For Your Sake (2)
After we finished eating, the streetlights cut through the deepening dusk and lit up the streets. We kept walking beneath their glow. Every so often someone who recognized Claire would click their tongue or mutter curses loud enough for us to hear, but neither of us paid them any mind. I was too busy recalling the original story’s events, turning over what single act might do the most to repair her ruined reputation. Claire, I couldn’t quite read. She walked with her eyes on the ground, yet she didn’t look unhappy. I decided she must be lost in pleasant thoughts.
“Hey, Reyan?”
Claire caught the hem of my jacket just as I was about to walk on. Only then did I realize I had moved several steps ahead of her. We had already reached the dormitory. I must have kept going without noticing, lost in my own head.
“We’re here. What were you thinking about?”
“…Oh. I said we should go out and have fun tomorrow, right? I was trying to figure out where would be the most enjoyable—someplace where we could make good memories.”
It was half true, half a lie. The “good memories” I had in mind were good deeds that might scrub some of the infamy from her name. Still, I didn’t want to drag her somewhere boring on purpose.
“I don’t want you to just live an ordinary life, Claire. I want you to be happy. I mean that.”
I gave her the rest of my sincerity. It sounded embarrassingly cheesy to my own ears, but when I thought about how she had gone her whole life without love, receiving only torment, I figured I could say at least this much.
Claire stared at me with those round eyes, then tilted her head a little.
“…Y-yeah. Th-thank you. I-I… I sincerely hope you’ll be happy too, Reyan.”
“I’ll come by the dorm entrance tomorrow.”
“…O-okay.”
“Sleep well, Claire.”
“Take care, Reyan.”
We exchanged those simple goodbyes in front of the entrance. I was turning to leave when—
“W-wait, Reyan!”
Claire suddenly called me back, fidgeting with her fingers and watching my face.
“…It’s past ten. The academy dorms will be locked by now. There’s a curfew, remember?”
She gave my sleeve a tiny tug.
“It’s my fault, so…”
She pointed through the entrance toward the lodging inside.
“Stay at my house… tonight…”
I hesitated. “Um, Claire. No matter how you look at it, we’re different genders…”
“R-Reyan isn’t that kind of guy! I-I’m not either! I just… I want to try sleeping in the same bed with a friend, that’s all.”
She looked up at me and kept going.
“And I wasn’t trying to spy, but… I saw how much money you had left earlier. It probably isn’t enough for another inn. So stay at my place.”
“You… saw that?”
“…Yes.”
In the end I gave in.
Once I accepted that I was staying, the room that had looked merely dark before seemed somehow different. Claire said she would wash up first and disappeared into the bathroom. It was kind of her to offer, and I was grateful, but I couldn’t help wondering if she was being too careless. Maybe after spending so long alone she had simply forgotten how much distance people usually kept between them.
The sound of running water drifted from the bathroom, and for some reason my heart began to pound.
What felt like thirty minutes—but was probably closer to one—passed. Claire emerged wearing a sheer black nightgown, cheeks flushed. The moment our eyes met, a high-pitched ringing filled my ears. The bathroom light outlined her silhouette in a way that was far too stimulating.
“…Your turn to wash up, Reyan.”
“Yeah.”
I showered in a daze. Since I had no change of clothes, I simply put my original outfit back on and stepped out. I had assumed a place this size would have multiple bedrooms, but there was only one. After standing in the hallway for a long time, debating with myself, I let out a short breath and cautiously entered.
Luckily Claire was already asleep. She must have been exhausted. I was tired too, but the idea of falling asleep beside her in the same bed felt impossible, so I forced myself not to think about her and focused only on tomorrow’s plans instead.
I rewrote the itinerary dozens of times. At some point the tension melted into fatigue, and I nodded off still holding the pen. I thought I heard a faint rustling sound, but it wasn’t loud enough to pull me back from the edge of sleep. Even though the bed should have felt uncomfortable, it seemed strangely soft, as if someone’s warmth was wrapped around me.
…
‘…You idiot. What are you going to do if Reyan hates you for this!’
Under the covers, Claire screamed at herself.
It was true she had suggested he stay after noticing how little money he had left. But she had never planned on wearing something as provocative as a see-through nightgown in front of him. Her emotions had simply overpowered her reason.
Reyan would never know.
‘…Is this what liking someone makes you do—throw yourself at them?’
Claire already liked him. Not as a friend, but as a man. She couldn’t help it. He was the first person who had ever looked at her as plain Claire Artifare instead of the cursed daughter of the disgraced Artifare family everyone pointed fingers at. Every gesture of his—considerate, sympathetic, warm—had melted the ice that had frozen her heart for so long. She knew it was greedy, yet she had moved past mere hope and now wished to be happy at his side.
“…Reyan, are you asleep?”
From the far edge of the bed she called his name carefully. When he didn’t answer after a long wait, she finally turned toward him. A sliver of moonlight fell across his face. He was sleeping soundly.
He had told her himself that he wasn’t that kind of man, but deep down Claire had hoped he was. If it was Reyan, she thought she could accept it—wanted him to take that step. He had been visiting her house for a whole month now. They had spent weeks together, in class and out. The time had been short, yet she could no longer imagine living in the empire without him.
Even though she knew she shouldn’t, Claire wished he would hold her and make their connection undeniable.
She slid the blanket aside and rose. Reyan had fallen asleep leaning against the table in the center of the moonlit room. It wasn’t freezing, but April nights were still chilly. Worried he might catch a cold, she fetched a blanket.
“Reyan, you’re sleeping, right?”
She didn’t need to ask twice. His slow, even breathing told her he was deeply unconscious and completely defenseless.
She had brought the blanket out of concern, but she didn’t lay it over him. What she was about to do was practically a crime. If he noticed, he would surely despise her.
‘…I’m sorry, Reyan. I can’t hold back anymore.’
Without realizing it, she reached out and gently stroked the hand of the sleeping boy, then brushed her fingers across his cheek, savoring the warmth of his skin. She didn’t understand why she was doing it, but once she started she couldn’t stop. He was asleep; there was no affection coming back to her. She was simply soothing her own aching heart. Still, she couldn’t help herself. She liked him too much.
In the end, like a puppy seeking warmth, Claire slipped into his arms and hugged him carefully so she wouldn’t wake him. She felt guilty—it was little different from molesting a sleeping person—but at the same time a thrill of forbidden pleasure ran through her. His skin, which had felt slightly cool, gradually warmed against her body heat. His steady breaths brushed her ear. The faint scent of his skin smelled sweet. She could feel his heartbeat through his chest. Unconsciously, Claire tightened her arms around him.
At that moment—
“…Mmm.”
A small sound escaped Reyan’s lips along with a breath. Claire snapped back to her senses, quickly slipped out of his embrace, and pulled the blanket over him.
Slap. Slap!
She struck her own cheeks and let out a tiny groan.
“What are you doing? Get a grip, Claire…!”
Worried he might have woken up, she waved a hand in front of his face. Just as she was scolding herself for being an idiot and trying to fall asleep, a breeze blew in as if on cue. The window must have been cracked open; the curtain fluttered and the draft sent the paper Reyan had been scribbling on drifting down to her feet.
‘…Tomorrow’s plan, I guess.’
The thought that he had made plans to take her out filled even that ordinary sheet of paper with love. Using the moonlight to read, she soon had to clap a hand over her mouth.
‘…R-Rienie Park?’
The name written there was Rienie Park—the park built to commemorate the legendary hero who had sworn his love to his partner after defeating monsters and demons long ago. To ordinary people it might seem like nothing special, but among nobles Rienie Park carried an entirely different meaning. When Heste had still been her friend as a child, she had talked about it constantly.
‘…It’s the place lovers go to confess their feelings.’
It was where couples went to confirm each other’s hearts, to speak of love by borrowing the power of old rumors and legends.
Claire looked back and forth between the paper and the sleeping Reyan. Everything suddenly made sense. The abnormal kindness and goodwill he had shown her until now—she didn’t know why, but she was certain it was because he wanted her.
‘…Tomorrow… Reyan and I…’
She couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t even let herself imagine it. She refused to be the fool who pictured what he might do for her in advance and spoiled the happiness before it arrived. Instead she hurriedly lay back down. She didn’t want to wake up late and show him an unattractive, half-asleep face.
Originally Claire had curled up facing the wall out of embarrassment, but now she turned the other way so she could look at Reyan. Maybe every insult, every act of contempt and violence she had suffered had simply been a trial she needed to endure in order to reach this moment with him.
‘If that’s true, I can endure more. I can hurt more—as long as Reyan stays by my side…’
She kept her eyes fixed on him until they slowly closed, as if she wanted to keep seeing him even in her dreams. For the first time, Claire fell asleep with a smile on her lips. No worries, no anxiety about tomorrow—nothing at all.