Chapter 28
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 28
Chapter Title: Goblin Extermination
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Sant's expression was utterly serious. It was as if declaring that setting fire here was as obvious as saying people would die of thirst without water—no different at all.
"Wait, you're saying we set it on fire? Won't that start a forest fire?"
"It's not even autumn, and just lighting a fire at the cave entrance won't cause a wildfire."
Given that all the vegetation was still green, it didn't seem like it would catch fire unless some serious blaze got involved. Forest fires don't happen easily in summer anyway. If I thought of it as an extension of a campfire, it made sense.
"If we light a fire inside the cave entrance, the smoke will fill it up. Then the goblins inside will come rushing out. We can take them down easily when they do."
"Ooh, I see. That's a great idea."
I clapped my hands at that. Goblins weren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, so there was no way they'd built any ventilation in their cave. If we lit a fire, they'd either suffocate from the smoke or come scrambling out foaming at the mouth.
It was a good plan.
Was it the difference in experience that allowed him to come up with something like this?
Setting a fire really did seem like the best method.
I'd been debating whether to just charge in blindly, but Sant had flipped the script, luring them out instead. And once we smoked them all out with the fumes, exploring the deeper parts of the cave would be way easier. It was basically two birds with one stone.
For the record, goblins had a habit of hoarding "valuable items" in their lairs. They were such kind, cute little things. It wasn't just fiction that treasure goblins dropped rare items in games.
"Then shouldn't we set up some traps too? Hmm, yeah, that sounds perfect. They'll trip coming out."
Meria spoke up. It was such a brilliant idea that I clapped again. A simple pit would sow even more chaos when the goblins came charging out blind from smoke and fire.
If they tripped and piled up, we might even get some lucky crushes. The ones pinned down would be more likely to suffocate from the smoke they'd already inhaled.
And as the entrance got clogged, escaping would become a nightmare for them. That would let us butcher them easily.
"What the heck. Why are your heads so good?"
"This is basic stuff."
She beamed, proud of her idea. Her eyes crinkled in a smile that could brighten anyone's mood.
"We should set up a simple barricade too."
In this highly participatory, elementary school class meeting vibe of productivity, Gibson chimed in with his own suggestion.
"No way! That's genius!"
I praised him with exaggerated gestures. A barricade would be perfect. We'd be able to slaughter the goblins trapped by fire and smoke without a hitch.
No wonder teachers begged elementary kids to join class meetings. These ideas were gold! If I could go back, I'd participate way more in mine.
"Alright, everyone gather materials. Twigs for burning, thicker logs for the barricade."
At Sant's command, Meria and Gibson went off to collect wood. That left digging for me, right? My trench-digging skills from military days were master-level. I'd dig some fancy pits and turn them into goblin graves.
"Ah, I'll handle the digging. I used to make a living off it back in the day."
"Go ahead."
I grabbed a blunt stick and my scabbard to start digging right away. Considering goblin height, even shallow pits should trip them up fine.
"Ah, no need to dig too deep. Just enough to catch their feet when they panic and charge out."
"Got it."
Our work progressed smoothly. Meria was a woman, sure, but with three prime-age guys, it was quick. She piled twigs and brush inside the cave entrance. Sant and Gibson gathered logs and built a simple barricade.
I cranked out the pits in no time.
But seriously, why hadn't these goblin bastards poked their heads out? Common sense said even dumb ones should peek if we were messing around right outside their home.
"Did these fuckers eat sleeping pills or something? It's so noisy out here, but no sign of them."
We were trying to stay quiet and stealthy, but this level of silence was weird. Were goblins naturally like this? I'd only hunted them in small groups in the field, so I wasn't sure.
"They raid at night, so maybe they sleep during the day? Or they're deep inside?"
"No sentries?"
"Orcs maybe, but goblins that smart? Nah."
Probably that. Unlike orc packs, goblins never became dominant for a reason. I decided not to worry. They were all gonna die anyway—no need to care.
No time for funeral thoughts when time was tight.
Just keep digging.
"Hmm... looks good."
Soon enough, we were done.
I'd finished wide, shallow pits right at the cave mouth. Gibson and Sant built waist-high barricades behind them. Meria had stuffed the entrance with heaps of brush and kindling.
Everyone worked great.
This setup was ready to go.
"Shall I light it? Got a fire starter."
I said to Sant. He'd seemed a bit ditzy at first, but now he was full party leader material. Experience and muscle were reliable. Muscle doesn't lie.
"Light it up."
I pulled the fire starter from my pouch. Handy tool for quick fires—I'd used it once camping with Sister Elise.
"Ah, shit, kinda scary. Anyone here into arson? Big chance for hobby time."
"..."
"..."
As they gave me odd looks, Meria spoke.
"Hurry up. All that bulk and you're scared of fire."
What good is a barbarian afraid of flames?
"Tch, fine, I'll do it."
I snapped the fire starter open. A small flame flickered inside. I tossed it into the brush.
"Ooh, it's catching. Come on."
"Tense, huh."
Smoke soon started seeping out. Then the brush ignited from within, flames spreading.
"Wish we had a mage. One wind spell could've shoved all the fire and smoke right in."
"Yeah."
The small fires grew. Soon the whole pile blazed, belching thick black smoke inward. The flames were fiercer than expected, so we tossed in more branches to feed it.
"Burn bright. Burn!"
It was mesmerizing. If Hassan were here, he'd be thrilled: "I never knew isekai folk had such beautiful customs." Nothing beats fire-watching.
Fire has a hypnotic pull. I could almost understand notorious arsonists now. It devoured the wood, growing hungrier.
"Get ready."
After feeding enough kindling, we crouched behind the barricade at Sant's order, eyes on the cave.
—Gulp.
Moment of truth.
"Here they come."
Sant said.
—Kieeeaaak!
My grip tightened on my sword in peak tension when hellish shrieks tore from the cave depths. The cries grew closer over time.
The goblins were fleeing.
—Kyarak!
—Kieaaak!
—Keruk! Keruk!
"They're out!"
—Kwaaak!
And there they were.
"Oh, you fucking goblins!"
"They can't get out?"
"Looks like it."
But the screaming ones couldn't cross the blazing brush pile. Shadows behind the flames just stomped and wailed.
Not even desperation made them brave the fire pit? Still, they had no choice.
"They gonna all burn up like that?"
"They'll burst out before suffocating."
Sant answered Gibson. Sure enough, they started clawing their way.
—Kerak!!!!!!
The lead psycho goblin bravely charged through the burning pile toward freedom.
Then one, two, three, four... hordes followed in pandemonium.
—Kruk!
—Kyarak!
—Krarak!
But they couldn't.
The frontrunner tripped straight into our pit. Followers piled on the fallen, tumbling. More crashes followed.
And they burned. Hilariously so.
—Krerak!
Mournful cries mixed with roasting meat smell.
Panicked goblins fled from smoke and fire blindly, but the entrance was jammed with tripped and dead bodies. We'd forced a do-or-die bottleneck.
"Now!"
Sant advanced spear ready. We formed a line beside him, closing on the goblins.
—Puk!
—Krak!
We struck. I stomped skulls of downed goblins, stabbing and slashing between collarbones of those crawling over corpses.
No fight left in them. This was pure slaughter.
Goblins' heads held only "run," "flee," "bolt," "nige-ro." They crawled desperately amid fire, smoke, and blades.
Never had a fight this large felt so one-sided.
"Ignore any that break through!"
A lucky few slipped our net, but no big deal.
"Die! Die!"
I kept stabbing and slashing. They tripped, climbed corpses in vain—no resistance, easy kills.
"Kihak! You bastard! Bastard!"
—Bang! Bang!
Meria smashed a downed goblin's forehead with her shield—unreal sight—but I focused. Battle hype was natural.
"Hup! Hup!"
Sant pierced goblin flesh expertly. Small holes kill quick via blood loss—dot damage as burst.
Even boyish Gibson showed no mercy, carving them up. Bodies piled at the entrance.