Episode 56 — I Hate How Perceptive You Are, Hero..!!
We headed back into the heart of the commercial district, where Fresia was supposed to be, browsing the shops as we made our way past one underwear boutique after another in search of her.
"D-Do you not need any new underwear, Hero?"
"Huh? I already have spares, though?"
Valeri hesitated a moment, then forced an awkward smile.
"W-Well... could you not use some top underwear, perhaps...?"
"Valeri..."
"Y-Yes?!"
"Your intentions are showing so clearly I could see them from space..."
"I... I am utterly ashamed..."
While we were having this pointless exchange in front of a women's clothing shop, Fresia stepped out of it, a box in her hands.
"Oh? There you two are."
"Lady Fresia."
"That's our line. So you were here."
"Yep! I bought some lace underwear as a gift for my sister — the last thing on my list."
Saying that, Fresia held the box up to show us.
"The last thing?"
"Yep yep! I already bought everything else~"
With that, Fresia started rummaging through her bag. Meanwhile, Valeri took the box from her — inside it, no doubt, was the lingerie she'd just purchased at this very shop.
"First up~ the music box!"
Out of Fresia's bag came a little music box, small enough to fit in one palm, its wooden surface engraved with a cute picture of a rabbit.
"It was seriously expensive. So I picked the smallest one with the nicest sound."
"Well... it's an intricate piece. The price must have been steep."
"Oh, and I found a good shop on the way today, so I got a gift for the Hero too!"
Fresia tucked the music box away and began digging through her bag again.
"It's our shared funds, sure, but... that's still money I gave you..."
"Can you really call that a gift...?"
Her brazen attitude left me and Valeri speechless. Completely ignoring us, Fresia found what she was looking for.
"Ah! Here it is!"
She pulled out something wrapped in cloth, roughly the same size as the music box — small enough to curl right into your hand.
"Here! Take it!"
"What'd you buy?"
I accepted the object Fresia held out and carefully peeled back the cloth. And what emerged from within—
"An anal plug, uck—!"
—I clamped my hand over it along with the cloth and slapped her on the chin.
"Wh-Wha-wha-wha, what did you buy, you idiot?!!"
"Hiiin... that hurtt~"
"Why on earth did you buy this?!"
"Well, that shop Risnet recommended happened to catch my eye, so I grabbed one~"
So that's what they were chatting about in the dungeon that time...
"Even so, why buy this of all things... and as a gift for me, no less?"
"Yep! Isn't it great?"
"Great my ass! Take it back and get a refund!"
"Ehh~? Can't do~ They said no refunds~"
Fresia swayed side to side, whining theatrically.
"I am never using this!"
Her shamelessness only got my blood boiling, and with all my strength, I flung the anal plug straight into her bag.
"Valeri, don't you want to see the Hero use it?"
"Don't drag Valeri into this!"
Why is she so quiet...?
"Valeri?"
I turned to Valeri, who wasn't answering. Her eyes were unfocused, staring into empty space, her mouth hanging open.
"Heh heh... the Hero, using something like that..."
"I won't be using it, Valeri."
"H-Huah! O-Of course not!"
Valeri swallowed the drool that had nearly escaped and shook her head vigorously.
"F-Fresia! How could you bring back something like this?!"
"That's rich, coming from Valeri, who's already fantasizing~"
Fresia shot back in a flat, deadpan tone.
"I-I merely! I was merely hungry!"
"You were hungry, were you~? And not our dear Hero?"
With the corner of her mouth curled up, Fresia poked Valeri's cheek repeatedly with her index finger.
"I was truly hungry, and that is why I blanked out! Aaah~ I'm starving!!"
Let's end this little farce already. I couldn't even get a refund — at the very least, I needed to change the subject.
"Come on, come on! Valeri's hungry too, so let's go grab some snacks!"
I hastily dredged up a new topic of conversation. Valeri, still red-faced, quickly latched onto the idea and fell in beside me, and Fresia followed along after us.
And so the two of them and I wandered from eatery to eatery along the commercial district, sampling street food as we went. When Fresia and Valeri's eyes started going strange as I licked at an ice cream made with ice magic, I bit down on it hard instead; we split a deep-fried, oily donut-like pastry between us; and between browsing all manner of exotic foods and curious wares, we ended up passing quite a long while that way.
I also had to talk Fresia down again and again as she kept trying to make me buy jewelry and women's clothing. Valeri, though she looked a little wistful about it, took my side and gently lectured Fresia about saving our money.
Several hours had passed, perhaps. Dinner was still a ways off — plenty of daylight remained before sunset. On the way back to the inn, the Adventurer's Guild caught our eye, so we ducked inside for a look. Just there to browse, we found ourselves standing before a bulletin board plastered with quest postings.
Come to think of it, I hadn't actually done any quests since reincarnating, had I? Quests weren't even on the table — strictly speaking, I'd never even registered as an adventurer. Wait, no — wouldn't being the Hero count as roughly the same profession?
I was musing over this when a certain wanted poster suddenly caught my eye. Both Valeri and I — and Fresia too — knew the face drawn on it all too well. None other than our problem-attraction — no, the Barbarian Warrior.
"That guy..."
"So he's become a wanted man at last... Well, he did lead a bandit company. If anything, this was overdue."
"Who's that?"
"You forgot already?"
I stared at Fresia, my incredulity written all over my face.
"Eh? I met him too?"
"He's the leader of the bandits who ambushed us. You saw him yourself, remember?"
"Ohhh! Those guys! Hehe~ I just remembered the Hero's shining holy sword, that's all~"
"...That doesn't change the fact that you were the cause... does it?"
"Uuu... sorryyy..."
We kept chatting like that as we finished looking over the board, and then a thought struck me.
Once our adventure properly begins, will we be taking quests from a board like this too? Hero or not, I doubt the lord or the king can keep bankrolling us forever... I already owe Lord Raking far too much as it is.
"Valeri, did you do quests before you met me?"
"I met you not long after I set out on my travels, so I only ever took the simplest of quests."
"Never did any!"
"Hard to collect quests when you've lived as a thief since your princess days."
"I'm still a princess!"
"Are you interested in quests, Hero?"
At Valeri's question, I paused — I'd been mid-tease with Fresia.
"Well, there's a certain romance to it, I'll admit. But more than that, I figure we'll need money eventually."
"Money? Once the king of this country recognizes you, I'm sure he'll give you plenty."
Truly a master of playing with other people's money. She's already counting on his support.
But it's not wrong, exactly. He's the legendary Hero, destined to defeat the Demon King — continued funding would be the natural arrangement.
Well, as long as there aren't a dozen other Heroes springing up besides me, money worries shouldn't be an issue... right?
With our outing complete, we returned to the inn and decided to rest in our rooms while waiting for Risnet to arrive in the evening.
"Welcome back."
Two staff members bowed their heads and held the door open for us. Unlike yesterday, we walked into the inn's lobby without a trace of tension. The lobby was bright and quiet, and one of the attendants behind the counter came over to greet us.
"Welcome back to Repondremant."
It was a smallish female employee with a yellow bob.
"Is there anything you require?"
"Ah, we'll be having one more guest joining us later. We'd like to order a meal for them then."
"We're out of wine in our room!"
The words tumbled out of Fresia the instant I finished speaking.
"Was that not because you drank it all yourself, Lady Fresia?"
"I can drink more today too~ I'd like at least one bottle to start with."
"In that case, please have a seat in your room and browse at your leisure. I will bring the wine pamphlet and accompany you."
The employee handled Fresia's request with practiced ease, picked up a pamphlet from the counter, and climbed the stairs with us. Around the time we passed the third floor, I felt a faint sense of something off.
"There are rather few guests, aren't there?"
"Yes, many of them are still out."
"So that's why it's so quiet."
"Aside from the open dining hall, our soundproofing is quite excellent, you see. It's one of Repondremant's proudest features."
"We were rather loud last night, so good to know the soundproofing held up."
"Fufufu. The top-floor luxury suites are built especially solid."
Something... is wrong here...
About halfway up the stairs to the third floor, I turned my brain into overdrive and spoke again.
"Fresia said she needed wine."
"Yep."
"Ah, and Valeri said she wanted fruit."
"Yes? I did—"
I pressed a finger to my own lips, cutting Valeri off. We climbed the rest of the way in silence until, at last, the employee spoke up.
"And is there nothing you require in particular, Hero?"
I stopped dead, right at the top of the final flight to the fourth floor, and Valeri and Fresia froze at my motion. Looking at the attendant's back as she stood in the fourth-floor corridor, I said:
"How... did you know I'm the Hero?"
"...Well... the two of them were calling you that."
"Those two haven't called me that once in front of you — someone we're meeting for the first time. And yesterday, we never once used the word 'Hero' while staff were present."
"...... The letter of introduction. It was written in Lord Raking's letter of introduction. My apologies. I was mistaken."
At those words, Valeri moved to block my front while Fresia guarded my side and rear, all of them on high alert.
"Last night. Near the end of dinner, we had a conversation. I said I couldn't read... So before I asked for the table to be cleared, I asked you two to read the letter of introduction aloud.
It had our appearance and dress described, and instructions to treat us well — but NOT our identities. Not our names!!
Answer honestly. Who are you?!"
"Tch."
The yellow-bobbed employee — no, this suspicious existence — promptly drew a mask out from under her clothes, put it on, and tilted her head back slightly.
"God, you're a bothersome little brat!"
"Sukmehek!!"
KABOOM!!
In that instant, the floor beneath our feet exploded.