It's Not a Holy Sword! It's a Holy-!
"And just what the hell are you here for?!"
Valeri rested her hand on the hilt of her sword and demanded an answer from the Barbarian Warrior.
"Revenge, obviously! After the disgrace you lot put me through... I can't even set foot in my own village because of you!"
While the barbarian raged on, Freesia—who had no idea who he was—leaned over to me and whispered.
"Who's that guy?"
"The short-dick warrior."
"THAT'S the reason, AAAARGH!!"
I definitely hadn't spoken that loudly, yet somehow the barbarian heard us, and his voice boomed even louder. The hooded thugs loitering around him began closing in.
"Halt! This man is the Hero, formally recognized by the Lord!"
Our escort shouted, spreading his arms to shield us.
"I know exactly who he is! Hero, schmero—doesn't matter! His adventuring career is over anyway... so I'll make it as a bandit instead!"
Since when was THAT something to succeed at?! This is bad. Arms-wise, we had the advantage, but the bandits outnumbered us, and we were already surrounded. I needed to find a way out of this.
No audience this time, so talking my way out wouldn't work... What I needed was some kind of game-changer...
"Freesia. Valeri."
I quietly called the two of them over. Wary of our surroundings, they inched closer and leaned in to listen.
"If we head just a little deeper in, there's a church, right?"
"Yeah."
"Valeri, do you think you could punch a hole through them for us?"
"If it's just the three of us, I believe I can manage."
Good. We had exactly one plan.
"Here's what we do. The three of us break through the encirclement, complete the Holy Sword at the church, and end this fight with that very blade...!"
Saying this, I gripped the sword that would become the Holy Sword tightly in my hand. Valeri carefully drew her own blade. Freesia placed her hands at my waist, ready to hoist me up since I was such a slow runner.
Just as the tension peaked...
"Ooh, look at that wasp waist."
"Goddammit...! CHARGE!"
I snapped the signal through gritted teeth at her mood-breaking comment. The instant it left my mouth, Valeri hurled herself at the thugs blocking our path.
CLANG!
The Barbarian Warrior swung his massive club, and it collided with Valeri's sword. Looking down at Valeri, whose footing was mired, the barbarian grinned.
"Ha! This time I'll take you seriously!"
Valeri angled her blade downward and shifted her body sideways, letting the club slide down along the flat of her sword. In that opening, she aimed a strike at the barbarian's midsection.
CLANG!
But a thick metal belt was wrapped around his waist.
"Falling for the same attack twice, you—BUHOK!"
Still, that strike had been nothing but a feint to lull him. Freesia, awkwardly hoisting me around the belly, leapt high into the air and stomped right over the barbarian's face. As her feet hit the ground, mine touched down with them.
Righting myself, I looked toward the barbarian and Valeri. She had slipped around to his right, lightly dodging the right-hand thug's attack while roundhouse-kicking the one on the left clean off his feet.
"Okay! Let's go!"
"Don't let them get away!"
I was about to bolt when someone grabbed my leg. It was the guy who'd gone flying from Valeri's kick—he was sprawled on the ground, clutching at my trouser pocket.
"Let go of the Hero, you bastard!"
Freesia seized me under both armpits, hoisted me up, and kicked the thug square in the face.
RIIIIIP!
The sound of tearing fabric. Even as the thug flew from her kick, he kept his death grip on my trousers—and as Freesia swung me up high, the entire front of my pants tore away, pocket and all.
Bobble-bobble.
My tackle met the cool open air.
"You IDIOT!"
"S-sorry!"
"Let's run!"
Freesia tucked me under one arm like a sack of potatoes and took off running alongside Valeri.
Every time Freesia's foot pounded the earth, my lower half bounced up and down, and with each jolt, my cock and balls slapped rhythmically against the soft insides of my thighs.
"Ungh! Ungh! Ungh!"
"Freesia! The Hero's posture is unstable... UH?"
At Valeri's sudden strangled cry, Freesia skidded to a halt and turned her head along with me.
"Valeri?! What's wrong?!"
Valeri, who had been running beside us, had frozen in place, hunched over. She had one hand pressed between her own thighs.
"Th-that is...!"
A crouched stance. And something she was clearly trying to hide.
"Is NOW really the time to get an erection?!"
"I have no excuse...! I saw it, and it just happened! Please, go on ahead!"
Valeri screamed, her face flushing crimson. Behind us, the bandit horde was in pursuit.
"I... I will hold the line here..."
One hand concealing her rigid cock, the other gripping her sword, Valeri turned to face our pursuers from her hunched, practiced stance.
"You're not going anywhere!"
"Wait!"
The Barbarian Warrior stopped his charging underlings. With a footprint still stamped on his face, his expression turned oddly tense.
"I've never seen that stance before. A new... sword technique?"
It was just a regular erection.
"Let's go, Freesia!"
"On it! Hang in there, Valeri!"
Freesia scooped my back and legs up and repositioned me properly—a full-blown princess carry—and bolted.
"You should've carried me like this from the start!"
"Aww~ Sorry~!"
As we pushed deeper, the church came into view. An enormous stained-glass window filled the wall, its colorful panes weaving together a beautiful pattern.
I clutched the sword in my right hand with both of mine.
"Wait, doesn't the shrine look like it's behind it?"
"It's fine! There's a back entrance! We go in through there!"
Just as she said, a rear door came into view between the trees. From inside the church drifted the sound of prayers—surely the elves the Lord had mentioned.
"Freesia, just a little further!"
"Leave it to me! HnnGKH—!"
Mid-explanation, Freesia let out a short cry, and my body went soaring into the air.
Time seemed to slow. My heart ached from sheer terror, but my brain couldn't keep up with the panic.
As I flew, I caught a glimpse of Freesia below—tripping headlong over a tree root jutting out of the dirt.
"You IDIOOOOT!"
And with that, I sailed straight toward the stained glass.
CRASH!
My back hit the window, and my body barreled through, obliterating the glass. Falling into the church beneath the warm sunlight, I watched the shattered shards glitter prettily around me.
KA-RANG! "Ugh!" CLATTER-CLATTER!ratatatata!
My body landed on something, something metallic rolled across the floor, and glass fragments rained down.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow..."
When I opened my eyes, my view was upside down. Several elves who'd been praying inside the church were staring at me with wide, stunned eyes. It slowly dawned on me that I was lying inverted on top of the altar table.
The Holy Sword! I have to set the Holy Sword on the altar!
But both my hands were empty. Draped over the table with my waist bent across it, I frantically scanned my surroundings.
"Ah!"
That metallic rolling sound had been my sword hitting the floor and skittering away. I stretched my hand toward it—but fell hopelessly short.
"I-it is the Goddess's light!"
With one elf's cry, I felt a blinding brilliance. Dragging my eyes from the sword on the floor upward, I saw the sky through a huge hole in the shattered glass. And in that sky, a light other than the sun had appeared.
The beam shot toward me—toward the table, to be exact—with astonishing speed.
"W-wait! Hold on! WAIT A SECOND!"
But the intense, sacred light swallowed up the table and my body along with it.
"GYAAAAAAAAH!!"
The church's back door burst open. Freesia, sprawled over the tree root, lifted her head.
"I'm sorry, Hero... sob... it was all my fault, hic...!"
She froze mid-apology, utterly petrified. I passed right by her.
"H-Hero?"
Moments later, at the edge of the church grounds, Valeri and the escort guards were locked in a chaotic melee with the bandits.
"Hero, you're safe, thank goo—dness..."
The moment she spotted me, Valeri's jaw dropped and her whole body went rigid. One by one, everyone who turned my way locked up the same way.
It was glowing. Having received some manner of power from the Goddess's beam, it was glowing.
Above it hovered an angelic ring—a small halo—shimmering as it floated. And that halo was radiating an ever more dazzling light.
It was not the sword. The sword remained unchanged, clutched tight in my right hand.
The thing that glowed,
the thing crowned with a halo,
was my cock.
"H-Hero~?"
Freesia called out from behind and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. I twitched my shoulder irritably to shake her off and raised the sword in my right hand toward the Barbarian Warrior.
"...Drop..."
"Wh-uh?"
"DROP YOUR PANTS, YOU BASTARDS!!"
I took a charging stance, gripping the sword with both hands.
"I'm going to castrate every last one of you!! You DICK-ass sons of bitches!!"
"Hero! Please, calm down!"
"RAAAAAAGH!"
Shoving off Freesia's restraint, I drew the sword far back. Surrendering my body to an emotion I couldn't name—shame or fury—I swung the blade in a horizontal arc through empty air.
In that instant, a brilliant light burst forth from the halo above my cock. The wave of light sent my soft member quivering.
And as the blade carved through the air—
KABOOM!
A blade of compressed wind erupted from my sword. A slash-wave.
It didn't just cut down the trees ahead of it—it obliterated them at the midpoint, and even blasted away the little patch of hair near the crown of the Barbarian Warrior's head, the tallest man present.
THUD! CRASH! CRRREAK!
The severed treetops slammed into the ground, and even the trees that had withstood the blast began groaning and snapping.
"R-run! RUN!"
"Get back here, you bastards!!"
"Hero! CALM DOWN!"
The fleeing bandits. The escort guards, frozen stiff, incapable of even feinting a pursuit. And before them all, the most shocked of anyone—Valeri—her eyes locked on me, utterly petrified.
I writhed, overwhelmed by a tidal wave of shame, rage, and a feeling I had no words to explain. Freesia wrapped her arms under mine and hoisted me up, and even then I flailed my limbs wildly, struggling with everything I had.
Still it glowed. Glowing, glowing ever brighter, the halo-crowned cock swayed back and forth.
Every time my thrashing hips and legs kicked about, the flesh of my thighs and buttocks jiggled and quaked in riotous abandon.
And with far greater fervor than any of it—
the [Holy Cock] swung.