Chapter 168: Accommodation
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 168: Accommodation
In the end, the argument boiled down to this:
Lust or love.
That was the question.
To be fair, this was the kind of dilemma anyone might grapple with at least once in their life.
But as the saying goes:
"You don't have dirty fantasies about the person you truly love."
At my words, Senior Ju-hee, who had been sipping her coffee, flinched visibly.
We were in a quiet cafe nearby, having ducked inside for a brief conversation.
I emphasized my point again, as if stating a universal truth.
"Do you understand? You don't have erotic delusions about someone you actually like."
"…Is that how it works?"
Ju-hee seemed flustered, as if hearing this for the first time, but I nodded without a hint of hesitation.
That’s just how it is.
You don't jerk off to the person you truly love.
"That’s why you shouldn't confuse lust with love. Got it? If you’ve ever used that person for 'self-consolation,' then you need to re-evaluate your feelings."
"…."
Ju-hee’s shoulders slumped instantly.
To be honest, it really depends on the person, but I was intentionally framing it this way to force her to sort out her thoughts.
Wait a minute.
Suddenly, a hidden truth dawned on me.
Judging by her reaction, didn't this mean Ju-hee had actually masturbated while thinking of me?
In an instant, I imagined her moving her hand busily, calling out my name amidst soft moans.
Slap!
'You crazy bastard!'
I slapped my own cheek to snap out of it.
No matter how much of a dog I was, this wasn't right.
That was exactly why I had intentionally chosen a cafe instead of a bar.
I could have easily exploited her confusion. I could have said, "Senior, shall we go find out?" and led her straight to a hotel.
I could have told her, "Emotions are hard to define; what matters is what you feel," while touching her and getting her worked up.
Or I could have just said, "Let's talk it over some drinks," taken her to a bar, gotten her wasted, and then—to hell with it—corrupted her into a total mess!
Honestly, it looked incredibly easy.
'...And the success rate seemed high, too.'
What would she be like in bed?
When I let my thoughts wander, I often ended up crossing the line.
Since now was exactly one of those moments, I steeled my heart once more and looked at the bewildered Ju-hee.
"Senior, that’s nothing to be ashamed of."
"Huh?!"
Perhaps she was ashamed, as she had been doing nothing but drinking her coffee. She responded awkwardly.
"It’s only natural for a human being. You’ve lived a much more intense life than most people, so it’s understandable you haven't had the chance to figure this out and got confused."
"…."
"It’s not shameful. Some people are just very honest about their lust."
Seo Ye-rin, for example.
Maybe it was because I had seen Ye-rin’s true nature, but Ju-hee’s dilemma felt somewhat light in comparison.
That was probably why I could offer advice without feeling too burdened.
Even so, those countless fantasies I’d just had were still swirling in my head.
I felt like if I pushed her just a little harder, I could drag her to a hotel in a heartbeat. However...
"It’s getting late."
I downed the rest of my coffee in one go and gave her a smile.
"Let's head back to the dorms."
*
After that, we walked toward the dormitory together.
There was no conversation along the way.
Occasionally, she would steal a glance at me, but that was it.
Before I knew it, we were standing in front of the dorms.
I hadn't eaten dinner, but I wasn't hungry.
I just wanted to go back and lie down on my bed. My body wasn't tired, but I was mentally exhausted, and I also felt the need to get away from Ju-hee for a bit.
"Well, I'll be going now. I had fun today, Senior."
As I gave her a smiling farewell, Ju-hee, who had been staring at me intently, took a step closer.
"J-just once."
By now, her flushed face felt familiar.
With a voice thick with desperation, she made a request.
"Can you hold me... just once?"
"…."
"Like you said, I want to check if I’m just confused or not."
Her request was sweet.
So sweet that I almost reached out to pull her into my arms without thinking.
And so...
"No."
I refused.
"I don't think I can do that."
There was someone I liked.
I understood her because I, too, hadn't fully defined my own feelings for that person yet.
But still, a line had to be drawn.
"…."
It was the first time.
The first time I saw her look like she was about to cry.
Unlike the woman who stood tall even in front of gangsters, right now, she looked like she might crumble at any second.
I quickly turned and headed inside the dormitory.
Thud. Thud.
The sound of my footsteps felt unnervingly loud, and the interior of the dorm was excessively quiet.
I felt a pang of guilt for leaving her alone like that.
Yet, at the same time, I felt a strange certainty that I had done the right thing.
I decided I needed to go back, play some games, or watch some Neutube to clear my head. But when I entered my room...
"You're back?"
Choi I-seo, who had been lying on my bed looking at her phone, slowly sat up.
"Don't you come here a bit too often?"
Ever since we moved into the dorms, she had a tendency to drop by way too much. I understood it was convenient since she was already on campus, but coming by almost every other day was starting to get startling.
"I was helping the freshmen and just came to take a break. It’s a bit awkward to lie down in the lounge, you know?"
"You're still helping the freshmen?"
I remarked that she was helping them too much, but I-seo just laughed and changed the subject.
"Did you have a good time with Ju-hee?"
So she knew.
I tried to give a casual answer, but the image of Ju-hee from moments ago flashed in my mind, and the words got stuck in my throat.
Seeing my reaction...
Choi I-seo, sensing that something had happened, stared at me for a moment.
"Come here."
She opened her arms and called to me.
"I'm not really in the mood."
Having just gone through that with Ju-hee, I felt a certain resistance to immediately jumping into another woman's arms.
But I-seo did the opposite; she strode over to me and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.
"Is it hard?"
There was nothing behind the gesture.
She just asked softly as if to comfort me, and a sigh escaped my lips before I could stop it.
"A little?"
"What's making it hard?"
"Just... the fact that I can't do as much as I want for the people I like?"
In the end, there was only one of me.
"And the fact that thinking like this might just be my own selfishness?"
It wasn't like I could say something as ridiculous as wanting to take responsibility for everyone.
"I'm sorry. Is it okay if I struggle with this a bit longer?"
"How can our Woo-jin say such wicked things while acting so kind?"
I-seo spoke playfully with a smile.
I had said I was sorry, but she didn't give a direct answer. Instead, she just tightened her hold on me.
Whenever I talked to Choi I-seo, I felt my heart getting lighter.
I could tell her about my selfish parts, my indecisiveness, and my raw desires without filtering anything.
And yet, her tone, her emotions, and her actions never changed.
It felt like she was comforting me, telling me that even that version of me was okay.
She validated me in a different way than Seo Ye-rin did.
It’s okay.
I-seo was saying it with her whole body, and I cautiously hugged her back.
We stayed like that for a few minutes.
Then, I reached down, grabbed both of her thighs, lifted her up, and headed for the bed.
Flop!
As I laid her down, I-seo looked flustered.
"W-wait! I didn't mean for it to go this far?!"
"I-seo, do you know something?"
My head was a mess because of Ju-hee.
I knew that doing this was morally questionable.
Emotionally, I was still in a daze, but...
"Love and lust are two different things."
Lust is honest.
What could I do?
Love and lust might be similar colors, but there’s a slight difference in shade.
As I buried my face in her chest, I-seo grabbed my hair and pulled my head back firmly.
"I don't have a change of clothes, and I have to leave soon, okay? So let's behave."
"I'll finish quickly."
"I said I'm not doing it!"
"Then I guess I'll have to make you want to."
When I suggested I’d just have to get her worked up too, she finally let out a sigh and spoke.
"Kiss me first."
I-seo let go of my hair.
I braced my hands on the bed and pressed my lips against hers as I hovered over her.
We shared a deep, thick kiss.
By now, I-seo had become quite good at intertwining her tongue with mine.
The feeling that I had stained her with decadence made me even more aroused.
When the rather long kiss finally ended...
I looked down at her, and then—
Thump!
She shoved me aside and sat up abruptly.
"Phew! Recharge complete! I'm going now, Woo-jin!"
"Don't give me that crap! I've got a raging boner here!"
"I told you, I don't have time! You take forever once you start."
"Then you shouldn't have let it get this far!"
"Woo-jin..."
I-seo put on a mock-sorrowful face and asked me piteously.
"My heart is full just from that kiss. Is yours not?"
"No, it's not."
"…."
"My heart and my dick are two different things."
"Unbelievable."
Immediately dropping the act, I-seo picked up her phone to leave.
She had already received several messages and was typing out quick replies. I snapped at her irritably.
"You're turned on too."
"E-eh?"
I-seo looked up from her phone.
Her ragged breathing, her disheveled hair, the slight sheen of sweat, and the way she was unconsciously squeezing her legs together to hide the dampness...
It was obvious she was aroused.
"Just tell them you're not feeling well today and can't make it."
"I really want to, believe me. But I can't. You just go watch some porn, Mr. Woo-jin. I noticed your 'collection' has grown again."
She’d already checked that, huh?
Perhaps annoyed by the existence of the porn, I-seo finished her reply and headed straight for the door.
"Hey, I'm serious, this is an emergency! Look at this!"
I started to pull my pants down to show her exactly how much of an emergency it was, but...
"Y-you crazy bastard!"
Startled by the sight of me about to strip off my underwear, I-seo bolted out of the room as if escaping for her life.
"…."
Left standing there half-naked, I let out a long sigh and smacked my forehead.
I felt like I had finally returned to reality.
As the memory of Ju-hee’s sad eyes returned to me, I sluggishly pulled my underwear and pants back on.
'Did I have any beer left?'
I was pretty sure the last time I drank beer was with Oh Dae-sang.
Of course, at times like this, the fridge is always empty.
With a hollow heart, I checked the fridge just in case, and found six cans of beer inside.
And a bottle of wine.
"Huh?"
I was certain I’d finished them all, so I wondered what was going on. Then I noticed post-it notes stuck to the beer and the wine.
— ( ¯ㅁ¯ )
— This one is for us to drink together! ٩( °ꇴ °)۶
"Ah."
The handwriting was unmistakably I-seo’s.
Beer for me to drink, and wine for us to share later.
Looking at them made my chest feel strangely tight.
"Ah, seriously..."
I cursed my own stupidity for letting I-seo leave.