Chapter 13
Chapter 13
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 13
Chapter Title: Please Stop Teasing Me - 3
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📰 General Post Title: Beware the Clothes-Melting Slime
> Author: Blade of Ruin
Whoa, fuck; watch out for slimes in the Baran dungeon; was swinging my sword when suddenly a breeze hits my ass, scared the shit outta me; snapped back to reality and some sticky thing's latched on ㄷㄷ; pants vanished instantly;;; even my panties melted ㄷㄷㄷㄷ — Anon (63.11) Insane lololololol — SquidOilCraver For real? That shit actually exists??? — BullshitLowKick Whoa! Hentai manga slime! — Anon (38.2) Lolol Baran's even got friendly monsters — Anon (71.21) So did you shove the slime up your hole? — WallBloodInvincible You okay??? — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply Yeah, but once you kill it it's just jelly so no biggie lolol. Just got some heals and bounced lolol — WallBloodInvincible ↳ Reply Who checked you out? — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply Super tall nun yeah — WallBloodInvincible ↳ Reply I see... — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply She said be careful lolol sometimes they go up your ass and you end up hospitalized for days lol — WallBloodInvincible ↳ Reply That trap-looking thing? Gotta avoid even after killing the slime fuck — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply For real lolol 📰 General Post Title: Another Dungeon Overflow Already FFS
> Author: Gold Rush🔹
Ugh fuck, that vomit-inducing gimmick from floors 42~49 is back... Gonna be a pain in the ass again? Even small dungeons take 1 night 2 days minimum — WallBloodInvincible Nah total dogshit lololol — Blade of Ruin Only goblins, 1-hour clear lolol — SquidOilCraver ↳ Reply Really just goblins? — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply Yeah named ones crawled outside so inside's easier lolol — SquidOilCraver ↳ Reply Oh right Hundred Swords Society all went together ㄷㄷ mobility nuts... I'm still in the 30s... — Gold Rush🔹 Anyway, nothing else weird? — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply Lord's so hot; wanna strip him and smooch lol;; — Gold Rush🔹 ↳ Reply Pfft... trying to brainrot with teasing bait again — Blade of Ruin ↳ Reply Lolol for real lololol — Anon (71.21) So did you shove the slime up your hole? ◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ The next morning.
After quickly handling the sudden "Black Dungeon" by outsourcing to climbers, I was now examining the dungeon entrance—which still hadn't vanished—from early in the morning.
In case there might be some clue about the world quest.
"...".
'Normally, you clear the boss monster in the final room, loot the treasure chest, and it fades away. This lingering so long is pretty suspicious.'
Of course, I wasn't alone.
Beside me was the troublemaking bunny girl, Niva.
She stared at the dungeon entrance—bricks stacked up, the "dimensional rift" in the center stained pitch black. She poked at it with her staff and muttered something.
"Hmm... Could be just an excess buildup of magic. But unstable dimensional boundaries shouldn't hold like this simultaneously in multiple places to begin with."
"So the 'Black Dungeon' and 'Dungeon Overflow' aren't natural phenomena?"
Niva replied.
"Dungeons are byproducts of other dimensions. The dimensional veil turning black is natural enough. When monster-filled turbid spaces persist too long, it's inevitable. Mass monster spawns from such blackened dimensions too."
"...".
'So dungeons are basically clogged pores. Blackening is like blackheads forming. Skip pore maintenance periodically and you get breakouts.'
Crystal clear.
'Ah, in short, dungeon overflow is like skin health tanking and acne exploding everywhere.'
Top-tier teacher Niva continued.
"But like you said, if it's not tied to a world quest, multiple black dungeons persisting simultaneously is blatantly abnormal."
"Like acne popping up outside puberty? Puberty acne is inevitable, but after that it's a sign of imbalance."
"...?"
She tilted her head at my words, pondered deeply, then her eyes widened.
"...Huh, yeah. Great analogy. You study dimensions?"
"No, your explanation's just that clear and simple."
"What're you on about."
Niva chuckled. I meant it sincerely, but she took it as a joke. After a brief laugh, she turned serious again.
"Anyway, seems like we hit the limit observing from outside. Let's head in and check it out."
"Hundred Swords Society already cleared it, though?"
"Those brute-force idiots from Hundred Swords Society were obsessed with speedrunning—probably just slashed through monsters. Dimensional stuff needs a dimensional archmage to observe properly."
Fair point.
Diagnosis to the doctor,
Prescriptions to the pharmacist,
Magic to the mage...
Timeless truths.
"...".
'Even if something happens, Niva's warp magic gets us out. For a casual look-around, better with the escape button handy.'
I nodded.
"Smart move consulting you, Niva."
"...".
Niva narrowed her eyes and said.
"...Says the guy who ran straight to Sword Empress first while leaning on me like that?"
"Couldn't chase after you warped away right after apple pie. You even switched from lord's manor guest room to another inn."
"Th-that's... 'cause you keep... with the climbers..."
"?"
She mumbled something, then shook her head. Urgently, she added.
"Anyway! Save the chit-chat for later. Black Dungeon could vanish anytime—let's check quick and bail."
"Sound advice."
Rational judgment.
My favorite kind.
Hanging with an archmage feels in sync.
Same profession?
'Not an archmage yet, though.'
A twinge of bitterness as Niva and I entered the dungeon. From the dawn forest chirping with crickets, it instantly turned pitch-black cave.
The entrance behind us long gone.
"...".
'Familiar sight after all these entries. But once inside, no exit till clear... kinda creepy.'
Empty dungeon, though, so we'd stroll to the end. We walked the cave where monster corpses had crumbled to dust.
Click-clack.
Click-clack.
Her high heels echoed as we silently traversed the empty dungeon for 10 minutes, scanning for clues.
"...".
"...".
Nothing.
Dungeon was straight-line layout too.
Boss room soon appeared ahead.
'Always thought it, but this is straight tutorial vibes.'
Niva smirked and muttered.
"Nada."
"Even if there was, no threat to us."
"Hmph. Our 'advanced mage' Lord Lucius is brimming with confidence."
"...".
I sighed.
"...Not my fault advanced spells from other elements won't stick."
Surprisingly, Niva showed me advanced spellbooks right away. After earth advanced "Earth Fortress," now fire advanced "Flare."
—You sure about this—?! Or do I gotta supply apple pies till every orchard tree withers?
—Do I look like a pig...?
—Middle-aged bunny dude still acting up.
—Forget that!
Her words prophetic?
Couldn't retain "Flare" despite reading. Or rather... remembered but brain rejected comprehension.
"...".
'Like buying the hot new game you've waited forever for, then too lazy to play.'
So... shelved advanced "Flare." Climbers rarely learn off-element spells, but for all-element me, frustrating.
'Damn, top teacher, manuals, perfect memory and still no dice. Missing condition?'
Frustrating.
"Sigh."
"...".
At my sigh, Niva fiddled her bunny ears. Casually tapped floor with staff, excusing.
"N-no...! Wasn't teasing. Know the frustration when a spell won't stick. Uh, just senior joking around— that is..."
"...".
"Uh, um."
Somehow.
Her overreaction to my subtle response embarrassed me too. Activated lord secret technique—"Pretend it never happened."
"Got it. Just joking too."
"...Yeah."
Smooth close.
But awkward silence lingered.
"...".
"...".
We reached the boss room.
Goblin named monsters long gone from the throne. Area littered with fierce battle traces.
I muttered.
"Good monsters don't leave corpses. Revert to mana stones and vanish."
Niva nodded, stepped forward.
"Yeah. Yesterday's mess—if corpses stuck around, it'd reek of rot."
She smirked at obvious trap: haphazard bush pile covering a "hole."
"This the clothes-melting slime trap?"
"Yes, Walled City Baran's infamous one. Too rushed last time to explain. No damage, but melts every stitch. Prime supply drain culprit."
"Hmm..."
Niva nudged bushes with heel tip. Revealed squirming green slime blob underneath. She said.
"What if I stepped in?"
"Pull you out pronto, emergency measures."
"Heh...? No damage?"
"Even so, mildly acidic goo in privates or ass is risky. Soldiers underestimated, ended up suffering skin issues at Sister Lucia's relief station."
"...".
Niva recoiled.
"No need for such vivid tales..."
"Point is, dangerous. Cut it out."
"Sigh, fine."
She stepped back with a sigh, surveyed boss room.
"Total wreck, nothing left."
"Agreed."
"Next dungeon then?"
"No."
"?"
To Niva turning.
"Work hours. Rest tonight."
"...Such a dutiful lord."
"Lordly virtue."
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Warped back to lord's manor.
Work piled up immediately. Climbers arriving at "Path of Light."
Search captain Sir William stroked his dashing mustache.
"Per your orders, Lord, directed them to 'Climber Safe Return Path' entry's 'Temporary Rest Stop.' All 32 resting there."
"Mm, must be starving. Food distributed?"
"Yes, Madam Jamie's apprentice went down with porridge and meals."
"Good."
My set climber route.
Glad they're following.
'Axe bro's recklessness was the outlier.'
① Path of Light
② Temporary Rest Stop
③ Safe Return Path
④ Gate Checkpoint
⑤ Walled City Baran
Five checkpoints.
Unless special, hold 1 day each at ②④. Avoid rushing to checkpoint for wall-jump attempts.
"...".
'I'd deport on sight, but climbers won't time arrivals only for work hours.'
Asked Sir William.
"Where's Hundred Swords Society?"
"Most at guild building site. Some headed to rest stop for newbies, explain rules too."
"Good."
Two days waiting outside walls.
They'd unwind hearing vanguard tales after extreme stress.
'Push people to limits, mistakes follow.'
Saw plenty at past job.
Wrapped lord duties. Checked Dogkin village and church—evening with Niva approached.
'Dungeon recon time again.'
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Second boss room.
Niva sighed flatly.
"Nada again..."
"...".
Strictly, obliterated by Hundred Swords Society battle traces.
'Speedrun-loving brute guild lives up to rep.'
Niva eyed lame trap—scattered branches.
"Lame traps persist. Just dodge sideways?"
"!"
As she sidestepped.
'That's a different trap?'
I tried stopping her.
"Niva! That's worse sideways—!"
"?"
Wobble—!
Niva plummeted dumbfounded. Branches distracted; stepped on cloth beside, hiding pit.
Idiotic yelp as she vanished.
"Whoooaa?!"
Splat—!
"?!"
Rushed to pit.
Hiss—!
"...".
"...".
In sticky green slime below, smoke rose from her glowing white body. Familiar bunny girl outfit dissolving to wisps.
Instantly melted.
Mist-shrouded sky beneath.
Cherry blossoms on snowy peak emerged.
Niva stared at me. Mouth agape, grasping situation. Face flushed with rising shame.
"...".
"...".
Oh no.
Cash item vaporized.