Chapter 63
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 63
Chapter Title: [Intermission] Claudie
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"Haa... It's over quick. Now the eyeballs..."
I drew my knife and carefully gouged out the gremlins' eyeballs. I picked only the big ones that looked like adults, carving out three pairs and stashing them in my pouch. Claudie, who had been watching, squinted and spoke up.
"That's some seriously twisted shit... Who the hell even requests something like that?"
"A black mage. Said she needed them for some materials."
"What? A black mage? Isn't that dangerous?"
"Of course I figured it'd be fucking dangerous. But it wasn't as bad as I thought. She's probably just running a shop in the city to make a living, so nothing too shady going on."
If it were a real dangerous black mage, she wouldn't be openly doing business. She even had a sign out, so it didn't seem illegal. Claudie muttered softly at that.
"Black mage... I swear, just a few decades ago..."
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing. So, what was this black mage like?"
"Nothing special... Just an elf, aside from that."
"An elf?"
I couldn't say for sure that Lisha was an elf, but she looked the part, so calling her one was fine. Elves were symbols of beauty, after all. Like Claudie right in front of me.
But if I compared their beauty, Claudie won hands down. Claudie's tall, big-sis vibe beat out Lisha's loli build any day. Especially in the chest department.
"Yeah, an elf."
"...Pretty?"
"Huh? Well, fucking gorgeous... I mean, just average."
I started to say it but caught myself and backpedaled. Praising another woman in front of a girl is a taboo among taboos, no matter what. For me, it was Claudie and only Claudie.
"I see. An elf, huh..."
"Eh, the client's race doesn't matter. Next up are goblins. Let's find some."
To hunt goblins, we followed the stream through the valley. Goblins often lived in big packs, so scouting near water sources was the way to find their lairs. Those little shits needed water to live, precious lives and all.
"Seeing water flow like this feels kinda weird. We didn't have anything like it back home... Ah, it's cold."
Claudie peered into the valley stream and said. She'd mentioned living in a desert, so flowing mountain water probably wasn't familiar. At best, she'd seen oases.
After scouting around the valley for about thirty minutes, we found a small cave.
"See, goblins live in caves like that. They're green too."
"I know that. But why are both gremlins and goblins green around here? Wonder if it's from the local plants. Desert goblins have sandy skin. It's fascinating."
"Oh, yeah? That's new to me too. Do monsters change color by region?"
Probably camouflage or something. So, goblins near the sea would be blue? Even isekai can't escape palette swaps.
"Let's go in. I'll take point."
"I should go first."
"I've got armor."
We headed into the goblin cave. Whether Claudie was stronger or not, I couldn't let her lead. It was pitch black inside without light, so we used the faint sparkle from the walls as our guide and advanced slowly.
Turning a corner, we spotted a small pit. Claudie checked it out.
"Hey, Katt. There's a body here."
"Goblin corpse?"
"No, human."
"Human?!"
I rushed over in shock and examined the body Claudie pointed to. Corpse Mushrooms only grew on human remains—a creepy fungus. I'd harvested them before from bodies and sold them to the Alchemist's Guild. One of Lisha's requests.
"Corpse Mushrooms!"
And sure enough, they were sprouting from this body too. Four grotesque caps that looked like maggot legs. Four Corpse Mushrooms at once—a jackpot. I carefully harvested them and bagged them up.
"Those the request items? Nice."
"Yeah. Hmm... Gear's ruined by rot and filth. Nothing salvageable. Shame."
We ignored the body and pressed on. It wasn't our first corpse. No Elise around for cleanup duty either. Wasting time on some stranger? My heart's too stingy for that. Claudie didn't seem to care.
"Around here..."
I stopped after going a bit farther. Looking back, the cave entrance light looked tiny in the distance. We'd gone maybe fifty meters or so.
Enough blindly venturing deeper.
I took a deep breath.
"Kieeeek!!!"
I let out a mighty scream toward the cave's depths.
"Wh-what are you doing?!"
Claudie plugged her ears and yelled. Oh shit. Elves have better hearing than humans? Half-elf or not, hers seemed sharper. My bad.
There was a damn good reason for my sudden scream.
Goblin noises echoed from deeper in.
—Kerur...!
—Ker! Keruk!
—Keraryaa!
Chattering in their tongue, they came rushing out. I saw their glowing eyes. I grabbed Claudie's hand and pulled.
"Let's get out."
"What did you do?!"
We bolted for the entrance. Claudie asked while being dragged along. What did I do? Simple.
"Screamed to lure 'em. Deeper in's risky."
"Ah, drag 'em outside?"
"Yep. And running away like this? They'll think we're easy prey and chase to the end."
Goblins were classic strong-against-weak, weak-against-strong types. Kinda hated how they reminded me of myself. Difference? My brain was way bigger.
"Easier to kill 'em outside."
They'd chase us out of their home turf. Open ground beats cave fighting a hundredfold.
—Kerak!
—Keruk!
Seven goblins burst out chasing us. Some bare-handed, some with clubs, others stone axes. Even combining their arm reach and shitty weapons, they couldn't match my sword length.
"Side Slash!"
They could never breach my range.
I swung wide at a charging one. The blade bit halfway into its side, lodging in the spine. Couldn't cleave bone—their short height made low swings weak.
—Keraaak!!!
Monster or man, half your side sliced open? Dead. It collapsed, spilling guts and soul-screams.
"Guess I'll show what I can do."
—Shhhik!
Claudie drew twin curved swords and hugged herself in stance. Then shot like an arrow into the goblin pack.
—Keraak!
—Keruk!
—Kiruk!
The six remaining goblins screamed in agony, flying skyward. In under a second, all bisected at the waist—upper and lower halves split. No longer goblins. Gob/lins.
"Nice slicing feel."
Claudie's posture had shifted passing through—from self-hug to arms wide. Impressive? Not a drop of blood on her blades. Told you her skill level.
"So, what's next?"
"Balls."
"Tch, can't help with that."
"It's fine, my job. Take a break."
I expertly extracted gonads from the lower halves. Utterly disgusting. Adding to this slaughterhouse decor made me nauseous. But I got all three pairs and bagged them.
"Got 'em all?"
"Yeah."
"We done?"
"Nah, one more. Last one. Limonia Herb, magic ingredient. Gotta find it."
Anyway, we kept hiking. Limonia Herb. Grows in damp spots, from experience. So where to look?
"Katt. Streams like this pool up somewhere, right?"
"Huh? Yeah, probably."
As we walked the valley, Claudie stared at the flowing water and spoke. I answered, and she suddenly grabbed my wrist, pulling me.
"Let's check there."
"Uh? Sure."
I let her lead.
Her hand slid down from my wrist, brushing my hand. She smiled at me, and we went down the valley hand in hand.
—Splashhh.
Down at the valley bottom was a decent-sized lake. Blue water looked clean and clear. Claudie gazed in awe at the sun-sparkled surface, eyes shining like she'd never seen so much water.
She turned to me.
"...Come to think, we haven't bathed yet?"
"Huh?"
"After tangling up like that."
"R-right."
My body still bore traces of last night's passion. Hers too, probably. Plan was gather requests, head back to town, hit the baths.
"Mm. Perfect spot to wash."
"What? Wait!"
Claudie said it like genius idea and started stripping. I tried to stop her, but her underwear froze me. I'd seen her naked last night plenty, but not in undies.
"Hehe, how's this?"
"...P-pretty."
Underwear-clad Claudie smiled at me. I stared, half-enchanted... Purple silk fabric...
Purple symbolized death... Death...
Death by boobs...
"Gah!"
I nearly passed out but snapped back with a life-affirming breath.
"Want me to take off your bra?"
"...!"
She mimed kneading her breasts, then reached back and unhooked. Slip. Dropped it atop the clothes pile.
"Ahh... Still smells like your cum on my skin."
"Wh-what, so blunt..."
Cupping her breasts, she said. I wanted to ravage them like at dawn. Then she slipped off her panties, smiled my way,
"Come here."
and spread her arms.
What man could look pathetic here? I approached to embrace her. Kiss first? Mentally ready. Katt, man among men, about to conquer dark elf outdoor sex...
—Splash!
"Eek! Cold!"
"Kyahahaha!"
Cold water hit my face.
Claudie had dived into the lake.
"Hurry in!"
"H-hey! It's cold!"
"Kyaha! Ahh, refreshing. So cool, Katt!"
Thrilled in the lake, Claudie splashed me with a beaming smile unlike her seductive ones. Pure joy. I couldn't hold back my laugh either.
Ah, fuck it. Time to swim.
I stripped bare and dove into the lake.