Non, Non
“Lord Lucian, you look the absolute coolest today!”
“I’m always the coolest.”
“That kind of confidence is important too.”
Finally, the moment had arrived.
Until now, the universe’s personal hate-train had kept me from ever even trying romance, leaving me a lifelong solo. This time, though, the entire nation had stepped up and laid the table for me.
If I still couldn’t make it work after this, I was probably just destined to die alone in a cold bed.
“It’s time to go, Lord Lucian.”
“Ikimasu~!!”
“Now that everyone seems to be present, let the banquet begin.”
In the grand banquet hall of the royal palace, Charles delivered the opening speech.
“You’ve all heard the news by now. At the recent Alliance Council, the four kingdoms formally recognized the first Grand Master in continental history—Sir Lucian.”
Charles introduced me and gestured me forward. Applause rolled through the hall. As a fellow countryman, some looked at me with proud expectation; others eyed me with pure greed. Either way, being the center of attention didn’t feel half bad.
“Sir Lucian rose to Sword Master at a remarkably young age and has devoted himself to the kingdom ever since. Thanks to him, Arno has entered a golden age of prosperity—yet he himself has missed the best years of his own life.”
Is Charles roasting me right now? I’ve basically been living the lazy life and barely working, and now he’s publicly announcing that I also missed my chance at marriage?
“That is why I have arranged this gathering for Sir Lucian. Those of you who have come seeking a marriage match for your daughters will have a private audience with him in the reception room. Speak freely with one another.”
With that short speech finished, Charles tactfully slipped away. Once the banquet was underway, I headed alone to the reception room.
I had snacks and tea prepared while I waited for someone to show up.
Knock-knock—
At last, the first matchmaking candidate had arrived.
“Ahem.”
I cleared my throat, checked my clothes one more time, and answered politely.
“Yes, please come in.”
Creeeak—
“Well met, Master Lucian. I am Philippe de Simon, Marquis of the House of Simon. This is my daughter, Perrone. The two of you should talk for a while.”
“Huh? Wait, that kid is—”
That’s a non, non.
After that one-sided introduction, he shoved only his daughter inside and vanished.
You can’t just dump her on me and disappear—she’s pure non-non material!
She looked far too young, but I couldn’t just leave her standing there, so I figured I’d feed her some snacks and send her off.
“Come on, sit down. Let’s talk over some snacks.”
“Snacks are good!”
“Pardon me for asking, but how old is Lady Perrone?”
“This lady is now ten years old!”
(dix ans)
Yeah, your dad can go dix himself out of here.
“Lady Perrone seems a little too young for marriage.”
“If I marry you, Daddy said he’ll give me a hundred candies! So I’m marrying you! I’ll even share ten of them with you specially!”
Okay, she’s ridiculously cute, I’ll give her that. If I’d gotten married earlier I might’ve had a kid just like her by now.
“Marriage is something you do when you’re bigger.”
“This lady is already ten, so this lady is all grown up!”
“I’ll have to talk with your father later. Just enjoy the snacks for now.”
After that I fed her snacks, told her to fetch her father, and sent her away. A short while later Marquis Simon returned, and I got straight to the point.
“What seems to be the matter? Did you and Perrone have a sufficient conversation?”
“Look, what exactly were you thinking, telling me to marry a ten-year-old?”
“Does she not please you? Perrone may be younger than you, but as a daughter of a marquis house she lacks nothing.”
“No—it’s the life experience that’s missing. There’s a twenty-year age gap.”
Twenty years made her one-third my age. That wasn’t just theft—that was armed robbery.
“Ah, I see. You were originally a commoner. I myself married at eleven. Among the nobility, age is rarely an issue. I simply wished to find Perrone a good match.”
Yeah, I knew nobles married early, but I’m not joining the non-non club just because of that. I’m not into it, so what am I supposed to do?
“She’s just too young. I’m not really interested.”
“In that case I cannot force the matter. Do give it some thought, however.”
I had no particular thoughts, but I nodded anyway and sent Marquis Simon on his way. Some time later the next candidate arrived.
“Pardon the intrusion, Master Lucian. I am Count Henri de Rohan, head of House Rohan. Would you be willing to become engaged to my family’s Emilie?”
Why is it another non-non?
The man who introduced himself as Count Henri had brought another loli who barely reached my waist.
“Just how old is Lady Emilie?”
“Twelve.”
“I have no intention of marrying a child.”
“Is that so? Well, in a gathering of only nobles, any unwed young ladies will all be about the same age. If you change your mind, come find me.”
“Uh… sure.”
Damn it, he’s got a point. Once you gather only nobles and filter for unmarried girls, of course this is what you get.
I already knew nobles married early, so looking back it was painfully obvious that arranging a matchmaking event like this would only produce lolis.
My head is spinning. I have zero interest in joining the non-non crew.
Knock-knock—
While I was still wallowing in that empty feeling, another visitor knocked and entered.
“Master Lucian, might I have a word?”
“No matter how you look at it, a loli is still—”
I was about to snap at the next visitor in irritation when she finally appeared.
There she is! My ideal type! And she’s stacked!
The woman who entered with a middle-aged man had long light-brown hair, blue eyes, a slender figure—and an impressively full chest.
“Ah! Never mind, I was just thinking about something. Please, go ahead.”
“Very well. I am Viscount Gaston de Broua. I have come seeking a marriage alliance with you. This is my daughter, Iris.”
“Yes, Viscount Broua. If you don’t mind, might I speak with Lady Iris alone for a moment?”
Apparently pleased with my answer, Viscount Broua smiled, nodded, and stepped out, leaving Iris and me facing each other across the table.
“Lady Iris, how old are you?”
“…Eighteen.”
Well, it was still enough of a gap for people to call me a cradle-robber, but I figured I could live with this much. Given how early noble daughters got engaged and married, a catch like her wouldn’t come around again easily.
“You seem quite nervous. Please don’t worry—I have no intention of treating you roughly.”
“Yes… I understand.”
She answered, yet Iris still looked uneasy.
Is she scared of me? Only Charles and the knights know I can go full chaos mode when I feel like it.
My own knight order couldn’t help knowing, and Charles was technically my superior so of course he knew—but the rest of the nobility had always kept their distance from me, so their information had to be limited.
“Do I frighten you? Your complexion doesn’t look good. Or is there something else weighing on your mind?”
“Ah, no. Have you… already decided on a marriage partner?”
“Not yet, but I find myself drawn to you, Lady Iris. If you don’t dislike me, would you become my fiancée?”
Knock-knock—
At that exact moment an uninvited guest barged in with zero sense of timing.
Bang—
“Master Lucian, forgive the interruption.”
That voice sounded familiar.
Who the hell is this guy? Read the damn room—wait, this is that clueless knight from before!
“I’m in the middle of an important conversation. Come back later.”
“My apologies, but I have an urgent matter that cannot wait. I will gladly accept any punishment afterward. Might I have a brief moment of your time?”
The tone-deaf knight looked surprisingly serious.
If this turns out to be nothing, you’re dead meat.
“Hm. Lady Iris, please excuse me for a moment.”
“Yes…”
I dragged the clueless knight out of the reception room, walked a short distance, and found an empty chamber.
“So what’s this urgent message? You oblivious bastard—if it’s nothing, I won’t let it slide.”
“It’s about Lady Iris.”
“What about my Iris?”
“The situation is somewhat complicated. There was never a formal marriage arrangement between the houses, but Lady Iris already has someone with whom she has promised her future.”
“Pardon?”
What did this guy just say? I must have misheard. Tell me I misheard. I’ll forgive you once if you take it back.
“There is a new knight who recently joined the order—Sebastian of House Beaumont. He and Lady Iris have been promised to each other since childhood, but upon hearing of Master Lucian’s news, House Broua, hungry for military power, forcibly dragged Lady Iris here and ordered her to become engaged to you for the sake of the family.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a long sigh.
“Haa…”
So… that grinning piston bastard earlier was stringing her along, then found a better deal and tried to dump the leftovers on me as cleanup duty?
Even in my previous life, the one thing I hated most was people who grabbed someone by the weak points and shook them.
It took me forever to find my ideal type… but marrying me wouldn’t make her happy either.
“Then it’s a shame, but I’ll have to give up on the engagement with Iris.”
Fine. This kind of cosmic hate-train isn’t new to me. I don’t want to marry someone if it means making her miserable, so I’ll step back.
“That… even if Master Lucian refuses, Lady Iris could still be in trouble. They might hold her responsible for deliberately turning her back on the family because she refused to give up Sebastian.”
“Ha! Shit! This is exactly why I hate nobles—always reducing people to profit and loss!”
No matter what I do, every option ends with Iris being unhappy. That means I have to take Viscount Broua down.
“Bring that new guy here. I want to talk with him and Iris together.”
To properly dismantle Viscount Broua I needed a three-way conversation, so I ordered the rookie brought in. I returned to the reception room with the newcomer and sat down.
“You sit too, rookie.”
“Yes. My name is Sebastian.”
“Didn’t ask, rookie.”
“Yes… understood.”
The NTR knight sat right beside Iris and faced me across the table.
“I heard your story. The situation is a real headache. Whether she gets engaged to me or refuses, Iris ends up screwed either way. Right?”
“Yes. Does Master Lucian have a solution?”
“Yeah. I always find a way, no matter what. But first I need to know how far you two are willing to go.”
They looked at each other for a moment. Then the NTR knight, resolve firm, asked first.
“We are already prepared. May I ask what method you have in mind?”
“Alright. First—are you ready to take responsibility for Iris even if she loses all value as a noble?”
The half-baked knight answered without the slightest hesitation.
“Yes, of course. I never wanted Iris for the benefit of my house.”
“Then promise me as well. Honestly, I kind of liked Iris. I don’t want her to become unhappy because of me. So if you can’t take full responsibility for her to the end, back out right now. If you break that promise, you’ll make an enemy of me too.”
“I swear on my knighthood. I will take responsibility for Iris for the rest of my life.”
Damn bastard… at least he’s got a sense of responsibility…
“Alright, you’re good. Iris?”
“Yes, Lord Lucian…”
Haa… my ideal type. Giving her up hurts more than I expected…
“Do you have any older or younger brothers?”
“Yes. I have two older brothers.”
“Then even if your father disappears it won’t be a problem, right?”
Both of them jolted in shock.
“What?! What do you mean by that?!”
“Relax, I’m not killing him. I’ll remove him through perfectly legal procedures.”
Gaslighting him into various charges and kicking him out of the family headship still counted as legal procedure, right?
A guy who’d force his own daughter into cleanup duty for his own greed—you think he doesn’t have dirt when you dig?
“Then… what will happen to my father?”
“I don’t know yet. But he isn’t exactly a great parent, is he? Choose. Between Viscount Broua and that airheaded knight over there, which one matters more to you?”
Iris hesitated for a moment, then looked at the airheaded knight, steeled herself, and answered.
“I like Sebastian.”
Damn it… lucky bastard… I loved you for real, Iris.
For about three minutes, anyway.
And so both of them agreed that the piston bastard had to go.