Chapter 4. Try Saying "Sontar" Really Fast
Every world has its share of phantom thieves. Thieves who steal jewels, thieves who wield magic, and so on.
But me—
I don't know a single thing about phantom thieves who steal underwear. And I'd like to keep not knowing it...
"I see."
That's NOT the kind of story you listen to that calmly?!
I was utterly floored by Valerie's impossibly composed reaction.
"Well, I'd wager it was a futanari, no question."
The word coming out of the guard's mouth made me flinch, and I stared at him with my eyes gone perfectly round.
Oh. Right. So everyone in this world just... knowing futanari exist is the natural state of things. But wait—what did he mean by that just now?
"Um, why do you assume the thief is a futanari?"
I raised my hand halfway and asked the guard.
"Hm? Ah—oh dear. Looks like I went and said something discriminatory there."
The guard scratched his head, looking embarrassed. Since I knew almost nothing about this world, our conversation clearly wasn't clicking the way it should.
As I fidgeted awkwardly, Valerie, standing beside me, stepped in.
"This person is currently suffering from memory loss. Might it be that he cannot recall what a futanari is?"
Having briefly explained the situation to the guard, Valerie turned and posed the question to me. I nodded vigorously.
"Oh my, is that really true? You've forgotten even common knowledge? That's a serious matter."
A world where knowing what a futanari is counts as common knowledge. Great. I've landed in the premise of some eroge manga.
"Then allow me to explain..."
Here is what the guard told us.
Roughly three hundred years before the Demon King's recent resurrection, the king of all monsters — the Demon King himself — had descended upon the world. And with his mighty magic, he cast a curse upon it.
That curse was—
the Curse of Futanari Birth.
Regardless of whether the parents were ordinary man and woman, a third sex — the 'futanari' — would sometimes be born. From what I could gather, futanari were intersex beings: female bodies bearing male genitalia and testicles. And on average, a futanari was said to be hung even larger than a man.
Those born under the curse faced discrimination, but humanity strove to solve the problem. While working to root out prejudice against futanari in society, they also went after the source itself: slaying the Demon King.
Time passed, and humanity succeeded in felling the Demon King — but that only stopped his invasion. The curse itself remained unbroken. Still, with the Demon King defeated, humanity welcomed an era of peace, and set about accepting futanari as part of the new world's order.
But one great problem remained: futanari were, by nature, possessed of overwhelming lust and dangerously weak to impulse.
Even among an already small population, troublemakers kept cropping up again and again, and so in this world, futanari carried a deeply negative reputation.
"Well, compared to other nations that enshrine discrimination outright in their laws, this place at least forbids it, so it's better than it could be... but general public perception is not something that changes easily."
The guard finished his explanation with that. This was the same man who'd been sheepishly apologizing for being discriminatory a minute ago — yet even he, it seemed, couldn't quite shake the prejudice himself.
I worried for a moment that Valerie might have been hurt by all of it, but her helm hid any trace of her expression.
With our long stretch of chitchat finally at an end, we at last passed through the gates of the village of 'Sontar'. Valerie suggested we head for the guild, where the Magic Crystal Ball was kept, to verify my identity — and I set off after her.
Going by what that guard had said, Valerie must be trying to hide the fact that she's a futanari. So I'd better play dumb too.
Besides, if I admitted I knew she was one, that would amount to confessing I'd been peeking at her — which is precisely why I'd rather never bring it up...
And besides — if futanari really are that weak to impulse, then Valerie had suppressed her own desires even while being stimulated by my damned passive skill, hadn't she?
Compare that to me, who — futanari or not, with zero magical influence whatsoever — came within a hair's breadth of actually doing it...
At the conclusion my train of thought had reached, shame and self-loathing over my behavior last night came flooding in.
"Behold — this is the guild!"
At Valerie's spirited voice, I realized we had arrived in front of a huge wooden building. Three stories tall and generously wide, it looked, from the outside, absolutely dripping with the aesthetic of a tavern or guild straight out of a fantasy novel.
Stepping inside, we found the place packed with an astonishing variety of people. I'd spotted a few people in fantasy-style gear out on the street, but here it was on another level entirely. From knights in full plate, to a shirtless barbarian, to folk kitted out like mages and archers, all the way down to someone in pitiful beginner leather gear that looked a lot like mine. Adventurers of every age and gender sat around talking, or gazing up at what looked like a quest board.
As we entered and the door creaked open, a few heads turned toward us, but most quickly lost interest and went back to their own business.
Valerie and I made for the counter, where five attendants stood in a row. Not just adventurers, either — people who looked like ordinary townsfolk were using it too.
"Excuse me. This person—"
Valerie approached a counter that had just freed up and began explaining my situation to the attendant beside me.
Wait—hold on. This is NOT the time to be agonizing over libido this and who's the bigger pervert that!
The reason I'd come here in the first place was that I'd lied to Valerie and told her I had amnesia. Which meant it was now time to check my identity through the Magic Crystal Ball — as a presumed resident of this village.
They said my name and address would come up. Which means obviously NOTHING is going to come up! My lie to Valerie might get exposed!
No — worst case, that cursed Goddess might have set my name to something absurd!
Thanks to Valerie's swift, precise briefing and the kind attendant's smooth handling of the procedure—
Thud.
—the heavy Magic Crystal Ball was set down on the wooden counter. And there I stood, right in front of it.
"Finally, this is settled! You've had a long day of it!"
"Now then~ please place both hands on either side of the crystal~"
Following Valerie's energetic encouragement and the kind attendant's instructions, I laid my hands on the crystal ball.
I'm sorry, Miss Valerie! I'm sorry, Miss Attendant! I'm a liar!
Flash!
The moment my hands touched the Magic Crystal Ball and the attendant cast her spell, the sphere erupted with golden light of blinding intensity. Everyone flinched at the sudden flash, squeezing their eyes shut and throwing up hands or sleeves to shield their faces.
Th-this, this is...
"What IS thiiiiis?!"
"EHHHHH?!"
Unable to even pull my hands off the crystal ball, I let out something close to a scream — and moments later, the attendant looked at the crystal and screamed too.
"Both of you, what on earth is the matter?! Is something wrong with this person's identity?!"
Valerie flailed her arms, whipping her gaze back and forth between me and the attendant.
"S-s-s-sir, siririr—"
The attendant's hands trembled violently, her whole body shaking as she forced her mouth open.
"This c-customer has n-no, no identity record in the village of 'Sontar'... H-h however! The identity query returned—"
[HERO]
"EHHHHH?!?!"
"EEEEHHHHHH?!?!"
My scream was swallowed whole by the thunderous shriek beside me. I tore my hands from the crystal ball and froze solid; before long, the light from the crystal died out entirely.
W-w-wait a second! The Hero status shows up in your identity record?! I thought it was just some label slapped on me?! Nobody explained THIS, you perverted Goddess!!
"Oh ho, the Hero...!"
Amid the stirring crowd inside the guild, there came the grinding scrape of a chair, and a single barbarian rose from his seat in the center of the room.
"That body's gotta be worth a pretty coin, eh?"
"How dare you speak such blasphemy?!"
At the barbarian's words, a priest at the counter exploded in fury.
"That's right! Would you dare lay hands on the Hero who will stop the resurrected Demon King?!"
A knight in gleaming snow-white armor strode out from the quest board, shouting.
"Even a guy like that's probably angling for a promotion, huh?"
Beside him, a hooded rogue covering his face needled them both.
In an instant, the guild was filled with people screaming and squaring off against one another. And amid all that chaos, that barbarian from before turned his gaze on me and flashed a grin.
"V-V-Miss Valerie..."
Whether from the confusion or the terror, my voice came out choked and teary.
I lifted my head and looked up at Valerie beside me.
"Save me...!"
The instant her helm gave a single nod, I blinked — and somehow, in that blink, Valerie had already wrapped an arm around my waist.
"I am Valerie Gius! And I shall protect you!"
"Hand him over, now!"
Valerie sank into a slight crouch, and the barbarian began charging straight at her. Hopping lightly backward in place, she planted a foot on the counter desk and—
CRACK!
—with the sound of the wooden desk splintering to pieces, Valerie launched forward like a bullet. She poured that momentum into her knee and drove it into the barbarian's face.
He failed to dodge her knee strike entirely and toppled backward, and the moment Valerie touched down, she sprinted for the guild's exit.
"My money!" "Blasphemy!"
The guild entrance devolved into a tangled mess of pursuers trying to chase us down and people trying to block them. Even so, a handful of chasers slipped free of the writhing human pile — crawling out from under it, stepping over it, or even diving out through the windows — and came barreling after us.
Valerie, holding me tight against her, wove this way and that to shake the pursuers — but the more she dodged, the farther we strayed from the village gates.
Fortunately — whether thanks to our route through alley after alley, or to the sheer dazzling unpredictability of Valerie's movements — the people chasing us slowly began to vanish from sight.
And so, carrying me in her arms, Valerie arrived at a small bridge — where a barbarian stood waiting, bruises and dried blood stark on his face.
"Hahaha! I KNEW you'd come this way. And don't think I don't know you're planning to hide at the ranch back there!"
"I merely ran at a reasonable pace."
As the barbarian hoisted an enormous club, Valerie — still holding me — drew her sword from her hip and took her stance.
"Wait, Valerie! Don't!"
Before I could even finish my protest, the two of them lunged at each other.
Clang!
Something crashed, and in the same instant the two had swapped positions. From behind Valerie's back, I watched the barbarian turn toward us triumphantly.
"Hahaha! Sure, your strike didn't land either, but which of us drew first bl—"
Shhhhlip.
The barbarian's pants slid down.
"You son of a—!!"
"That buys us our time!"
Valerie sheathed her sword and immediately broke into a run. In that instant, I saw it plainly: the barbarian, howling and crying, sprinting right on her heels.
Riiiip.
I heard something tear — but Valerie didn't stop running, and the violent shaking made it impossible to tell what, exactly, the barbarian had grabbed hold of at the very end.
A short while later, just as the barbarian had predicted, we reached the ranch. Valerie ducked into what looked like a small storage shed.
"This should let us rest for a while."
Saying that, Valerie set me down, and I slumped onto the floor. Before long, I turned my head toward her.
"Thank you, sob...!"
Valerie's armor, from the waist down, consisted of an iron plate running from boot to knee, a pair of leather shorts trimmed with a cloth fringe like a skirt, and an iron plate shaped like a skirt worn over the whole thing.
And that barbarian had, without question, grabbed hold of something. And that something had torn.
Shhhhlip.
Valerie's leather shorts, their back torn clean away, slid down. And I was reunited — once more — with that long, long something of hers.
"U-UWAAAH! Since when?!"
Startled herself, Valerie clapped her hands in front of her to cover it.
After a moment of heavy silence, Valerie spoke — her voice trying for calm, but seeping with gloom all the same.
"I'm sorry I hid it from you... Being with me... with a futanari... it must disgust you, doesn't it...? I am truly, truly sorry!"
With that, Valerie turned her back on me and made for the shed door. I pushed myself up off the floor to stop her, catching her in a motion that was half tackle, half stumble.
"N-no, it's not like that! Miss Valerie, you saved me! I'm not disgusted at all!"
That's right — I can't discriminate against the person who's worked this hard to help me all this way!
"Th... ahhnn..! M-my, my hand—!"
"Huh?"
I lunged forward in a hurry, trying to catch her. My posture was awkward at best; wrapping both arms around her was the only way I was going to grab hold of her at all. My left hand found her waist — success. And my other hand—
—was wrapped around her soft, plump futanari cock.