Holy Night
I stared at the woman before me with my mouth agape. My mind was in utter chaos. The tribespeople had vanished in the blink of an eye, and in their place stood this mysterious woman.
She called me “our daughter.” Daughter. She had definitely called me that. Could she be the real parents of this body?
"...."
I had to act cautiously. I didn’t know how she’d done it, but given the circumstances, this bizarre situation was likely her doing. I had no control here. Not knowing how to respond, I simply closed my mouth.
If she really was the biological parent of this body, then I was no different from a demon who had stolen a perfectly healthy daughter’s body. I couldn’t even imagine what would happen if that fact came to light. No—the opposite was true. The sheer number of possibilities that flooded my mind made it all the more terrifying.
Even as I racked my brain faster than I ever had since arriving in this world, she simply gazed at me with a smile.
“Huhu. Don’t think too deeply about it. I don’t want our miraculous first meeting to start off complicated.”
First meeting? What did she mean by that? Did she really not know me? But she called me daughter. She wouldn’t be seeing her own daughter for the first time. So was she speaking to “me”…?
Still, no conclusion. Doubts kept blooming like clouds, growing larger. Unable to choose an answer, I could only stammer.
She didn’t press for a reply. Instead, she rose lightly from the rock and settled gracefully onto the grass. Not even the sound of grass being pressed could be heard. It was as if she wasn’t standing, but overlapping.
She approached me. No matter how lightly she walked, still no sound. I looked up at her standing right in front of me.
…Her chest blocked my view of her face. Realizing I was trying to meet her eyes, she bent down.
Whoa, damn. This isn’t the time for that. I lifted my head. The woman’s face had turned red.
“…Staring so intently is embarrassing, you know.”
A more human reaction than expected. The mysterious aura faded, leaving only an embarrassed woman. Seeing that eased my mind a bit.
“Ah. S-sorry.”
“N-no. It’s understandable. Ahaha….”
The woman laughed awkwardly. The tense atmosphere lightened slightly.
Now I felt I could ask.
“Um… about calling me daughter…?”
“It means exactly that. Ursa. My lovely daughter.”
…She even knew my name. It didn’t seem like she was mistaking me for someone else.
“S-sorry, but I got struck by lightning last year and lost my memories. So—”
“Huhuhu.”
When I activated Excuse Macro #1 for reincarnators, the woman started chuckling.
“You don’t have to do that with me. I know everything.”
Chills. What did she mean? How much did “I know everything” cover?
The air that had lightened grew heavy again.
“You know me?”
“Of course. I’ve been watching you ever since you arrived until now. Probably no one in this world knows you better than I do?”
It was ambiguous. Her answer sounded like she really knew everything, yet somehow it didn’t.
“…Who are you?”
“You already know me, don’t you? So I won’t answer.”
I know her? Had we met somewhere? No, she said it was our first meeting. How could I know her if we’d never met?
It was a question with no answer no matter how much I pondered. My eyes took in her appearance. She was beautiful. But she didn’t resemble me. My hair was black, hers green; my eyes red, hers blue. Our impressions differed too. I had a sharp look, she a gentle one. Above all, she wasn’t a beastkin. She had neither the beastkin physique nor that unique beastkin aura. No, precisely, I felt nothing at all. She had no presence. She clearly existed before me, yet at the same time, it felt like she didn’t.
“You called me daughter, but we don’t resemble each other at all. You must have mistaken me for—”
“No.”
An immediate denial. She didn’t like me denying the word “daughter.” Her expression turned serious.
“A parent doesn’t have to give birth directly, right? I was the one who nurtured and raised you, so I am your mother.”
She wasn’t my biological parent. But the one who raised me was the beastkin tribe. From the beginning, the only one who could have raised me was… Could it be?
Suddenly, one possibility came to mind. My past life’s senses rejected it, but my present life’s experiences affirmed it. Changing perspective altered what I saw. The grinning woman looked harmless at first glance. She had no presence either. But from a different viewpoint, that wasn’t the case. She was an immensely vast existence. Her presence was so enormous that I had mistaken it for having none, because I was inside it.
“How… No, why? Now, like this…”
“Why what?”
“…No. Nothing. More importantly, why are you only coming now?”
“Because you’re leaving tomorrow, aren’t you? Since I won’t see you again, I wanted to say goodbye like this, at least.”
“….”
We had dealt with the demon search party, but our destination hadn’t changed. We were planning to leave the plains tomorrow. Suddenly, the battle on the plains that even the elders hadn’t anticipated came to mind. Why had that happened?
“Why… did you pit the demons against us? Don’t you dislike violence?”
I asked seriously, but contrary to my thoughts, the Plains’ attitude was light.
“Hmm… Well, those children came looking for you, you see? Once you leave, they’ll wander endlessly searching for their lost purpose… That would be too pitiful, wouldn’t it? So I decided to give them an end.”
“….”
What kind of answer was this? I couldn’t grasp the reason or conclusion.
“Even knowing that end means… everyone dying?”
“Is that a problem?”
She asked back with an innocent expression. I couldn’t answer.
“I want to care for all my children. I don’t want to see them suffer. Those children don’t know how to leave, so they’ll suffer their whole lives until their breath runs out. For me, who has to watch that, giving them even a chance was better.”
“Even if it’s a bloody battle?”
The corner of the woman’s lips lifted slightly.
“…Ursa. Do you know what color I like the most?”
“Huh? Uh, I don’t know?”
“Red. There are plenty of greens and blues for me, but red is so rare I can count them on one hand. Maybe that’s why I like red.”
“….”
“Do you know the easiest way to see red here?”
“…What is it?”
“Slaughter.”
“….”
“The blood gushing from life has a rich red hue. It’s a truly beautiful color. But once blood flows, it loses that color and gradually darkens.”
The iron in blood oxidizes upon meeting oxygen, turning black. So the color she desired flowed only for a brief moment.
“So what should I do? Keep them fighting. As long as new blood keeps flowing, I can keep seeing it.”
“….”
“Isn’t it horrifying? So I decided not to see it at all. If there’s nothing to see, the desire to see it diminishes too. That’s why I keep intelligent beings apart from the start, so they can’t meet.”
That’s why intelligent beings couldn’t meet each other. Because meeting would eventually lead to fighting.
“But this time, it was an exception for those pitiful children! Still, I’ve seen plenty lately, so the urge has lessened?”
“…You’ve seen plenty? Seen what?”
“Your eyes.”
“….”
The woman—no, the Plains—stared intently at my eyes. It was the look one gives a jewel.
“They’re truly beautiful, and redder than anything. Ever since I embraced you, I’ve always watched over you. Every time, those eyes meeting mine made my heart flutter. With you, I can be satisfied without shedding blood.”
“Eek!”
She’d been watching me all along? My body shuddered at the declaration of widespread stalking.
“What’s with that reaction? If you think about it, you’ve always been looking at me too, haven’t you? It’s mutual!”
It was absurd logic, but it was true, so I couldn’t argue. I had always looked at the plains.
“It’s such a shame that today is the last day. This mother is so sad.”
“You’re just going to let me go obediently?”
There was deep attachment in the Plains’ gaze toward me. Yet she seemed willing to let me go, which puzzled me.
“Oh my? I begged you not to go so much! And yet you say that after driving such a big nail into my chest? How could you do that to me!”
“Ah.”
Come to think of it, when she grabbed my pants leg, I had driven a nail into her with magic. The third meaning of driving a nail. When a child hurts their parent, a nail gets driven into the parent’s chest.
The Plains clutched her chest and sat down, shedding sorrowful tears. Seeing her clutching her chest filled me with guilt. Damn it. What have I done? What should I do? Is there a good way to make the Plains feel better?
As I pondered, the red flag I got from today’s divination came to mind. If I gave her that, wouldn’t she like it? But the flag was in the carriage at the camp. In this situation where I didn’t even know where I was, I couldn’t bring it.
‘I have no choice. I have to use my ultimate aegyo attack….’
I steeled myself and approached the Plains. The sobbing Plains looked at me, her eyes widening.
“Oh my, daughter. What’s that in your hand?”
Following her gaze, I looked at my right hand. In the hand that should have been empty, the red flag from the demon army that I’d used as a bundle today was neatly held.
I didn’t know what had happened. This was a situation where only incomprehensible things occurred anyway. Good was good. Casually, I handed the red cloth to the Plains.
“Don’t cry. This is my gift. Use it to wipe your tears.”
I wiped the Plains’ tears with the cloth. The Plains’ expression brightened as she received the cloth as red as my eyes.
“My goodness. You prepared this for me? My daughter. How can you be so wonderful~.”
The delighted Plains bounced around and started spinning me in circles. Being buried in her chest made it hard to breathe, but… good was good.
After spinning dozens of times, I was finally released. It was good that my breath returned, but why did I feel so reluctant?
“How is it, daughter? Does it suit me?”
Before I knew it, the Plains had made a hair tie from the flag I gave her and tied her hair that reached her shoulders. How had that large cloth become so small?
“It’s pretty. It suits you.”
It really was pretty. Her face smiling happily.
“I’m so happy. Today is our daughter’s birthday, yet Mommy received a gift? I can’t just stay still.”
Oh. She was going to give a gift too. A gift from the Great Plains. Maybe I was the first to receive one?
The Plains took the stone bud I’d put in my pocket. Was she going to make a flower bloom?
“My daughter. What do you want as a gift?”
“Uh… I don’t know? But if possible, the best one? Is that okay?”
I tried being a bit greedy. Nodding in satisfaction, the Plains lifted the stone bud.
“Then~ Since it’s what our daughter asked for, I should even pluck a star for you, right?”
Haha. A star. I didn’t expect such a big gift—
Huh?
Goooo—
Something began. Space expanded. The gaps between spaces widened. No. Not space, but the expansion of cognition. The realm I could understand and accept expanded. The “I” that I perceived had already become a tiny dot. Before I knew it, I was peeking into her vision from within the Plains’ domain. The black sky began to rotate. The dots imprinted on the sky rotated with it. The trails left by the moving dots became lines. The lines curved and connected into circles. Eventually, countless concentric circles filled the sky. At the center of the concentric circles, a single star shone proudly. That star was so small it seemed I could pick it up with my fingers. The Plains raised her arm and plucked the star. Then she placed the shining star from her hand into the stone bud.
. . .
“……Hah… hah!”
My cognitive domain returned to normal. My whole body was drenched in cold sweat. Before I knew it, I was on my knees, gasping for breath.
‘What did I just experience?’
The scene I just saw flashed by quickly. The Plains stood in place, raising her hand to pluck a star hanging in the sky. An experience that transcended the realm of understanding by far. Something flowed from my nose; I wiped it with my hand. It was a nosebleed.
“Are you okay, daughter? It was still a bit much for you.”
Not a bit. A lot. The Plains approached and patted my back. The timely breeze cooled my sweat, making me feel a little better.
“Just now… what was that?”
“I put our daughter’s gift in it!”
The Plains smiled brightly and handed back the stone bud.
“That thing earlier… how did you do it?”
“Huh? Ah! Mommy doesn’t have much sense of distance… But thanks to that, I could pluck a star for our daughter!”
It was an action that ignored distance itself. It couldn’t be brushed off as just a lack of distance sense. But what could I do? She said so herself. I looked up at the sky. The North Star that the Plains had definitely grabbed was still shining in its place.
“Hehe. Of course I didn’t pluck them all. I only took the possibility.”
“…Is that okay?”
The North Star was the guiding star of the sky. Its importance differed from other stars. I felt uneasy, as if I’d touched such a star.
“Normally, of course not. But for our daughter, it’s fine. It was yours to begin with, after all? Mommy just helped a little.”
I didn’t understand a single word. I gave up trying to understand. The world the Plains and I saw was far too different. I’ll just accept it. According to the Plains, I looked at the stone bud containing the possibility of the North Star. Nothing had changed from before the star was placed in it.
“You could say it’s wrapped. To receive the gift, make the flower bloom.”
“How do I make the flower bloom?”
“Think about your first time.”
Why did asking for the method result in a riddle?
“You don’t have to worry too much now. When the time comes, it will open.”
Yeah. If I could receive it now, she would have given it right away. There must be a reason she delivered it this way. I’ll think of it that way.
“Thank you. I’ll keep it safe.”
“Yes. Always carry it with you and think of me. I’ll think of you while looking at this hair tie too.”
“…This stone? It’s too cumbersome to always—Ow!”
While grumbling, I got flicked on the forehead. It felt like a light flick, but it felt like my forehead would split. With tears welling up, I looked up to see the Plains smiling playfully. I guessed it was time to part.
“Be careful out there too, our daughter. Outside, I can’t protect you. It will be hard.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not a kid anymore.”
“Huhu. To my eyes, you’re still a baby.”
Did that include my past life? Or was it just my imagination?
…But now what? If I stayed still, would the Plains take me back? While I blankly waited, the Plains hugged me.
“Mmph! Mmmph!”
“Daughter. You know Mommy loves you a lot, right?”
“….”
Honestly, I didn’t know. I was an orphan in my past life and an orphan in this life too—a natural-born orphan across two lifetimes—so love was too distant for me. The thing I was worst at wasn’t skills or studying, but the distance between people. Before I could even experience such emotions, I collapsed on my own. But the warm warmth being conveyed to me now was enough to make emotions I had never felt before bloom. Rain as hot as the Plains’ warmth soaked the plains. Like that, I received all the comfort I hadn’t gotten in life while being held for a long time. After separating from the Plains, my eyes were swollen. Seeing that, the Plains pinched my cheeks and laughed.
“Now it’s really time. Time to say goodbye.”
“Sniff. Where should I go?”
“You don’t need to go anywhere. You’re already there.”
“?”
“Come on. Our daughter. Now stop sleeping.”
Wake up. Slap. Flash. My eyes opened. I jumped up to find myself inside the carriage. The kids were snoring beside me.
“Was it a dream?”
It was too vivid a sensation to be a dream. My throat was dry, so I grabbed the water pouch in the corner and drank. While wiping the spilled water, I felt something foreign on my neck and looked down. The stone bud was tied with string and hanging around my neck. Fiddling with the stone bud, I touched my forehead. There was a bruise.
. . .
After that, nothing happened. I went to ask the Bear Elder, but he said I just came back fine and entered the carriage. Preparations for departure were quickly finished. Since we hadn’t unpacked since driving the nails until now, we did a simple check and left.
Clatter clatter. I climbed onto the carriage and looked at the plains. Looking back, I could see the boundary of the plains. Beyond the plains was not a green field, but a world stained with fallen leaves. I looked at the plains again. The plains, forever green in all seasons. The moment of leaving the beloved land I first set foot on. A chilly wind blew, and I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them. Someone was there. Far away, a woman was looking this way. She had green hair like the plains and blue eyes like the sky. A red hair tie adorned her hair. I could see her expression. She was smiling. She looked sad. I recalled last night’s conversation. She was sad about parting with me. But my thoughts were a little different. In a whisper so quiet no one could hear, but one person could—
I looked at her again. I could see her expression. She was smiling. She looked happy. I turned my body and turned my back on the plains. Now before me, I could see beyond the plains. A simple premonition. Someday, I would return here. There was no basis. I’ll just accept it. A gentle breeze blew. As always, it felt good.
I’ll be back, Mom.