Word Chain
It had already been ten minutes. Eunju remained nestled in my arms without so much as a single breath or the slightest shift of her body.
Of course I knew how thoroughly inappropriate the scene was. But I was the one who had dragged up memories of her father that never needed to be spoken aloud.
So I couldn’t break the hold until she was fully comforted. That didn’t mean I couldn’t at least try.
“Uh… Eunju? I have absolutely no intention of getting seasick. Sure, if I join that company I’ll have to climb onto ships for loading and such, but everything’s docked, so it’s not dangerous—”
“I’m sorry.”
Only then did she pull away. The corners of her eyes were faintly damp, and her chick-like lips twitched with awkwardness.
“And you’re right. I went too far with the teasing. From now on I’ll read the room and try to be more serious.”
“It’s fine. I don’t want you denying the way you’ve lived all this time just because of me.”
“But still…”
How was I supposed to stay still after she’d cried right in front of me and clung to me so weakly? More than anything, if I wanted to keep something like this from happening again, I had to start by watching my own behavior.
“I just got a little emotional. Don’t go attaching any special meaning to it.”
“Special… meaning?”
The exact same line Harin had used. Even the path that led to the words was identical, like a carbon copy.
Both of them had dredged up something long buried while thinking of someone from the past. Their reason had crumbled, so they’d sought comfort by clinging to me—and afterward both claimed there had been no “meaning” in it.
Yet their positions were vastly different. Both were minors, sixteen years younger than me, no question. But Harin was family bound by blood, while Eunju was, when all was said and done, a stranger.
“Uh… I’m not attaching any meaning. Anyone would react that way in that situation, right?”
“What I mean is… I don’t want to rush.”
“Rush… what?”
“If you ask me like that, what am I supposed to answer?”
“…”
I asked because I didn’t know. Or more precisely, because I felt I shouldn’t know and needed to double-check.
A sly little smile tugged at the corners of Eunju’s mouth, completely oblivious to how my insides were burning. As if watching me fluster was the most entertaining thing in the world, she adjusted her bag and said goodbye.
“Thank you for today. I’ll head in from here, so you should go too, Oppa.”
“Uh… yeah. It’s right in front of us anyway.”
That was how we parted. My body left, but she left behind a riddle far too large for me to handle.
Thud, thud…
I walked aimlessly, having completely surrendered control of my body. It seemed the time had come to seriously examine the way Eunju treated me.
Let’s set everything aside and judge objectively. Did the way she treated me really look like the reaction of someone toward a close senior?
Was she the type to show up unannounced at someone’s house and wait for hours? Even if her emotions ran high, was she reckless enough to throw her arms around another male student right in front of her own door?
She’d manufactured reasons to meet me, asked to learn judo—something she’d never even requested from Lee Jubin—and she’d even spilled her family’s secrets.
No matter how I looked at it, it wasn’t like Eunju. We hadn’t known each other long, but the short time only made her behavior feel all the more excessive.
Could it be… no way, right? That she saw me as a man the way Yuna once had?
I shook my head hard.
What the hell was I thinking? She was a minor—my daughter’s classmate, no less.
But so what? The reasons I kept my distance were one thing; Eunju didn’t know any of that.
Was it really so impossible that she’d grown close to a senior she’d met by chance at school, and that those feelings had deepened into something more?
The problem was that it absolutely could not happen. I wasn’t even a high-school boy, and the mere fact that my daughter’s classmate had developed those feelings for me was already enough to land me under any number of criminal charges.
I couldn’t calm down, so I ducked into the first convenience store I saw. Without so much as a glance at the soju, I grabbed a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label and sat at a parasol table with no snacks at all.
Gulp, gulp…
I poured a paper cup full and downed one, then two, then three in a row—yet the more I drank, the clearer my head became.
What if Eunju really did have romantic feelings for me? This was a problem on an entirely different scale from Minjeong.
Honestly, with Minjeong there had at least been a chance. If I’d simply accepted my brother’s relationship with Yu Jiyeon, the two of us might have carved out a future of our own.
But. With. Eunju. There was no future whatsoever. For one thing I was lying about both my age and my identity, and beyond that, as long as Harin was her classmate, she would never accept the relationship.
And what about the eyes of the world? I had already committed a serious crime.
Not the theft of a girl’s heart—more like a one-way ticket straight to an electronic ankle monitor and the brink of cutting off my entire family.
So I had to cut her off before her feelings deepened any further. Of course Eunju would be hurt, but since I would also be losing her, we could call it a mutual loss…
I shook my head again.
What the hell was I thinking? Eunju might feel the loss, but I wouldn’t miss her at all.
Well… I would miss never seeing those large, clear eyes again. I would live the rest of my life regretting that I never got to kiss those chick-like protruding lips.
I would never again meet someone who liked me so purely. At best I’d end up with someone like Sehee who only looked at conditions, and live a life of being butchered for the sake of a household.
Even so, this relationship could never be allowed. So somehow I had to find a way to cut ties with Eunju and…
“What are you doing here?”
“…?”
And then Hyeonji appeared—again. Come to think of it, she lived in the same building as Eunju.
In my panic I’d chosen a convenience store near Shingun Palace; that had been the fatal mistake. Hyeonji stared in horror at the table that held nothing but a bottle of liquor and no snacks, then walked over.
“Uh… just felt like a drink.”
“Then why are you drinking here?”
“That’s…”
“You crazy bastard… Don’t tell me you came to see Park Eunju?”
“…”
I’d downed the liquor too fast; logical thought was impossible. Even if I’d been sober, I probably couldn’t have come up with a decent excuse for being here.
Bang!
Hyeonji was so furious she slammed her fist down hard enough to crack the table. Just in case, I capped the bottle and pushed the paper cup aside.
“You said you and Park Eunju were nothing?”
“Well… how does it look to you, Hyeonji? What do you think Eunju thinks of me?”
“She doesn’t think anything.”
“Really? I’m not exactly the high-self-esteem type, but lately her behavior’s been a little… excessive, I guess…”
“That bitch is like that with everyone, so don’t even dream it! She has zero interest in you.”
“For real?!”
What a relief… Looking back, I’d just been overthinking everything by myself.
Hyeonji had her quirks, but as a fellow teenage girl she could at least read another girl’s intentions.
Of course. Eunju was simply kind to everyone; she didn’t see me as anything special.
“What did the two of you do?”
That aside, Hyeonji’s anger hadn’t cooled in the slightest. The mere fact that I’d been near Eunju’s place this late had left her eyes looking as if they’d suffered a wound that would never heal.
“We studied for exams at the library. It got too late, so I walked her home.”
“Why did you have to do that?”
“Uh… because I was the only guy around who could walk someone home that late? This area’s pretty safe, but there’ve been so many nasty incidents lately…”
“You’ve never walked me home.”
“You? Why would I walk you home? You don’t need that kind of thing.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re comparing me to Park Eunju again, aren’t you?”
“It’s not a comparison, it’s just fact…”
Bang!
Hyeonji slammed the table a second time. The sound was loud enough that the convenience-store clerk glanced over.
One more time and I might have to pay for both the liquor and the table, so I decided not to provoke her further. I spoke as gently as I could.
“How am I supposed to walk you home when you never contact me and never meet me?”
“It’s not like I didn’t contact you because I didn’t want to.”
“Huh? Then why didn’t you?”
“That’s… none of your business.”
“…”
She wouldn’t tell me, yet somehow expected me to figure it out? Of course I already had a rough idea. She’d been deliberately keeping her distance because she was embarrassed about making a fool of herself in front of me during the VR incident.
“Sigh… If it’s about last time, you don’t need to worry. Don’t go attaching any special meaning to it.”
“No… meaning?”
“Huh? Isn’t that just what everyone says in this kind of situation?”
Harin and Eunju had both said it, so I’d figured it was just typical high-school-girl speak and copied them. Yet Hyeonji was talking as if she actually needed to attach meaning to it.
“Then what was that day about?”
“That was… when people are in a crisis, their reason shuts down, right?”
“Your reason shut down?”
“That’s why it happened, isn’t it?”
“…”
Hyeonji rolled her eyes, lost in thought as if she needed time to interpret my words. But the VR had been so realistic, and we’d both felt real danger, so of course we’d clung to each other and made a scene.
“Anyway, when you never contacted me I thought you were mad at me.”
“You never contacted me either.”
“Uh… usually you’re the one who reaches out first, so I was just waiting, I guess? In the end the initiative in our relationship has always been yours.”
“It’s yours.”
“I don’t think so. I haven’t held the initiative in any relationship lately.”
The last time I’d held it was when I decided to leave home. After that I’d just been dragged along through life, never once getting my own way.
“What did you do with Park Eunju?”
“I already told you. We studied for exams and I walked her home—that’s all.”
“Then why are you drinking alone?”
“Honestly I kind of misunderstood. I wondered if maybe Eunju had special feelings for me…”
“I already said she doesn’t!”
“Hey, why are you yelling? But listening to you, I think I was worrying over nothing.”
“Why is that something to worry about? Is it not okay if Park Eunju likes you?”
“Of course it’s not okay.”
“So why?”
“Well… the person I need to care about isn’t Eunju, is it?”
“…”
Hyeonji’s eyes went wide. She looked so startled by the unexpected answer that she couldn’t even breathe.
But Hyeonji? Didn’t it occur to you that you should ask who that person is?
I’d already prepared the answer “Harin,” but the conversation had been cut off midway.
“A-anyway, did you come from your part-time job again today? It took a little long if you just went to the library for a smoke.”
“They asked me to stay overtime, so I did an extra hour.”
“Until ten? You already decided not to buy a bike—how rich are you trying to get that you’re even taking overtime?”
“I told you. I’m leaving home.”
“Still on about that? You were born in a palace of a house—be grateful and live there. Why are you so full of yourself?”
“You left home too. Why can’t you understand how I feel?”
“It’s not that I don’t understand… As a senior runaway, I’m just worried because leaving alone only means suffering.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine on my own. I’ll invite you later.”
“Uh… sure, I’ll at least come to the housewarming. Though I hope it never happens.”
In the end I was the same kind of guy who’d made the same choice, so my powers of persuasion were lacking. Hyeonji seemed a little calmer and changed the subject.
“You said you’re not going to college. Then why are you studying?”
“I’m not going. I just somehow got pulled into it.”
“Don’t. Come work part-time with me.”
“That… might be a bit much.”
“It’s not like you’ve got anything else to do.”
“Well… sorry. Actually I want to go to college.”
Cornered into a binary choice, I had no other option. If I didn’t invent a justification for studying, she really would drag me off to McDonald’s, so I made the excuse.
“Then I guess it can’t be helped…”
“…?”
Surprisingly, she accepted it without a fight. I’d expected the free-spirited Hyeonji to push harder, but this time she was respecting my choice.
“That’s it?”
“You said you want to go to college. Then go. Just tell me where.”
“Why?”
“Just because…”
“…”
Don’t tell me you want me to tell you in advance so you can get a place nearby? Come to think of it, the closeness she showed me had already gone past the ordinary level.
But there was no need to apply the same logic as with Eunju. Hyeonji simply felt a kind of kinship with me, and more than anything she utterly despised men.
“Oh right! I went to the library today and Harin’s book bag was there. But she never once came in. Where the hell is she and what is she doing?”
“I can’t say.”
“You can’t say? So that means you know where Harin is and what she’s doing? Hey! Even if you won’t tell anyone else, you have to tell me—I’m her cousin-oppa!”
Was this a joke? In the end Hyeonji knew everything.
I’d emphasized over and over how devoted I was to Harin, yet she hadn’t told me something this important?
“I promised to keep it secret.”
“Then of course I’m going to worry even more! If it’s something she has to hide even from family, every worst-case scenario starts popping into your head!”
“She’s not doing anything bad.”
“…”
Only by her standards, of course. But Hyeonji was a kid who lived and died by pride.
As the tough big sister of the neighborhood, she would never be the first to spill Harin’s secret. In the end I’d have to find out on my own.
“Anyway, thanks. Get some good sleep and see you next time.”
“Why are you leaving already?”
“It’s past ten… Here’s my card—go buy yourself a can of beer or something.”
“I don’t want to drink.”
“Then what do you want to do?”
“Play with me.”
“So you want to hang out with me? But Hyeonji, it’s way too late for us to do anything fun…”
“Word chain…?”
“What the… Do you seriously think word chain is appropriate for our age?”
“I still want to.”
“…”
She was acting like a little kid. Of course Hyeonji didn’t really want to play word chain.
She just wanted to kill time somehow, and there happened to be an interesting toy right in front of her. With nothing better coming to mind, she’d blurted out whatever.
“Haa… Fine. But only three rounds, then I’m leaving.”
“You go first.”
“What should I pick… Whiskey?”
The only thing nearby was the Johnnie Walker. So I started with that.
Then, uncharacteristically hesitant, Hyeonji answered.
“Kiss…”
“S? Stripe.”
Again, something from the convenience store. Hyeonji’s face grew a little redder.
“French kiss…”
“Aren’t you milking the same ending a little too hard from the start? Then… snapback.”
“Back hug…”
“Then I’ll go with Gramoxone. Do you even know what that is?”
Did Hyeonji know what Gramoxone was? Apparently it didn’t matter much to her.
“Hand-back kiss…”
“Are you kidding me right now? How is that even one word?”
“Things like that exist, you know.”
“Hey! Then if I say Swedish tree, does that count too?”
“Lap pillow…”
“I-it counts? Then I’ll go with dog meat.”
“Surprise kiss…”
“How many times are you going to reuse that ending? Haa… Then smoothie.”
“Deep kiss…”
“What exactly are you doing right now?”
“It’s English, so it’s fine, right?”
“English isn’t the problem! Why is every single word you come up with something like that?”
Kiss, lap pillow, or back hug. Somehow every word she used was related to physical contact.
Sure, she was the type who could casually drop “that word,” but this was excessive. Then Hyeonji answered.
“Just… because I wanted to.”
“…”
She meant she wanted to say those words, right?