Chapter 348
Chapter 348
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 348
Chapter Title: Kim Katt and the Forty Bandits
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"Eliseeeeeee!!!!!!"
-Gahk!
-W-What!
-Fuck!
My eyes had rolled back completely as I flew straight toward Elise, literally soaring through the air. An unbelievable sense of buoyancy washed over me, paired with raw speed. It felt like rockets had been strapped to the soles of my feet.
All that joy surging wildly inside me fueled the flames, propelling me forward. Yes! Collision course with Elise! Time to summon the holy fusion of Archsage Kim Katt & Elise right here!
"S-Saint! Don't fly at me!! You mustn't do that!!"
Elise's panicked expression was so damn welcoming.
It was the first time seeing her since we parted after the holy war. I'd come back after slicing up those insane Ezats' minions, taken a quick trip to the sea, spent winter elsewhere, and still hadn't laid eyes on her. Different cities, you know.
But spring really is the best.
There at spring's tail end, Elise appeared like a gentle spring breeze.
"Why won't you friiiiend meeeeeee-!!!!!"
Betrayal hit me at the same time. I was already bawling my eyes out for real. Why wouldn't she friend me? Elise...!
"I've been worrying about this nonstop! I planned to dash out the moment you arrived, but I was too late! Such a blunder! Please, lower your voice!"
Finally bursting from her spot, Elise reached out in horror, trying to clamp her gloved hand over my mouth as I landed. Her white-gloved hand forced its way toward my yap.
"D-Dickbabaik-!!"
"Ah, aah! Saint, please!!"
"Diiiisbyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"F-Fri...! Not here! Emergency measures!"
-Flash!
Suddenly, Elise pulled off a pro wrestler's lift, hoisting me up effortlessly. Like David facing Goliath... no, wait!
Me, getting subdued like this in an instant?!
"Gaaaaah!! Elise!! What the hell are you doing!!!"
"That's what I want to ask you, Saint!!"
"Let me gooooo!!!!!! Pleeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Afraid I can't do that!"
Ignoring the gaping adventurers, she vaulted over tables and bolted outside. Insane speed.
"Elisssssseeee!!!"
We were out of the guild in a flash. She set me down with the finesse of a master porter.
Damn, she's strong as hell.
Anyway, after plopping me down, Elise circled me anxiously before speaking.
"Haa... Saint. Of course I'm thrilled, and I know you are too, but shouting like that in public-"
"Elise. I get it."
I cut off her incoming lecture.
"Obviously you can't yell like that in a place like that. Common sense. Basic manners, disrupts order. Violates the unspoken code."
"Y-You know that perfectly? That's... spot on, almost suspiciously so."
"But."
Still, the world doesn't run on perfect order alone. Common sense is just words. Morality's the same.
Everyone knows it, but everyone's version differs.
No truth in this world.
No religion speaks it either.
That's why.
"All talks."
-Smack.
"Start with the chant."
I stared at Elise with resolve, arm extended. Yeah. First things first when meeting Elise. Everything else after.
"That's common sense."
"Th-That kind of..."
Heads turned our way.
Solitary folks just glanced and passed, but groups whispered. Elise's face flushed beet red as she hesitated, then extended her arm.
-The Cross.
"A-All right. Then."
She formed the cross.
Let's begin.
"Okay. Here we go. Starting. Starting? Starting! Staaartiiiing!!!"
"Why does your voice keep rising?! Saint!"
I summoned every ounce of power, gazed skyward, and bellowed.
「Diviiiiine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!」
A cry from beyond the heavens.
In that pure white space where time seemed frozen, Elise stood reluctant to speak. Half-joking, I drew a massive breath again.
To stop me, she'd have to talk.
That was the point.
Seeing my determination, Elise's eyes widened. Then, with full sincerity and power, she shouted back.
"F-Friiieeeeend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ahh."
There it is.
"Relieved."
Relieved you haven't changed.
And so the commotion ended. Elise, seriously. If she'd just yelled 'friend' the second she saw me, none of this would've happened.
"Heh heh heh, good to see you, Elise. How've you been?"
"S-Saint... This is so embarrassing...! Everyone's staring because of you!"
Releasing the cross pose, Elise practically hyperventilated in protest. I knew she got embarrassed easily.
"Elise... Didn't I tell you last time about these unstoppable urges?"
"If you're thinking of yelling 'Deja vu-!', I'd have to stop you! I know all about it, Saint! Pretending to talk normally just to unleash that howl!"
Wait, how'd she know?
Elise... knows Kim Katt too well.
"How'd you figure it out?"
"How could I not know?! I wanna ask why you'd think I wouldn't!!"
"Shame... Heh heh."
I exhaled with an innocent chuckle, and only then did she relax with a sigh. Kinda disappointing. My heart's pounding like mad, but no release.
Kim Katt's four great urges go unsatisfied.
"Saint... Ever since I arrived in this city, this is what I've dreaded. Worried you'd spot me and start yelling weird stuff, drawing stares. I planned countermeasures out of anxiety."
Elise confessed her fears.
"But I couldn't stop it."
"No way... Sorry, Elise. Didn't know."
I dropped to my knees.
Tears streaming, I begged forgiveness like a repentant sinner.
"Ah! Get up! No more antics! I didn't mean for you to repent!"
"Sniff...! Sorry, Elise...! I was just so happy!"
"I'm happy too! Goodness, bursting into tears?!"
"Kidding."
I wiped my eyes and stood.
Anyway, Elise is my soul brother, Divine Friend. Practically my real little sister.
This level of excitement is beyond natural—it's universal common sense.
Can't even imagine it being wrong.
"E-Even the tears were fake... You're unchanged, Saint."
"Same to you. Blushing like that."
"Anyone would after your stunts. It's mortifying."
Calming from her excitement, Elise's tone softened. Her furrowed face smoothed to blank.
"Anyway."
Finally, a proper greeting.
"It's been so long. I'm thrilled—and honored. How have you been, Saint?"
"Couldn't be better. Slaying monsters, beating bandits to death. Pretty fulfilling life."
"Hee hee, sounds pious. Relieved."
Where she got 'pious' from my words, who knows. Whatever.
"Leading with overflowing valor to smite evil—truly admirable. A life as holy as the martyrs'. So much to learn from you."
"That so?"
Suddenly martyred.
In this era, beating bandits and seizing their loot counts as holy work.
No truth in this damn world.
"I spent winter on a mission near Krasheim too."
"What mission?"
"Surveying a dungeon found in uncharted lands with my siblings. Nothing special."
Dungeon there, huh... Only one I recall is that dark kobold hole from F-rank days.
Wonder how it's doing now.
"Heh heh, too bad. Wanna grab food first?"
"Sure."
We headed to a nearby stew joint to continue.
Elise coming from Krasheim to Isvant meant trouble. She did dispatch missions often.
Probably sent to fix some issue.
Picked a casual stew place. Ordered two meat stews, sat, and continued.
"So, Elise. What's up in Isvant?"
"That's why I was waiting at the Adventurer's Guild."
"For me? Today of all days?"
Talk about timing.
"Not quite."
"Then?"
"Past three days, mornings to afternoons at the guild waiting... Sadly."
"Ah, don't go every day. Sorry."
"No issue. Was gathering info anyway. Meeting you today is a blessing."
She'd been intel-gathering and waiting three days. Lucky I showed today. Might've missed her otherwise.
"Now, my reason. Saint, heard about bandits stirring nearby?"
"Huh? No? News to me."
Haven't hit the guild much lately.
These criminal scum at it again? No wonder Elise flipped.
"I'll explain. Intel says bandits between Krasheim and Isvant. Heavy losses for merchants and travelers already."
"Fucking bastards. Stealing folks' money."
Worst kind.
"Yes."
Fine if civilians catch bandits, kill brutally, take loot. But bandits killing civilians and robbing? Deserve dismemberment.
"Joined a caravan to investigate... but no sign on arrival. Can't return alone, so came to Isvant."
Makes sense solo return's risky.
"Gotcha."
But a question nags.
This chaotic frontier: monsters rampant, heretics plotting upheaval. Poor starve, folks eye pockets suspiciously.
Bandits everywhere.
Why Elise specifically?
"Bandits pop up all the time, no? Don't see why you needed to come."
"True. Church doesn't usually probe these. But this case... different."
Stew arrived; paused for thanks. Tasted, continued.
"You remember the last holy war."
"How could I forget? Unforgettable."
"Me too."
Horrific.
"Likely those heretics who fled then regrouped, grew stronger, now active."
No way!
Evidence?
Elise confirmed.
"Heretics can't survive without crime. Matches region, timing, brutality. Evidence plenty."
Pretty certain then.
Brutal? Gotta be heretics.
No non-heretics bandit that vicious.
Broadly, all thieves are heretics sans self-awareness. Worse for it—harsher punishment.
Damn heretics!
Still recall corpse tower, women and kids' screams. That black monster!
"Just suspicion now, so church can't move officially. Cardinal tasked me. If true, more blood. Must prevent."
I get it.
Elise fidgeted, then mumbled.
"So I came for your help, but... Saint."
"Elise."
I cut her off.
No words needed with Divine Friend.
"Your matters are mine. Let's go, Elise. Can't let heretics or any evil run free! Purge 'em all!"
"S-Saint!"
"Seize their loot, erase their sins!"
"Yes! Wise words! Knew waiting was right! So pious!"
Thus, Elise and I set off to exterminate the bandits.