Open the Bojichang!
What a goddamn beautiful world this is for a guy with a dick.
Just because you're a man doesn't mean you don't have sexual desires. But here, only the women take the blame. No MeToo. No getting reported by some girl just because you ghosted her after sex.
Sure, today it was just Kaori-chan from an AV. But South Korea in this gender-reversed world is overflowing with hope.
Click!
I pulled a can of beer from the fridge and cracked it open.
Glug, glug, glug!
Poured it over ice.
Haaah. Cold and perfect.
No woman around, sure — but ice-cold beer and YouTubers? Life was still worth living.
Might as well check the KakaoTalk messages I missed earlier. Group chats are a nightmare to read through. Personal messages only.
Huh? Wasn't this that stuck-up Song Ayeon from university?
You fucking bitch.
In the original world she left me on read every time I tried talking to her. Now in this world she's groveling all over Yu Sihyun.
Pass. Looks-obsessed trash like her can stay in the trash.
What the hell. This stalker bitch.
Ah. So this is what life as a ridiculously handsome popular guy is like.
Messages just like this one — over three hundred of them. Today alone.
Fuck. The gap between this and original-world Yu Sihyun was insane.
The kind of messages original-world Yu Sihyun used to get:
Ah, fuck... Just thinking about it gives me another reality check.
Kim Gu, you absolute hopeless lunatic.
Haaah. Thinking about my idiot friends is going to drive me insane all over again.
Then I spotted one KakaoTalk that actually caught my attention.
Huh? What's this?
The chat name:
Teemo Is Mine. Mine. Mine.
Profile pic: SokSok Orange Juice
Weird, right?
What snagged me was that it was my favorite LoL character and my favorite drink.
And they'd sent messages?
Wait. What the hell. A thousand and four of them?
What is this? Is this person insane?
How does a psycho like this even know my KakaoTalk.
Creeping me the hell out.
Looking at the timestamps, they'd been sent at ten at night.
Jesus Christ, what a complete lunatic.
I closed the chat window.
And then.
A message arrived from Teemo Is Mine. Instantly.
Holy shit!
Goosebumps everywhere.
F-fuck!!!
This psycho is watching me somehow.
I bolted to the window and yanked the curtains shut. Triple-locked the door.
Holy hell. This is a full-blown psycho stalker.
I blocked Teemo Is Mine.
Tremble, tremble, tremble.......
I still couldn't stop shaking.
Who the hell was that.
And then.
The message window opened again.
Wh-what the—!
Huh?
The pizza delivery girl?
Hah! Jesus Christ!
What kind of jackpot is this!
I added the KakaoTalk ID "Yeseul" as a friend.
Tapped her profile picture.
A bright smile on a pale face. How could eyes be that pretty? A whole galaxy pouring out of them. Almost mystical.
She wasn't human. She couldn't be.
Zero photo filters. And yet she was far more beautiful and captivating than any of those plastic filtered dolls.
Someone this gorgeous... why was she working pizza delivery?
Truly, this gender-reversed world made no sense.
I should reply to Yeseul.
...
.
No.
If I reply right away, it'll look like I've been sitting here waiting for her message.
A girl that pretty wouldn't find an easy guy attractive. She probably has a whole truckload of guys trailing after her already.
No — forget a truckload. Any bastard with a dick who's seen our Yeseul's face even once would lose his mind.
Right!
Bad-boy strategy for Yeseul. Deliberately reply late. Act uninterested.
I'll answer tomorrow.
But.
I was so fucking lonely.
I wanted to ask her to meet right now.
Hold it together!
I have to hold it together.
Don't look like an easy mark.
That was the decision.
I went back to my bed. Plugged my phone into the charger.
Ah, I keep thinking about her and wanting to text — just go the hell to sleep already.
I closed my eyes.
But isn't it a national law that the second you close your eyes when you're tired, sleep refuses to come?
I tossed and turned for a long while, then turned my phone back on.
No more messages from the psycho. Thank god.
Nothing more from Yeseul either. Obvious, since I'd left her on read.
I opened Naver Webtoon.
Sunday's webtoons had dropped.
Oh, shit.
I'd almost gone to sleep without reading the Sunday lineup.
First click: Solo Living Diary.
Solo Living Diary was perfect for zoning out with zero brainpower required. Absolute king.
The webtoon characters had swapped from women to men. Everything else was basically the same as the original world's version.
Damn!
This author was a genuine genius. Taking completely ordinary episodes and wringing pure nuclear empathy out of them.
I was snickering the whole way through and finished it in no time.
Next up: The Mercenary Transfer Student.
Hwaaah....
The protagonist was a girl, but her cool factor was off the charts. No — cooler than when the protagonist had been a guy.
The bullies who'd been tormenting her little brother got completely wrecked.
And of course you couldn't skip the weak-girl type. A short, frail-looking high school girl smashing bully bitches to pieces. Genius-level brains, overflowing charisma. The catharsis when a girl who looks weak demolishes the tough ones is pure fire.
Then came comic genius Park Taehee's studio and their Science of Fighting.
Every single chapter, the fight detail descriptions were lethal. A powerless loser watches a fighting-science YouTuber, grows, and then schools the bullies and villain YouTubers.
If you only look at the bare storyline, it's childish. But the power of the detail they pull out of it is enormous.
No matter how moving a storyline is, without detail it becomes third-rate trash. That's why every masterpiece needs logic and buildup.
And Park Taehee's studio were geniuses at exactly that.
By the time I finished Science of Fighting, my eyes were starting to close.
Falling asleep while reading webtoons — a national law since middle school lunch-tray days.
Knock knock knock!
Ah, for fuck's sake.
Who is it at this hour.
I sat up in bed. I'd finally just managed to fall asleep.
Someone was knocking on the window.
Ugh, so goddamn annoying.
I lay back down.
Knock knock knock!
Ah. Irritating.
"Who is it?"
"Can I come in?"
Huh — Grandma?
The voice was identical.
"Ah. Yes. Could you maybe use the actual door? Seriously."
"Sorry. I can't enter through doors. Looks like I woke you up."
I bolted upright and opened the window.
"Grandma, what is it this time?"
Grandma looked at me with strange eyes.
"Young man, aren't you scared of me?"
"Why would I be scared of Grandm— wait... wait..."
Oh. Fuck.
My place is on the twelfth floor.
My whole body started trembling.
Was Grandma a ghost?
Don't tell me that Teemo-whatever thing was a grandma ghost?
Grandma beamed.
"Don't worry. I'm not a ghost."
"Don't lie to me. Th-that's a lie. Y-you came through the window. My... place is on the twelfth floor... a-ahh..."
I was shaking even as I spoke.
"My, my, the young man is quite the coward. Not a ghost, not a Dracula either. I just came from somewhere a little far away."
"S-somewhere far?"
"Mm. Another parallel world."
A parallel world?
That, I could understand. I'd come from another parallel dimension myself.
"Then why don't you use the door instead of the window? You're going to give people heart attacks."
"Oh, honestly. My arthritis is so bad....... Walking is hard. When you get old you might as well die. Are you looking down on me for being old, young man?"
"N-no, that's not it. If you keep popping up through the window out of nowhere, people are going to have heart attacks! And how do you even get to a twelfth-floor window anyway? Do you fly or something?"
"Yeah, well, dimensions work differently, see. If you know how to handle mana, it's simple."
Ah. Mana........ Fine. Whatever. I'll allow it.
"So what brings you here?"
"What, young man, do you have dementia? I told you to remember just one thing. You don't remember?"
Ah. Ah....... Right.
What was it again.
Ah.. I genuinely do not have dementia, everyone....... For real!
"Here. Repeat after me."
"Bo."
"Bo."
"Ji."
"Ji."
"Chang!"
"Chang."
"Ah, right — Bojichang!"
And with that, I opened my eyes.
Ah. The sunlight was so fucking blinding.
Son of a bitch.
Bojichang.
Huh? What the hell is a Bojichang?
What kind of pure pervert noise is coming out of my mouth first thing in the morning.
And in that instant.
Something that only ever showed up in middle-school-syndrome novels — a status window — materialized right in front of my face.
Status Window Activated
Ah... for fuck's sake!
If I've somehow fallen into a novel or a comic — the author is a genuine, absolute, perverted piece of shit.
What the hell is a Bojichang. A Bojichang.
Fuck~~~ go eat shit and go to hell!
You absolute, genuine, loser-virgin of an authorrrrr!!!!!