Chapter 73
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 73
The name that flashed through her mind shattered the fragile walls she had built against the memories of last night.
The hands that had gripped her waist, the terrifyingly deep and powerful thrusts…
Seo-ah shook her head violently and curled into a ball.
No. Stop right there.
Screaming the words in her mind, she struggled to escape the flood of thoughts. They say the more you ponder a problem, the better the answer, but some thoughts only drag you down into an abyss.
Having once been trapped in such an abyss, rotting away while still alive—and in truth, feeling as if a part of her were still rotting even now—she knew this was dangerous. Letting these thoughts overflow would only seize her and shake her to her core.
Curled up, Seo-ah opened her eyes wide. She tried to take shallow breaths, exhaling as slowly as possible, focusing only on the air entering and leaving her lungs.
The sensation of breath passing through her throat, the feeling of her chest expanding, and the slow deflation that followed a long exhale.
It was a method her master had taught her.
She had said it wasn't a cure, but it was a decent way to calm one's mind. And her master had been right. Most of the time, it worked. Repeating the deep inhales and long exhales usually eased the tightness in her chest, if only for a moment.
But now, after only two or three breaths, her fragile defense crumbled.
“Ha…”
At the tail end of a long exhale, she was helplessly swept away by the memories that had breached her defenses.
The memory that broke through was from the final moments of that long, long night.
By then, her limbs had lost all strength, leaving her without even the energy to sit up. The moment she felt his solid body press down over hers, Seo-ah instinctively held her breath and tensed.
He was solid everywhere they touched—tall and broad-shouldered. With such a man draping himself over her, she had braced herself to bear his full weight.
But…
He wasn't that heavy. It wasn't that he wasn't touching her, or that she couldn't feel his weight. But when his large, solid frame pressed against her back…
It was just… well, as absurd as it was to have such a thought in that situation…
“A blanket…” Seo-ah murmured without realizing it.
Yes.
It felt as though someone had draped a blanket over her. Not the light blankets of this place, but the thick, heavy cotton quilts from her hometown. It felt like a quilt that had been warmed on the coziest spot of the floor, then draped over her back.
The warm, gentle pressure seemed to anchor her soul, which had been rattling precariously in her chest. Of course, the force binding her body had grown so intense that at some point she felt as if she were breaking apart, but at the same time, that powerful pressure seemed to crush the empty voids that had plagued her for so long.
It didn't take long for her to realize how absurd that thought was.
The man who had been holding her as if to break her suddenly pulled away, as if nothing had happened. As the man who had covered her like a blanket vanished, the chill in the air clung to her body as if it had been waiting. Yet, colder than the chill on her skin was the piercing blue gaze looking down at her.
She didn't dare look him in the eye.
She lacked the courage to face those blue eyes, which were surely filled with contempt and disgust. How ridiculous of her to have thought, even for a fleeting moment, that his body felt like a warm blanket. How utterly pathetic.
The only scene she could clearly recall was his back as he walked away, discarding his troublesome clothes like trash, and her own naked body curled up on the bed.
His light, unburdened departure, devoid of a single shred of attachment, stood in stark contrast to her, left behind like rotting mud at the bottom of a river.
“His order for you to go to Traun has been put on hold for now.”
“On hold…?”
“It means you may stay here for the time being.”
Lady Barbara's message overlapped with the final memories of that long night.
As Seo-ah lay curled up, staring wide-eyed, a tear rolled down the bridge of her nose. It crossed over and slipped into the corner of her other eye, wetting her pupil as it passed.
Ignoring the tears tracing the tilt of her face, Seo-ah took a deep breath.
Thank goodness.
Thank goodness, truly.
Whispering to herself that it was a relief, she eventually covered her face with both hands.
“If you're so desperate to throw yourself at me, at least do it right.”
The words, lodged somewhere in her heart, suddenly echoed in her ears. Her chest ached.
“I… want to stay by your side, Your Excellency.”
What a deceitful thing to say.
Unable to explain why she had to stay, she had simply claimed she wanted to be near him, acting like someone desperate to throw herself at him. That was how she had clung to those blue eyes, which were twisted with contempt and disgust.
Did I do it right? Is that why…?
For some reason, she felt like laughing.
But perhaps because of the tears that kept spilling from her eyes, the silent laughter that only shook her chest soon felt like sobbing.
Clouds covered the sunlight that had been illuminating her tear-stained world. In the darkening room, curling inward as she swallowed her sobs, Seo-ah muttered to herself.
Please, stop crying. What do you have to cry about?
You got what you wanted.
Though she bit her lip and scolded herself harshly, her sobs did not easily subside. This was always the result of being swept away by a flood of memories.
She couldn't go on like this.
Seo-ah lowered her hands from her face and quickly sat up.
Lady Barbara might come back. I can't let her see me crying.
She was rubbing the tears from her face with rough strokes, trying to compose herself, when—
“Seo-ah.”
Her hand froze mid-wipe.
She was so disoriented that she hadn't even noticed someone approaching. It took her a moment to recognize a voice she would normally have identified instantly.
“Seo-ah.”
Only when the call came again, slightly louder, did she realize who was outside her door.
It was Abel.
Why…?
Then she remembered he had come all the way here to help move her luggage.
What should I do?
She quickly checked her appearance. Though she was wearing the clothes Lady Barbara had washed for her, she wasn't ready to be seen. More than anything, she was worried about her face, which undoubtedly bore the traces of her tears.
“Are you still asleep?”
Just then, she heard Abel muttering from the other side of the door.
Hesitating, Seo-ah felt his words had given her an answer.
Right. If I pretend to be asleep and don't answer, won't he just leave?
But Reinhardt's greatest Gold Digger shattered the naive Outsider's sliver of hope with a single word.
“Darling?”
“…”
Knock, knock, knock.
“Are you asleep?”
Seo-ah, who had been holding her breath, grimaced as if she were about to cry again.
Seriously, what is wrong with him?
He wouldn't leave. She was certain that, far from leaving, he would keep knocking until she got up. Calling her by that bizarre pet name was just a bonus.
Seo-ah quickly wiped her face with her sleeve and hurried to the door. She cleared her throat to hide any trace of crying and lowered her head.
Then, she opened the door.
Though her downward gaze only caught his long legs clad in black trousers, Seo-ah could tell that Abel knew she had been awake all along.
“You're not asleep,” he teased, without a hint of surprise. “Did you sleep well, darling?”
His playful tone sounded as if he were eagerly anticipating her reaction.
Seriously, why is he like this?
“Good morning. Did you sleep well, Mr. Sting?” Seo-ah glanced instinctively toward the room across the hall and offered her morning greeting as politely as possible.
His response was a sly remark accompanied by a chuckle. “Mr. Sting? How stiff. I told you to call me Abel.”
“…”
“Go on. Say ‘Abel.’”
After making it so obvious how much he disliked traveling with her, what on earth had caused this sudden change? No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn't understand. The only thing she knew for sure was that buying him those clothes had led to some very strange consequences.
Telling him to stop was pointless. She had already tried dozens of times at the department store.
There was only one thing she could do.
Seo-ah decided to pretend she hadn't heard him. She had already said her greetings, so she was about to use breakfast as an excuse to close the door when—
“Have you been crying?”
Seo-ah, who already had her head lowered, quickly shook it. “I wasn't crying.”
But Abel insisted on peering at her lowered face. Intruding unceremoniously into her field of vision, he widened his eyes. “You were, though.”
Uncomfortable, Seo-ah turned her head away. But if Abel Sting were the type to back off so easily, he wouldn't have pounded on her door in the first place.
“I didn't,” she insisted.
Leaning down, Abel deliberately followed her small face as she turned away to avoid him. “But you did.”
Shifting her eyes to avoid his blatant, persistent gaze, Seo-ah turned her head to the other side. “I really didn't.”
“You were crying your eyes out.”
Seo-ah's dodging came to a sudden halt. Her lips pressed into a tight line, and her voice dropped, firm and low.
“I said, I didn't.”
“Are you angry?”
“Mr. Sting.”
“Abel.”
Only then did their eyes lock.
The sun, which had been hidden behind the clouds, emerged, casting clear light through the spotless window. Abel watched, holding his breath, as her eyes—which had seemed almost black—gradually revealed their true color.