The Weight of Absence
Mathias's absence was far greater than she had expected. The boy's presence had filled most of her days, and without him, it felt as though more than half her life had been carved away, leaving behind a perfect void. There was hardly a single thing that did not carry some memory of him, and the realization was unsettling.
She had never realized just how dependent she had become on Mathias. Odeliana was startled by the thought.
There was not a single object untouched by his hands. The clothes he had brought her, the incense he lit at the proper hour, the hair oil he applied after she bathed, the fresh bedding he changed without being asked, the meals he prepared himself, even the medicine cabinet he had organized by use. It would not be an exaggeration to say that Mathias had been involved in every aspect of her daily life.
Has a single day always been this long?
Time crawled even slower than when she had first opened her eyes in a filthy room, trapped in a body that was not her own. She felt listless. It was only that the person who had stayed by her side had stepped away for a while, yet the emptiness was profound enough to rival the loneliness of an old man who had spent his remaining years shut away in a mountain valley.
Moreover, the rainy season had begun, and rain poured without end, casting the world in gloom. The persistent dark and damp weather threatened to turn mere boredom into outright melancholy.
Odeliana felt a rising panic that she might lose her mind. She needed to do something to escape this dreadful feeling, yet a crushing lethargy weighed down her entire body. The unpleasant weather made even breathing uncomfortable, and she could not bring herself to do the hour of exercise she usually managed.
“The weather is like this… They say people are already dying in the streets. I’m worried, my lady. Your condition has visibly declined. I’ll bring you something strengthening for dinner.”
“……Is there still no word from my brother?”
“He remains away.”
“He might be avoiding me on purpose.”
“I don’t think so. It seems he truly has matters to attend to. Perhaps he is busy preparing for his independence?”
That would be fortunate, but it was also possible he was deliberately staying out. At least from what she had seen so far, Blair was not without his indecisive side—especially when it came to family matters.
“What about my eldest brother?”
“Don’t even ask. He’s a tyrant. The search for the culprit has hit a wall, and it seems to have driven him mad. Yesterday he was shouting and throwing things, and one of the servants had their forehead split open.”
“That temper of his.”
“By the way, who could it have been? It’s strange that there are no proper witnesses for something that happened in broad daylight. Everyone gives the same account. They saw a man ambush the carriage, and that’s all. They only vaguely remember the shape of a man, with no distinctive features they can recall.”
Mathias had always been exceptionally good at concealing his presence.
On the battlefield he had led charges at the forefront of his battalion, but his true specialty was not open combat—it was ambush. With movements so swift they were nearly impossible to follow, he would close the distance and slit throats. If he had been an assassin, he would have been renowned as the man who could kill even the king.
“It means the culprit is someone capable of moving with that kind of agility. Probably no ordinary person.”
“Our poor eldest brother is desperate to catch the culprit.”
“It must be humiliating. For someone as proud as him to be reduced to a cripple after being attacked in the street—that is no small disgrace. Especially when the young master has built his reputation as a skilled warrior.”
Despite being the eldest son of the Grusewald family and the designated heir, Herman had joined the knight order as a squire in his youth and completed the formal knight training. He had no choice; he was born a warrior. His fiery, combative nature, his excessive competitiveness, his towering frame, and his superior strength had set him apart from others.
It was the exact opposite of Blair, who had no talent for physical matters but possessed a sharp mind. Herman might have been less intelligent than Blair, but his physical abilities were far superior.
He was meant to become one of the main commanders of the allied forces alongside Joslyn during the barbarian subjugation campaign…… To be struck down so helplessly in the middle of a crowded street must have been infuriating.
It was a pity she could not witness his rage firsthand.
Now that he was bedridden and forced to rely on others for everything, he would finally understand how inconvenient life was for someone with crippled legs. Perhaps then he would show a little understanding for his poor, disabled younger sister.
“If my legs were fine and I weren’t trapped here, I would have gone straight to him and laughed in his face.”
Even the news that Herman’s temper had flared did nothing to relieve her boredom.
The rain continued without end, and reports of flood damage came from every direction. This place remained as quiet as ever while the outside world descended into chaos, and the contrast left a bitter taste. Cursed natural disasters always seemed to claim the lives of those who had nothing. Even amid the turmoil, the inner districts where the nobility resided remained peaceful.
Amid the stream of grim news, both large and small, word finally arrived that swept away her boredom completely.
“Orldette has returned?”
“Yes. It’s been quite noisy since this morning.”
It was the return of an unwelcome guest, as inauspicious as the weather itself.
* * *
The servants of the mansion bustled about preparing to welcome the young lady upon hearing that Orldette had returned from her tour of the relief centers. The commotion reached even the isolated annex, which was normally cut off from the outside.
Odeliana’s heart pounded violently at the news of her return. She wanted nothing more than to rush out and see her immediately. Even though the mere thought of the woman who had given her such terrible memories made her stomach turn with revulsion, her desire to meet her was overwhelming.
The dazzlingly beautiful mistress of her husband.
Setting aside the resentment and hatred she felt toward her, Odeliana was consumed by a powerful curiosity about the woman she had never once encountered in her previous life. She knew Joslyn well, but all she had heard of his mistress, Orldette, were the publicly known details.
Will she come to see me?
It was frustrating that she could not leave this place. To have her so close yet be unable to go to her felt absurd.
They say we were quite close as children. So……
Blair had described Orldette as a kind and gentle girl. He had said she would be happy to learn that Odeliana had returned to the house. If that were true, then Orldette would not behave like their parents, who had not shown their faces even once.
“You seem quite pleased about the young lady’s return. You must like your sister very much.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then why do you ask about her every single day and act as though you’re dying to see her?”
“Wanting to meet someone doesn’t necessarily mean you like them.”
“You said you never wanted to see the young master again.”
“That bastard has nothing to do with my life. But Orldette is different.”
Yes, she was very interested in Orldette. Because she knew nothing about her, she wanted to know more. She wanted to see what kind of person she was.
“You have to know your enemy if you want to win the fight.”
“Are you going to fight the young lady?”
“Someday.”
Honestly, she hoped they would not become the kind of sisters who lived and died for each other. She hoped Orldette would turn out to be the kind of trash who deserved every ounce of resentment and hatred she could pour out. She did not want a good sister. She had no need for a sister who had been her husband’s mistress.
She did not want to carry the burden of the dilemma that would arise from having a different body in this life than in the last. Among the members of this household, Blair was the only one she needed to be good to her.
Exactly one week after her return, the Orldette whom Odeliana had been waiting for finally appeared before her. But she was not alone.
“The young lady suddenly…… brought a male attendant into an empty room. She gave orders that no one was to enter.”
“She barges in without warning, doesn’t even look for me, and takes over a room as she pleases? And with a man she brought from outside?”
The worry that she might be a good sister had been a pointless concern. She had been born a bitch.