Double Makoto (6)
I want to say that, but it means I can’t do it right now.
Even if I want pure love, saying I want it is just a wish.
‘... What did I do to end up like this?’
Regret always comes at the end of time.
Only after the situation ends does it press down on my conscience painfully.
I finished the tactical training inspection and returned to the Executive Residence.
‘...’
Without changing clothes, I collapsed onto the bed with a thud.
I feel powerless. Like sinking to the bottom of the ocean after swallowing lead.
I acted like a villain towards Hina. I forced a meeting under the guise of the Eden Treaty. Now I’m demanding obedience like a greedy official.
Because my heart was anxious, my actions became vicious.
I wanted to be hated rather than ignored.
If Hina could look at me, I could fall into villainy.
‘But...’
Can a villainous president coexist with pure love? It’s a riddle like one of Kivotos’ seven great problems.
A villainous president is evil, and pure love is good. Since they are at opposite extremes, if mixed, they lose their essence.
Is it evil or good? I can’t observe. It’s like proving the existence of a non-existent being.
‘I don’t want to do anything. I’m exhausted. It feels like it’s over.’
I did terrible things to Hina. I admit it.
If I were to speak like the student council president, ‘... It was my mistake.’
Blackmailing someone by exploiting their weakness is not pure love. Hina is pure love. Therefore, I shouldn’t do that to Hina.
Yet, using the Eden Treaty as an excuse, I messed everything up.
It’s self-contradiction. Achieving self-contradiction in an ultra-short time.
‘Uwaaaaaah-!’
It’s a black history. I buried my face in the bedsheet and let out a silent scream.
Was there no way to say it more gently? Should I have pressed Hina hard like a villain?
There are so many things I want to say to Hina, but I don’t know what to say.
I like her, but I can’t say I like her. Because I’m afraid.
Is this the feeling of a high school on the verge of closure paying off high-interest debts?
Pouring water into a leaking bucket. Minus on top of minus.
Perhaps the relationship between Makoto and Hina can’t be settled.
“What’s going on?”
Makoto, who entered the bedroom, asked me.
Her voice sounded concerned.
“... I want to be alone.”
I tried to send Makoto away with polite words.
“I see. I understand.”
Makoto agreed with my words as if she understood.
Then, Makoto stuck to my back with a slap.
In this way, the distance became even closer. It’s not being alone.
“... What are you doing?”
“Hehehe! Because I said that one of me was alone, I’ve made it happen!”
This is an incomprehensible statement. Moreover, it’s heavy. Makoto weighs more than me.
“I am you, and you are me! So even if we are together, it’s like we’re alone!”
It’s the opposite of a line from some novel, “I am not a single entity.”
‘Double Makoto is a single entity.’
Makoto always comes up with brilliant ideas sometimes. She’s the real president of Gehenna. Compared to her, I’m just a clone.
“Makoto.”
I clung to Makoto in place of the bedsheet.
Makoto’s body heat is warmer than the bedsheet.
“Mm, good. If you want to be spoiled, go ahead and spoil yourself. This is Makoto speaking!”
“...”
Relieved, I pulled Makoto closer.
“Heh heh. You, one of me, don’t forget that I’m your mom. That’s the story that at the center of Hanuma Makoto is ‘Mama’.”
Of course. It’s Hanuma ‘Ma’ Makoto. The center has Mama.
“Feeling like acting spoiled to mom.”
“... Makoto.”
“Why?”
“Can someone like me continue as acting president of Gehenna? I feel like I’m losing myself more and more.”
I don’t have full confidence. Can my decision lead to better results?
So far, I’ve only done things to bother Hina.
“Why do you think that way? Losing confidence is a problem!”
Makoto patted me. She heals me who is tainted with negative emotions.
“But even if I try, it doesn’t seem like it will work out. It might only add to the wounds.”
“What’s the problem with that? Even if you fail, challenging yourself is the true spirit of a leader’s challenge, right!?”
Original and replica are the same yet different.
Makoto doesn’t get disappointed even if the results don’t meet expectations. Her drive is that of the top president of Gehenna.
“I sat you as acting president. You don’t need to be afraid. One Makoto is fine as one Makoto. It has enough meaning.”
Makoto affirming me.
In this aspect, I can’t surpass the original.
“Hehehehe! We are the strongest in Kivotos. Remember this fact and push your will!”
“Is that okay for Makoto?”
“If it’s something you decided, I’ll only respect it.”
“... Thank you.”
The painful feeling has calmed. Thanks to Makoto embracing my heart.
“If things don’t go well, dump everything on the Prefect Team! Especially Sorasaki Hina! Think of her as the one who did wrong! Mess it up like this!”
“...”
Again, it’s the victory speech for the Prefect Team. Makoto is scolding the innocent Prefect Team.
I still can’t talk to Makoto about Hina. She would get angry like a mama who fiercely opposes interactions with the enemy family.
“Well, has your mood improved a bit?”
“Yeah.”
The heart that was ashen and cloudy has become a little clearer.
I want to emulate Makoto’s drive. Even if it’s shameless, if I like her, I can run straight ahead.
I reflect on using somewhat un-pure-love methods. For now, I’m a villainous president.
But if I’m a clone of Hanuma Makoto, I have to smile shamelessly to the end.
Makoto is the truth and the law. Therefore, I am pure love.
If I believe it’s panties and not swimsuits, then it is panties. Pure love is the same.
‘I have to try my best.’
I resolved my will.