Chapter 65
Chapter 65
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 65
Chapter Title: Army Reform (1)
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It was said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will emerge from a hundred battles without peril.
No matter what you do, you can't go without information.
Therefore, if you want to reform the army, you must understand the organization known as the army as much as possible...
"Lieutenant Monica."
"When it's just the two of us, call me just Monica, Lieutenant Colonel. And speak comfortably too."
Ever since that date with Lina and Monica, the way Monica treated me had changed.
She had always been aggressively approaching me anyway...
Now she was throwing straight fastballs right at me.
Just like that.
Did I hate it? Far from it.
"Sure, Monica."
The corners of Monica's mouth curved up naturally.
"You know I got summoned by His Majesty last time, right?"
"Yes, I know."
"At the time, I boldly declared to His Majesty that we have to reform the Imperial Army right now."
"...Lieutenant Colonel, you're really brave."
Even I thought it was a bit too brave.
Still, as a soldier, you have to say what needs saying.
Flattering to protect your own safety doesn't suit my style.
"So now I'm thinking about the reforms the Imperial Army needs... but nothing's coming to mind."
I figured it should be Prussian-style military reform.
More precisely, I just couldn't get a feel for how to apply it.
"Lieutenant Colonel, why don't you go see the front lines yourself?"
"Good idea, but how?"
"Lieutenant Colonel, how old are you now?"
"Twenty-six this year."
"Wouldn't it look natural even if you enlisted as a recruit?"
Come to think of it, there was that cherished tradition of the Republic of Korea army: "rookie hazing."
The game where a last-year corporal with nothing better to do pins on a private’s insignia, claims to be from your same cohort, and tells you to speak casually.
The one where if you actually fall for it—badmouthing senior enlistees or getting too buddy-buddy—you end up the target of every kind of beating...
If I pulled that off, I could experience firsthand all the irrationalities the soldiers dealt with.
"Monica, you're a real genius."
"Thank you."
The backbone of any army is ultimately its soldiers.
You have to live their lives yourself to understand how the army really runs.
"My official assignment to the training battalion is the day after tomorrow... so until then, our battalion's officers and soldiers should fall for me pretending to be a recruit."
"...Won't the company commander figure it out?"
"Just fudge the paperwork a little."
The army doesn't run on strict field manuals to begin with.
Everything turns on kickbacks and rigid protocols.
The best survival tactic for inspections is the orderly swiping gear from the next company over.
Fudging documents like this? Not even an issue.
"Just draft a single report to the higher-ups ahead of time and file it. Report first and proceed? That's an operation. Proceed without reporting? Forgery of official documents. Right?"
"Lieutenant Colonel, you're so flexible in your thinking."
"Tomorrow, I'll play recruit right away and experience soldier life."
That afternoon, I got approval from the superior unit for a "one-day recruit experience."
A non-commissioned officer who didn't know my true identity bellowed nonstop.
"You thick-skulled idiot! Move your ass briskly!"
"Sorry, sir!"
"Didn't they tell you at basic to clean the wax out of your ears before reporting to your unit? Why can't you get it through your thick skull when people talk?!"
If I were actually just a recruit, I'd already be missing my mom by now.
Dropped into the army, and the first thing you get is cussed out by the NCO who brought you.
Just thinking about it is nightmare fuel.
Of course, for me on this one-day experience, even this was a novel thrill.
"Anyway, this ain't recruit season. What the hell are you doing assigned here?"
"I don't know either, sir!"
"What do you know? Keep this up, you'll forget your own parents' names. Unfilial little shit who'd forget his folks back home."
"My parents passed away when I was six, sir!"
The NCO whipped his head around at my words.
Then he cleared his throat awkwardly a few times.
"The seniors at your assigned unit won't be as nice as me. Get there thinking you're dead meat, and treat whatever they say like the word of God."
"I'll keep it in mind, sir!"
"Your replies are obnoxiously loud. Keep it that way."
"Thank you, sir!"
The NCO flung open the barracks orderly room door.
"1st Platoon, attention!"
"Attention!"
"1st Platoon has a new recruit today."
If phone use were free these days, maybe not.
But in the Imperial Army—no phones, no work in downtime beyond counting air molecules—a new recruit was a massive event.
You have to milk this or you'd lose your mind.
So everyone seemed genuinely thrilled to see me.
"Don't bully the recruit too hard."
"Yes, sir."
As the NCO left, the soldiers flashed wicked grins and closed in on me.
"Hey, recruit."
"Private Michael!"
"You got a girlfriend?"
"No, sir!"
"Younger sister? Older sister?"
"No, sir!"
I had no younger sister, no older sister, no younger brother, no siblings at all.
A true orphan in every sense.
"This guy's total garbage. No little sis, no big sis?"
"Sorry, sir!"
"Fine then. Who's the ugliest guy here? Pick one. We're grudge-free, so be honest."
Times like this, go for the softest target.
Like that private first class in the corner, say.
"That guy over there looks the ugliest, sir."
"Yo, hear that? The garbage actually picked you. Man, never dreamed it'd happen to me."
The corporal's face changed in an instant.
"Hit the deck."
"Sorry, sir!"
"Yeah, what does a recruit know? Letting it slide special today."
"Thank you, sir!"
And just as the rookie hazing wrapped up, one soldier entered the orderly room.
"Mess time. Take the kids to chow."
The word "mess" and we all moved out to eat.
First time eating in the soldiers' mess hall.
New experience, so kinda fresh, but zero expectations for the food.
Obviously gonna taste like crap.
"Recruit, eat up."
"Thank you, sir."
Said that and lined up for chow.
The slop: slightly rancid rye bread, soup where the meat had just dipped a toe in.
Imperial Army soldier rations weren't lavish...
'But if used right, it shouldn't be this bad.'
"Corporal, sir."
The corporal gave my shin a light kick.
"Recruit trash mouthing off? How dare you call on a corporal like heaven itself casually."
"Sorry, sir!"
"So what you wanna say?"
"Is the food always like this?"
Everyone, corporal on down, stared at me.
Their eyes said it all.
How fucked is the army for trash like this to exist?
"Recruit trash gone nuts? This is good grub."
"...For real?"
"Knew you were some soft rich boy from that pale skin, but this clueless about the world?"
The unit where I was deputy commander managed food budgets meticulously.
Couldn't serve gourmet daily, but at least human-edible chow.
Soldiers gotta eat to fight.
But this? Nowhere near enough to build strength.
And this was the central training battalion to boot.
'Top 1% in the Empire, and...'
"Nah, can't do this. Gotta drill some sense into the recruit. Mainz."
"Lance Corporal Mainz."
"Stick that punk under me in 1st Platoon. Retrain him top to bottom today."
"Yes, sir!"
...The Imperial Army was a total disaster across the board.
Soldiers beating each other openly, most food funds embezzled...
No need to see elsewhere; it was all the same.
Prussian reforms it was, then.
Not just that—most of the brutality was "discipline" on the surface, boredom underneath.
"...Garbage punk."
That day, I witnessed something unbelievable.
A single corporal assembled the entire platoon.
Then kicked the shins of every junior corporal.
"Recruit's that clueless, and you clowns do nothing? Army life's a joke? Two years in, world's your oyster?"
"No, sir!"
"No my ass. World keeps spinning fine."
Corporals beat lance corporals till they bruised; lance corporals stomped privates first class to a bloody pulp.
Irrationality didn't get more irrational.
Did this even make sense...?
And at the epicenter? Me, covered head to toe in bruises the next day.
Could the army function like this...?
Time for a full teardown.
I showed up to the battalion commander inauguration ceremony black-and-blue all over.
Corporal Ritter, the last-year corporal who'd beaten Schumacher.
He sighed while waiting for the inauguration ceremony.
"Hey, you hear about the new battalion commander?"
"That famous war hero, right? The guy who wiped a division with one battalion..."
"We're fucked, aren't we?"
"Sergeant Major said he's good to the troops though..."
Ritter spotted the man ascending the podium and froze solid.
"Fuck... why's that garbage punk here..."