Why I Borrowed This Life
I propped my elbow on the table, rested my chin in my hand, and laid out the plan piece by piece as it came to me.
"In that case, it's better if you have some time between foreseeing his death and the death itself. Pour out everything you want to say to him in that window — you'll feel relieved, and he'll understand exactly why he's dying."
"……"
"Poison is probably our best option, honestly. Somewhere with just the two of you, where no one else can approach — all you'd have to do is get him to take it. You're the Emperor's consort, aren't you? A situation where you're alone together should be easy enough to arrange."
At my question, Seol Deunghwa's expression turned resolute.
"If you will only provide the poison, I will find a way to make him swallow it. Even if I have to force it down his throat with my own hands—"
"No, wait, hold on. What good would it do to kill the Emperor and get yourself killed in the process? You are not allowed to die."
I flailed a hand at her in alarm, cutting her off. She was clearly planning to end her life alongside his — and that would defeat the entire purpose!
Up in the heavens, Sohwa would be heartbroken.
"What I mean by arranging a moment alone together is that you should be free to say everything you want to say to the Emperor with no one listening."
"Then what about the poison—"
"There are poisons that can kill without ever being swallowed. Ones that pierce straight through defensive wards like the Man dok bulchim, the Ten Thousand Poisons Shield. And don't worry — there's a way to make sure you're never exposed to it yourself, and the Emperor's cause of death will read as heart failure or a seizure, not poisoning."
"I beg your pardon? A poison that convenient actually exists?"
"Not in the mortal realm. But I happen to have it."
I gave her a small smile and added, "Once your revenge is done, you'll escape the palace and live a brand-new life. I'll handle everything — the escape route, a new identity, all of it. So all you need to do is think about what you'd like to do from now on."
Seol Deunghwa stared at me as though she could not believe her ears.
But believe me she would. As a woman of the Seol tribe, she knew full well when I was speaking from the heart.
"You are…… sincere."
"Why would I lie? Especially in front of a Seol tribeswoman."
"I really will be able to…"
Color slowly returning to her cheeks, Seol Deunghwa mumbled something incoherent and dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve.
Then, after a long silence, she fixed her gaze squarely on me and spoke.
"What must I give you in return?"
"I've already been paid. I took this body, and Sohwa's life along with it."
"Was that not a transaction completed when you raised her to the celestial register? This would be a new bargain entirely."
It was a sharper point than I'd expected. I regarded Seol Deunghwa awkwardly for a moment, then shrugged.
"Sohwa asked me for one last thing. She told me to say she's sorry to her mother."
"……She did?"
Seol Deunghwa's eyes swelled as if she were about to weep all over again. I hurried to explain.
"What that means is that you are Sohwa's lingering attachment."
"Her… attachment?"
"A soul that still clings to the mortal world can never become a proper immortal. I've promised to make Sohwa into a fairy — which means your happiness becoming real is part of my payment."
Seol Deunghwa's expression turned strange.
"That is…… an extraordinarily favorable interpretation, for Ruhwa and for me. Are you not shortchanging yourself?"
"Shortchanging myself?"
I snorted. "You think a god as vast as I am needs to weigh profit and loss in a deal with small, fragile humans like you? I have a reputation to maintain as Princess Cheonmyeong. This doesn't even register as a loss."
"……A god, as vast as…"
Seol Deunghwa repeated the words under her breath, then looked down at me for a long moment. She was gazing at me exactly the way one gazes at a small child, so I protested hotly.
"I only look small because I'm wearing your daughter's body! I'm normally an enormously powerful, enormous goddess, I'll have you know!"
"Your parents did say that Ruhwa looked like a little friend of the Princess's own age, did they not?"
"Th-that's only because my body doesn't grow the way it should for my age! And stop calling her Ruhwa already — call her Sohwa! Keep using her mortal name and she'll never let go of her attachment!"
"You truly do intend to make her — no, forgive me — make Sohwa into an immortal."
"Of course. She's mine now, my own retinue. She's been inscribed in the registers of Sangra Palace as one of my people. A god as great as I am keeps her promises, and looks after her own besides."
A very small smile flickered across Seol Deunghwa's face.
"Thank you. Then…… shall I address you as Princess Cheonmyeong?"
"Just call me Princess. A mortal soul trampling all over a divine title carries a real burden, you know."
"Yes, Your Highness."
Seol Deunghwa's face looked far better than it had before, and I relaxed a little — at which point she tilted her head and asked, "I, that is…… may I ask why you chose to inherit Ruhwa's life?"
"I told you already. I was curious about what a human life was like."
"That was a lie."
"……"
My words caught in my throat. It was partly true that I was curious about mortal life, so I'd assumed she'd never see through it.
Seol Deunghwa pressed on gently. "There is a more important reason than the ones you've spoken, isn't there? That is the scent you carry."
"……This ability of the Seol tribe is more impressive than I gave it credit for."
So there was no half-truthing my way around it. I let out a long sigh and answered in a small voice.
"My original body hurts. A great deal."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I won't live very much longer."
Just like that, the truth spilled out.
She could not be fooled — but then, she was a mortal of the lower realm, one I would never run into alongside my mother and father.
Someone with no particular claim on my affection, a frail, tiny human who could never truly understand my words or my circumstances.
That was why the confession I had never even been able to share with Ansi came spilling out so easily.
"I have died many times. My parents' power brings me back every time, but even that is reaching its limit."
"……You have died? What in the world…?"
"The intervals between my deaths keep shrinking, and each resurrection takes longer than the last. I suspect the next one will be my final. It's only a baseless instinct, but my instincts have a way of being right."
"……"
"Before that last death comes…… I wanted, at least once, to live in a healthy body. And I thought it might be better to be apart from my mother and father for a while."
"……"
"So when I happened to meet Ruhwa, I took it for the opportunity it was. That's the most important reason of all."
Seol Deunghwa parted her lips slightly, then closed them again. For a long while she simply looked at me with eyes still rimmed by dried tears, and then she asked, very carefully, "I, um…… they say you are the daughter of the Jade Emperor and King Yama, Your Highness?"
"I am. Which is exactly why you're wondering how I could possibly be ill, aren't you?"
"……Yes."
"A question I've heard more times than I can count. The supreme gods cannot even cure the illness of their one and only daughter? People find it impossible to believe."
I had heard it ad nauseam, once upon a time.
An illness the Emperor and the King of the Netherworld cannot cure? Impossible. She cannot truly be their daughter — for a while, rumors like that had circulated through the heavens.
There had even been lesser gods who whispered that my parents did not love me and were leaving my illness untreated on purpose, sidling up to me with their sly temptations.
Monsters had clamored that my parents must have committed some cosmic sin, and I was bearing the karmic weight of it.
Others speculated that I was not a daughter at all but some strange creature the two of them had conjured, and that the illness was merely an excuse to hide me away.
All of it nonsense.
The rumors and the speculation slunk away, cowed by the sight of parents who treasured me like gold buried in jade, and the muttering lesser gods and monsters were torn to shreds beneath my parents' hands and Ansi's claws.
No one in the celestial realm dares say such things anymore.
It had been a long time since I heard words that would wound my mother and father.
"My parents did everything they could. The only thing at fault is my illness."
Having said it flatly and without room for argument, I changed the subject.
"I have no intention of taking payment from you — but there is a task you will need to perform."
I drew out the royal letter I had received from the King and set it on the table. Seol Deunghwa hesitated, took the seat across from me, and began to read.
I swung my feet, which didn't quite reach the floor, while I waited for her to finish. Back in my old body, kicking my legs like this would have made my ankles ache — but this body felt nothing, which made even this trivial little motion oddly delightful.
My mood, which had sunk a touch, lifted right back up, and I opened my mouth with a smile.
"I'll be the one to wake the Queen. All you need to do is act as though you were the one performing the healing."
"But that would mean stealing credit for Your Highness's achievement."
"You think I covet accomplishments among mortals?"
I gave a soft laugh and went on. "It has to be counted as your achievement, or you couldn't stay in Un Kingdom a while longer. There are things you need to learn here first."
"And what would those be?"
"How to poison the Emperor and then escape the royal palace in a way that guarantees no one will ever come after you."
"……I beg your pardon? Is such a thing even possible?"
"No one goes looking for a dead woman, do they?"
I let a secretive smile curve my lips.
"I'll teach you how to die and come back to life. It happens to be my specialty."
By the time I finished my discussion with Seol Deunghwa and emerged from the Royal Guest House, Court Lady Kim was waiting for me with a brand-new palanquin.
"Your Highness!"
The moment she saw me, she swept an anxious gaze over me from head to toe.
"I heard the news. Are you hurt anywhere? Please, tell me you're unharmed."
"You've already heard about the assassins?"
"Yes, when word came that there had been an attack and an investigation was underway, I nearly fainted from shock. You must have been terribly frightened yourself, Your Highness — are you truly all right?"
"I'm fine. This sort of thing doesn't faze me anymore."
"I beg your pardon?"
When it came to being attacked, I considered myself something of an expert.
I had been born bearing overwhelming power and the most exalted divine standing in all the heavens — and yet, far from being able to protect myself, I couldn't even keep my own frail, sickly body upright. I was a frail, ailing little child of a goddess.
Which made me the most succulent prey imaginable, the kind that monsters and lesser gods would come drooling after in droves.
The Jade Emperor and King Yama — the two greatest gods in existence — watched over me with eyes narrowed to razor slits, but if anything could somehow punch through that guard and devour me whole, it would ascend in an instant to become a great monster beyond even their reach.
My parents beheaded the attackers as an example and handed down punishments cruel enough to annihilate three generations of their clans — and still, the conditions were such that creatures blinded by greed would inevitably keep coming.
Well, if those things could restrain their greed, they'd have attained enlightenment by now. They wouldn't still be squatting around as corrupted beings.
In any case, that was how I came to endure every outlandish method imaginable, wearing every kind of attack there was.
After all, anyone using ordinary methods, anyone weak, couldn't breach Sangra Palace's defenses to begin with.
The things that managed to fight through the nerve-gratingly airtight wards of Sangra Palace to reach me were, naturally, the cunning ones and the strong ones alike.
Not that it mattered much — most of them were finished off by the fairies or by Ansi long before they ever got near me.
The reason Ansi had grown up with a personality most unlike a phoenix's was precisely all she had endured defending me from those twisted creatures.
Compared to all that, a few human assassins with a smattering of curses were not merely ordinary — they were positively banal.
Deliberately keeping my expression composed, I snorted.
"Something like this doesn't even qualify as a surprise to me, so there's really no need to worry."
"Your Highness……"
Court Lady Kim looked at me with an expression full of pity.
Hm? I hadn't said any of that to earn sympathy.
I think she's gotten entirely the wrong idea — like I grew up being attacked every mealtime, suffering through it all.
In truth I was a pampered, sheltered princess of the inner palace who had never known hardship a day in her life — but the real Ruhwa had genuinely grown up bullied and overworked, so denying it felt a little hollow too.
I had wanted to leave an impression of daring and strength rather than of a pitiful little child, but somehow it hadn't gone the way I intended.
Maybe I'm just too young for it?
It would have been so much easier if this body were a full-grown adult's.
Being pitied as a poor little girl — I'm done with that.
Clicking my tongue inwardly, I quickly changed the subject.