I Am Not Here to Take You Back
That guy knows Ruhwa, so pretending to be a shaman won't work on him. Then what excuse should I come up with……?
I was racking my brain in a panic when the underworld reaper flung his liquor bottle aside and sprang to his feet.
"I don't know what you were doing to come waltzing into the underworld with a living body, but you picked the wrong time. Dammit, this is all your fault!"
Drunken rage flushed his face a deep crimson as he seized me by the collar and hauled me clean off the ground.
"Kghk!"
My feet dangled in the air. The collar squeezed my throat, and white light began to crowd the edges of my vision.
Reflexively I grabbed at his hands, trying to pry them away, but I was in a child's body — it was hopeless.
Can't— can't breathe!
If this had been a direct attack or a curse, Cheoyong's warding norigae would have shielded me, but this wasn't an attack carrying killing intent, so the charm gave no response at all.
The wretched reaper just kept shaking me, pouring out his grievances.
"You think I knew that would happen? I'm a rookie with a mountain of things to memorize — of course I could forget the princess's face! And where did that princess even crawl out from, doting on some worthless human brat like you!"
"Ugh, hkk……."
"Seniors grind me down, coworkers curse me out, juniors walk all over me! Dammit, it's all over for me! Me, with such a promising future! All because of one insignificant human!"
I couldn't breathe, my whole body was being shaken senseless, and there was nothing I could do. Tears welled up on their own.
"If you'd just gone back like I told you to in the first place, none of this would've happened! Hm? It's all your fault!"
My body kept swinging. The world was truly going white now.
Ansi……!
Hurry, please come — if this goes on, my run away from home won't end because I got caught, it'll end because Ruhwa's body dies!
Just as I thought my breath was truly about to slip away, air suddenly rushed back into my lungs.
"Kghk! Hk— hk, hkk."
"Oh my goodness. Huiyo! Sweet heavens……."
A soft embrace wrapped around me, murmuring something I couldn't quite catch.
Then came a bang — the sound of something shattering and flying through the air — followed by a scream like a pig being slaughtered.
"AAAAAGH!"
"I wondered what wretch was causing this — and it's you again?"
"Your, Your Highness, please save some of him for me."
That just now…… sounded like Dad and Mom's voices.
Everything was spinning…….
And I slipped into unconsciousness.
When I opened my eyes, a familiar ceiling met my gaze.
A black canopy with flame patterns…….
That was my bedchamber in Sangrabyeolgung.
Which meant this was my annex palace in the underworld. My…… annex palace?
"……!"
I bolted upright in alarm.
"Hwaaah! Your Highness!"
Looking beside me, I found Ansi, her face a soggy mess of tears and snot. The moment our eyes met, she latched onto me and wailed.
"Are You well, Your Highness? Hwaahh, this Ansi, hoo-hwaaah, was too slow and failed to properly guard Your Highness, ah-hwaah! Kyaak! I deserve to die! Waaah! Kyaak! Please put me to death!"
"Wait, wait, stop crying! Why am I here?"
"You're awake."
A gentle, warm voice came from the other side of the room.
That was…… Mom's voice.
With a feeling not unlike wanting to flee, I turned my head — and there sat Mom in comfortable clothes, settled into a chair.
When our eyes met, she spoke calmly.
"Huiyo, do you have any idea how worried I've been?"
Found out.
No matter that I wore a human body, there was no way Mom wouldn't recognize me when even Ansi saw through me at a glance.
Cold sweat trickled down my spine.
My body was still in the heavens — how on earth did she catch me?
Had she known everything all along, watching me from above? Since when?
Mom and Dad were both such overwhelmingly powerful gods that if they descended to the lower realm or meddled in it carelessly, it could cause problems — so…… had they simply been waiting for the day I came to the underworld on my own?
What do I do? Is my runaway over, just like that?
No — then what about the Crown Prince?
I'd sworn to him I'd definitely wake the Queen, so not to worry. We were supposed to practice handling darkness together again tomorrow, and archery too.
I'd even told him we'd start paying our respects together from now on.
And what about Seol Deunghwa, waiting at Junggungjeon?
Anxious, I squeezed my eyes shut and forced the words out.
"I'm sorry, Mom."
"……"
"But I won't go back to Sangra Palace. I can't go back."
"……Huiyo."
"I made a promise to a human. I have to return to the lower realm. You're the one who taught me that a god who breaks her word is no god at all."
"Sangra Huiyo."
"I know you're always worried about my health. I know staying in Sangra Palace is best for my body. But……"
"That's enough."
Mom, who had appeared before me before I noticed her moving, pulled me into her arms.
"My beloved princess. Will you open your eyes?"
I slowly opened the eyes I'd kept squeezed shut. Right in front of me, Mom was smiling.
"Huiyo, I did not come to take you back."
"What?"
"Why did you assume I would only oppose you?"
"That's……"
"And there you were, having written such a lovely letter."
"……You've already read it?"
It wasn't supposed to be delivered yet. To think Hyangdan would defy my orders so quickly.
"Yes, I read it. Do not blame the head celestial maiden. She had no choice, and in the end, hers was the right judgment."
"No choice……?"
"My princess is truly clever, and yet sometimes she has the strangest blind spots."
Mom gave a wry smile, then asked, "You used a great deal of power in the lower realm, didn't you?"
"I can't use my divine power freely to begin with."
"Fine, I'll grant that heavenly punishment isn't something you can control yourself. But I mean the Eye of Cheonmyeong."
"Ah."
Right — I had used it quite a lot. In the heavens I'd only ever used it once in a very long while.
Mom's expression grew a shade sterner.
"You couldn't possibly have been unaware that that burden would return to your original body."
"……Yes, I knew. I used it anyway. I thought I'd recover while I slept, so it would be fine……."
Mom let out a deep sigh, then sat on the edge of the bed and lifted me onto her lap.
"It was not fine."
"What? Really?"
"Do you know how much blood you coughed up? How desperately we feared we might lose you again?"
It had that bad a backlash? It didn't feel like I'd used nearly that much, though. Why?
Ah — wait.
Come to think of it, in the heavens, using power brings the pain of the backlash right away…… so I always held back.
This body didn't hurt no matter how much power I used, so I must have been overextending without even realizing it.
And part of me hadn't thought too deeply about it — what did it matter, in a body that was dying anyway?
If I'd vomited blood in my sleep, no wonder my parents had been terrified.
That was never the worry I'd meant to give them…….
I let my brows droop.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be that bad."
"Well, in that body, you couldn't have felt the strain properly……."
Mom gazed quietly down at my face, tracing every line of it, from forehead to chin.
"I heard it from Ansi. In that body, you truly feel no pain at all?"
"Nope."
I nodded vigorously and, in a flutter of excitement, launched into an account of how this body had treated me so far.
"I never get out of breath, and my head never hurts! I haven't had a single nosebleed this whole time. I can run now — I can even jump in place!"
"So?"
"Yes, my body feels so light! And food tastes different in this body too. Everything is so much more delicious. Oh, and I recently started learning archery……"
By the time I came to my senses, I'd been chattering about the merits of this body for a good long while.
My heart sank.
After all, I had a real body of my own that Mom had given birth to — and here I'd been, gleefully boasting to her that this ordinary human shell was better than that sacred one.
Feeling terribly guilty toward her, I fidgeted with my fingers and scrambled to make excuses.
"B-but of course my original body is far better. The human one is secretly rather inconvenient, and……"
"Huiyo."
Mom called my name with an expression caught somewhere between smiling and weeping, then gently brushed back my hair.
"It's all right."
"……I'm sorry."
"What on earth are you sorry for?"
"Just. Everything."
"It is I who should be sorry. That you had to……"
Mom swallowed the end of her sentence, then pressed a quiet kiss to my forehead.
Then she met my eyes again. Those jade eyes, the same shade as mine, glittered with gathering moisture.
"Huiyo, I — no. Mom —"
"……"
"Of course I want you to live a long, long time. As long as possible…… I want you to stay by Mom's side for as long as possible."
Mom bit her lip hard, drew in a breath, and touched her lips to my forehead once more.
And in that position, she whispered:
"But if that cannot be…… more than that."
Her lips brushed my forehead. Warm breath met my skin, and her wet voice fell softly beside my ear.
"Living happily matters so much more."
In that instant, I understood.
Mom had already realized everything.
That I had a premonition of my end. That I had resolved, in my own way, to prepare for farewell.
I had hoped she wouldn't know — wouldn't know that I knew, that I had given up on ever getting better.
My flimsy little disguises had been all but useless against Mom.
"……Mom."
I had no idea what to say. I couldn't even look her in the face.
Mom stroked my hair again as I lowered my eyes.
"You look so well living in that body. It truly is a relief."
"……"
"You need not come back. No — do not come back. Do everything you wish to do, and simply be happy."
"……"
"Mom will be cheering for you. All right?"
Somehow, tears came.
Afraid that opening my mouth would let the sobbing burst out, I pressed my lips tightly together and gave a silent nod.
Whether from exhaustion or from relief, Huiyo soon drifted back to sleep.
The Jade Emperor kept a long vigil beside the sleeping child.
Though she wore the face of a strange human girl, to the Emperor — who saw essence rather than appearance — she was as she had always been: her precious only daughter.
The young phoenix, who had only just managed to stop crying, refused to leave the bedside either, clinging stubbornly close.
The Emperor had originally intended to hold Ansi accountable for failing to protect Huiyo.
But the moment she saw the little phoenix gazing up at her mistress with eyes red and swollen, any thought of punishment melted away on its own.
The child hardly shirked her duties…… and she guarded Huiyo well even in the lower realm.
Just as the Emperor moved toward Ansi to tell her to rest, King Yama came barging into the room.
"Our Huiyo! How is our Huiyo?!"
"Lower your voice, Hoon. The child is asleep."
"Ah. My apologies."
Replying in a voice strangled down to a whisper, the Queen of the Underworld scurried hastily toward the bed.