Why Are You Doing This to Me (4)
A cool breeze swept across our skin.
Yu Seolhyeon's hair fluttered in the wind for a moment before settling.
She slowly raised her right hand, gently arranging the disheveled strands, then pursed her lips.
“I want to get rid of these foolish feelings…”
I mulled over the words I'd said.
She tilted her head slightly, then looked straight at my face.
Her eyes held a subtle, complex light.
What was she thinking right now?
I couldn't read her exactly, but one thing was clear.
She was full of curiosity and doubt about my words.
“You didn't say you two broke up nicely, did you?”
“…”
Well, yeah, we did.
I closed my lips for a moment.
It was a bit tricky to know how to phrase it.
Maintaining a moment of silence, I finally organized my thoughts and met Yu Seolhyeon's eyes.
Alright. Since things had come to this, I might as well clear things up once and for all.
'After all, thinking about the future, explaining to Yu Seolhyeon why I wanted to connect Soyeon with Siwoo wasn't such a bad idea.'
It was necessary to give my actions some credibility and justification.
In the future, I might need her help with Soyeon and the other male leads.
Explaining every time why I was doing something like this would be impossible.
The atmosphere and flow weren't bad, so I should explain it to her once.
I let out a small breath.
Then, slowly, I began to speak.
“I've been dating Soyeon since a long time ago.”
I paused briefly, then opened my lips slightly.
“Frankly, Soyeon seems to like me more as a friend than as a romantic interest.”
It was natural, given it was a fake relationship.
“Well, we've known each other since childhood, seen each other in every situation, and been together for a long time. It's unavoidable.”
“Mm.”
“I liked her a lot, though.”
I deliberately made a slightly bitter expression, but Yu Seolhyeon just watched me quietly without saying anything.
“And then there's Siwoo. He seems like a good match for Soyeon, doesn't he?”
“Siwoo?”
“Yeah. Soyeon seemed to get along well with Siwoo even in middle school, and Siwoo seemed to pay attention to her.”
“Hmm.”
“Watching the two of them, it felt a bit odd.”
Honestly, Soyeon and Siwoo weren't that close in middle school, but whatever.
Yu Seolhyeon probably didn't know much about it.
“Siwoo, as you know, has good abilities, a good family, good looks, and plenty of money… he doesn't lack anything?”
His personality was a bit ambiguous.
Of course, as one of the male leads, he wasn't bad.
He was in a position that could be considered benevolent.
…Until his jealousy flared up.
“Soyeon has always been very popular since she was little. Even someone like Siwoo would take an interest in her. But compared to those kinds of people, I'm a bit…?”
“…”
“You don't think your own abilities are bad, right?”
Actually, I have no special abilities.
Yu Seolhyeon was mistaken, thinking that.
“Anyway, it seems better for Soyeon to be with someone like Siwoo than to date me.”
“Well…”
“Since we started dating, some guys have secretly pestered Soyeon to break up with me, but if she dated Siwoo, that wouldn't happen.”
I added a bit more.
“Soyeon really likes me, but… honestly, she didn't seem to have much romantic interest in me. She seemed like she didn't even understand what dating was. Actually, because of that, Soyeon got along well with other people too.”
She maintained close relationships with both boys and girls without distinguishing, rather than just playing with boys while ignoring her boyfriend.
Of course, as a boyfriend, it might have been that way, but since we were fake lovers, we didn't pay much attention to each other.
The kids just thought, ‘Ah, they were like this before they started dating~’ and didn't think much of it.
“Huh. Having a boyfriend and hanging out with other boys is a bit… but maybe?”
Yu Seolhyeon smiled mischievously.
She was saying something weird again.
Of course, from her perspective, it made sense, but Soyeon was very insensitive to boundaries between men and women.
She was also too kind-hearted, helping many people, which led to her getting involved with many men.
It was probably because she wasn't the harem protagonist.
“Soyeon has always been sociable, that's why.”
“Ah, well… I'll go with that for now.”
Yu Seolhyeon nodded with a knowing smile.
I stared at Yu Seolhyeon for a moment, then continued.
“Anyway, I ended up dating Soyeon by chance. Actually, I don't think she was interested in me as a romantic partner as much as Siwoo.”
“Mm.”
“It was also hard for me to see Soyeon getting close with other guys. It was like that before, and now it's even harder to intervene every time… in the end, that's why we broke up.”
I continued carefully.
“I don't resent Soyeon, though. I guess I just want her to be happy with Siwoo or some other good guy. That way, I can let go of my lingering feelings.”
“…”
“I never thought I'd be saying this to you. Well, you can just ignore it if you want.”
“…”
“But from your perspective, is that the case? You were engaged to Siwoo, sort of.”
“That's fine. I didn't really care about that kind of thing between me and Siwoo anyway. And I'll overlook how you know that fact for now.”
Yu Seolhyeon shrugged.
“I heard the whole story. But, you know…”
“Yeah.”
“You really are an idiot.”
“Ah, yeah. I guess so.”
“Yeah. An idiot. I don't understand.”
“People become idiots when they fall in love, especially with first love.”
Of course, I wasn't in love with Soyeon romantically.
Before I awakened my memories from this life, maybe, but now I saw her as a precious childhood friend.
That… if I combined it with this life's memories, I was quite old?
But thinking of Soyeon as a romantic partner… honestly, that was a bit weird.
“Simplifying what I said, you don't see me as a romantic partner and don't think we match, so you want her to be happy with a better guy?”
“Basically.”
“So, you're an idiot. Pathetic, I can't even say it.”
“Huh?”
Yu Seolhyeon slowly extended her leg and took a step closer to me.
A light I couldn't understand flickered in her eyes.
“Why would you try to give away someone you want to someone else?”
Hmm? Not really.
It wasn't about giving away.
After all, Soyeon and I weren't in that kind of relationship.
I couldn't tell her it was a fake relationship.
“If you really want someone, you should do whatever it takes to get them, right?”
“You would, wouldn't you?”
“Most people do. That's why I don't understand. You're not some fool.”
“Hey, hey.”
“Originally, trying to help another guy make a girl happy is one thing. Letting go of lingering feelings? I really can't understand.”
Yu Seolhyeon shook her head with a subtle expression.
“…I really can't understand you.”
Given her personality and values, my actions were completely incomprehensible.
She was the type who would only feel satisfied if she got what she wanted.
“Does it feel like letting go because you love them? I can't understand that either.”
“You don't have to understand it at all.”
“Yeah, that's right. I don't need to understand it.”
Yu Seolhyeon let out a deep sigh.
And quietly muttered to herself.
“Having someone think that much… it's a bit enviable, Jin Soyeon.”
“Are you deliberately saying that so I can't hear?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Anyway…”
I cleared my throat and raised my voice again.
“But are you really okay with me helping Siwoo and Soyeon a little?”
“It's fine. No need to worry.”
“In that case…”
I nodded slowly.
I was worried how Yu Seolhyeon would react, but since she seemed completely unbothered, it was fortunate.
This way, I could push Soyeon and Siwoo without much hindrance.
Even if helping once didn't raise her favorability much, they would get closer than now.
Then, in the future, I could handle things more smoothly with Siwoo's help.
Right?
***
My chest felt tight.
A sharp pain welled up from my diaphragm.
With my heart thudding down, Jin Soyeon realized her pulse was racing wildly.
“No way, this can't be.”
In the incomprehensible situation, Jin Soyeon couldn't calm her confused mind and ran out onto the rooftop, then dashed into the schoolyard.
She wanted to empty her head of the confusing thoughts and escape to a place where the voices of those two couldn't reach.
So, Jin Soyeon ran across the vast schoolyard, breathing heavily, until she reached a park-like area.
“Haa… ugh… hah…”
Jin Soyeon bent her waist halfway and panted.
The conversation between Jinhyuk and Yu Seolhyeon from earlier on the rooftop still echoed in her mind.
Various incomprehensible stories had come and gone, but the one thing that stabbed deep into the core of her heart like a sharp blade was this:
That Jinhyuk secretly liked Jin Soyeon.
“Ah, no, that can't be… it can't be…?”
It was a story she shouldn't have heard and didn't want to hear.
That Jinhyuk liked Jin Soyeon? What kind of ridiculous thing was that?
Normally, she would have brushed it off as a joke, but she couldn't now.
Because Jinhyuk had revealed his true feelings.
“…You've been liking me all this time? I didn't notice that either?”
We'd been childhood friends for over ten years.
I was proud of knowing a lot about Jinhyuk.
But I was missing something important.
How could I not have noticed that Jinhyuk liked me all this time? And I asked him to be a fake boyfriend…?
“Ah… ugh.”
An indescribable bitterness rose.
Of course, it was because I imagined how Jinhyuk, secretly in love with Jin Soyeon, must have felt being asked to be a fake lover.
Jinhyuk, who had been secretly in love with Jin Soyeon, must have had complicated feelings in many ways.
But Jinhyuk had silently agreed without saying anything.
Even when Jin Soyeon went out with other kids without thinking, laughing and chatting, he didn't complain.
Of course, because it was a fake relationship.
Jinhyuk couldn't say anything, so he just endured as a shield for Jin Soyeon's fake boyfriend.
For years.
“It can't be.”
What was Jinhyuk thinking all that time?
What kind of heart did he look at Jin Soyeon with?
Why couldn't I notice?
“…”
The first person to reach out to me when I sat alone in kindergarten after losing my father was Jinhyuk.
At that time, he was quiet and didn't mix well with other kids, but thanks to him, I learned how to be with people.
He was my support and a solid fence.
Whenever Jin Soyeon was in trouble, he came over and helped without asking for anything, and even during that dangerous incident in the past, he saved her without hesitation.
But what did Jin Soyeon do to Jinhyuk?
I didn't hurt Jinhyuk.
For years.
“Wasn't Jinhyuk not getting along with other girls or not interested because he liked me?”
It was plausible enough.
Jinhyuk had a decent face and was good at studies, so some girls liked him, but he himself didn't care.
As if there was someone else he was paying attention to.
“After entering Union Academy, he started distancing himself strangely and tried to connect me with Siwoo… to let go of his feelings… for me…? Because I seemed interested in Siwoo…?”
How could a person be like that?
If Jin Soyeon was in the opposite position, what would have happened?
Could Jinhyuk have done so much for his childhood friend like that?
“I didn't know Jinhyuk was suffering… or if I knew he liked me, I wouldn't have asked him to… Jinhyuk, why me…?”
Jin Soyeon sat down, covering her face.
Confused.
My head was in chaos.
Jin Soyeon didn't know anything.
That Jinhyuk was secretly in love.
If she had known, she wouldn't have asked such a thing of her only precious childhood friend.
A fake relationship request.
…But it was already spilled.
Jin Soyeon never imagined she could be so oblivious.
How could she not know that her childhood friend of over ten years liked her?
No matter how much Jinhyuk tried to hide it, it would have shown.
In fact, Jin Soyeon tried to hide what happened last night, but Jinhyuk noticed immediately and kept asking?
A childhood friend who had been together for a long time should have been like that.
But Jin Soyeon didn't notice…
“I, I didn't have that intention… but thinking about the wounds Jinhyuk has received so far…”
Guilt and various thoughts tangled her.
Her mind was in disarray, so thoughts didn't organize well.
But one thing was clear.
No matter the reason, she had hurt Jinhyuk badly.
Of course, asking him to be a fake lover wasn't something Jin Soyeon could blame herself for.
After all, Jin Soyeon didn't know what Jinhyuk was thinking, and in the end, Jinhyuk chose to accept the request himself.
But for Jin Soyeon, those things didn't matter.
How much had Jinhyuk helped her over the years, and she didn't repay the favor, instead stabbing him in the back.
That fact alone clouded her mind and heart.
“Jinhyuk…”
Jin Soyeon quietly whispered his name.
The precious childhood friend who had been hurt by her actions so far.