Chapter 90: Di*k Party
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 90: Di*k Party
There’s a saying, isn't there?
That men become best friends after a fight. I’m not sure if that’s wisdom passed down from our ancestors or just a line from some movie or drama.
Strictly speaking, it didn't seem entirely wrong.
But isn't the important part the "fighting" itself, rather than the "becoming friends" part afterward?
Because if you’re trying to smash someone’s head in with a liquor bottle like right now, you won't be seeing each other as friends—you'll be seeing each other at the hospital or the police station.
“Hey! Hey, you crazy bastard!”
“Whoa! Calm down!”
I tried to restrain Chan-woo, who looked ready to crack Pyo Jin-ho’s skull open with a bottle at any second.
To be honest, even though Chan-woo was the one who picked this place, the pork belly here was so incredibly bad that it was baffling.
On the bright side, it was a relief that we were the only customers in the restaurant.
“I...! Because of that guy...!”
My sense of friendship clearly wasn't strong enough to find him handsome while he was screaming in a drunken rage. Anyway, while I was busy trying to hold him back, the actual target of his fury was sitting there, sobbing his eyes out.
Yeah.
“Waaaaah! Arinaaaaa!”
This son of a bitch, who usually acted like such a tough guy, was just bawling like a baby.
I don't know what kind of image Pyo Jin-ho had with Yoo Ah-rin or Jeong Chan-woo, but to me, he was just a pushover.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Watching Han-gang and Ahn Hyun-ho try to comfort the weeping, miserable Pyo Jin-ho...
I had a feeling today was going to be a very long, painful day.
* * *
About two hours had passed since we arrived at the pork belly place. The soybean paste stew was getting cold and the meat had turned hard, but our glasses remained perpetually wet.
Before we knew it, the empty bottles were stacked high enough to play dominoes with, and the owner’s face was blooming with a wide, satisfied grin.
“Hey, kid! Did I... did I tell you? That I like Ye-rin!”
My head was throbbing and dizzy because of Han-gang, who kept pestering me from the side.
I don't usually get drunk easily on soju or beer, but maybe because I’d drank so much, I felt more nauseous than expected.
Ahn Hyun-ho had gone into the bathroom thirty minutes ago and hadn't come out yet.
“You brat! Your senior! Your senior is talking to you!”
Han-gang was completely wasted and acting like a total boomer.
“Did I... did I mention? That I like Ye-rin?”
How can a person become such a moron in just two hours?
I think the problem was that we all kept chugging without a break to try and break the awkward tension.
I wish I could have just gotten wasted too. I didn't just hate being the one stuck taking care of these drunks—I was genuinely annoyed.
“I know, right?!”
“Seriously! Arina! I loved you!”
“Ughhh! Arina!”
On the other side, Pyo Jin-ho and Jeong Chan-woo, who had looked like mortal enemies until moments ago, were now hugging each other and sharing the pain of their broken hearts.
“Shit.”
I could feel my tongue getting a bit heavy, but at this point, I didn't care anymore. I picked up a soju bottle and downed it like I was using it for mouthwash.
* * *
“Ugh.”
A splitting headache woke me up, like a red alert from my body. I couldn't even open my eyes properly; I tried to squirm around, but it felt like someone had glued my eyelids shut.
As I flailed my hand, I felt my phone.
I managed to pry my eyes open and check the time. It was already lunchtime.
Considering I had a lecture in the afternoon, I should have been jumping out of bed right now, but...
No. I give up.
I was going to have to declare a self-imposed class cancellation today.
This is the college life, I guess.
At least the ceiling looked familiar. I was proud of myself for making it home after drinking enough to shatter my brain.
But as I slowly woke up...
“...Whose phone is this?”
I started to sense that something was wrong.
The moment I realized the phone I was using to check the time wasn't mine, I bolted upright.
“Urgh!”
The sudden movement brought on a wave of vertigo and nausea. I scrambled to the bathroom.
“What the hell is this guy doing here?!”
Ahn Hyun-ho was sprawled out asleep next to the toilet. I kicked him aside, emptied my stomach into the bowl, and then walked back out.
Only then did the full scene of the room come into view.
Han-gang was asleep, hugging a mannequin wearing mesh lingerie that I had no idea where he’d found.
Pyo Jin-ho was slumped over the windowsill like a piece of laundry.
And finally, Chan-woo...
“...Who is that?”
He was cuddled up asleep with some bald guy I’d never seen before...
I really needed to figure out what the hell was going on.
* * *
Everyone was sitting in a circle, each with a massive bird’s nest of hair—except for the bald guy.
The smell of alcohol was so thick every time someone breathed that I wanted to tell them all to stop respiring.
“Everyone, get out.”
I’d called them together to sort out the situation, but for some reason, my true feelings slipped out.
“You’re the one who caught us,” Ahn Hyun-ho said, his face a sickly shade of gray as he tried to breathe rhythmically.
“We were all going to leave, but you sat down on the sidewalk and insisted we all sleep at your place.”
“...”
Since I had a history of doing the exact same thing to the girls before, I had to keep my mouth shut.
Anyway.
“Let’s try to piece this together. After the pork belly place... did we go to a pub for the second round?”
I asked, frowning as my own memory was hazy. Han-gang, sitting next to me, brushed back his hair and muttered.
“A hunting pocha.”
“Ah, that explains it.”
For some reason, Chan-woo pulled out his phone and let out a deep sigh.
“I have so many KakaoTalk messages from people I don't even know.”
He showed us his screen; he had thirteen new friends. They were all sending messages like, “Did you get home okay?” “Are you alright?” “Want to meet up again today?” I almost smashed the phone out of sheer jealousy.
Han-gang and Ahn Hyun-ho seemed to be in a similar boat, scowling as they checked their phones.
“...”
Only Pyo Jin-ho and I had silent phones.
“Ah, man, all these calls.”
“Stop acting.”
I tried to pretend I was getting a call from some mysterious woman, but it didn't work, so I just shut up.
“Where did we go after that?”
When I asked, trying to trace my memories, the bald guy naturally chimed in.
“We went to karaoke.”
Our eyes instantly snapped to him. The man, who looked to be in his mid-thirties, was for some reason sticking close to Chan-woo’s side.
“Excuse me... but who are you?”
When I asked cautiously, the man replied with a bright smile.
“The guy you guys picked up at the hunting pocha.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”
“You crazy bastards! What did you do?!”
“Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord have mercy!”
Groans erupted from all sides. The man seemed a bit shy and reached for Chan-woo’s arm, but Chan-woo jumped back in shock.
“Wh-why are you doing this to me?!”
“Chan-woo, you said you couldn't trust women anymore and told me to come with you.”
“Jeong Chan-woo, you crazy closeted bastard! Get out! Don't ever come to my house again!”
“No! That’s not it! I’m telling you, it’s not like that!”
Chan-woo jumped up, his eyes welling with tears as he denied everything. I was worried the man might be offended, but he just gave a serene smile.
“It’s okay. A one-night dream isn't so bad.”
This bald guy had clearly seen some things in his life.
I wanted to kick him out immediately, but I held back.
It seemed like he was the only one among us who remembered the most.
“What did we do at the karaoke place?”
When I asked carefully, the man smiled and answered.
“You guys sang military songs for an entire hour.”
Military songs?
I wondered who among us had even been to the military to be singing those, but then...
“Huh? What?”
“What is this?”
Han-gang and Pyo Jin-ho screamed simultaneously.
[MMA Notification: Kang Han-gang, Pyo Jin-ho, regarding your Joint Enlistment...]
They had received detailed texts from the Military Manpower Administration regarding their application for joint enlistment.
“Joint enlistment?!”
“Me? With him?!”
“Congratulations.”
“Best friends in just one night.”
Ahn Hyun-ho and I even clapped for them. Apparently, while drunk, the two of them had applied for joint enlistment on their phones and then sang military songs at the top of their lungs.
“And after that?”
Chan-woo, who had put some distance between himself and the bald man, asked cautiously. The man pointed toward some large black and red bags in the corner.
“We went to an adult store.”
“Why the hell did we go there?!”
As I shouted in frustration, the man answered awkwardly.
“Well, you were the one who insisted on going.”
Me?
“You said, what’s the big deal about being dumped by a girl? You said you could handle everything yourself anyway.”
“...”
“You told everyone to buy whatever they wanted. You said a soulmate isn't as far away as people think.”
“...”
“You said sex is nothing special. You just put it in, shake it, and finish—that’s sex. So if you buy an onahole, that’s sex.”
In an instant, four pairs of resentful eyes were fixed on me.
“Ahem.”
I cleared my throat awkwardly and checked the payment notification on my phone.
[Adult Goods Store: Kim*jin - 773,500 KRW]
“Holy shit, what the hell did we buy to drop seven hundred thousand won at a sex shop?! You crazy bastards!”
Dumbfounded, I stomped over and checked the contents of the bags.
There were no less than four Tengas.
Condoms bought by the box.
Starting from suggestive lingerie to vibrators for women, and even butt plugs.
“What is this? Is it a bug?”
From a bizarre tool that looked like a detached female organ to a vibrating dildo I had no idea why I’d bought...
A parade of insane items poured out like a string of sausages.
“So that’s where that came from.”
Han-gang muttered, looking at the mannequin he’d been hugging. I glared at him, thinking he must be thrilled with his new discovery.
“You guys take an onahole each when you leave.”
Consider them issued supplies.
“Chan-woo, you take the dildo and the plug too.”
“No!”
Anyway.
According to the story, after the adult store, we bought beer at a nearby convenience store, came to my place, and everyone just collapsed.
After hearing the full explanation, I made a polite request.
“I’m sorry, but could you please leave now?”
“Ah, of course. I have to get to work too.”
The man stood up with a pleasant smile.
“Don't worry, nothing weird happened. I’m a gentleman in my own way.”
He said that and gave us a wink as he headed for the front door.
“It was an exciting night, friends. Let’s hang out again sometime.”
Thud.
“My butt kind of hurts for some reason.”
“I guess since he’s bald, he doesn't need to wash up before leaving.”
“What if I have a senior like that in the army?”
After the bald man left, we all slumped down with a heavy sigh.
Last night...
Chan-woo became "secret friends" with a bald man.
Kang Han-gang and Pyo Jin-ho signed up for joint enlistment.
And I swiped my card for 700,000 won at a sex shop.
“Am I the only winner here?”
Ahn Hyun-ho smirked.
He smugly checked his phone, boasting that he hadn't made any mistakes.
“...”
But suddenly, his face turned pale. I rushed over, ready to tease him for whatever it was.
[Caller: Choi I-seo (73 missed calls)]
“Holy...”
Ahn Hyun-ho had a record of calling Choi I-seo seventy-three times.
“Wait, wait! Hold on!”
He frantically tried to call her back, but...
[The number you have dialed has been blocked by the recipient...]
A total death sentence had been handed down to Ahn Hyun-ho’s love life.
But it seemed he wasn't the only one who had made calls.
“I... I called Ah-rin five times too...”
Thanks to Ahn Hyun-ho’s overwhelming record, Jeong Chan-woo’s five calls felt almost cute.
“...I called seven times.”
Thanks to Pyo Jin-ho chiming in, Miss Yoo Ah-rin had received a total of twelve calls last night.
“Shit.”
I wondered if Han-gang had called Seo Ye-rin, but looking at his log, he’d been quite thorough.
Seeing the record of him calling every single girl he’d ever dated, we all laughed at him—except for Ahn Hyun-ho.
“Wow, you idiots.”
I was actually in the best shape.
I’d spent 700,000 won, but at least I’d preserved my social dignity.
Choi I-seo: 1 call.
Yoo Ah-rin: 1 call.
Seo Ye-rin: 1 call.
There were records, but they were incoming calls, not outgoing.
The fact that I’d talked to all three was a bit unsettling, though.
“Let’s go get some hangover soup!”
Thinking I was the ultimate winner after all, I smiled and was about to put my phone away when...
I saw a name at the very bottom of last night’s call log that shouldn't have been there.
[Oh Yun-ji]
Outgoing call: 3 minutes 47 seconds.