Be My Wife
Somehow only this country looked like it was stuck in a completely different era.
I'd thought the whole place was pure fantasy medieval land, but only the Cardis Empire had already crossed over into the Renaissance.
An academy that taught swordsmanship and magic, plus a pink-haired crystallization of every man's deepest desires.
This place was definitely a romance fantasy.
That explained why even most of the extras—myself included—were all handsome men and beautiful women.
So then, why hadn't I managed to land a single relationship until now?
Maybe this world just revolves around that pink-head?
"Hey, student. You're a new freshman entering the academy, right?"
"Yes! That's right—how did you know?"
Bingo. Around the same time that pink-pink girl was enrolling, my own chances at romance finally unlocked.
If this really was a romance fantasy, that cunning little pink minx would go around charming every guy she met from here on out.
Not a chance. I'll cut down every little prick around her before they even sprout. She's mine no matter what. I'll make her my fourth wife by any means necessary.
"Just a hunch. I'm about to take up a teaching post myself. You speak Arno quite well—what's your name?"
"Thank you! My mother was from the Arno Kingdom, so I learned it from when I was little! I'm Adelia of the Rosenheim barony! It's a pleasure to meet you!"
"Adelia, huh. A name as pretty as that kind heart of yours."
See? Even the family name has roses in it.
She was a noble, sure, but from a minor baronial house at that—perfect.
"I'm Lucian, Grand Master of Arno. I'll be the head of the newly established Tactics Department."
"Whoooaaa!! A Grand Master?! You must be an incredibly amazing person!! It's such an honor to meet you like this!!"
Her reactions are pure gold.
"I'm still pretty rough with Cardis speech, so the requirement for taking Tactics classes is being able to speak Arno. Adelia, you'll come take my lectures, won't you?"
"Yes!! If I can, I absolutely will! I'm aiming to become a knight myself!"
She certainly looked the energetic knight type.
All that physical activity meant the places that should stick out stuck out, and the places that should go in went in… augh.
If I offer to check her form, maybe I can even get away with a little something like that?!
I hadn't actually become a Master as a knight, but as far as swordsmanship alone went I was at least Expert-level. Against full-fledged knights maybe not, but for students at this level I could teach them just fine.
Which meant that under the excuse of posture correction or sparring, there would be plenty of "unintentional" physical contact with the female students.
"That's a fine goal. You said you'd show us the way earlier. We were looking for the residence where the previous head of the Mage Department used to live."
"Ah, I've heard of that place! Follow me!"
We set off after Adelia, who was cheerfully leading the way.
"So, Adelia, you said you're from the Rosenheim baronial house?"
"Yes, that's right! Just like the name, our estate has lots of roses blooming."
"Then you're one of those roses yourself."
"Hwah?! Me?!"
Her reactions are way too cute. This is fun.
Whatever she said, Adelia's voice and movements were always big, and her face flushed red in an instant.
"Do you have a fiancé, or someone you like?"
"Ah, no! Nothing like that—I've never even thought about it!"
I'd figured as much.
Adelia's reverse harem was probably scheduled to start after she enrolled in the academy.
But there would be no reverse harem now.
First strike wins everything. I smashed the brakes on myself a long time ago.
Without a shred of hesitation I launched straight into a full-throttle manly confession.
"Then start thinking about it from now on. Adelia, marry me."
"Y-y-yeeesss?!"
"Lord Lucian?!"
My no-brakes, direct confession even made Marie, who'd been quietly following behind, jump in shock.
"You just said yes, right?"
"N-n-n-no I didn't!!"
To keep her from recovering her wits, I immediately took Adelia's hand, drew her close, bent at the waist, and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.
Smack—
"I mean every word, so don't dodge it—give me an answer, Adelia."
"Th-eh, th-hrrrhh, uuuuh."
She's completely broken. Should I just wrap her up and carry her off like this?
While I was thinking that, Marie suddenly grabbed me from behind and pulled.
"Lord Lucian, you're being far too hasty."
"What, now? You know I'm always like this."
"But still…"
In the meantime Adelia's stun wore off and she seized the turn again.
"Um… I've never really thought about dating or marriage or anything yet, so… could you give me a little time?"
"Of course. But I won't just sit around waiting quietly. To tilt even a little of that worry of yours toward me, I'll keep telling you how I feel as many times as it takes."
"Hwaaah!"
At this rate her brain's going to cook. Steam's gonna start coming out of her head.
Before long an old mansion came into view in the distance.
"That's the former department head's residence, right? You can go now, Adelia. Make sure you come to my lectures."
With that announcement I left Adelia standing there under a triple stack of status ailments and headed for the mansion with Marie.
"Looks like it's been kept up well."
I looked around the inside of the mansion, sat down on the sofa, and offered Marie my first impression—but she just stared at me with a faintly frowning expression, saying nothing, as if she had some complaint.
"Hm? Marie, what's with that look?"
"I don't know!"
"What do you mean you don't know. Marie, let's be honest with each other. I'm not going to hide anything from you, so won't you tell me what's wrong?"
"Hmph…"
She activated full sulking mode and turned her back on me.
That was your mistake, Marie. Showing me your back like that.
I walked up behind her, wrapped my arms around her, and whispered right into her ear.
"Seems like you're upset with me. Won't you tell me?"
"Hyaah!"
Even a megadere who'd turned into a complete Lucian-obsessed wreck couldn't get far by pouting.
If both sides had paper-thin defense, the one with higher attack power won.
"Come on, spit it out."
Marie turned around right there and faced me.
"I-I'm the third one, you know!"
"Of course you are. Is this because I confessed to Adelia? If she accepts, she'll be the fourth."
"I can understand Lord Lucian giving his heart to other women! But you can't go and kiss the back of that girl's hand right in front of me when you haven't even done that for me yet!!"
The angle of the jealousy was a little different from modern times, but I supposed this was just how noble sensibilities worked in this world.
Even her jealousy is cute.
"Sorry. I didn't think of that."
I immediately took one of Marie's hands, dropped to one knee—and did not kiss the back of it. The kneeling was just to generate momentum.
I yanked her hand, stood up, flung her down onto the sofa, and climbed on top of her.
"Then I'll do it on the mouth instead of the hand."
"Euhyaah! Th-that's too sudden—"
"Shut up and close your eyes."
I slowly brought my face closer, but Marie still kept her eyes wide open, locked on mine.
"Not closing them?"
I let go of the arm I'd been holding, forced my hand over her eyes, and kissed her right then and there.
She was trembling so hard her whole body had gone rigid.
I took the hand covering her eyes away, slid it around the back of her neck, and gently stroked her ear with my thumb.
Little by little Marie's tension eased; she reached out and pulled me into her arms.
Having my first kiss in my second life, huh.
Still, in my first life I'd thoroughly studied the theory through every medium imaginable.
I moved straight to the next stage and slipped my tongue in for a deep kiss.
Marie's body tensed again in surprise, but this time it settled quickly and she hugged me even tighter.
"Hnnngh—"
With that short moan, Marie was feeling our kiss with her entire body.
Those damn internet people—there's no taste at all, and no bells ringing in my head either.
Experienced guys had definitely claimed a first kiss was sweet and that you could hear bells in your head.
But I wasn't particularly disappointed.
Thinking of my tongue as licking its way through the inside of Marie's body only turned me on more, and her soft moans were way hotter than any damn bells.
I spent a long while thoroughly exploring the inside of Marie's mouth before slowly pulling my face away to look at her flushed, heated expression.
"Better than the back of the hand. This Lucian does things thoroughly."
"Pfft, what even is that."
"I seriously can't hold back any longer. Let's hurry to Valencia first."
"What?! We only just arrived. Can't we rest for a few days?"
There were several servants back at the Arno residence besides Marie and me.
But right now it was just the two of us here, so if it were me I'd definitely cross the line.
I know myself well, Tes-hyung.
"Sorry, but I don't think I can leave you alone in an empty mansion like this."
"Is it really that urgent a problem?"
"No! It's not that it's urgent—I just can't hold back!! Even now I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind!!"
"…"
"Let's go already! Let's get this damn procedure over with as fast as possible."
Even so, I didn't want to turn into a beast.
The moment I crossed the line I'd set for myself, I felt like I'd become nothing more than an animal without reason.
For the bare minimum of human dignity, I had decided I would absolutely keep the line I'd drawn.
"Lord Lucian, I'm so tired. Can't we just rest for today?"
Augh, when she asks like that I can't even refuse.
"You just wait. The second we get officially married, you're dead."
"Look who's talking! I'll win in bed! Lord Lucian, you'd better prepare to die!"
"You crazy woman! You said we'd rest today!! Don't provoke me!!"
"Ah! … Yes, okay. More importantly, aren't you hungry?"
Now that she mentioned it, I hadn't eaten a single thing since leaving the Arno residence today.
It felt like so many things had happened in one day; across my entire second life there probably hadn't been a day with bigger emotional swings than this one.
Flying in a floating carriage, conquering Marie inside it, becoming an overpowered academy professor, meeting my fourth wife candidate Adelia, and realizing this place wasn't a medieval fantasy but a romance fantasy.
Looking back, it really was a tiring day.
"Yeah, with everything going on I never had a chance to think about it. Now that you mention it, I'm starving."
"Please wait just a moment. I'll go check if there's a market and buy something."
"Yeah, thanks. Are you good at cooking, by the way?"
"Of course I am! I'm an all-purpose maid. I might not measure up to the royal chef you brought from the palace, but Lord Lucian will end up preferring my cooking because it's filled with affection, you know?"
"That's right. You're the best, Marie."
After she left to shop, about an hour passed before she returned.
She made a stew with the venison she'd bought, along with some bread.
What the hell? The mansion chef is probably more skilled, but this is insanely good. Is this the power of cooking made with love?
"This is excellent. It's almost a waste to eat it alone. It'd be nice if you ate with me."
"I'm a perfect maid, you know. I couldn't possibly sit at the same table as the one I serve."
"Right. Hurry up and become my wife instead of a maid so we can eat together."
"Of course! I'm looking forward to that."
After the meal, darkness eventually settled in.
In a fantasy medieval—no, Renaissance romance fantasy—world with nothing to entertain myself with alone, there was nothing to do but sleep.
I'm going insane. It just won't settle down!
The fact that a man and woman who liked each other were under the same roof made sleep impossible.
I nearly lost my reason completely, but when I came back to my senses I was already standing right in front of Marie's door.
When did I even get here?!
Whatever. I was going in.
Knock knock—
"Lady Valencia, are you in there?"
I knocked and called her by a slightly different title; an answer soon came from inside.
"Mmm… yes, is something the matter?"
"I just wanted to see you. I'm coming in."
"What?! N-no! Right now I'm—"
Bang—
The moment I opened the door, Marie bolted upright on the bed in shock.
My reason briefly powered off and back on, lagging a little before I fully recovered it.
"Lord Lucian?"
"Uh, well."
Once my senses returned I closed the door and immediately headed for the bed where Marie was sitting.
"Let's sleep together. I'll just hold your hand."
"Whaaat?! We can't do that!"
"Don't you trust me? No matter what happens, I keep the words I say!"
"That may be true, but…"
"I promise. Nothing more than kissing."
She hesitated for a moment, but since we were going to be married anyway she decided to accept it.
"We are going to be married, after all… but! Absolutely nothing beyond kissing!"
"That's more than enough."
With that I tossed off my outer coat, pulled Marie into my arms, and lay down beside her.
I am a eunuch today. I am a eunuch today. I am a eunuch today.
I kept up that self-hypnosis all night long, but I never managed to fall asleep until the sun rose.