Chapter 232
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 232
Through my negotiations with the Handicraft Industry, I made contact with a high-ranking official in the Federation.
The rest is up to the judgment of the Federation government—or rather, Vice Minister Ismael.
I had since taken the time to look into the structure of the Federation’s bureaucracy and the role of a vice minister.
The vice minister is the department's true authority. Anyone higher is largely a figurehead. This means Ismael is the one who evaluates and decides on all practical matters.
It remained to be seen how highly Ismael would value the strategic benefit of my asylum. If it didn't meet my expectations, further negotiations would be necessary.
I have plenty of leverage in these negotiations. It’s only my own internal reluctance that has kept me from seeking asylum until now.
To my core, I was an Imperial, having received loyalty training that bordered on brainwashing. Even now, with my growing aversion to the Imperial Family, I still harbored a deep attachment to the Empire.
If I’m under the Federation's protection, not even Ivan will be able to touch me immediately.
The asylum process had to be finalized before news of my whereabouts reached the ears of the Empire and Ivan.
I have to buy time, somehow, until I find Giselle.
I sat in a room inside the company building. My gaze fell to my hand.
Bzzzz.
A tiny flying insect buzzed around my hand and arm. It drifted through the air, tracing overlapping, irregular trajectories.
A product of long evolution, no doubt. Flying in such a complex pattern makes it unpredictable, hard to catch.
But I saw right through its chaotic path. Without even trying, I could discern the order within the chaos.
Click.
With a swift flick of my fingers, I snatched the insect from the air. The moment of capture was exquisitely delicate. I calibrated the pressure in the finely-tuned fingernails of my prosthetic arm, careful not to harm the tiny creature.
Buzz, buzz.
Trapped, the insect fluttered its wings in vain.
My mind is still sharp.
Of course, this was only a self-diagnosis, not a precise medical examination. It might just be what I wanted to believe.
In extreme situations, my brain sometimes goes into overdrive, exhibiting a level of performance that surprises even me.
The peak of my abilities was actually higher now than it had been during my cadet days.
But objectively speaking, my brain's endurance isn't what it used to be. If pushed to the limit, I hit a wall fast, and recovery is slow.
It felt like carrying a time bomb in my head. No one knew when it might detonate.
I had to find Giselle before that happened.
Limited time, diminished abilities, and dangers closing in by the second.
What can I do, and what must I give up?
Ragnata’s words came to mind. She had emphasized choice and focus.
We can’t have everything.
I knew that all too well.
I, too, had tried to discard many things on my journey—namely, my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. At times, I believed I had truly cast them aside.
I wanted to be a harsh, aggressive person. A fierce, selfish breed of human, devoid of mercy or compassion. I wanted those around me to see me that way, too. That way, they wouldn't ask me for favors, nor would they seek any human connection.
The lonelier I was, the stronger I could become.
...Or so I had thought as I faced the Storm Era. Yet, what had actually saved me back then was not some solitary strength, but the bonds forged through those very vulnerabilities.
I have to remember the lessons of those days. Find a compromise within myself.
Even now, I didn't know the right answer to how far I should go in forming and maintaining relationships. The world was overflowing with chaos and confusion.
Humans are inherently untrustworthy. It isn't just me; everyone is fragile and fickle. Yet, to survive, one must trust others despite that fact.
Step, step.
I walked down the hallway of the company building, weighed down by this precarious self-awareness.
…This is no time to be worrying about this.
And yet, I was. At this point, I didn't even know anymore.
It felt as though I was teetering on a cliff's edge while reaching out to help someone else up.
A perfect recipe for both of us to fall.
I stopped in front of Boyan’s room.
I stepped inside without knocking. The room was dark, but I heard a frantic rustling.
"Boyan, it's me," I said, my eyes adjusting to the dim light.
Over by the bed, Boyan's bright yellow pupils gleamed like sharp slits. He looked every bit the beast.
"Lu—Luka? W-what are you doing here?"
Boyan seemed incredibly flustered.
"I am your sponsor and guardian. I'm allowed to drop by."
My vision cleared. Boyan was sitting on the bed, a blanket draped over him like a coat. He seemed overly sensitive to the cold.
Damn it…
I instantly recognized the withdrawal symptoms—the sensory overload and disorientation typical of an addict.
Has it already gotten this bad?
The addiction had progressed much faster than I expected. I had been judging him by human standards.
"When you have a guest, you should offer them a drink, not cower in a corner."
Boyan made a move to get up, then hesitated.
"I'm... not feeling well."
"Bullshit."
I kicked a chair out of my way, sending it slamming against the wall with a harsh clatter.
"Kahrk!"
Startled, Boyan’s pupils narrowed even further. A low, feral growl escaped his throat as hidden claws extended, digging into the blanket.
"That's right, you're from a warrior race. Trying to sit at a desk where you don't belong is what led to this pathetic state. I completely understand why Regor beat the crap out of you."
"Y-you were r-rooting for me… s-supporting me…"
I sat on Boyan's desk. Reaching out, I grabbed the curtains and ripped them from the window.
Crash!
The curtain rod came down with them, filling the room with a deafening racket. Bright sunlight flooded in.
"Grrrrr!"
Boyan bristled all over, retreating further into the corner to escape the light.
Photosensitivity. He's from a feline race, so it must be even worse for him.
It was irritating, seeing him unable to handle a choice he had made himself.
"I supported you because I saw your will. But the moment you enter the race, you start whining about how hard it is? Did you think this would be easy?"
"I—I didn't know it would be th-this hard… this difficult. I didn't know the g-gap was so wide."
"Are you kidding me? Of course it's hard. If it were easy, your people would be churning out scholars and bureaucrats. On the other hand, you can become a powerful warrior far more easily than others. With just two or three years of proper training, you could wipe out an entire squad of humans by yourself. Regor was an excellent warrior, and you're smart. You were born with good blood, even for a Crawler."
Boyan's father, Regor, must have been an incredibly skilled Crawler when it came to combat and hunting.
If Regor had been a fool, he never would have survived while dragging a burden like Boyan around, all while clinging to his stubborn pride.
I sighed. Part of me wanted to drag Boyan out from under that blanket and beat him to a pulp.
But Boyan isn't the type to be changed by violence. If violence worked, Regor would have changed him long ago.
I grabbed a sharp pen and threw it at Boyan.
Whoosh!
Sensing the danger instantly, Boyan dodged aside and snatched the pen out of the air.
"Good reflexes. You have plenty of talent as a warrior. It's a waste to let it rot. Don't end your life as a drug addict. I take it what the hospital gave you wasn't enough?"
"W-what the hospital gave me wasn't enough to reach the level I wanted. I s-soon had to get it from somewhere else."
"This was a foregone conclusion. Once you're addicted, you can't control yourself. The symptoms just progressed faster than I thought. Go rot in the isolation ward and get treated, like we agreed. After that, I don't care what you do. If you need a job, I'll put in a word with Japa. He feels sorry for you and will look after you even if I'm gone."
Boyan threw the blanket off and shook his head violently.
"I-I've been going to school r-regularly! My e-exam results are g-good, too."
He tapped away on his terminal and tossed it to me.
Snatch.
I caught it and checked his report card.
...This is actually surprising.
Boyan’s grades were clearly improving. His marks, which had been at the absolute bottom, were now near the top. Considering he was a transfer student, it was impressive.
"I—I realized something. I d-don't actually like studying. I w-wanted to change something by studying. It was just a m-means to an end. My… my instincts crave blood and flesh. L-lately, I've even been buying and eating r-raw meat because I crave it so much. Even though I used to h-hate it, calling it barbaric."
My eyes widened.
Boyan is suffering from withdrawal right now.
At first, I thought he simply hadn't been able to get his hands on any drugs. But from the way he was talking, he was actually trying to quit on his own.
"When did you stop?"
"Right after exams ended. If I stay holed up like this, it gets a little better."
"But you can't skip school just because you're suffering from withdrawal."
"...At school, I pretend nothing is wrong and just endure it. That alone is so exhausting I can't do anything else. I secretly record the lectures and watch them all at once when I feel better."
Honestly, I had underestimated Boyan. I thought his focus and willpower would have run dry long ago.
He is devouring himself to reach his goal. He will either achieve it before his body breaks, or he will destroy himself in the attempt.
Even if the heavens smiled on him and he succeeded, his body might be ruined beyond recovery.
Right. This was the very reason I was drawn to Boyan in the first place.
He is just like me.
I slid off the desk and pulled the chair I had kicked back into place.
Screeech.
I settled into it and adjusted my posture.
Sensing the sudden shift in atmosphere, Boyan's eyes widened.
"That girl… what was her name? Right, Yanaka. She's worried about you. In my opinion, she's someone worth keeping around. She was genuinely concerned."
"Y-you met Yanaka? Wh-where? She hasn't been coming to s-school lately. And my b-body hasn't been in any state to go to the gatherings."
Boyan slowly crawled out from his corner.
"Where I met her is none of your business. It's my affair. And frankly, I still don't believe you can control the drugs on your own. Seeing you like this only confirms it. My judgment is that you should get treated in the isolation ward before it's too late."
Boyan spoke hurriedly.
"B-but I don't think you'll do that, L-Luka."
"No, I won't. Even after seeing this, I'm not going to send you to the isolation ward. I'll probably regret my choice later when I see you turned into a wreck. But if I sent you there now, I'd regret that just the same. It would mean dismissing your potential based on my own shallow standards. And I know that in this world, there is always that one-in-a-million chance."
Boyan and I were both beings who had broken through one-in-a-million odds. That was what made us Irregulars.
I stood up, my decision made.
Boyan looked up at me, the trembling in his body stilled and his eyes clear. His withdrawal symptoms seemed to have temporarily abated.
"I think you'd make a good father if you ever had kids, Luka."
"Hah. A good father? That's so absurd it's almost funny. Has your judgment already gone soft?"
I scoffed and turned to leave.
"Before you go… please listen to my story for a bit. I've figured out exactly what I want to do. It's thanks to my knowledge expanding through education. I've come to understand the world on a broader scale."
I had no time to waste. But I decided not to think of this as a waste.
I sat back down, making time for Boyan. The words that would come out of his mouth were of no practical use to me.
But just because something wasn't useful didn't mean it was a waste.