Ministry of Culture's Interim Audit Announcement
I bolted toward the backline on pure instinct. Not enough numbers to stop the counter. Newcastle's front four were surging forward like a tidal wave.
- Man City's midfield is wide open! Akansji charges forward! But he's stripped with one pass!
Akansji lunged recklessly to intercept, but Newcastle's crisp one-two left him looking like a fool. I sprinted full tilt down to the box again, determined to make the last stand.
I had to charge the Newcastle dribbler and delay him somehow, but the bastard already had momentum. Still, I didn't give up. Who knew if my prosthetic leg might kick in again.
- Ah! Ryan's late to the chase, but Newcastle storms into the box! He unleashes it right away!
Fuck this shit. The opponent's rocket of a shot exploded off his foot. Ederson blocked it once more, but the wicked deflection rolled cruelly right to Voldemade waiting at the doorstep.
- Ederson blocks it with his body! But the rebound! Voldemade! Voldemade!!
- GOAL!!!!!!!!!! Newcastle United equalizes! Voldemade finds his focus and rattles the net!
The scoreboard flipped to 1-1. St. James' Park erupted in a roar that threatened to bring the roof down.
I dropped to one knee on the pitch, gasping for air. Akansji and Gvardiol stared at each other in stunned defeat, while Rodri braced his hands on his hips and hung his head.
Substitutions, my recovery—none of it mattered. We'd conceded. To a fucking rookie, no less. Come to think of it, I was a rookie too. Both of us had scored.
My heart pounded like it was gonna burst, and my calves screamed with impending cramps.
I swept back my sweat-matted hair and looked up.
Teams that equalize ride a massive momentum wave. It usually snowballs into a goal fest.
Newcastle, surging with energy, pushed for the winner. The ball from Guimaraes' toe connected precisely to Gordon on the flank like it was measured with a ruler. Gordon whipped in a low, driven cross, and the hulking Voldemade launched himself skyward.
- Gordon's cross! Voldemade headers it! Ah! Ederson! He punches it away! Animal instincts!
Rodri cleared Ederson's punch-out, sparking our counter. I received it near the halfway line, and Newcastle's central mids and defenders swarmed me. I feinted a back pass, planted my axis foot, spun 180 degrees, and shredded through their line.
"Let's go, Haaland!"
My killer through-ball pierced the space behind their defense. Haaland barreled forward like a tank and smashed a left-footed rocket.
- Ryan's visionary turn and through-ball! Haaland shoots-!! Aaah!! Nick Pope! Pope's possessed today! He saves it!
The stands mixed screams and cheers. Both sides traded killer chances, but the goalkeepers were walls of despair.
42nd minute of the second half. My body was at its limit, but I kept going. I shrugged off Joelinton's brutal pressure on my back and carved space for Silva. But even Silva's shot was blocked by a Newcastle defender's body.
- What a battle! Both managers are clutching their heads. Man City's tactical edge is countered by Newcastle's sheer grit.
Beep— Beep— Beeeep—!
- Full time! Premier League Round 5, Newcastle vs. Manchester City ends 1-1 in a bloodbath!
I braced my hands on my knees, heaving ragged breaths. No three points sucked, but I'd plugged the team's cracks with my body. Haaland clapped my shoulder.
"Good pass. Pope was off today."
"The magpies are fuckin' chirpin'!" Haaland shot me a confused look, but I was too gassed to explain.
A quick nod, then off to the locker room. The Premier League clock pauses now. International break. Time to fight for our countries.
October 2, 2024. The day of the Ministry of Culture's interim audit announcement.
I rubbed my dry face, dissecting the on-screen text. This wasn't sports logic—it was political rhetoric and the blade of "fairness" slashing wildly.
The Ministry's attacks stuck strictly to the letter of the rules.
Technical Director Lee Jinhak lacks authority to recommend. Per Football Association bylaws and national team regulations, coaching recommendations fall under the Power Enhancement Committee. Lee is not a committee member, nor was he procedurally appointed as acting chair, so he holds no legal standing.
Yoon Seungwoo appointment involved favoritism. Other candidates faced rigorous documents and interviews, but Yoon was approached late at night with a personal plea. This violates fairness principles.
They were rehashing explanations from the National Assembly audit, repackaged as their "announcement." In the Q&A, the Ministry offered zilch substantial. Their responses painted the Association as illegally corrupt, neck-deep in conspiracy—but it boiled down to nitpicks with no substance. As Seo Taeyoung's report to President Kim Myeonggyu had hit the brakes, the Yoon hire was flawless procedure. Just as expected. "Illegal Yoon hire"? Total bullshit show. Political theater stuffed with buzzwords over legal punches. The appointment was clean.
Classic bureaucrat clusterfuck. Ignoring the de facto delegation where the nonprofit's committee agreed, "We've hit our limit—full authority to the technical director." Ears and eyes shut to that reality. The backlash to this half-assed audit was all over the map.
The real comedy was their "fairness" wordplay.
The Ministry poked the public sore spot by calling Yoon's hire "favoritism."
Why do the masses obsess over "fairness" to spawn this farce? They latch onto sensational "Foreigners did PPTs, Koreans didn't," ignoring it's technical judgment territory. Logic's just a hurdle for mob rage. The show's framed in good vs. evil.
Knowing they can't win legally, they leave a backdoor—"procedural flaw but hire valid"—while branding the Association evil for now.
This was the demagoguery disguised as logic I despised most, the collective madness smothering Korean football.
Do the people want winning football... or a sacrificial lamb for their anger?
If they'd just stated upfront the hire was valid, it wouldn't have escalated to bakery-conspiracy levels. Like some Maduro-level plot in Venezuela. What a mad cow disease nation.
After the Ministry of Culture's interim audit announcement, the Football Association immediately posted a rebuttal statement.