Save Me from This Hell
The next day, from the crack of dawn, Blair came bursting in, gasping for breath.
He must have rushed straight from bed, for his normally impeccable appearance was in utter chaos. His clothes were rumpled, his hair disheveled, and even his expression fractured. He stared at his younger sister, who sat waiting for him with unexpected composure, and felt himself crumble helplessly.
“Ah……”
Malena delivered the facts with her usual blunt efficiency. A “bloody incident” had occurred. It was true that blood had been spilled, so the words weren’t wrong, yet Blair’s mind immediately flew to the time Odeliana had slashed Adela with a blade. He had come here steeling himself for the worst.
“Why do you look so shocked? You’re making a face like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“……Are you all right?”
Blair hurriedly scanned Odeliana’s body, only to freeze at the sight of her swollen, bruised cheek. A short, pained sigh escaped him.
“……Did Brother do this? Did he hit you?”
“Yes. The eldest young master struck the eldest young lady. If we hadn’t stepped in, she might have been killed.”
Malena, who had brought a change of clothes for Odeliana, answered in a flat, emotionless tone. Odeliana promptly corrected her.
“Killed? Malena, anyone listening would think something truly catastrophic had happened. Since when does a single slap kill a person? Do you really think I’m that fragile?”
“It was a serious matter. And it would be troubling if you forgot how much frailer you are than others, my lady. If you had taken the blow that Mathias received in your place…… you might never have opened your eyes again.”
“It wasn’t that severe.”
“Yes, it was far more serious than my description suggested.”
Blair groaned and dropped his head. He hunched his shoulders like a criminal, as though he could barely stand to meet Odeliana’s gaze.
Watching him wither before her eyes, Odeliana let out a deep sigh. She ordered Malena to stop speaking and wait outside. The maid obeyed without protest, leaving the room in silence.
Even telling him it wasn’t his fault made her mouth ache with weariness, so Odeliana simply stared quietly at the back of his round head.
He’s carrying the entire weight of the sins the rest of the family should bear, all by himself.
Why did he have to torment himself with guilt over acts he had never committed? The sight always left a bitter taste in her heart.
As long as he remained here, he would suffer forever. As long as Hermann’s tyranny and their parents’ cold indifference continued, he would keep colliding with these suffocating situations.
When she looked at him, he seemed like a man driven to the edge of a cliff—unable to move forward or back. The perpetrator was family. The victim was family. If this endless wavering between the two continued, his pain would only deepen with every passing day.
“If only Mother and Father, or our eldest brother, were more like you. Even though we’re the same family…… they’re so very different. Don’t you think?”
“……”
“Don’t apologize. You know better than anyone that none of this is your fault. You’re not blind to the root of the problem, either.”
Odeliana mentally counted the days until Mathias’s knight examination. Then she straightened her posture and held out her hand to Blair. He stared blankly at her small palm before carefully enveloping it with his own.
“Become independent.”
“……What?”
“Become independent and take me with you. Save me from this hell.”
“……Independence, all of a sudden?”
He had considered it from time to time. Whether it was truly right to remain tethered to this household.
Once Mathias became a knight, leaving this place would grow even more difficult. A knight had to swear allegiance to an order and follow its rules; he could no longer serve as a personal squire.
At first she had simply thought of fleeing with Mathias in the dead of night, but the family would have tracked them down in no time.
It was during those deliberations that Blair’s independence had occurred to her.
“In any case, all children except the heir are denied titles. They have no choice but to strike out on their own, correct?”
“……”
“Family doesn’t mean living together forever. You know that perfectly well.”
Odeliana reached back into the memories of her previous life.
In that life, Blair had left the house just before her own ascension to power. It was far later than most, because he had shouldered countless official duties under Hermann, the future family head. While keeping his younger brother in check, Hermann had valued Blair’s abilities highly and exploited him at every opportunity.
Back then, gathering information on the Grusewalds as Joslyn’s knight, she had dismissed Blair as a fool. Smiling and accommodating the eldest son without realizing he was being used—how pathetic. Even after he gained independence, she had clicked her tongue, thinking it would be lucky if he didn’t fall prey to some swindler and go bankrupt.
If events followed their previous course, he would not gain independence for at least another four years. He would waste a considerable portion of his life being worked to the bone beneath the eldest son.
Once I make Mathias a knight, we must leave this place anyway. Judging by Hermann’s behavior, he has no intention of leaving Mathias alone. He’ll try to dispose of him one way or another.
Using Blair’s independence as a means to branch off could be an excellent solution. It would prevent him from wasting years under Hermann’s thumb, and they could live in a stable environment rather than scraping by on the dangerous streets with nothing to their name.
“If it’s so sudden……”
“Think it over carefully. If you’re going to prepare, you should begin now.”
“……”
“If you stay here, unpleasant incidents will only keep repeating. It won’t be comfortable for either of us, will it?”
Odeliana swallowed a bitter smile at the coaxing tone in her own voice, as if she were soothing a child. She wasn’t deliberately trying to brainwash him, and she didn’t particularly enjoy cornering him like this. Fortunately, the awkward, unpleasant sensation didn’t linger.
When she reminded herself that she was guiding him toward a more efficient use of his life than in the previous timeline, her heart grew lighter. Yes—this was a promise of a far more successful future than before. Wasn’t this the special privilege of a regressor who already knew what lay ahead?
“You’re not the sort of person who should rot away here, Brother.”
In the end it was a selfish act for her own sake, but if he stood to gain from it as well, perhaps it could be called mutual benefit.
“Odeliana, are you unhappy?”
“……”
“Is the family embrace you longed for so deeply making you unhappy?”
Blair was tense. Though he had asked the question himself, his posture suggested he feared the answer. Odeliana replied calmly.
“Family embrace…… I’m not sure. Can I even call myself family here? They simply provide a bed and food at the proper times. What’s the difference between me and the livestock they raise? And even that minimal care is left to the servants.”
Even as she held his hand and tried to persuade him, her mind—far sharper than her frail body—raced ahead. What events had surrounded him at this time in her previous life? Among the flashing fragments of memory, one useful piece surfaced.
“Adolf Schaller.”
“……Huh?”
“Your friend. Why don’t you ask him for advice about independence?”
“……Adolf is frantically busy right now, dealing with an unpleasant incident.”
Yes, of course he was. Around this time, a major problem had arisen in Eisenbalt, the city within the Schaller Duchy.
“Then it seems the young Duke Adolf is also in need of your advice and comfort, Brother.”
“……”
“Talk it over with your friend and consider it carefully.”
“……I’ll think about it.”
The sudden proposal seemed to have thrown Blair’s thoughts into disarray. Yet he didn’t appear entirely opposed.
“I’ll be waiting for a positive answer. Oh, and the preparations for Mathias’s knight examination?”
“I’ve already submitted everything on your behalf.”
“Thank you for handling it.”
“However, Odeliana—even if Mathias passes the examination, whether you can keep him by your side will ultimately depend on Father’s decision. Once he becomes a knight, he must join an order. If he belongs to a knight order, he will no longer be your personal squire. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“Our parents…… will not want to keep a newly minted knight at your side. He won’t be permitted to join the order led by our own family, either. If he joins another order, he won’t be able to come and go freely as he does now, nor spend entire days with you. Knowing all this, you still insist on making him a knight?”
“Yes.”
“Do you truly believe Mathias would offer you the Knight’s Oath?”
At Blair’s question, Odeliana burst into loud laughter, as though she had heard something utterly absurd.
“Would Mathias ever do something that insane?”
“If that’s not the case, then why……”
“That’s exactly why I told you to seek advice from young Duke Adolf.”
As he slowly turned her words over in his mind, Blair’s pupils dilated.
“You can’t mean……”
“He can offer you considerable help regarding independence. And as for Mathias’s affiliation problem, it becomes quite simple to solve if you simply become independent and take me with you.”
“……”
“The young Duke of Schaller is the future head of the entire Schaller Duchy. Surely he can manage a small convenience for a single knight?”
Blair kept blinking his large eyes, then rubbed his forehead with a sigh. The sound seemed to contain both admiration and utter bewilderment. He stared at Odeliana as if he could scarcely believe what he was hearing, then let out a soft chuckle.
“……So there was a reason behind suggesting independence and telling me to meet Adolf.”
“I don’t think it’s a bad offer for you, either.”
At a loss for words, Blair simply gazed at her with an odd expression. His beloved younger sister had always carried an alien air, as though she had become someone else, but now that feeling had reached its peak. Just what was she seeing? Even catching the faintest glimpse of the picture she was trying to paint sent an electric thrill racing across his entire body.
“You really feel like a stranger these days, Odeliana.”
“I told you. Everyone changes.”
At her calm reply, he smiled sadly and nodded in acceptance as he rose from his seat. It wasn’t only Odeliana who had changed. Even his once-straightforward heart—always righteous and loyal to the family—was beginning to shift.
“I’ll make my decision soon and give you an answer.”