Chapter 98
Chapter 98
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 98
Chapter Title: PTSD (2)
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I hadn't heard anything about this.
Was it claustrophobia, or something related to collapsing buildings?
Either way, Ricardo eventually steadied his breathing.
I let out a sigh of relief as I watched him slowly return to normal respiration. His complexion was still poor, but getting past the immediate crisis was something.
I'd have to check for other injuries over time.
I didn't move until Ricardo lowered his hand and let out a sigh.
I sat up abruptly, brushing away the debris covering my lower body.
"Uh."
And at the edge of the cleared debris, I spotted something.
"Marie."
Ricardo, who hadn't been moving, lifted his head.
I stared down at the face that was half-smashed.
A pitiful sight.
She was still alive.
Her remaining half-eye rolled toward me. The collapsing building had been cruel to her. The area below her ribs was buried under debris, out of sight.
A pool of dried blood on the floor.
If left like this, she'd eventually lose her life.
"She's alive...."
Ricardo muttered softly.
"A civilian would have died instantly...."
I said nothing.
I'd realized through Re-yeon's words that she was one of the elders' lackeys. But I wasn't sure how much to let on.
Skar seemed to be keeping everything from Ricardo.
I glanced over, seeing the still-pale senior.
I met his gaze while listening to Marie's raspy breathing with one ear.
"Are you okay?"
Ricardo ignored my words.
The man stared at Marie for a while without moving again. I didn't urge him or speak. There was nothing pressing to do anyway.
To be precise, I didn't know what to do.
Maybe if I waited, a rescue team would come....
Lost in thought, I looked at Ricardo and freaked out.
He was about to stab Marie's throat with a sharp blade.
"Senior!"
I lunged forward and snatched the blade from his hand.
"That'll really kill her!"
"Don't you think that's the merciful thing to do~?"
Ricardo looked up at me and smiled.
His eyes curved into crescent moons. I ignored the chill running down my spine.
He's not in his right mind.
I shook my head, looking him straight in the eye.
"No."
"Why.... Do you want to save her?"
"I'm not interested in this one's life or death."
It was the truth.
I wasn't compassionate enough to worry about the perpetrator's life too. If I were that kind, I never would have pointed a blade at my own kind in the first place. I wouldn't have handed my sword to a human either.
I just didn't want to see Ricardo take a person's life.
She'd die if we just left her anyway.
After explaining my thoughts, I added dryly,
"It'll haunt your dreams."
Ricardo let out a scoff.
A clear sneer.
"You've never killed anyone, have you?"
I have.
If you count my own kind as people in the broad sense. Of course, I couldn't say that.
As for killing humans on Earth, I genuinely didn't know how to answer.
Instead of replying, I stared at the senior wearing his pale sneer.
"If we leave her, she'll die soon."
"That's why we should finish her off before then.... Ah, don't worry about me~. I'm not kind enough to have nightmares over killing one dying human~."
"I don't particularly want to watch this one die peacefully."
This was also the truth.
"I don't pity the audience, but I don't pity the madman who bombs a packed arena either."
Ricardo observed me quietly.
Silence descended. Silence settling in the dark, cramped space. Marie's raspy breathing, the sound of concrete crumbs falling, faint screams from afar.
Whether it was the drug's aftereffects or the game's, my stomach churned.
I deliberately pushed aside the unpleasant sensation and waited patiently for his response. He still looked bad. The space itself seemed to disgust him.
I need to get this guy out of here fast.
The green-eyed man, sweating coldly, slowly broke the silence.
"Unexpected~. I thought you'd want to save her, not kill her...."
"Thanks for thinking well of me."
"You're not holding back out of wanting to save her, are you~?"
Ricardo narrowed his eyes.
"Be honest.... I don't want to hear rumors later about the white-haired rookie tormented by guilt over a life he couldn't save...."
"Do I seem that saintly to you?"
He's persistent.
I appreciated the concern, but.
The senior didn't answer my incredulous counterquestion.
The floor shook faintly.
Without showing I'd felt the vibration, I slowly stood up.
There wasn't enough space to stand fully, so I had to hunch over.
"Should I make some space?"
"...What?"
"The space. The ceiling or a passage."
I knew he'd hate hearing this, but I said it anyway.
What could I do? In this situation. Losing his power and being helplessly trapped, his past he'd die before revealing laid bare before the audience, getting stuck with a green rookie and having a panic attack—it all had to be scraping at his pride. I knew he was suppressing the urge to explode. He was proud and hated opening up.
But we couldn't keep those boundaries in this situation. And I wasn't the type to gently soothe someone's traumas.
So I just continued.
"You seem to hate tight spaces."
As expected, he's angry.
At me and himself.
Ricardo shot me a blazing glare.
"Mind your own damn business...."
I didn't reply and turned from the grinding senior.
"I'll be as careful as possible."
I had to pick tiles that wouldn't accelerate the collapse.
"Tell me if it seems dangerous."
Jenga, real-life edition.
Ignoring the stinging glare hitting my back, I got to work. With eyes adjusted to the dark, I shoved aside what I could into the corners.
Luckily, I was good at games in general, Jenga included.
The space opened up quickly. Having more room to move improved my mood a bit. Clearing debris also helped me assess the situation.
The debris piled toward the arena side was best left alone. I had no immediate plans to move, but if we had to, we'd head the opposite way. That side seemed less collapsed.
What is Re-yeon doing?
The senior's sharp voice yanked me from my thoughts by the hair.
"Do my words not sound like words to you?"
His voice was sharper than before.
"Don't do useless crap and sit down."
I turned to look at the senior.
An angry Ricardo.
More precisely, a Ricardo hypersensitive from having his trauma triggered.
I'd faced similar situations in the past. I had colleagues as proud and closed-off as him.
Wearing a sword and handling all sorts of jobs, you inevitably ran into rough spots.
In those situations—inescapably facing someone else's trauma like this—I'd usually bare my own weakness first.
This is my fear.
I've seen yours without permission, so see mine too.
I slowly sat back down.
"For me."
The problem was my past was mostly classified.
I couldn't even gauge what was classified and what wasn't.
If I'd known this would happen, I'd have asked Ye-hyeon for more details.
Too late for that, so I racked my brain and said,
"What scares me most is facing what I did in the past."
It really did.
To the point where I often wished I weren't Hildebert Talib.
"So lately, I've been avoiding the truth a bit."
Ricardo blinked.
He stared at me with widened eyes, his face an odd expression as he kept silent for a moment.
Like he was thinking, *What strange crap is this guy spouting all of a sudden?*
"Well, I'll have to remember eventually. Anyway, I've been avoiding it for a few weeks. I want to like myself as long as possible."
"...You remembered~?"
"Some of it."
All true so far.
My bent back started to ache. The nausea I'd been ignoring returned.
I let out a small sigh.
"Lately, memories have been coming back in fragments."
"...So that's why your skills improved so much after months...?"
"Ah, yes. That's right. My body hasn't caught up with the memories yet."
"But what do you mean you'll hate yourself...."
Ricardo slowly sank to the floor as he asked.
I felt faint satisfaction that he was at least settling in to talk.
I picked up sounds filtering through the debris.
"I've done a lot wrong."
He didn't seem to accept the concise answer.
He sneered at me more.
"You~?"
"Yes."
He's been seeing me way too positively since earlier.
"Even if a soft-hearted guy like you did something wrong, how bad could it be...."
Ricardo sneered, draping one arm over his knee.
The man's green eyes fixed on me, unmoving.
"At worst, you failed to save someone...."
His voice dripped with thick self-loathing.
"You're not the type to be utterly hated, or to stab a trusted comrade in the back...."
Ah.
Ah.
His words stabbed like blades.
I couldn't hold back and burst out laughing.
A convulsive laugh. One I couldn't control.
I saw Ricardo's eyes widen in surprise, but I didn't care.
I laughed for a good while.
Then barely reined it in.
"No."
I hated Colton as much as the debt I felt toward him, and I'd stabbed in the back those who trusted me.
So Ricardo Sordi was completely wrong.
"Unfortunately, that's a total wrong answer."
The man faintly furrowed his brow.
I was satisfied no more signs of outburst came from him. His face was still pale, sweat still beading, but he'd be okay for a while.
But his ankle's swollen.
Guess I'll have to carry him.
I slowly stood and approached the senior, offering my hand.
"I guarantee you're a better person than me, Senior."
"Oh.... Spouting whatever from someone who doesn't even know me...."
"Tit for tat, right?"
I grinned, and Ricardo shut his mouth, scowling.
I widened my smile instead.
"I think so too."
The senior raised one eyebrow.
"You're good enough that your self-loathing has no basis, Senior."
I've crossed the line.
Ricardo shot up at startling speed and slapped my face. Something normal him would never do. Normal him was cool-headed, knew slapping me would just hurt his hand, and couldn't deliver mental or physical shock to an insolent junior.
Sorry for pushing someone in bad shape.
Words are different from actions, but I spoke too harshly.
I grabbed the arm of the one clenching his bleeding fist at me.
"Once we're out and you regain your physical abilities, beat me all you want."
"You crazy bastard."
"Sorry."
Vibrations from the passage near the arena annoyed me.
After apologizing in a gloomy voice, I pulled the half-risen senior close.
Moving seemed better. No good ignoring ominous signs.
I felt resistance but ignored it.
Supporting the senior half-carrying him, I slowly headed opposite the arena.
Once at the blocked spot, I'd clear the debris sealing the passage.
"Tell me if you hear anything weird."
"Thick-skinned bastard...."
"Yes, I know. Still, I'm trying to live properly this time. Sort of."
"What's 'properly' by your standards?"
His tone clearly said, *You're trying to live properly and saying crap like that?*
After crawling through the tight space, I carefully sat the senior by the dead-end passage. Positioned to shield him quickly if debris collapsed while clearing.
Squatting beside him, I began Jenga round two.
As I cautiously cleared the blocked passage, I answered the rhetorical question.
"Saving humans."
Sorry, Marie.
"And killing Creatures."
A decision my past self made.
Unable to fix the mistakes from that decision, I kept trying to save humans.
Because, as Yoon said, I'd drawn my sword.
Because I'd placed that drawn sword in Ye-hyeon's hand.
So....
"Even so, I won't become the flawless Hildebert Talib you imagine."
Silence returned.
I busily worked my hands and succeeded in clearing the debris blocking the passage.