The Fourth Balance Game
Sunday — the day of my date with Ajeong.
Fortunately, the time she'd set was four in the afternoon. Even after checking the Balance Game and making my choice, I'd still have plenty of time left. Of course, depending on what options came up, things could drag on — but there was no way of knowing until they actually appeared.
I set an alarm for 11:50 and stationed myself in front of my phone from that moment on. Then, with a solemn heart and proper posture, I prayed.
Please. Let the options that come up be helpful somehow — any way at all.
In the third Balance Game, I hadn't received any bonus reward. The only time I'd gotten one was the second game. There had never been a guarantee that I'd get extras every week — but no one had said it was a one-time thing either. So I'd held out hope that more might come. Sadly, the third round had given me nothing.
Back during the second game, when every option was pure nightmare fuel, the bonus reward had at least been a consolation. That wasn't the case anymore. Now all I could do was pray that something good would show up.
KokoaTalk!
"It's here…"
The second game had taught me that the Balance Game could serve up nothing but awful choices. The third had taught me that even the consolation prize might not show. And now, facing the fourth Balance Game, I opened the message with a more nervous heart than ever before.
"Ah."
"Fuck…"
The individual — or organization — contacting me through KokoaTalk. Whether it was even the real KokoaTalk, I had no idea. For transcendent beings, they sure loved to ramble about useless crap, while never once spitting out the information I actually wanted.
So I skimmed past the fluff at the top of today's message and zeroed in on the sentence wrapped in brackets.
vs
Lifetime Sex Ban
Apparently God hadn't heard my prayers. Or maybe these creatures casually pulling off transcendent stunts were the gods — in which case it made sense that they wouldn't answer a prayer, or even a simple question.
Even so. This was too much.
I had to pick one of these absurd options, and whatever I chose would become real. For a brief moment I considered just quitting — then immediately changed my mind.
"Haa…"
For one thing, I had no idea if quitting was even an option. Knowing them, there was probably an invisible countdown ticking away, and if I never chose, it'd pick one at random. If one of the two was going to happen either way, I might as well choose carefully myself.
Besides, once a game starts, walking away usually comes with a penalty. That was just common sense. Quitting after finishing everything might be fine — but bailing after seeing the options? Worst case, every ability I'd gained so far could vanish.
Absolutely not.
Not that I was being forced into this against my will. So far, the game had only ever worked in my favor — absurd, transcendent powers and transformations. Of course I was curious what else I might get going forward.
Which meant I still had to pick one of these two pure-loss options.
Lifetime Masturbation Ban versus Lifetime Sex Ban.
Either way was a loss — but I had to choose the lesser evil. I opened a notes app and rewrote the options into something more intuitive:
Lifetime Sex Only
vs
Lifetime Masturbation Only
…Same thing, huh.
In the end, I had to decide which one to give up.
Thinking it through carefully: if I picked the first option, I'd still need to actually have sex. Banning masturbation didn't magically grant me the ability to sleep with people whenever I wanted.
Bonus reward…
If there were a bonus reward on the table, I might've gambled on something. But I couldn't make a high-stakes bet on something this critical.
On the other hand, picking the second option meant I could keep having my happy alone time whenever I wanted — but I'd never be able to satisfy the fundamental human drive to reproduce.
It's not like I was doing that anyway.
It was genuinely depressing, but cold logic said the second option was correct. Not being able to do something you used to do, versus not being able to do something you never could in the first place. Obviously, I should pick the latter.
Yeah. That has to be right…
Convinced I'd thought it through enough, I reached for my phone to turn on the screen —
"Ah!!!"
I could see my own face reflected in the black display.
"Whoa."
"No."
"I almost fucked myself over for real…"
I hadn't been able to before. That didn't mean I never would. And that wasn't just hopeful thinking — it was fact.
My face right now was more handsome than anyone I'd ever seen. Sure, I'd never seen a real celebrity up close, but I looked better than the one or two "celebrity-tier" guys every school seemed to have. I still hadn't fully adjusted to my own face, so I hadn't properly registered it. Maybe that was why even complimenting myself didn't feel particularly embarrassing.
After confirming that, there was nothing left to deliberate over. The idea that I needed to hold myself to a harsher standard just because I was judging my own face — that was the real lack of objectivity.
The world wasn't ending tomorrow. I was going to plant the seed of possibility that was sex.
Even after finishing my deliberation, it took me a long time to send those few words. Naturally, there was no bonus reward. In the end, I'd simply become a guy who couldn't jerk off.
Think of it this way: I've secured the chance to land better options in future Balance Games.
I was curious how exactly the ban worked, so I decided to test it. At the very least, I didn't feel any compulsion like "you must never masturbate" or "you don't want to do that."
I turned on my computer and played one of the carefully curated files I'd saved up.
"Oh?"
Surprisingly, the signal came through just fine. I brought my hand closer — and the moment I made contact—
"Ah…"
The sturdy little guy wilted in an instant.
I really…
I'd become a body that could no longer satisfy itself. I deleted every file I'd collected and sat there staring blankly for a long while.
"Hoo…"
There was no point wallowing forever. It was weird to assume the Balance Game would only ever bring good things. And honestly — I hadn't done it once since getting discharged from the military, so maybe it didn't even matter.
What mattered now wasn't regretting the past, but figuring out how to overcome this. The easiest solution would be a future Balance Game option that undid it:
[Nullify one previous Balance Game choice]
The odds of that showing up were abysmal, so I scratched it immediately. Having abandoned masturbation, the answer was sex. Or maybe it didn't even have to be something I did myself — just something that involved another person. Everything I used to handle alone, I'd now have to do with someone else.
The situation was still far better than it used to be, though. Thinking about who I might actually be able to do it with, I was surprised to find three names floating up.
More than I expected…
First, of course, was Kang Ajeong. She was my girlfriend — gym-only, for now — and there was already a fair amount of physical affection between us. I'd wondered before if I was just reading into things, but by now I was about half-convinced she was into me.
Next was Jin Hayun. We weren't in that kind of relationship at all, but looking back on everything that had happened between us, she was probably the most sexually charged connection I had. Once you've had someone suck on your fingers… well, maybe other things weren't off the table either.
The last candidate was my boss at the cafe. The second her name crossed my mind, a massive wave of guilt hit me — but I still couldn't scrub her out of my head. If I brought up what happened last time and begged earnestly enough, she might look startled for a moment, then flash that easygoing smile of hers and go along with it.
So there were people who seemed possible, in theory. But none of it was realistic right now. At the very least, the first time should be with someone I loved, right? Which meant dating someone came first. Until then, I wouldn't be able to resolve any sexual needs by any means — but I'd tough it out for the future. And if it dragged on too long, maybe my dreams would take care of it periodically.
Whether I should thank the Balance Game for it or not, I found myself preparing for the date with Ajeong more sincerely than ever. After showing up to our last meeting in a soccer jersey because I had nothing else to wear, I'd gone out the very next day and bought a full outfit: a plain white short-sleeve tee and jeans. With a body and face that looked perfect even in a gym membership uniform, I didn't overthink it — just went with something clean and simple.
"Oh…"
Perfect. Perfect enough that the Balance Game from earlier almost didn't sting. If I thought of it as paying off all the rewards from three Balance Games in one go, it was a bargain. And even that debt, I felt, I'd be able to clear soon enough.
I arrived at the meeting spot Ajeong had given me. The time was 3:30 p.m. It had always bothered me that no matter where we met, she got there first — so today I'd come out early to wait. She'd probably show up at least ten minutes early herself. Until then, I figured I'd kill time watching gym videos.
…
Oh, I should suggest we try this one tomorrow.
"Um…"
Just as I was saving a new exercise technique to try with Ajeong, someone seemed to have arrived.
"You're here?"
"Huh?"
"Ah — my mistake."
It wasn't Ajeong. I'd apparently been blocking the path of someone walking by, so I stepped aside and went back to my video.
"Excuse me…"
"Me?"
"Yes — do you have a girlfriend, by any chance?"
"Ah."
She hadn't been asking me to move. She'd been asking for my number. A laugh slipped out — this was a first for me.
This fast…?
My standards had skyrocketed lately, and even so, she was a decent-looking woman. We were in a busy commercial district, and her outfit was boldly stylish.
"If you don't, could I get your number?"
She thrust her phone out as if it were a given that I'd hand mine over. I was just about to reach for the screen right in front of my face when—
"Woohyun…?"
From inside the station, Ajeong came walking up the stairs.