Korean Men Are Out — But Yankees Are Fair Game?
Click, click!
I was deep into an internet article when the sound of heels cut through the quiet. I snapped into action, pulling off a lightning-fast Alt+Tab and swapping the screen back to Excel.
"Sihyun, what are you doing?"
Team Leader Kim Ayeong.
"Just reviewing the work analysis sheet, ma'am."
She leaned in close to the monitor to check. A sweet perfume drifted off her.
"Is that so? Look it over carefully. You're writing the work report this time."
"Yes, Team Leader."
I got away with it. Thank god she didn't catch me.
That bitch was on her period, and on days like today you had to tread carefully. Normally she was almost tolerable compared to the other lunatics around here — but if you crossed her while she was menstruating, you were fucked.
Early on, before I knew better, I'd rubbed her the wrong way on one of those days and gotten my skull hammered with report revisions.
I still remembered it.
"Sihyun. No — Yu Sihyun! Are you seriously going to write a report like this? If this is the best you can do, just quit. I'm not stopping you. Four years of college, two years in the military — what the hell did you even learn? You got every single extra credit point on the way in, so shouldn't you be able to do at least one thing right? Men. All brawn, zero brains. Look at this! The report Yuri wrote. Submit something that's even a quarter as good as hers."
And the worst part? It was complete bullshit. That Seo Yuri bitch's report was just my own template with a handful of words swapped out — pure copy-paste.
A few days later, once Ayeong's period was over, I turned in another report. Same content. Pretty cover, that was the only difference.
"Sihyun! See? You can do it when you try. So pretty. Well done. Keep it up next time."
Fucking bitch.
When she was in a good mood, everything looked perfect. When she was pissed, everything was garbage. Which was exactly why, on a day like today, I could not afford to get on Team Leader Ayeong's bad side.
"Assistant Manager Miyoung, what are you looking at right now?"
Lee Miyoung had been so absorbed in her BL novel that she never even noticed the team leader coming. Caught red-handed mid-smut-scene. Her face went scarlet.
"Ah — Team Leader. It's not — I mean — I was just checking something online for a second between work—"
Lee Miyoung, you absolute bitch. Finally your turn to get fucked today. Caught dead to rights. I was cheering on the inside.
"Oh my god, you read this too? I read it!"
Wait. What the fuck.
Turns out both of them were degenerate BL freaks.
"You too, Team Leader?"
"Yeah, unnie. You know the one — tall, pale skin, and—"
Ayeong started to say a character's name from the novel, then remembered she was at work. She leaned in and whispered something into Miyoung's ear that I couldn't catch.
"Ah~ that guy~ Me, I—"
The two of them traded filthy little secrets in hushed voices and dissolved into giggles. At least some shred of workplace awareness remained, because Ayeong headed back to her desk with a parting shot.
"Assistant Manager Miyoung, hobbies are for home."
"Yes, Team Leader. I'll be more careful."
And just like that, their cozy little BL bonding session wrapped up all warm and fuzzy.
Fuck. I'd been so ready to watch Miyoung get destroyed. What a letdown.
Grrrroooowl!
I'd wolfed down that triangle kimbap and instant ramen way too fast earlier, and my gut was sending an urgent signal. No pressing work on my plate — bathroom it was.
On my way over I glanced back. Miyoung was still reading her BL novel, just with one eye on the room now. That middle-aged bitch was shameless as hell.
Thud-thud-thud-thud!
I bolted for the bathroom. My stomach hurt worse than I'd expected. This was an emergency dump situation.
And of course — Murphy's Law. Every single time my guts were on fire, every stall was occupied.
Ah, fuck. I'm dying here.
I snuck a look at the women's restroom next door. Empty.
And that was another thing that was completely unfair. The men's room: one bathroom, one stall. The women's: three bathrooms, nine stalls. What, men were supposed to piss fast and never take a shit at the office?
I hesitated for half a second. The answer was already decided. Better to deal with this than shit myself.
I ducked into the women's restroom in a hurry.
Pffft—!
Emergency dump confirmed. It came out in a long, glorious rush. Get it done and get out.
Except — fuck.
I'd deliberately picked the bathroom nobody used, and still I heard heels.
If I got caught in the women's restroom, I was dead. Branded a pervert. Fired. Worst case, prison.
I cut the rest of the dump short mid-stream and held my breath as hard as I could.
"Oh my, Assistant Manager, you look so pretty today."
That voice I hated. The fox-faced bitch herself — Yuri.
And the other one—
"Yuri, laying it on thick as usual. You're going places."
That snide, cutting tone. Of course. Assistant Manager Kim Mihui.
Worst possible combination. Those two psychopaths could get me a life sentence. I could not be discovered.
"Oh, stop it, Assistant Manager Mihui. You know I can't do empty flattery."
Crazy bitch. Every word out of your mouth is empty flattery. Except when you're talking to someone weaker than you, of course.
"Oh, I know. Our Yuri — so sweet, so clever, so foxlike. Looks like you've already gotten cozy with Director Han Jihye too."
Mihui really did tear into everyone, men and women alike. The moment Director Han Jihye's name came up, Yuri pivoted hard.
"Oh my, but Assistant Manager — is that bag new? Chanel, right? It's gorgeous."
She'd been snide about compliments to her face, but the second someone praised her bag she melted.
"This? Good eye, Yuri. Brand-new release."
"Oh my god, oh my god. That has to be at least five million won. Assistant Manager Mihui, you're on another level. Completely different class."
"Please. Five million? That's 1990s pricing. You really don't follow this stuff, do you? It was ten. My oppa waited five hours at the Chanel boutique just to get it."
Okay. This was pure gold. Even that fox-faced Yuri bitch was getting her ass handed to her in front of Mihui. I could picture her face crumpling like a used tissue right now.
"I'm so jealous~ I want to meet someone like your oppa too, Assistant Manager. Any decent friends of his? I don't care about looks. I care about money."
Wow. That bitch really was unhinged. Just saying it out loud.
"There are. There are some. But you, Yuri? Actually, no. Why don't you just look around our company?"
Kim Mihui, zero filter as always. Straight-up telling her: your grade is trash, so I can't introduce you to anyone. Go dig around this shitty mid-tier company for someone on your level.
"Oh, come on, Assistant Manager. Like there's a single decent man in this company. You're such a joker."
"Why? From where I'm standing, there are a few employees who'd suit you just fine."
God, I wanted to see Yuri's face right now.
"Who? Don't tell me — Sales Team's Deputy Manager Kim Sangsu? PR Team's Director Yoon Seokyoung?"
Yuri was getting pissed now, her tone turning sharp. The subtext was clear: nobody in this company even registered on her radar.
"No, no. What about our team's Yu Sihyun? Same year as you. Similar age."
Silence.
Then—
Pfft—! Puhahaha—!
Puhahaha—!
Yuri started howling with laughter. Mihui joined in.
"Oh my god, Assistant Manager Mihui. You're so mean."
"Sorry, Yuri. I just can't help teasing you when I see you. Next month I'll set you up with one of my oppa's friends. Not Rolls-Royce tier, but he drives a Lamborghini. He'll suit you."
"Thank you, Assistant Manager~"
"You've done things for me. I should return the favor. Though — he's a bit older. Forty-five. That okay? Want to see a photo?"
"Oh, no need, Assistant Manager. A man can end up older when he's busy making money. And a photo? What are we, kids going to a group blind date? I'm a hard yes. Call."
"Okay, okay. Got it."
These fucking bitches. Day to day they went on about how older men were gross and disgusting — and what they actually wanted was a sugar daddy. And they turned me into the punchline of their little comedy routine.
For the record, I didn't want personality-disordered bitches like them either.
Fucking whores.
"Oh, while we're on the subject — that Sihyun kid is kind of cute though, right? The second he feels even a little wronged his whole face goes bright red. There's something fun about humiliating him. Like a little mutt."
"That clueless idiot? I'm just glad my same-year coworker is a total dud. In this competitive era, having a loser like him around makes me look better by comparison."
"True. Lucky for you, Yuri."
"And this is a secret, but — Assistant Manager Miyoung seems interested? She was saying even though he's short, his body's not bad. That his butt is cute or something."
"What, seriously? Miyoung's too good for that. Look, the kid's dim enough that he'd make a decent obedient little dog. But that's all he is."
"Right? Miyoung's too good for him. That guy isn't even 180. What kind of man isn't even 180? How does he plan to get married?"
I was genuinely about to lose it.
What? Miyoung was too good for me? Pairing me with that Chucky-faced spinster was already enough to piss me off.
And Seo Yuri, you bitch. You too. Tiny face, high heels, good proportions that make you look tall — you're actually a dwarf under 160, you shit-sack.
"Still, that kid. His dick looked pretty big, didn't it?"
"It better be big, Assistant Manager. He's got nothing else going for him. If he didn't even have a dick, he'd just be a eunuch."
"Mihui, you always know how to make me laugh. Hohoho."
What? Fucking — calling me a guy whose only asset was his dick?
I snapped. My foot bumped the stall door.
Thud!
Mihui flinched and whispered to Yuri.
"Someone's in there. Go check."
Click, click!
I yanked my heeled shoes up onto the toilet seat as fast as I could. Yuri checked the stalls, then came back and whispered to Mihui.
"Assistant Manager, it doesn't look like anyone's here. Must've been from the men's room."
Somehow, I hadn't been caught.
"Yeah? Okay."
"More importantly, Assistant Manager — free this weekend? Itaewon, call?"
"Huh? Why Itaewon?"
"You set me up with someone. I should return the favor."
"I was supposed to go golfing with my oppa this week."
"Really? These guys are actually solid. Good bodies, good-looking faces."
"Pfft. Last time you set me up with those fitness trainer guys, they looked shiny on the outside and their dicks had zero stamina."
"Those ones were juicing for muscle. This time it's the real deal. Genuine."
"Yeah? What do they do?"
"For starters, they're a completely different breed from Korean male trash."
Mihui's voice lit up instantly.
"Oh my god, really? White? Black?"
"Both~ Models who also do YouTube, and—"
Yuri dropped her voice even lower.
"I've fucked them. Dicks thick as hell, and the hip power — non-Korean losers don't even compare."
Mihui's voice went husky. Just thinking about getting railed by a thick cock was already making her wet, apparently.
"Then I'm in. I'll tell my oppa there's a seminar and push golf to next week."
"Assistant Manager, where should we meet? Café? Bar?"
"What are you, a kid? Just meet at the hotel. Drink, fuck, hang out."
"Call~ Unnie. I'll send their Instagram pics later. Pick whichever one you like."
"Got it, babe."
"Assistant Manager, we should go."
"Yeah, yeah. We've been away from our desks too long."
So that was it. Behind closed doors they cracked every pumpkin seed of filth imaginable, and out front they played the demure little office ladies.
Fuck. For all I knew they were at home watching Western porn with vibrators buzzing between their legs. One mention of Western guys and they completely lost their minds.
I waited until their heels faded into the distance, then bolted out of the bathroom.
Hoo. Almost died.
I ducked into a stall in the men's room and splashed water on my face.
They'll bitch about me being gone too long. Gotta get back.
I headed for my desk.
What I didn't know was this:
Click!
Someone had photographed me walking out of the women's restroom.