The Name of the Darkness
It was stifling. Uncomfortable.
I had lived a life with nothing to regret — no duties, only things to enjoy; whatever I wished for, I could have. Which meant I had hardly ever needed to lie in my life.
The only lie I'd told with any regularity was I'm not in pain.
'But I can't just come out and tell her I'm Princess Cheonmyeong, the way I did with Seol Deunghwa.'
The girl wasn't even of the Seol clan, so it would be hard enough to make her believe me — and the risk of my escape being exposed would only grow.
However grown-up the Crown Prince might be, he was still only eleven. There was no telling how much he would actually understand, or how he would react.
'……It's hopeless for now, then. I'll tell him later — at least once he's a little older.'
Now I understood, newly and keenly, why adults always dodged with I'll tell you when you're bigger.
'I hated adults for that…… and here I am doing the exact same thing. So this is what growing up really means, huh.'
Sighing only in my heart, I opened my mouth.
"Your Highness, you know my mother is of the Seol clan, don't you?"
"Yes. I heard as much after the wedding was arranged."
"Being of the Seol clan, my mother knows a great many things that ordinary people don't."
I had barely any practice at lying, yet once I started, it came pouring out.
Hmm. Come to think of it, I'd done a decent job ever since becoming Seruhwa — perhaps I had a hidden talent for this after all.
"I just came from meeting her at the Royal Guest House. When I mentioned Your Highness's darkness, she told me what it actually is."
The Crown Prince's eyes went wide as saucers.
That's right. However difficult everything else, this much I had to tell him properly — even if it counted as divulging heavenly secrets and piled a little more karma onto my shoulders.
Knowing the most important truth about him and choosing to deceive him anyway was something I refused to do. I was a great enough god to bear that much.
"My lady… what did you just say?"
"I said I found out what's behind Your Highness's darkness."
I took a short, deep breath and went on.
"Your Highness is an Eodukseoni."
"An… Eodukseoni? What is that? How can it be treated?"
"The Eodukseoni isn't a disease. An Eodukseoni is…"
I explained, slowly and carefully, to the boy who stared at me so desperately. With every word, the color drained further from his face.
"…That's everything I know."
When I finished, the boy looked up at me with a face gone white as a blank sheet of paper.
"You mean to say that I am the first human to be stricken by an Eodukseoni?"
"You're not stricken by it. You became one. The Eodukseoni is a darkness that fell from the night sky and merged with a living creature — before the merging, it was nothing at all."
The Crown Prince stared down at his own two hands and murmured, as if from far away.
"Not a human… I became an Eodukseoni… Then that day…"
His face crumpled.
'Oh dear… he must be remembering the day he became the Eodukseoni.'
Somewhere along the way, the sun had begun to set. The dusk seeping through the window stained the boy's cheek — red, as though smeared with blood.
'It must be a horrifying memory.'
The day people around him died, went mad, and even his own parents collapsed — all because of him. And that was only two years ago, when the Crown Prince had been barely Seruhwa's age.
Even as I watched him with pity, a darkness rippled beneath the Crown Prince. It spread in an instant, the way ink bleeds across paper, swallowing the sunset whole and turning everything pitch-black.
'Oh no…'
He had been unstable enough already; with the sun going down, the darkness seemed to be running wild.
Out of the blackness came the Crown Prince's desperate voice.
"My lady, then — then do you know why a person becomes an Eodukseoni?"
"That… I don't know."
I had heard there was no particular reason an Eodukseoni came into being — that it was simply a matter of being in the wrong place when a darkness fell from the night sky.
In a word: terrible luck. But I couldn't bring myself to say that to a boy asking with such anguish. Besides, it was true that I didn't know for certain.
"Then is there a way to turn an Eodukseoni back to what it was? Do you know, perhaps?"
"…I've heard there has never been such a case."
"Ah…"
With the Crown Prince's despair, the darkness deepened. I could no longer make out even my own body.
The unease and fear that the darkness bred crept up my spine, stealthy as a serpent. It felt sharper than before — he must be terribly afraid.
'Of course he is. For him, the Eodukseoni must feel like my sickness feels to me.'
I knew exactly what it was like when hope of getting better appeared only to be snatched away. I knew the helpless terror that such despair calls up.
'It must feel so vast… so endlessly frightening.'
It would be hard to climb out of that fear alone. I had my mother and father, I had Ansi, and so many others besides, always there to hold on to me.
'But this little one has no one at all.'
So even if it was in name only, I — his lady — had to be the one to hold on to him.
'It's not as if it's hard for me.'
I rose in the darkness and took a step toward the Crown Prince. At once the blackness, which had devoured everything in every direction, surged to swallow me too.
'Shoo. Get away.'
Who did it think it was, daring that?
With a faint reveal of my bearing as Princess Cheonmyeong, I shook off the darkness clinging to me.
'It should be around here…'
My fingertips, groping through the black, brushed the downy soft cheek of a child.
Found him.
"Your Highness."
"…!"
Only then did the Crown Prince seem to realize that he was the one who had spread the darkness. He shoved my hand away and bolted backward, and from beyond the black came his frantic voice.
"Damn it! My lady, are you all right?!"
Well, I'll be. So he knew how to curse? You'd never have guessed it to look at him.
Startled, my thoughts spilled straight out of my mouth.
"I didn't know you had it in you to curse."
"Is that what matters right now?!"
The Crown Prince barked, then made a rustling sound — he seemed to be heading for the door, so I quickly stretched out my arm.
"Your Highness, wait — ah!"
I was in such a hurry that I stepped on the hem of my own skirt. As I pitched forward, something stopped me with a soft thud.
"…Hah."
The Crown Prince, who had come close without my noticing, was holding me in his arms. Even in the middle of storming out, he had apparently kept an eye on me after all.
His reflexes were remarkable, though. Was that an Eodukseoni thing?
"Be careful."
"Oh… thank you."
Once I had righted myself, he steadied me upright with a faint sigh — then immediately moved to pull away, and I grabbed him at once.
"Your Highness, don't go. I'm fine, see?"
"The darkness is deepening. When this happens, I must be alone."
"No — it's exactly when this happens that you mustn't be."
I had always hated being alone when I was sick. Alone, my thoughts circled round and round, and in the circling I only grew my own fear. So even while my mother was endlessly busy, she kept vigil at my sickbed — and I was sorry for it, and grateful, all at once.
Like her, there was always someone who spoke to me before I could sink into my own dark thoughts.
So for him, too, this was precisely the time to stay by his side.
"Being alone only makes it more frightening. So stay with me."
I tugged at the Crown Prince's arm, whining shamelessly. Given the difference in our size, I was practically clinging to it in a hug.
The Crown Prince stood rooted in place, saying nothing. I gripped his sleeve with both hands and shook it.
"We agreed to practice together, remember?"
I felt his gaze on me. The darkness that had swallowed my whole field of vision rippled, suddenly.
"…Why are you so determined to help me, my lady?"
"And why did Your Highness try to help me escape?"
"Well… that is…"
The Crown Prince let the words trail off. I smiled.
"I imagine it's for much the same reason."
He'd felt sorry for a child who had become his bride only to die, hadn't he? And had tried, somehow, to save her? My reason wasn't so very different from his.
"Besides, I'm the Crown Princess now. For Your Highness to do well is for me to live well."
"Do you understand what it means to live as my Crown Princess, and still say that?"
"That's why I'm stuck doing this."
Still holding on to him, I sat down. Even through the darkness, I could feel the boy finally giving up, drawn over to sit beside me.
"Your Highness, I made a promise to His Majesty."
"I beg your pardon? To the King? What promise?"
The Crown Prince started and asked again. Unable to guess where his face might be, I answered, fixing my gaze roughly into the dark.
"That I would wake Her Majesty the Queen."
"…!"
"I believe it's possible with the Seol clan's gift. Mother and I will treat her together."
"…You can… wake Her Majesty…?"
Every syllable of the Crown Prince's words trembled. I nodded into the pitch-black.
"Yes. I'm going to wake her. I can do it."
"…"
"And then a great many things will change, won't they? I'm sure His Majesty will reward me handsomely."
"…"
"And if I earn his praise, your standing will change too. They say husband and wife are one body, after all."
"…"
"So you have to do your part as well. Practice hard and learn to control your darkness — like you succeeded in doing that first night."
"…"
"You may not be able to undo becoming an Eodukseoni, but once you can control your own power, you'll be fine. You'll be able to live like anyone else."
"…"
"No — actually, you'll be better than fine! Wielding a darkness like this at will is a power far beyond any of those warriors of bizarre, monstrous strength."
"…"
"Your Highness?"
The Crown Prince kept not answering. The darkness was so thick I couldn't tell what expression he wore, or whether he was even listening.
Frustrated, I slid my hand down from his arm in search of his hand.
'A glove. Of course it's a glove.'
Through the leather I couldn't tell what state the boy was in at all. He'd been talked into wearing these by the palace eunuchs — time for them to come off. Gloved hands couldn't help with practicing control of the darkness anyway.
'It looks stifling, too.'
I pinched the cuff that caught at my fingertips and pulled at the Crown Prince's glove.
"…!"
The moment bare skin was bared, his hand shot back. I snatched it up in both of mine before it could escape.
Eleven was still a child by any measure, yet my body was even younger and smaller, and our hands were a fair distance apart in size — enough that holding his with one hand would have been a struggle. Perhaps the Crown Prince ran a bit large for his age.
Holding that hand, trembling as if with fright, I spoke.
"Your Highness, the darkness spread even with the gloves on. There's no need to force yourself to wear something that doesn't help."
"B-but if bare skin touches you, it's dangerous—"
"You already know I'm fine."
"…B-but — a boy and girl past seven should not so much as sit together. For a man and a woman to hold hands so carelessly—"
"Husbands and wives are the exception to that, you know."
"…"
At my string of rebuttals, the Crown Prince fell silent and gave up trying to pull his hand away.
"From now on, practice with me in the daytime — holding my hand and pressing the darkness down. Daylight should make it a little easier to control than night."
"…"
"Once you can control the darkness in the daytime, we'll add people to the Eastern Palace. Look at the gardens, half in ruin, and the state of the halls — it's far too much. How are you supposed to live like this?"
"…"
"Your Highness."
Holding his bare hand in both of mine, fidgeting with it, I called to him again.
"Crown Prince. You're listening, aren't you?"