The Weight of a Second Life
I’d rather die than live in a body like this.
The reason she felt no desperate will to survive wasn’t simply because this second life she’d been given was miserable. The years she had wasted on one man—when she looked back on them now—had been utterly pathetic. Yet because she had poured every ounce of her strength into living with all her might, she no longer had the confidence to live that fiercely again.
Yes. Not once, not even for a single moment, had she ever lived without passion.
In the distant childhood she could barely remember, she had wandered the streets with no purpose but to fill her starving belly. When she grew into a woman, she learned how to kill so she would never have to suffer the filthy, brutal fate that awaited most girls. Later, determined to live like a human being, she met a lord worthy of lifelong loyalty and gave him everything she had.
But what had come of living so desperately? In the end, she had been betrayed by the husband she had trusted with her whole heart and killed by the hand of her own disciple. A bitter, miserable conclusion.
Having already died once, she was overcome with doubt. Why should she have to live like that again? She knew all too well that a life destined to end was meaningless.
Yet in a body that could not even rise on its own, she could not choose death as she wished. For twenty-four hours a day, she was forced to spend every moment under the watchful eyes of the maids, always with Blair at her side.
Blair’s love for his sister was so devoted it brought tears to the eyes. Every morning he would lift her into a carriage and take her for walks. Whenever he had a spare moment, he would feed her carefully prepared fruit. He even supported her pitiful body—barely capable of a toddler’s first steps—and helped her through rehabilitation so she could walk alone.
After waking and before sleep, he whispered every single day that he loved her. Thanks to his relentless affection and those embarrassingly sweet words that she was the most precious person in the world, she sometimes caught herself believing she truly was someone special.
“Don’t you ever find me annoying, brother?”
“Annoying? I love being able to spend the whole day with you.”
To her, who had been an orphan with no family, the feeling was both unfamiliar and ticklish. Watching Blair embrace her and love her unconditionally simply because they were family made her feel as though even thinking about death was a sin.
Do I even have the right to do whatever I want with this body?
The thought came to her too late.
If Odeliana was a real person, where had her soul gone? And did Lerusha still exist in this era? Could it be that somewhere, the souls of Lerusha and Odeliana had been swapped, leading to this situation?
If that were true, could she really take her own life? What if the true owner of this body was desperately searching for it?
I need to confirm first whether the me of this era is still alive, and where Odeliana’s soul has gone.
She could not ruin another person’s life for her own selfishness. Of course, it was a life that could hardly get any worse, but still—Odeliana herself might have thought differently.
Considering that she had traveled through time and ended up in someone else’s body, it was entirely possible that others had experienced the same bizarre phenomenon.
She decided to set aside, for now, the idea of simply dying. Instead, she would search for the true owner of this body and for the Lerusha who must be living somewhere in this world.
But even that modest goal was blocked by a massive obstacle. Before her inconvenient body, the existence of the maids who controlled her every hour of the day was the real problem.
Blair was with her now, but he was only scheduled to stay here for about a month before returning to the Grusewald ducal estate. Once he left, she would once again be locked in a room worse than a stable and raised like livestock.
To do anything at all, she first had to completely overturn the environment she was trapped in. She needed to correct this twisted situation where the maids acted like masters and the master had become livestock. The only way to escape their abuse was to gain Blair’s help.
However, in her current state, anything she told him would clearly be dismissed as the delirious ramblings of a poor sister suffering from mental illness. No one would believe the words of a mad noblewoman.
The best thing would be to make him witness the abuse with his own eyes… but how? How could she expose their true faces when they played the perfect role of loyal servants in front of Blair?
She agonized over it for four full days. She searched for a way to reveal their crimes and create a justification for Blair to place her under his direct protection.
“Brother.”
“Yes?”
“Can you do one favor for me?”
“A favor?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me.”
Odeliana beckoned Blair closer. When he leaned down, she wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face against his ear, and whispered in a tiny voice.
Blair listened in silence, then nodded.
“All right. Let’s do that.”
“Ugh, I thought I was going to die.”
“Right? I was terrified he might actually stay here for a whole month!”
“But why did he leave so suddenly?”
“He said something urgent came up and left right away.”
Blair had departed far sooner than scheduled. The moment he left, she was immediately thrown out.
This place was not the stable, but an old storage shed attached to the annex. A space originally meant for keeping miscellaneous items was now being used as a prison to lock her away. The door was shut and locked tight.
With their overseer gone, they transformed back into demons. Delighted that the cumbersome burden had disappeared, they even threw themselves a small party. Without shame, the servants opened expensive champagne and gorged themselves on meat and seafood dishes.
While they ate, drank, and reveled, the only food provided to her in the annex shed was rock-hard bread, cheese with a strange smell, and strips of dried wild boar jerky. The monthly living expenses and provisions supposedly delivered here had clearly all gone into their own pockets.
As they enjoyed their leisure, she busily rolled across a room filled with filth. Practicing standing and walking alone, she fell countless times. Her knees were scraped raw, her body covered in scratches, and her clothes filthy.
The maids paid no attention whether she was covered in waste or bleeding from her wounds. They simply left her a meal, water, and the medicine provided each day, locked the door, and left.
She spent a full week locked up like that. In that short time, the clothes she wore became caked with filth. The room reeked with a foul stench, rats and insects swarmed, and maggots had even begun wriggling on the tray left beside her.
It was almost miraculous that a person could survive a week in such a place. Even the stables and huts she had stayed in while wandering the slums had not been this wretched. That an annex attached to a noble mansion could be this miserable was truly remarkable.
Just as she was beginning to adapt to even this terrible environment—
Suddenly, noise erupted outside. Short, urgent screams filled with panic rang out.
What should I do? What now? Footsteps hurried in confusion, voices grew frantic. Then, among them, a familiar voice reached her ears.
He’s finally here.
“Where could a child who can’t even move on her own have gone?”
“W-well, the young lady went out for a moment…”
“You took a frail child like her outside when it’s pouring rain?”
“……Actually, the truth is—”
Blair’s agitated voice pierced her ears. The entire area trembled with the force of his heavy footsteps as he paced through every corner of the house.
After searching for Odeliana for a long time, Blair seemed to sense that something was deeply wrong. He began threatening the maids, raising his voice. Only then did the terrified women realize they could no longer hide the truth and reluctantly led him to the annex.
With a click, the lock was undone. The old wooden door creaked open.
Odeliana looked up at him from where she sat huddled on the floor. The moment their eyes met, Blair’s gentle gaze froze over with ice. He stared at her in her wretched state, as if unable to believe what he was seeing, then let out a harsh breath.
“……What the hell is this?”