could seriously eat nothing but burgers for the rest of my life.
For real, maybe?
"Mmmnyaaang..."
I demolished the steaming-hot burger and wiped the sticky sauce off my hands with a wet wipe.
Then I plopped down in front of the computer. I'd planned to take a quick break yesterday and dive in, but after getting nagged about not playing too long, I couldn't game anymore last night. Now that I've slept it off, it should be fine, right!
The paused game screen.
I switched it from paused to in-progress.
Suddenly, the background started moving. Even the ominous purple energy rippling in the portal to hell began to churn.
Thump thump.
Finally, my first real entry into hell—not just watching it on video.
Sweat slick on my palms, I leaped straight into the portal radiating that sinister vibe.
The moment I touched the bubbling purple mist, the screen spun wildly.
Ugh...
I felt my own head spinning too, so I squeezed my eyes shut for a bit.
Getting to hell takes a little time anyway. Better to close my eyes than stare at this dizzying mess.
And when I opened them a moment later...
"Ah..."
The scenery around me had completely changed.
The pristine white walls I'd just seen were gone, replaced by grotesque red walls greeting me.
My precious computer and sofa had vanished, swapped for lava that looked terrifying even from afar, flowing steadily.
-Uwoooo...
Weird monster cries echoed from the empty air, like something grotesque was flitting around up there.
I stood there dazed at first, looking around, but soon grasped the situation.
Looks like I'd actually fallen into hell.
"Ugh... Wh-what... what is this..."
I'd wanted to go to hell in the game, not end up here for real...
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes from sheer fear.
Right now, I'm undeniably an angel—no one could argue otherwise.
But if someone spots a being like me wandering hell?
"Eek!"
I had a bad feeling I wouldn't make it out in one piece.
The denizens of hell probably wouldn't take kindly to an angel dropping by.
"What do I do..."
For now, I crouched down and hid in a crevice between some rocks.
Poking my cheeks with my fingers, I racked my brain for a way to survive.
-Woof woof!
A familiar bark echoed from far off.
I dreaded it might be some scary three-headed Cerberus-type hellhound living here, but...
-Bark!
That fluffy white fur? Whew, thankfully it was just my doggie, not some monster pup.
"D-dog... doggie..."
Meeting a familiar face in this scary, unfamiliar place slowed my racing heart a bit—and I was overjoyed.
If I'd been alone... it would've been really terrifying.
With my trusty doggie here, I felt safer.
-Woof woof!
I gently straightened my doggie's fur as he wagged his tail happily and said,
"Doggie... what now?"
The Agency must've noticed I'm gone by now, but even if they come to rescue me, it'll take a while.
I'll probably starve to skin-and-bones and ascend to heaven in the meantime.
Unlike my worrywart self, though, doggie looked cheerful.
-Bark bark!
He barked energetically and nudged my finger with his nose.
Following his lead, I checked my finger—and realized what he meant.
"Ah! The ring!"
Come to think of it, Han A-young had given me this ring for emergencies, like she knew something like this might happen.
I remembered that and fiddled with the black ring on my finger.
She wouldn't lie to me.
So if I throw this ring away, I should be able to escape—that must be true.
A little relieved to have insurance, I paused and looked at doggie.
"B-but..."
-Bark?
"If I throw this, you'll be stuck here, right...?"
I wondered if Han A-young gave him one too, so I patted him down, but nothing unusual.
Guess this ring's just for me.
-Whiiiine...
Doggie licked my cheek like, don't worry.
Normally I'd burst out laughing from the tickles every time he did that, but...
Right now, I couldn't muster a smile.
Leave doggie behind in this scary place alone...?
No... no way...
I wanna go home with doggie...
-Whiiiine...
Doggie circled me, tail drooping, then lightly nipped at my leg.
Seeing that, I got his message loud and clear.
Yeah, an angel can't give up this soon!
"Alright, let's give it a shot!"
-Bark!
I psyched myself up and boldly stepped out from the rock crevice.
Then I just started walking, looking around.
Hell or not, if there's an entrance, there has to be an exit.
There must be some way out somewhere.
Even if there wasn't, I kept telling myself there was as I walked.
Luckily, the air was fine—no trouble breathing as I went.
No sudden enemy ambushes mid-stride, no ghosts like you'd expect in hell.
-Woooong...
Weird monster noises came from the sky now and then, but nothing showed itself.
"Hmm..."
I'd been super tense at first, but with nothing happening, I felt kinda let down.
Come on... something small should pop out right about now...
I've seen enough movies to know: the ones who hit minor crises early on survive to the end, while the smooth sailors meet a bad fate later.
So I was feeling uneasy when...
-Rustle. Rustle.
"Huh...? Doggie, you hear that?" "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
A faint sound of water from nearby.
Not just any water—a massive river's waves crashing.
Where there's a river, there's water.
I perked up immediately.
Pr... probably filthy...
In a hellhole like this, the water quality can't be great.
Still, better check it out.
-Bark bark!
My smart doggie got the hint right away, and we cautiously headed that way.
But we stayed extra careful, figuring riverbanks might have wildlife—or threats lurking like in the wild.
We hunkered behind riverside rocks and peeked out with doggie.
It's... clean...
Against my expectations of total grime, the river looked clear.
The dim light made it seem dark, but up close, the water quality wasn't bad.
And one more thing caught my eye.
Uncle...?
A burly, muscle-bound man had parked a wooden boat at the bank and was staring blankly into space.
Looks like he's the guy who ferries people across.
"Hmm... what now..."
Asking him for a ride seems like the answer, but...
"He's... scary..."
The problem? Boat uncle looks seriously intimidating.
I know you shouldn't judge by appearances, but...
Those bulging muscles, that thick beard, that scary face...
If I rub him the wrong way...
"Ugh..."
I'll get cleaved in half and turned into a doppelganger on the spot.
So as I agonized...
Doggie wagged his tail like, trust me.
"Ugh... you sure, doggie?"
-Bark!
His confident reply.
Well, my doggie never backs down in a fight anyway.
I trusted him and stood up.
"O-okay, I'll be brave too!"
And I toddled right up to boat uncle.
"Hm?"
Boat uncle noticed me, tilted his head, and looked my way.
"An angel?" "..." "Whatever, don't care. One gold coin."
G-gold... coin?
I don't have any of those...
"Hurry up." "Ugh..."
I clutched my head.
I already ate all my coin chocolates... what now...
Then I spotted my golden wings floating beside me.
These look really gold...
I glanced slyly and...
"Ow..."
Plucked one golden feather from my wing.
And with trembling hands, held it out.
"U-uncle... how 'bout this instead..."