Chapter 5
Translator - Zofu
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My friend’s mom in the early morning....
Hyun-joon came into the room looking thoroughly disappointed.
"Hey, what's with that face? Something bad happen?"
Hyun-joon, who’d been giggling while playing on his phone, spoke up after seeing my gloomy face.
Seeing him laugh on KakaoTalk, it looked like he was already over being pissy at the dinner table earlier.
Simple-minded bastard, as expected.
"Nah, it's nothing. Anyway, what're you giggling about? Did a girl message you on KakaoTalk?"
"Huh? How'd you know that? You learn to read minds or something? Hye-ra changed her mind and said we could meet later. Of course I'm fucking happy."
Ah, this bipolar bastard. So that's why he was sulking earlier when Hye-ra wouldn't see him, and now his tension's back up because she will. Such an easy-to-read asshole.
Fuck, I should get a girl too. Already feeling like shit after getting shut down by Hyun-joon's mom anyway.
"Hey, then you should at least call one of Hye-ra's friends for me. Fuck. Let me meet a girl thanks to my best friend."
"Huh? You? Hey, actually that's what I wanted to ask you about..."
That bastard Hyun-joon hesitated.
This is worrying. This simple bastard doesn't hesitate unless it's a seriously fucked-up favor.
Is he gonna ask me to dispose of a bomb or something?
Right now, unless it's a fat pig or someone fucking ugly, I'm down to meet pretty much anyone.
I'm not in a position to be picky. My body's burning up with nowhere to release it.
"Ah, what is it? Seeing you hesitate like this, you must be about to ask some bullshit favor. What, you want hyung to dispose of a bomb?"
I tested the waters subtly.
"No, not that bomb thing. Hey. Just this once, please. Si-won. Who else would I ask but you? My closest friend, Si-won."
Ah, this bastard is making me so fucking anxious, seriously.
"Hey. If it's not disposing a bomb, then what?"
"Well, hey, could you sleep over at my place tonight?"
"What? What the hell does that mean? Bastard. If you're not even here, what am I supposed to do alone at your house? Sleep over? Are you fucking crazy?"
Hyun-joon started begging desperately with fucking pitiful eyes.
"Hey, you know my mom's a fucking nag. If I say I'm going out at this hour, she'll go absolutely apeshit. Fuck. She already came home early today saying she's scared being alone. So, I'll send you a KakaoTalk when I'm sneaking back in later tonight, and you open the door for me. Hey, for fuck's sake. That's what friends are for! Right!"
So what this bastard is saying is, he's gonna go fuck a girl and come back, and wants me to wait like a fucking guard dog and open the door for him! What kind of bullshit is this! Just thinking about it makes me jealous as hell. You're gonna go fuck someone alone? As your best friend, that's absolutely not okay! If you're gonna fuck, at least throw me a bone!
"Hey! You call that a request?! Why would I sleep at your uncomfortable house when I have my own cozy place? Ah, fuck this, I'm leaving."
To stop him from asking for more, I quickly grabbed my clothes and tried to leave his room. But Hyun-joon grabbed my wrist and shoved his phone at me.
"Si-won. No, hyung! What about her! Can't do it today, but next Saturday! I'll definitely set you up with her! Hye-ra's best friend, apparently. Isn't she fucking hot just from looking at her?"
Ah, this bastard really knows how to close a deal.
Fuck, when a person asks a favor, they should at least come prepared with a hot girl's photo. That's just common courtesy. Common courtesy.
Well, no harm in looking at the photo.
I started examining the girl in the photo Hyun-joon showed me.
Her face looked a bit bitchy, but she had a fucking sexy look. Pass.
Her body... Damn... Fuck...
Absolutely pass.
Her tits look at least C-cup?
Her height seems pretty tall too...
Well, she probably used some app to edit the photo, so even if I subtract 30 points for that, she's still worth putting in the effort to fuck.
I put the clothes I'd grabbed back down and spoke to Hyun-joon in a much softer voice.
"Fine, bastard. Yeah. At least when someone asks a favor, they should show a girl's photo and have some courtesy. Some fucking courtesy. Hey! But is she easy, like... do you think sex is possible? She doesn't have a boyfriend or anything, right?"
"Bastard, how would I know that? And these days, do girls not fuck just because they have a boyfriend? Whatever. If they like someone, they hold hands, kiss, go to a motel, and fuck. Bastard. That's why you don't get any. You approach women thinking about sex from the start, so they don't give you any. You amateur."
"Huh? Hey, are you teasing me right now? I'm seriously going home. Yeah, I'm leaving!"
"Ah, come on. I don't know what to say, hyung. I just gave you some sincere advice thinking of you, and you're getting upset like that? Si-won hyung. Hehehe."
Ah, this fucker must really want to fuck Hye-ra. When I say I'm leaving, he goes completely flat like a bootlicker. Ha, is fucking that great? I want to fuck a girl too~! Fuck~! Fine, I'll wait a week. A week later, I'll fuck the hell out of that bitchy-looking hot girl from the photo at a motel. Haah... Just thinking about it makes my dick hot.
"Fine. Hey, I got it. hyung will make a special sacrifice for his dongsaeng today. What time are you going out and coming back?"
"Yeah, my mom does home workouts every morning, so she's been sleeping and waking up early as fuck. So, I'll head out around 11 PM and be back around 5 AM."
"Ah, you bastard, I won't even be able to sleep. Fine, asshole. But if you flake on the blind date with Hye-ra's friend next week, I'll kill you. Got it? I might be a herbivore normally, but when I'm pissed, I have a temper."
"Got it, asshole. Hey, I'm getting ready. Just read some manga or something."
Hyun-joon started styling his hair, furiously applying wax and blow-drying.
Bastard looks the same to me. What kind of fuss is he making in the middle of the night.
Then he took out makeup and even started putting that on...
"Hey! You crazy bastard. Why the fuck is a guy wearing makeup?"
"Ah, look at this outdated bastard. These days, makeup is mandatory for guys too, asshole. Even V, if he doesn't wear makeup, he's just a handsome guy at best. Asshole. When you do makeup well and get recognized as a world-class pretty boy, you're fucking untouchable."
"What? Guys wear makeup these days?"
Well, when I look at my college guy friends these days, they look pale as fuck. Seems like they wear a ton of makeup.
"Bastard, keep it moderate. Moderate. You won't become V just by doing that."
"Fuck you. Bastard, I told you to read manga, goddamn your mouth is the only thing alive."
After finishing his makeup and hair, and dressing up in a pretty dandy style, Hyun-joon definitely looked different from the Hyun-joon I usually knew.
"Bastard, your outfit's on point today."
"You finally noticed? Dude. hyung's been doing really well lately. Before you meet Hye-ra's friend next week, let hyung help you with your outfit too. You poor bastard. It's been how long since high school, and you still haven't fucked once, tsk. Your body's perfectly fine, though. I'm embarrassed to be your friend, bastard."
"Ah, you always talk like a dick, bastard. Hey, just hurry up and get out. I'm going to sleep."
"Ah, it's already 11, I'm going. Make sure to check KakaoTalk."
Hyun-joon quietly opened the door and tiptoed toward the front door.
-Creeeak!
Though the front door made a slight sound, Hyun-joon's mom didn't react, probably already asleep.
I lay down on the bed in the empty room and closed my eyes.
Ah, fuck, what the hell is wrong with me?
Honestly, I think I'm better than that bastard Hyun-joon in both height and looks.
Actually, my high school classmates predicted I'd be fucking popular in college.
And that I'd be the first to get laid.
Fuck, I guess it's this shy personality that's the problem.
To fuck a girl, you need to be cocky in front of her, be entertaining, play hard to get, but I'm playing like a fucking shy gentleman, so girls get bored.
Eh, fuck!
Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna be a completely different Si-won!
Si-won who's fucking aggressive and charismatic with women!
Me? Can I really change when I become timid like a mute who ate honey the moment I stand in front of a girl?
[Ugh...
No.
Rather than that, wouldn't it be great if the world completely changed and women became the ones who approached men?
Then I wouldn't have to approach women first; they'd be the ones jumping on me first, saying let's fuck.
Fuck, just thinking about it makes me so fucking horny.
Haah...
But these are all just delusions.
Eh, fuck.
Can't sleep well in Hyun-joon's room anyway. Might as well chant a spell before sleeping.
I, absolutely without any side effects or conditions or cost, awaken my entertainment life, my entertainment ability...
As I recited a passage from a novel I liked to read, I soon fell into a deep sleep.]
The next morning.
I must've slept so deeply; I didn't wake up once.
My body feels pretty refreshed too.
Fuck, that bastard Hyun-joon must have a good bed. I slept like a baby.
I sprang up and checked the time.
Huh?
It was already 5 AM.
I checked KakaoTalk, but there was no message from Hyun-joon.
Bastard, he probably fell asleep while fucking at the motel. Fucked up. This bastard.
Well, whether that bastard Hyun-joon gets caught or not is none of my business. It's his own fault if he gets caught. He wouldn't cancel my blind date next week, would he?
Maybe because I didn't drink much water before sleeping, my throat was dry from the morning.
-Creak!
I opened the door and walked toward the fridge, but from the living room TV I heard sounds like "Huh! Two! Huh! Two!"
Huh? What is that?
Curious, I rubbed my sleepy eyes and walked to the living room.
And there, I saw the back of Hyun-joon's mother, wearing a gray tank top clinging tightly to her chest and training spandex shorts so short they almost completely showed the curve of her ass, focused on doing squats while lifting her hips up and down.
-Gulp!
Even covered by clothes, her body was already top-tier even among AV actresses, but wearing that tank top where her firm tits jiggled, and those spandex shorts that revealed her firm ass, it really felt like she was tempting me, saying "Please jump on me right now!"
Forgetting about drinking water, I found myself unconsciously moving toward Hyun-joon's mother as if possessed by something.
-Thump thump!
I got close enough to Hyun-joon's mother's ass that I could touch it with my hands, but she was so focused on her workout that she hadn't noticed my presence yet.
Unlike yesterday, today I strangely felt confidence welling up, like I could do anything.
"Ma'am, are you working out?"
I whispered right next to Hyun-joon's mother's ear.
Startled, Hyun-joon's mother looked at me with eyes like a startled rabbit.
"O-oh, Si-won. You're already up? The TV must've woken you. I'm sorry, Si-won. This auntie will turn down the volume. Go back to sleep."
I subtly and gently placed both hands on Hyun-joon's mother's sexy, well-defined pelvis.
Hyun-joon's mother flinched and trembled slightly, perhaps from surprise, but didn't refuse.
"No, ma'am. I'll watch your form for you. Please continue."
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