The Beginning of Change
I had never been more terrified by my wife's voice than I was in that exact moment.
My entire body went rigid. Slowly, I turned my head to face the unbelievable reality before me. What I saw was Yu-jin's bewildered expression.
"Oppa... you said you had work stuff to take care of. What have you been doing all this time?"
"Ah... well... Yu-jin..."
I wanted to say something, anything, to explain myself, but I couldn't. The situation in the study where Yu-jin and I stood could be summarized like this: my laptop screen was still on, filled with rows of fully nude photos. The air in the room was thick with heat, and the heavy, musky scent of semen—stronger than any diffuser—hung in the air. Most damning of all, my pants were down around my knees, and my spent cock, glistening with cum and precum, was slowly shrinking.
In other words, every piece of evidence pointed to exactly what I'd been doing in the study. It was a situation any adult would recognize at a glance, without needing to see or hear anything more.
Ah... I'm screwed.
I was so flustered I hadn't even thought to pull my pants back up. Instead, I was desperately trying to figure out what I could possibly say to make this situation even slightly less disastrous. At the same time, I was terrified that Yu-jin might look at me with contempt for jerking off in the middle of the night under the excuse of working.
"Oppa... can you pull your pants up first?"
"Huh? Oh... yeah, sure."
I fumbled like a buffering video, hastily yanking my pants back up. Too ashamed to meet her eyes directly, I kept my gaze fixed on the floor and waited for whatever she would say next. My heart was pounding harder than it ever had in my life.
"Oppa, did you commit some crime? Why are you hanging your head like that?"
At her words, I slowly lifted my head to look her in the face. The initial shock had faded from Yu-jin's expression. She now looked relatively calm, staring straight into my eyes. She seemed to be thinking deeply about something before she finally spoke.
"Oppa, have you been feeling sexually frustrated lately?"
"It's not that."
"Then are you no longer satisfied with our sex life as a married couple?"
"What are you talking about! Sex with you is always satisfying!"
"If it's not that, then maybe you've gotten too used to me and need some new stimulation?"
"Yu-jin... I told you it's not like that. Living with you still feels like a dream every day, and having sex with you is the highlight of my life..."
"Then why were you doing this in the middle of the night, using work as an excuse?"
"That's..."
I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth—that my new hobby was getting aroused while browsing Heaven Net. Moreover, I knew better than anyone what kind of posts dominated that site and what kind of community it really was. Yu-jin had always seemed conservative and far removed from that kind of sensibility. I couldn't even begin to imagine how she might react if she ever saw it, so I simply couldn't confess.
If Yu-jin ever saw Heaven Net, she might look at me with pure disgust... She's just not that kind of person.
Cold sweat poured down my back like a waterfall as I scrambled for some excuse. In the end, I decided to charge straight ahead.
"Um... Yu-jin, look, sometimes guys just want to take care of things by themselves."
"What do you mean? Isn't having sex supposed to be way more enjoyable?"
"Of course. Sex is hundreds of times better than jerking off. But sometimes... I just want to handle it alone."
"Oppa... I don't really understand."
"Yu-jin, have you never masturbated before in your life?"
"I have, but only once. It didn't feel good at all, so I never did it again."
"Hmm..."
That was right. I'd forgotten, but before she met me, Yu-jin had only been in one proper relationship. She simply wasn't the type to be very interested in that sort of thing. It was only after we started dating and got married that she'd become a little more familiar with it.
"Hoo..."
"Oppa, you don't need to look so serious about it."
"Huh?"
"I'm an adult too. I took sex education classes in school, so I know men do that. Women do too, of course."
Whether she was trying to be considerate of my grim expression or whether she truly meant it, Yu-jin spoke in a surprisingly casual tone.
"Anyway, what you're saying is that men enjoy both sex and masturbation, right?"
"Yeah... that's it..."
"Pfft. Okay, I get it. So stop making that pitiful face already."
Her mood seemed to have lifted. She was back to her usual smiling expression. I let out a deep sigh of relief inside and cursed myself for being so careless while masturbating.
"But what were you looking at while you did it?"
"What?"
"Let me see too."
Before I could stop her, Yu-jin walked over and peered at the laptop screen. I kept watching her. She barely made a sound as she stared intently, her eyes scanning back and forth across Heaven Net.
"Heh... why are all the photos just naked people? There are videos too? Is this one of those porn sites?"
"Pretty much..."
"What were you looking at while you jerked off?"
"Well..."
I couldn't possibly tell her the truth—that I'd been looking at a post featuring leaked photos of her drunk and defenseless, and that I'd gotten off to the filthy, degrading comments full of vulgar lust that treated her like a toy.
So instead, I clicked on one of the posts visible on the screen and showed it to her. It was a post by a woman who had taken photos of herself exposing herself in a crowded public place, along with her experience.
"Oh... so this is your thing, Oppa? You like this kind of stuff... outdoor exposure?"
"Um... yeah, I like this too. And other things."
"I see..."
Since this was probably her first time seeing a community like this, Yu-jin's eyes stayed glued to the screen even as she listened to me. Eventually, she looked away and turned to me.
"Oppa. I understand now, so let's clean this up and go to bed."
"Yeah... okay."
"And from now on, don't use work as an excuse. Just tell me you want to do it with me. It's not that I think masturbation is bad. It's just... it makes me sad to think you might not be satisfied with me."
"I understand. I'm sorry for hiding it from you, Yu-jin. I won't do it again."
"You promise? Then let's go to sleep, Oppa."
"Okay."
I cleaned up the study and went to bed with Yu-jin. Even though I lay there trying to sleep, the events of the night kept replaying in my head, and sleep wouldn't come.
Friday afternoon, at the office.
"Ha..."
"What's with the sigh?"
Chul-min hyung and I had gone up to the rooftop an hour before quitting time to smoke while looking out at the city view. For the past few days, I hadn't been able to focus on work at all because of what happened that night when Yu-jin caught me masturbating.
"You got something on your mind lately?"
"No... nothing like that."
"Come on, tell hyung. I'm pretty good at giving advice, aren't I? You've been looking down lately..."
"Hmm..."
I wondered whether I should tell Chul-min hyung about this. Most office workers knew how quickly rumors spread in a company. And if the story was about getting caught masturbating by your wife, it was definitely juicy gossip material.
But if it's Chul-min hyung... maybe it'll be okay?
He was the person I was closest to at work. Although he often came across as carefree, he knew how to separate work from personal matters. Plus, he was the one who had introduced me to Heaven Net. I figured he would take my concerns seriously.
"Um... okay, but don't laugh, hyung. Just listen."
"Alright... is it that funny already?"
"If you keep that up, I'm not saying anything."
"Fine, fine. I'll listen seriously."
Chul-min hyung gave me a cute look at my threat, then put on a serious face and looked at me.
"Don't laugh. The truth is, a few days ago I was jerking off alone in the study in the middle of the night and got caught by Yu-jin."
"What? Hahaha! You're not a horny middle schooler. Why were you beating your meat by yourself?"
"Just... lately, looking at Heaven Net before bed has become my hobby. But if I look at it on my phone, Yu-jin might catch me, so I used work as an excuse, turned on the laptop in the study, and was browsing. That night, there was this insanely hot post. So I was jerking off to it and didn't even notice when my wife opened the door and walked in."
"Oh man... if it were me, I'd have bitten my tongue from embarrassment. Kk."
"This is all because you introduced me to Heaven Net."
"What? I only showed you the site. You're the one who kept looking at it and got caught."
I had no comeback for Chul-min hyung's words. He was right. It was clearly my own carelessness that got me caught.
"Anyway, how did your wife react?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I mean~ you said your wife is super innocent about that stuff~ So what was her reaction when she saw you happily jerking off alone?"
"At first she looked shocked, but she was surprisingly calm about it... She asked if I wasn't satisfied with our sex life lately."
"She asked if you weren't satisfied? And then?"
"I told her flat out that it wasn't because I was unsatisfied, so she stopped misunderstanding. After talking it through, it seemed like we got past it okay."
"Did she say anything else?"
"Ah... we talked, and then she got curious about what I was looking at and checked out Heaven Net a bit."
"Your wife looked at Heaven Net? What was her reaction?"
"She didn't really have much of a reaction. She probably just thought it was a regular porn site. She told me not to lie to her next time and just be honest about it."
"Really? But what were you looking at that was so hot you didn't even hear the door open? Must've been something really good..."
"Ah... well..."
I couldn't tell Chul-min hyung that I'd been masturbating to a post featuring my own wife. So I made something up.
"It was this video with a really stacked Western woman, but it got deleted. I saw it on my phone while commuting in the morning, but by the time I checked again, it was gone..."
"For real? That's a shame. Must've been insanely hot if even you lost track of everything... Too bad it's deleted."
"Yeah... anyway, that's what happened."
"Well, if your wife didn't have any strong reaction, there's no point in you overthinking it. That would just make her more uncomfortable. Just act like it never happened and move on naturally."
"I guess you're right? Hoo... still, talking to you about it makes me feel a lot better."
"See? Hyung's a pro at giving advice, right?"
At first I'd hesitated to talk about it, but now that I had, I felt a weight lift off my chest. Chul-min hyung noticed my expression, patted my shoulder, and suggested we head back down.
By the time quitting time came and I was about to leave the office, Chul-min hyung called out to me.
"Gyu-min, if your wife doesn't bring it up when you get home, just let it stay quiet~"
"Yeah, I should, right?"
"Exactly. And the weather's getting nicer. Why don't you take your wife for a walk or something to refresh your mood tonight?"
"A walk?"
"Your apartment complex has a nice park, doesn't it? You're paying high maintenance fees every month. You should use the facilities more~"
"I should do that. I'll ask my wife. Anyway, thanks for listening to my worries today, hyung."
"If you're thankful, buy me a drink next time~"
"Sure, got it. See you tomorrow~"
With that, I parted ways with Chul-min hyung, got in the car, and started heading home quickly...