The Terror Within
“It was a temporary hyperventilation symptom. Since your mind and body are unsettled, the symptoms could recur, so I’ll stay by your side without leaving for the time being.”
So this is what it means for a person to grow frail. Without any injury or illness, the mere collapse of the heart can make the entire body ache as though it were being severed, leaving one gasping for breath on the edge of death.
Odeliana stared up at the ceiling, unable to so much as twitch a finger.
“How many attacks has this been?”
“The third.”
“……”
“Do not dwell on it. The more you focus on it, the more anxious you will become, and that anxiety will only trigger another episode. The physician said there is nothing physically wrong with you; the symptoms stem from the mind. So try to ease your heart.”
The attack that felt as though her breath would be cut off at any moment began with her airway constricting and her vision darkening, then spread until her entire body stiffened. What followed was the sight of her limbs bound while her heart was torn out alive.
“I have never been this frightened in my life…… not once.”
“……”
“More than when I opened my eyes in a strange place. More than when the silver sword pierced my heart.”
“You must have had a terrible nightmare.”
“……I wish it had only been a nightmare.”
Odeliana rubbed her eyes, now brimming with tears, with her arm.
“You’re showing a rather unladylike weakness today.”
“I have always been weak.”
At her dejected reply, Malena gave a small laugh.
“What happened to the courage that kept a monstrous beast at your side in order to tame it?”
“……”
“You hold the one thing you should fear most, yet what is it that truly frightens you? Is it something greater than the beast you yourself raised?”
Malena casually brushed back Odeliana’s sweat-soaked hair.
“My lady, you said you did not want to die, did you not? From what I see, even if you wished for death, you would not be allowed to die.”
“……”
“That man would never quietly stand by and let you die.”
“……”
“I understand that your frail body makes you sensitive to matters of health and death, but this is beyond human control. Accept it as it is. And at the very least, there is no one who can harm you. That boy would never stand idly by if so much as a single scratch appeared on your body. I will protect you as well.”
“……”
“It is my duty to keep you safe. So do not worry and rest. Sleep is the best remedy for anxiety.”
“……You just want to put me to sleep because my whining is bothersome.”
“I will not deny it.”
Odeliana lay still, covering her eyes.
A life that has lost even the dignity of existence, forced to become a sacrifice for someone else as though it were natural. A life consumed out of necessity. In that life, there had never been any will of hers—of mine.
For the first time, she felt curiosity toward the true owner of this body, the real Odeliana whose existence she had never truly questioned until now.
A pitiful woman who had never tasted a single moment of freedom, bound and controlled until her life was stolen under the noble yet hideous name of sacrifice. Where was her soul now, after even her body had been given away to another? Was it still wandering the void?
The injustice and cruelty of that life filled her with pity and hatred, chilling her blood.
How terrified you must have been……
She regretted the days she had spent with the complacent thought that dying once more would not matter. While occupying your shell, she had so casually deceived the desperate struggle you had waged to live.
With that realization, her mind cooled. Separate from her fear, a surge of rage toward the Grusewald family and an instinctive will to survive rose within her.
I will never let things go the way you want.
In this life, the one who dies will not be me, but you, Orldette.
* * *
A week had passed since the sudden, repeated attacks and her struggle with hyperventilation.
Word arrived that Blair, who had been out of contact, had returned. Mere minutes later, he burst into the annex. Before the servants could even announce his visit, he flung open Odeliana’s door and strode inside.
“Odeliana!”
At this point, it seemed to be a family trait to appear without notice. Odeliana was glad to see Blair after weeks of silence, yet her distrust toward him erased any joy.
“Are you all right? I heard you collapsed!”
“……”
“Malena, how is Odeliana’s condition?”
“She continues to suffer from attacks and hyperventilation, but the frequency is decreasing, so there is no need for excessive concern.”
“Does that mean she is improving? What is the cause?”
“……It seems to be an illness of the mind. The symptoms likely stem from extreme anxiety.”
“Why so suddenly? She had been fine without any symptoms until now……”
“Perhaps everything that had built up finally reached its limit and erupted.”
Blair took Odeliana’s hand with a sorrowful expression. At that moment, she instinctively shook it off. It had not been intentional; her body had rejected him without thought. Both Blair and Odeliana herself were startled.
“Ah…… You must have been anxious because I was gone for so long……. That is why your health worsened. Is that it?”
“……”
“I am sorry, Odeliana. I should have sent word, but I was not in my right mind either.”
“What…… have you been doing all this time that you only show up now?”
Whether from not having spoken properly in days or from screaming during each attack, her voice came out hoarse and cracked, making her sound even more resentful. Blair’s expression grew complicated.
“I went to Eisenbalt.”
“……”
“Odeliana, you told me to discuss it seriously with Adolf. He offered me the position of lord of Eisenbalt. The previous lord caused trouble and was wiped out along with his entire family, leaving the seat vacant with no one to inherit it.”
“So you went all the way there yourself without a word?”
“I wanted to see with my own eyes what kind of place it was. The position of lord concerns every citizen of the territory; I could not make a hasty decision.”
Going all the way to Eisenbalt to confirm the city’s situation with his own eyes was very much like Blair. His straightforwardness was so absolute that Odeliana found herself at a loss for words.
“The city that lost its lord was certainly in chaos. Public order was unstable as well……. The vacancy needed to be filled as soon as possible.”
“……So after seeing it for yourself, you made up your mind?”
She asked while feeling uneasy inside, worried he might say it was still too soon for independence.
In truth, Blair’s help was the only realistic way for her to escape this house safely. Even without him, she could attempt to flee secretly once Mathias returned, but she did not want to burden him so soon.
“It is a good opportunity, so I think I will take it.”
“……”
“As you said, it is time for me to stand on my own, and staying here will only worsen your health further.”
“Really?”
“However, our parents will never allow me to take you with me, so we will need to find a way to leave in secret. I plan to discuss this with Adolf, but unfortunately he is away. He is attending the knight examination as an examiner.”
Adolf attending the knight examination as an examiner was only natural. In her previous life as well, he had personally overseen the examinations and consistently served as an examiner to supervise them.
As the one destined to become the ruler of the western continent after the Schaller Duke, Adolf had always shown great interest in training knights. If he had noticed Mathias before Joslyn did, he would surely have recognized his potential, made him a knight, and kept him close.
“Does Young Duke Schaller know about Mathias?”
“I did not mention it separately, but since I handled the registration, he will likely find out.”
“I hope he thinks well of Mathias.”
“Adolf is a fair man. Even if he learns I brought Mathias, he would never grant special treatment for such a petty reason.”
“I know.”
Because he was that kind of person, he would recognize Mathias’s true value even more.
Blair becoming the lord of Eisenbalt in the Schaller Duchy, and Mathias catching Adolf Schaller’s eye to join the Schaller Knights—that was the most perfect picture Odeliana could envision. And so far, everything was proceeding smoothly.
But can I trust Blair?
“Brother.”
“Yes?”
“……Never mind.”
She wondered whether he knew about the Beast’s Curse and Orldette’s heart, but no immediate solution came to mind even if she suspected him. She decided to think about it again after leaving the Grusewald estate. Since Blair had decided on independence, she had no choice but to rely on him completely for now.
“Thank you.”
Blair slowly reached out his hand. She could feel his tension, as though he feared she might reject him again. His cautious touch reached her disheveled hair. He gently stroked her head and spoke.
“Do not worry too much, Odeliana. I, at least, will take responsibility for you until the very end.”
Odeliana gazed at him quietly.
Hoping that the words he had just spoken were not a lie.